coverton wrote:Great work please keep it coming and I await with baited breathe the next installment :wub:
Thanks and welcome, Chris, and sorry to everyone whose breath has also been "baited" (sounds gross) waiting for an update. Carlos had a pretty tough time in NCR. That place enforces its
English-only laws at gunpoint, you know.
Chapter 27: Offing Jack
From the journal of Carlos Vargas, Guardian of the Wastes, 14 April 2244, Redding:
"Hoping we get closer to holy 13, we goed to República Nueva de California.
"This town have big wall around it guarded by policías, so I no can see what it look like inside. Before I try go in, I eat iguana burrito.
"I ask around to see if la migra here, but people not tell me.
"I hoping that he share his last chicle with me because my breath was baited with iguana burrito, but he not share chicle. Qué vergüenza. Chicle can be very refreshing.
"I see many peoples in cages outside town. This look muy malo. No me gusta.
"Sulik reach for his pistola, but we not supposed to have pistolas here. I put my hand up and told him no. Not yet. We go into office and ask what this about.
"We walk around cages, pretending we wanna buy. Place was muy triste.
"I try to open cages using computadora, but I no know how use it.
"Slaver guard catch me and shoot at me, but that when I suddenly decide to dance lambada, so bullet miss me.
"I run up to guard and hold his hands and do lambada with him. He look confuse at first, then started getting into it. While I spin him, I put on Mega Cooking Mitt and punch his face flat.
"Then I run back into slaver office before slavers can come out. One of them shoot at me, and I again do forbidden dance to try to dodge bullet.
"Sulik fight slavers with hedge trimmer while Gordo use big YK42B Pulse Rifle. Gordo miss a lot because it hard to aim big gun in small office. But at end of fight, while Vortis hide behind his desk to take stimpaquetes, Gordo rest barrel of gun on the counter and aim it at him. Sulik and I go behind counter and do triple lambada with Vortis, then hold him still and let Gordo shoot him.
"After we kill slavers, Gordo work on computadora and figure out how to open cages. Slaves are now libres!
"It feel good to help slaves, but iguana taste still in mouth. So I go to bar to drink cerveza and get rid of taste. Cerveza just make breath worse. But then the bartender, Mira, promise to give me chicle if I do yob for her.
"Ah, using rope on wall very good idea so I no get catched by policías or migra. I spend afternoon trying to catch Perrocarne so I can turn his bones into chicle. I very need to do something about breath. At night, I find rope.
"I climb rope over wall to get inside RNC. I no think policías sawed me. But the 'big place by gate' that Mira want me to go was policía station!
"Was this a real yob or is Mira try to get me deported? Was getting chicle worth risk? I roll tongue in mouth, tasting only lizard meat, and decide sí, is very worth risk.
"I go inside and talk to policías to see which one Jack is. I finded him right a-quick.
"I feeled sorry for Jack. I not sure I wanted kill him anymore, not even for refreshing chicle. Beside, it not smart to try kill him in policía station.
"So I worked as night janitor in station. I scrape chicle from under desks and try to chew them, but they too hard and not have much flavor left. When mañana come, Jack's shift end and he leave station. I follow him to see what he do.
"I not know what he gonna do in there, so I about to walk away, then I hear noise and yells. I go up to girl outside building and ask what happen.
"I go in building and ... Quesos Christo!
"I try to talk him out of it with my goodest English.
"With Sulik's help, I knocked Jack out before he could use bomba. He now sleeping on floor. I go to girl and calm her down, tell her everything okay again. We both look back at Jack just in time to see him wake up and say:
"In that small building, bomba was loud, very loud and bright. Took me while to see and hear again. I looked around. Jack's sangre and carne were everywhere, but I not have time to clean this up. The computadora was damage by explosion and making smoke and spark. It make a low sound that get higher and higher and louder and louder. The monitors flash and beep and buzz. Girl was pressing all the buttons on the computadora, but nothing work. All the noise make Perrocarne run in circle and bark like crazy, going 'Woop woop woop!' Sulik watch Perrocarne for a while and then started doing same thing.
"I ask girl if I can help.
"Then Gordo open up the computadora, played with wires a little, and use some of Jack's body parts to hold everything in place. Computadora stop beeping and smoking. Perrocarne and Sulik stopped running in circles and catched breath. Gordo save the day again with repair skill, but girl thank me as if I did it.
"The libros were in English, por supuesto. I tore pages out and chew them to get rid of iguana taste, but that not help at all. Pages only make taste worse and gived me points in first aid and outdoor skill.
"But that okay, because I finally gonna get chicle for doing yob! I run to Mira to collect reward. But...
"Gun. Not gum. Gun. I heared wrong. I so mad I wanna kill Mira with stupid-looky fancy gun. Not only she make Jack go loco and die, she not give me chicle! I give stupid-looky gun to Sulik, who not like it either but he keeped it.
"I think maybe a Nuka Cola help breath if I swish in mouth. So I go to bar, but there was a tonto named Hoss who stand by Nuka Cola machine and not let anybody use it.
"So we had lucha. Hoss pretty tough, but I beated him. Sulik help, but I coulda done it on my self.
"Bartender let me have Nuka Cola gratis.
"But Nuka Cola not make iguana-baited breath go away. It make me burp a lot, making me taste iguana burrito again and again! Dios, mátame por favor.
"Now I going loco. Only thing I can do to get mind off iguana taste is trabajar. So I look for yob again.
"Señor Westin have hacienda grande with casa bonita. Maybe after I find the HECK and rescue my tribe, I can live here and be his ranchero or cook. I even can build pool and be his pool cleaner. But today, he have other kind of yob for me.
"Felix say...
