Amazon has whacked our affiliate account. Hosting Donations/Commitments $2063 of $1920 (Sept 13/18). In Hand $1466 (Lump sum payments minus paypal graft). Paypal Donation Link Here

Wife in hospital..stroke

Everything else!

Moderators: Bakhtosh, EvilHomer3k

Post Reply
User avatar
MHS
Posts: 9451
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 10:21 pm
Location: Longmont CO

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by MHS » Thu Jan 10, 2019 12:02 pm

Your love for her shines through in the obituary.

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Thu Jan 10, 2019 12:21 pm

Thank you. I dont feel its anywhere near enough to show it. But its an obit. Its not about me. Im no writer. She could put that to shame in 5 minutes. I wish she was here. My sister is going to look it over tomorrow and we are going to go to the funeral home. Donna's remains are there. I hate leaving her another day but I cant go alone and want my sister with me. Sister is paying for obit in paper. Around $100 I think. What Ill put on the funeral home site is free. I am going to try and get some of those little pamphlets you get at funerals with the loved one's pic and info and such. Think he said 50 were $35. I dont need but about 30 and I find that high but I see no other way. Im being hit for little bits of money here and there and here. Its sickening. And Im sick to death of talking about it. I just wish to mourn my wife. My little wife is gone forever and Im stuck with all this crap.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Thu Jan 10, 2019 12:29 pm

I just read my posts on page 744 of the random randomness in ebg. So strange. God Id give anything to not have lost my Little One.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Paingod
Posts: 10300
Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:58 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Paingod » Thu Jan 10, 2019 2:05 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Thu Jan 10, 2019 11:41 am
I smell her perfume on the clothes she changed out of to go to the hospital. They sit on the bed and I sleep on them because I wont move them and I sleep in her spot. I smell her scent on her little stuffed fox named Sly she held as she slept.
Call me strange, but I find the scent of my wife comforting as well - and I'd probably zip-lock some of that in airtight ways to make sure I had an olfactory reminder if I ever lost her.
More than ever, now is the time to stand by the causes you believe in; donate and support to keep America great.
Reproductive Rights, Environmental Defense, Civil Liberties, LGBTQ Awareness, Immigration Rights
Currently playing: City of Heroes (Homecoming), Project Zomboid

User avatar
Unagi
Posts: 17217
Joined: Wed Sep 20, 2006 5:14 pm
Location: Chicago

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Unagi » Thu Jan 10, 2019 2:28 pm

That's very very common. And it makes sense too. That good ol'factory.

User avatar
em2nought
Posts: 3317
Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2004 5:48 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by em2nought » Thu Jan 10, 2019 3:08 pm

Paingod wrote:
Thu Jan 10, 2019 2:05 pm
Daehawk wrote:
Thu Jan 10, 2019 11:41 am
I smell her perfume on the clothes she changed out of to go to the hospital. They sit on the bed and I sleep on them because I wont move them and I sleep in her spot. I smell her scent on her little stuffed fox named Sly she held as she slept.
Call me strange, but I find the scent of my wife comforting as well
I've kept a bottle of my dad's Skin Bracer since 2005, and I take a sniff every once in awhile.
Waiting for the tide to bring me a sail.

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Thu Jan 10, 2019 3:54 pm

She got me a bottle of cologne a year ago and I have only a couple sprays left in it. She planned to buy more. Now I used it today and will at the memorial whenever that is. But thats it.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Thu Jan 10, 2019 7:18 pm

I had the thought my sweet adoring caring loving little wife has died and yet that bloated mean bastard Trump is still here fussing. Made me mad. Im semi kidding...semi.

God its a blink of the eye.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Jaymon
Posts: 1497
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2008 12:51 pm

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Jaymon » Thu Jan 10, 2019 7:57 pm

Thank you Daehawk for posting. Even though we have never met, and most of the folks here have never met, this place feels like a community. and I am saddened by your loss, the world is a little less bright.
Thank you also for posting your funding link. Many times at many funereal I have heard well wishers say "call me if you need anything". Money won't replace what you have lost, but it is something you need, I appreciate the opportunity to help.
Bunnies like beer because its made from hops.

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Thu Jan 10, 2019 8:31 pm

Thank you. Im just trying to take care of my wife's final things and keep what we have had for our lives. We made this our home and our love and memories flow through it. The items all have memories and emotions. Losing her is the worst thing ever in my life. Now Im trying to keep what is left.

I have 7-8 payments of $670..thats the bankruptcy. If I get that cleared it drops to the $447 house payment for 5 more years. If I can get the few bankruptcy payments finished somehow and leave it alone then I might come out with $30 free each month for gas or to save. If I could find some place that would pay me cash to clean something or watch animals or something where my disability doesn't get in my way....maybe build or fix PCs. But Im finding nothing. Neither is family ...so far. I have talked on the phone to 2 or 3 cousins and family Ive not even seen in decades wishing me well and offering to help if they can. Some in their 70s now. I remember them in their 30s. Its strange as me and Donna just stuck to ourselves and got by. Saw no one went nowhere. The having to run around is bothering me. Im better off out sorta but I hate being out without her at the same time. She is not beside me for me to see, hold her hand, kiss, or tell her I love her.

Tomorrow I meet my sister to eat lunch with. She took me out last week after the funeral. She is shocked at how bad off we were/are...but to us it was normal life and we were quiet. I also pick up Donna's ashes tomorrow. I still dont have a plot so will bring her home. That may finish me off or may help me. I suspect both may happen. Having her remains here in the room where she always was but she is not really here now...i just dont know. I hope my lunch helps relax me. Im wound. Not only did I cancel cable and amazon and stuff I cant use or need...but I have not been to my doctor and Im going to cancel my appt that I readjusted last week. I cant afford to pay them and the meds.

Applied for food stamps today. Its looking good. Should know in a few days. Cant count on anything though. been disappointed too much. They gave me a list of places that might help. I doubt anyone can. Looks like the same places as when out well pump died and none of them were any help. SS lady also said that perhaps they could do something about my bill at the doc. Dont know.

And Im typing too much and blabbing our life out to the net. Sorry.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Xmann
Posts: 3087
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2005 8:36 pm

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Xmann » Thu Jan 10, 2019 9:22 pm

Brian, I want you to know that what you have shared about your wife and marriage has been inspirational.

Nothing I can say or do will relieve the agony that has been thrust upon you, but reading about Donna and your marriage of 31 years is beautiful. That is to be envious by many people.

Hang in there my friend, I wish I could tell you how, just hang in there.

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Thu Jan 10, 2019 11:40 pm

I know. I wish I could type more pretty stuff. The sorrow is overwhelming. I just sat here and cried hard and asked why and all kinds of stuff just now. I hope one day i can post good stuff. I dont even know how or why Im posting .I should have died or be so sick I cant. I got so upset today I almost puked.

Im still in a lot of shock. To go from 'Wife in hospital...stroke' .....to ......"She's getting better and doing really good'.....to.........'she died' I mean sitting there smiling joking talking laughing telling me she loves me and hugging me...to gone. Just gone and me stroking her hair and crying and telling her I love her to being shown to a waiting area to talking to a donation guy for 40 min on the phone.

I am having a hell of a time from happy laughing joy to dead and gone forever from me. The house is quiet and empty. I dont see or hear her. I talk to her. I see everything around me that I would enjoy but its hollow. I get nothing from it because I instantly know she is gone for good and I am alone.

I felt bordom today for the first time and I cant remember years. Just because she is not with me to speak to I guess.

Maybe sometime the good will be able to be typed more and more. That itself hurts.

We have some pictures taped on the wall and bookshelves. Her , her dad, our dogs over the years..even my step mother. She said years ago..."They're all gone but me. Ill be the next to go"...and I'd rebuff her and say no way. She turned out to be right. Now all are gone but me.....Im in one of those photos. Im not scared. Im scared to stay here. I look forward to my turn. I dont know why Im left. I lived as Donna has lived. A good life trying not to hurt people. To be kind to everything and especially animals. It sounds conceded in a way but I dont know why Im left other than being younger. Im a guy and I smoked 9 years from 83 to 92...14 years old to 23 years old . I have bad cholesterol and I eat bad and dont exercise. Im prime worm food. Yet here I sit alone as everyone else over the years passed away.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Alefroth
Posts: 4390
Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2004 1:56 pm
Location: Bellingham WA

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Alefroth » Fri Jan 11, 2019 3:19 am

You're doing it. All this stuff you're doing is amazing. To be as sad and in as much pain as you are, and still be able to take care of all of this is really something.