"This yob remind me of when I protect Torr's vacas in Klamath from cucarachas, and Grisham's vacas in Modoc from perros. But nothing come by all day to hurt Señor Westin's vacas. Out in hot sun, I feel asleep.
"I not sure I seed what I seed. Heat maybe get to me. But I did yob right.
"Elder used to tell story about how El Vaultero save someone name Tandi. So it really happen? I wanna know more about Tandi and holy 13 before I leave RNC. So I talk to policía.
"I no know why he talk about 15 when I want 13. I go to Con-gress place to talk to Tandi. There I see gran statue of El Vaultero. ¡Increíble!
"Inside big Con-gress house, I ask man name Gunther about Tandi.
"I felt muy feliz to meet someone from Elder's stories. When I first see Tandi, I thought she was Elder! But no, she just vieja.
"Even Tandi care about 15, not 13. I do Vault 15 yob for her later. First I goed on vaca drive to make dinero. We goed all the way to Redding, which is where I now am. Vaca drive pretty fun, and I meet funny viejo name David who fought in guerra long time ago and like to shoot everything."
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From the letters of David Broadside Telluride, cattle driver, 14 April 2244, Redding:
"My dearest,
"I received your note with much joy. I'm sorry I could not be home sooner, and I hope the devilgoats are behaving. I've just completed a cattle drive in Redding and will be home with enough money to buy enough ammo to keep those government types away all year.
"I rarely tell you about what I see on these cattle drives that take me away from you. Usually, there's not much to see. But I'd like to relate the events of this particular drive, as I befriended a most unusual gentleman.
"His name was Carlos, and he was part of the drive. He was about half my age, though I think he'd seen enough of the world to make him look older. His language skills were worrisome at best, and he seemed rather preoccupied with something called 'la migra.' He wore blue pajamas like the ones I've seen rich folks wear in Vault City, but his two pals wore those fancy metal suits of armor I've seen on those government types. He also had a dog named Pear O'Carney. Most vicious mutt I ever did see, but quite gentle if you've just fed him. I think Pear would be a fine name for one of the devilgoats, don't you?
"We had put some good miles behind us when we ran into a scuffle. On one side was a bunch of Rangers from NCR. You know I don't trust those city folk. And on the other side were muties. These muties were the worst freaks of nature I've ever laid my eyes on, and I'm counting the ones in our backyard. A giant sand cobra, a two-headed bear, and a couple of green-skinned men that were ten feet tall and stank of death. They remind me of my no-good son-in-law.
"We were hoping to get past them all without getting involved, but one of the NCR city slickers did the darndest thing. She snuck up behind one of Carlos's pals and shot at the muties, making it look like the shot came from us! We had no choice but to fight, then.
"I shot at one of the giant cobras with my laser repeater. I don't know whether I hit it, because I was too distracted by what Carlos was doing. I swear on a stack of Guns and Bullets that Carlos, unarmed, ran right up to one of the tall green men and cleaned his clock with a right cross.
"I don't know if that boy was brave or just crazy. 'Loco' I think is the word he'd use. Everyone was a little surprised by the sight, which gave the two-headed bear a chance to get close. I fired at him.
"I'm proud to say I got him in the eyes of one head, even though I was aiming at the other. Pear O'Carney bit into one of the bear's legs and started whipping it around like it was a toy. Then one of the city boys did something dumb and irresponsible that even my son-in-law wouldn't do. He ran up to the cobra and bear and shot them full force with his flamethrower without any regard to the safety of anyone else. The bear died and the cobra got burnt good, but Carlos's friends got caught in the fire.
"Good thing they had their government suits on, or they'd be burning. But they were burning mad and started shooting at the Rangers. Can you blame them? We now had twice as many things to shoot and shooting back at us. Meanwhile, Carlos ran up to the other green guy and knocked him on his gene-spliced ass.
"The psycho with the flamethrower launched another puff. This killed the cobra, but also landed on Carlos's friends again.
"With the muties all dead, it was just us and the Rangers left. The crazy Ranger gal that had fired the first shot now fired a burst at Carlos's friends, who must have been quite tired by now.
"One of Carlos's friends took out a funny-looking gun. It looked like a lady's model SMG. That was appropriate, because he fired it at the lady. Her head fell apart in a stream of hollow points.
"I shot a laser bolt at the firebug and took him out. That got his friend so mad that he threw down his shotgun and ran right at me. The barrel of my repeater was still cooling, so I couldn't shoot again yet. Luckily Carlos's friend Vic, a tool-and-die man who wants to open a repair shop wherever he goes, zapped the guy into a heap of ash with his newfangled rifle.
"There was just one Ranger left, and he was standing next to Carlos. He must have known he was done for. Carlos just looked at him, socked him in the jaw, and the battle was over.
"I reckon we each got a good 2,000 experience points from that little fight. When I get home, we'll talk about perks.
"We made it to Redding with all cattle healthy and no casualties. We each got our pay plus a 50 percent bonus. As the sun set, I sat down next to Carlos on a wagon and asked where he was headed next. He said he was going to a vault. I wonder what he keeps in there. Maybe I should build one.
"Something was bothering him, so I asked what was wrong. He asked if I had any gum. When I said yes, he smiled wider than a devilgoat in a pile of cans. I give him a pack of the gum that I always buy from the Brothers when they're fundraising. He took it and looked at it.
"I don't think I've ever seen anyone go from happy to hopeless so fast. With a heavy heart, he handed back the gum without taking a piece, hopped off the wagon, and walked off to the darkened eastern horizon. I suppose I'll never see him again.
"Folks like Carlos are few in this world. I reckon I should do my part to make their suffering lighter. I reckon I failed today. When I get home, I'll need you to remind me that I am a good and worthy man. Until then, I remain,
"Your husband, Dave."
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Hipolito Hankies hopes our paying readers had a low-millirem Easter holiday.