User avatar
Octavious
Posts: 16766
Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2004 2:50 pm

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Octavious » Fri Jan 11, 2019 9:52 am

I didn't look in this thread until late last night and then I read through most of it. I'm so sorry for you loss. We're here for you buddy. :wub:
Last edited by Octavious on Fri Jan 11, 2019 12:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Jan 11, 2019 10:06 am

I wake up each day and know she is gone and not here. Hurts.

Will pick up her ashes today. Im not sure how this will go for me. Bringing her home for now. May be ok may be sick...know it will be sad. To go from a vibrant loving full person wife to a little urn of ashes.

As I said if it all stayed the same but losing her it would be a sickening nightmare to try and get through....but now I cant afford the stuff. I must find some under table job...or I have to go through Social Security and all that hassle for a crap job I cant do anyways really. Not with the back I have and the mental and now the throwing up kidney pain. I couldn't work is why I got disability. My wife worked hard to help me get it...not only doing the paper work but working at McyDs for 2 years in 2008 - 2010. I cant afford my pain doc or meds now so Im worse off.

Im sick so sick right now in pain and worry.

All I ever wanted or needed was my loving wife. She asked me just last month "Have I ever nagged you?"...of course she had not.

I have to get a little gas. At Speedway station..where we had saved our points to get free snacks..sigh.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
AWS260
Posts: 10325
Joined: Wed Feb 08, 2006 12:51 pm
Location: Brooklyn

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by AWS260 » Fri Jan 11, 2019 10:44 am

I'm giving you a hug, right now. You can't see it, but I am.

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Jan 11, 2019 10:46 am

Thanks

And if I was not clear days and week ago thank you all for the donations. They have been a life saver. Ill never forget my wife's face and how happy you made her in her last times. Sad as hell but that was heart touching. It was you guys. She thought she was coming home...I just dont know what to say or think these days.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Paingod
Posts: 10300
Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:58 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Paingod » Fri Jan 11, 2019 11:50 am

Daehawk wrote:
Fri Jan 11, 2019 10:46 am
I just dont know what to say or think these days.
Remember the good times, and cherish them - but don't lose sight of the present. I think you're doing remarkably well.

I am, personally, largely unfamiliar with death. The closest person to me that's ever died was my grandfather, and I saw him once every 6 months for family functions. I think I handled it well - but I've never lost anyone I was really close to. If I could manage half as well as you have, I think I'd be lucky.
More than ever, now is the time to stand by the causes you believe in; donate and support to keep America great.
Reproductive Rights, Environmental Defense, Civil Liberties, LGBTQ Awareness, Immigration Rights
Currently playing: City of Heroes (Homecoming), Project Zomboid

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Jan 11, 2019 6:30 pm

I am at a loss with death too. Families have all died but I wasn't with them 24/7. Ive been in the same room, same car, same stores holding hands or close by 24/7 for 31 years. Since I was 18. Ive never been alone in my life or learned how to do anything.

Hurting badly in my side and back. I have not taken my opiate pain meds in 2 weeks. It was Friday Dec 28th when I rushed Donna to the hospital. Im taking Tylenol and aspirin and right now Im hurting so much and all day Im taking one of my few muscle relaxers I have left to me. Im cancelling my appt for next week. Im done. Even if I wasn't I cannot afford it so its out of my hands.

I now have a pain in the top right of my head every day. Donna suffered head pains. I also have had a place on my left cheek come up. About thumbnail size and rough. So perhaps I wont be around forever.

Sister went with me today and I gave them the obit I wrote. Will be in Sundays paper. Ill link it if I can. I picked up her urn with her ashes in it. When i open and looked inside I broke down yet again because this is all that I have left of her on Earth. No plot yet so she will sit right beside the bed where she sat in the day and slept at night. Its sad as hell but a little comforting. When the weather gets better and if I can find a disabled persons part time job with no high school not even a GED then Ill have a service with family at the graveyard.

My sister wouldn't let me come straight home. Took me to eat at Burger King...Donna loved that place. Then I went with her to Lowes because she needed some fencing for her chickens. She then wanted me to stay out a bit longer so hit up Walmart. Ill be honest. Being out I feel better and being with my sister more so. But I have no way to purchase anything and its all places where me and Donna went. That helps a little and hurts a little. Sister bought me lunch and some food and dog treats for Buster at Walmart.

Me and Donna never went anywhere. Either no money, no health, or just wasn't us. Being out I feel guilty later.

So anyways brought her remains home and it hit me again she is gone forever. But I also have 2 locks of her beautiful long blonde hair. It used to be my color but even in 93 she started dying it lighter. She was such a fashionista through and through. I brushed them out and they smell just like my wife as I remember. Happy...yet hurt. Same two stupid emotions I have back and forth. But they are comforting. I love having something thats still her and most likely will stay as she always was.

I just cant express how awful this all is. Totally new to me and just beyond any word that is used for awful or bad. Its horrible...and more. Im trying to be happy with the memories....but they dont bring happiness right now.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Enough
Posts: 14105
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 11:05 pm
Location: Serendipity
Contact:

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Enough » Fri Jan 11, 2019 6:45 pm

Xmann wrote:
Thu Jan 10, 2019 9:22 pm
Brian, I want you to know that what you have shared about your wife and marriage has been inspirational.

Nothing I can say or do will relieve the agony that has been thrust upon you, but reading about Donna and your marriage of 31 years is beautiful. That is to be envious by many people.

Hang in there my friend, I wish I could tell you how, just hang in there.
Very nicely said and I totally agree. Continuing to send lots of love your way Brian.
My blog (mostly photos): Fort Ephemera - My Flickr Photostream

“You only get one sunrise and one sunset a day, and you only get so many days on the planet. A good photographer does the math and doesn’t waste either.” ―Galen Rowell

User avatar
AWS260
Posts: 10325
Joined: Wed Feb 08, 2006 12:51 pm
Location: Brooklyn

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by AWS260 » Fri Jan 11, 2019 6:58 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Fri Jan 11, 2019 6:30 pm
I picked up her urn with her ashes in it. When i open and looked inside I broke down yet again because this is all that I have left of her on Earth. No plot yet so she will sit right beside the bed where she sat in the day and slept at night. Its sad as hell but a little comforting.
Keep her around as long as you want. I still have my dad's ashes in my apartment, and he died in 2000. It's comforting, as you say.

User avatar
mori
Posts: 4261
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2004 11:53 pm
Location: Edge of Darkness

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by mori » Fri Jan 11, 2019 10:54 pm

I usually do not post in grieving threads but I give my deepest condolences. Remember she will want you to get on with it and be happy. Don't worry yourself with bills while you are trying to grieve.

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Jan 11, 2019 11:54 pm

I wouldn't but if I dont then I cant keep up the bankruptcy payment...in it is the home payment. Ill lose everything we had and have and what she worked hard to keep for us.

I was just sitting here thinking of her last day. She woke up at 7:30 am on her own and as I fumbled around her room I hear her say "I love you" and I was surprised and looked to her and she was smiling at me. We talked and laughed and had a morning of it until about 11:30am and I said I need to go feed Buster and as I was viewing the clock she said "stay" in a cute little begging type voice. I stayed. I told her ok Ill stay a little while but then I gotta go. I stayed until a bit after 12:30 noon I think. I asked her she knew I had go go and she said "ya". I asked again if she wanted to just let little Buster starve and she said "no". I said I wont go without your ok though is it ok and she replied "yes". By this time she was very sleepy drowsy again. I hugged and kissed her and told her Id be back by 5 to watch the clock for me. I then stood in the doorway watching her after she thought I had left. She had turned away from me and was going to sleep moving her head a little.

Thought it was all going to be ok. It was the last time I saw her awake and talking and joking to me. She never woke up after I returned at 5 and died suddenly that night. Now Im crying again. Just not fair. I should have stayed longer. I had no idea. Neither did she. So unfair. We had one last nice morning and now Im crushed. I cant type now..

EDIT: Ok back. I keep wondering what if Id stayed just an hour more? Just 15 minutes. What if she had lay there since my leaving slowly dying. Something changed while I was gone. I dont know when or how long. If Id been there I could have summoned help. I know they were slow to respond to stuff. Its why I was there. Especially at night when it was quite and slow.

What if Id said more upon returning and sensing something wrong or different? Why didn't I push the matter. 31 years and I go "ok if you're sure" to the nurse after asking her if Donna was ok and pointing out her breathing. I never said anything about her stiff posture or her arm that wasn't bending. I sat there from my return at 5pm to around 11pm watching her tv, checking on her, eating for the first time good and then going to bed....all the while something was wrong and then she died. She might be here.

Donna would say "You didn't know" or "You tried" or "It was just meant that way" or "You cant live on what ifs"....I know all this..it does NOT comfort me. My worry doesn't, my screaming out and crying to the heavens doesn't, and my loneliness and shock doesn't . Nothing will help for my soulmate is lost to me.

Ive gone over in my head...what if's......If I could bring her back the way she was from a true heaven would I? As badly as I want, love, and need her...no I have to say no. She is in paradise and healthy and free. I could not.

What if I could bring her back healthy and with her permissions...but at the cost of our little dog Buster...or an innocent life...again no. Me nor she would do that.

Maybe for a terrible murderer rapist .....even then it might only be a Godly test Id fail somehow. All the crazy stupid awful things that go through my mind..

And all I want is Donna. My little soulmate...meonly.....my Little One.....my Lil'D.....my Punkin......my life.

So I sit and cry in the day and the night. And I try to work a way to save all that I have left of us and be safe and secure until I am reunited with her. Sooner I hope than later but I cant decide that. Once this is all worked out somehow then Ill have more time to morn and cry more and try to live for her. To remember her and be happy. To look at her picture and not cry in sadness but cry in happiness for our love.

Crying again..cant see. Later all.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Jan 12, 2019 1:04 am

I see elderly couples and get mad we didn't get that time. Im jealous and its wrong. Then I see young couples around 20 or so and I wish them the same love and fun and amazing time that me and my little love had. I can only hope they get a smidgen of what we had and they would be so beyond happy.

Ive been watching this video the last couple days...makes me happy and sad crying but its great and makes me think of my little 4'8" loving angel.

Thought about not posting a video here but maybe someone will love it for what it is and play it for their love. I didn't dance enough with my baby. But we told each other dozens of times a day we love you even after 31 years.

https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Blackhawk
Posts: 26413
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 9:48 pm
Location: Southwest Indiana
Contact:
Blackhawk’s avatar
Offline

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Blackhawk » Sat Jan 12, 2019 1:37 am

Daehawk wrote:
Fri Jan 11, 2019 11:54 pm
I keep wondering what if Id stayed just an hour more? Just 15 minutes.

What if Id said more upon returning and sensing something wrong or different?
Probably absolutely nothing. You can't second guess like that. It was beyond your control, and you didn't make any mistakes that caused it. You couldn't just leave your dog to starve, and the chances are very slim that you would have noticed anything that would have made any difference.

From now on, every time you wonder what to do and what she'd say, just turn the tables. If you'd died and she were still around, what would you tell her it the same circumstance?

Hurry up and die to join me?

Blame yourself?

Keep my cable lineup at the cost of feeding yourself and keeping the house?

Would you tell her any of that? Would it make you happy if she did that? Then don't do it for her. Do what she'd want you to do - which is, most likely, "do what you need to in order to get by", "be healthy and safe", and "let yourself mourn, then find your happiness again."

Brian, you're kicking ass. I've never had a spouse die, but I have had most of the rest of my family die, and I have found myself suddenly alone with responsibilities after decades with someone and never having been on my own before. You're doing great. Really, you are.
[This space left intentionally blank.]

User avatar
tjg_marantz
Posts: 14614
Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2004 12:54 pm
Location: Queen City, SK

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by tjg_marantz » Sat Jan 12, 2019 1:59 am

So I've completely missed this thread until earlier tonight.

I'm sorry man.

Sounds like you did everything right and you should remember that always. Never doubt how much you did.

You're a good man, Charlie Brown.
Home of the Akimbo AWPs

User avatar
Kraken
Posts: 33838
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 11:59 pm
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Contact:
Kraken’s avatar
Offline

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Kraken » Sat Jan 12, 2019 3:39 am

Blackhawk said it better, but keep telling yourself this: You did your best. You can't do anything better than your best. It isn't your fault.

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Jan 12, 2019 12:29 pm

Cant do much until Monday. Im in severe pain from my kidney anyways.

Cried a lot last night. Cried a little this morning. Only want Donna.

I should get food stamps...then promptly lose them. I cannot sit here on my disability check. I cant make it. I HAVE to find more money which means a job. Part time. Ill lose my food stamps right back even if I get them. Also unless I find some life insurance or one of D's loans gets paid off because of her passing I have at least 5 years of work to think about. I haven't worked or been able to in 31 years. Right now Im in total bend over pain. Im beating my side and back.

But lil'D worked 2 years on her terrible hips and pain. She was seeing a doc yes..and I wont be....but I must try. I have to. I watched her stand at a cash register in front of McyD's and in the drive through on a stool. Ive seen her wipe tables down and restock sauces. There must be something or some place that hires disabled and will work around their problems. I cant lift and am in pain but I have to get a job. If only I could find cash work. But it appears I have to find legit part time work. Like 4-5 hours a day 4-5 days a week. I dont know how Ill do it. But otherwise I lose whats left of our life. Unless there some life insurance that pays the home loan off or I win a million without entering anything.

Looking back Im not sure D even told them she was disabled. I may have to hide mine if the first places I go wont hire disabled. Im thinking Goodwill, Grocery stores, parts delivery, movie theater, fast food, habitat restore, maybe even the local Mars plant. Going to try and find something close to home so not much gas and wont be far from house for it and dog . Donna worked at The Chef a little then McyDs 2 years then Hardees. I almost want to do what she did but as a teen I hated fast food work...and as a ugly old guy I doubt they'd stick me on register. They'd think I could do the harder stuff and have me lifting and cleaning ...stuff Id not be able to do.

Disabled, no job in at least 30 years, and no high school or GED. Should be easy to get a great job right?....Plus terrible wracked pain. She had the terrible pain and worked bless her heart. But she was also whip snap smart and had a masters degree.

Again I have another month of room to wiggle. But need to do something soon. Still calling insurances and loan places to see what D set up. Must be something..I know Donna too well for her to not have something. Bless her she was my angel on Earth who always looked out for us and probably me more than herself.
Last edited by Daehawk on Sat Jan 12, 2019 12:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Zarathud
Posts: 13668
Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2004 10:29 pm
Location: Chicago, Illinois

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Zarathud » Sat Jan 12, 2019 12:41 pm

Inventory your bills then talk to the bankruptcy or estate lawyer about probate statutes of limitations. I bet more of the bills were Donnas than yours if she was sheltering you from financial responsibility. You likely owe less than you think.
"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts." - Albert Einstein
"When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal. - Nixon
"I don't stand by anything." - Trump
“Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.” - John Stuart Mill, Inaugural Address Delivered to the University of St Andrews, 2/1/1867

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Jan 12, 2019 12:48 pm

I think a couple were her's or her credit card. But we were married.

So far the lawyer thinks the only way to lower the BR payment is to lower the house payment within it. But that is a huge new kettle of fish to reopen and refinance that. Id rather pay the BR off and be left with the house payment..still have to work.

UNLESS I can find a life insurance or a loan coverage life insurance that pays it off on death. She told me she had this and Im pretty sure she had normal whole life insurance. I just cant find anything and all places I call give me a runaround or no info. Even a place that when I call says theres a policy connected to this number. Then the lady comes on and says nope cant find anything.

And now since the land and house are in D's name I had to start a thing with the estate lawyer to get it in mine..$800. I cant even DO anything to the BR payment until then. If I want to. Im hoping to get enough money to just stay AS IS and pay it off in 7 or 8 payments. But Id be best off to pay of BR AND have that house loan payment repaid in full from her passing.

God I HATE thinking all this. Its wrong to be doing this and he dead. Feels that way.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

sgoldj
Posts: 716
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 11:34 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by sgoldj » Sat Jan 12, 2019 1:00 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Fri Jan 11, 2019 11:54 pm

EDIT: Ok back. I keep wondering what if Id stayed just an hour more? Just 15 minutes. What if she had lay there since my leaving slowly dying. Something changed while I was gone. I dont know when or how long. If Id been there I could have summoned help. I know they were slow to respond to stuff. Its why I was there. Especially at night when it was quite and slow.

What if Id said more upon returning and sensing something wrong or different? Why didn't I push the matter. 31 years and I go "ok if you're sure" to the nurse after asking her if Donna was ok and pointing out her breathing. I never said anything about her stiff posture or her arm that wasn't bending. I sat there from my return at 5pm to around 11pm watching her tv, checking on her, eating for the first time good and then going to bed....all the while something was wrong and then she died. She might be here.

I had a situation where I have had those thoughts. I could not stop them from happening, rationally I know the BEST outcome could have only been delaying the inevitable. That knowledge didn’t help. All I can tell you is that what you go through has happened before, hopefully when we go through it we become more sensitive to pain others will feel later and we will be there to understand, even though DOING something is impossible. I believe time will dull the pain and you will learn to live with it. I found it never really goes away.

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Jan 12, 2019 1:13 pm

Its happened with our little baby dogs with me. Just the other month I was telling Donna how I wish Id done stuff different with my little dog JoJoe. Ive always felt taking him in might have been wrong. Or stopping his 1/4th baby aspirin when he got sick harmed him. I always wonder if I should have done something different. It pops into my head about twice a year now. That happened in 2013.

And Donna always said...and said again this time..."Its not your fault. You did what you thought was best. Stuff happens. Let it go" or something very close to that. I know this. I knew it then I know it now. But emotions and the mind are not cooperating on that and now more than anything in my life, Donna. One day Im sure it will fade a good bit.

Right now Im more not me than ever. I need her for my life and my sanity. I carry her in my heart, mind and soul. But I am more than half diminished.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Grifman
Posts: 18004
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 7:17 pm

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Grifman » Sat Jan 12, 2019 2:45 pm

Daehawk

Try this link to see if there is an insurance policy for you:

https://eapps.naic.org/life-policy-locator/#/welcome

You can also try this link:

https://www.mib.com/pls.html

Looks like it is limited to "participating companies", whoever those are but it's at least a chance of finding something.

I would put in applications at both sites. Doesn 't look like it will be quick but again, it's a chance.
Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions. – G.K. Chesterton

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Jan 12, 2019 2:51 pm

I submitted to that place. Is it safe? I forgot to even ask. Thank you. I dont have the death certificate yet. They told me it could be 3 weeks.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Grifman
Posts: 18004
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 7:17 pm

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Grifman » Sat Jan 12, 2019 3:02 pm

I'll just mention a couple of obvious things - the bankruptcy and the house. You truly cannot afford either of them, much less both:

1) You need to get the bankruptcy amount adjusted down. Tell them you are willing to continue to pay but that you cannot afford to pay the current amount. A key question is what type of bankruptcy did you file? Chapter 7 or Chapter 13? In one your disability income is probably protected, in the other it may not be.

2) Bottom line, you can't afford the house, just plain and simple. How much is it worth and how much is your loan? What's the net amount you could get? I know this is unpalatable but one way or the other, you are going to have to move to some form of cheaper housing, either voluntarily or by foreclosure. All you can do is control the how and when.'

3) Regarding insurance, have you looked at your checkbook? Unless there is a monthly payment to an insurance company in there, it is unlikely that you have any insurance. Your wife would have been making monthly payments on it. She may have in the past but at some point had to give it up and stop just to keep the two of you afloat.

I hate to say the above, but that is the situation you are in.
Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions. – G.K. Chesterton

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:30 pm

Chapter 13...paying off everything.

I can if I can find a part time job and keep one. Or somehow get the stuff paid off. To get it down means a refinance of the house...I cant go through that. Only like 5 years left I think. I need to look.

Some of the loan stuff I recall her saying has insurance in case of death it paid off the loan. Im finding all kinds of important papers insurance but when I call I get no info.
In the checkbook I find car and house insurance. Im trying to find if the house insurance pays off the loan on death or if the loan itself had a built in insurance payment for coverage. Finding this out is a hell unto itself.

I cant move. I wont. They can shoot me first. Id prefer it. I dont want to be here anyways without her. I cant harm myself though. Crazy talk..Donna would even tell me. But Im mad sad and dont care. I have to do all I can . Monday I have a few places to call and plan to visit the SS office to ask if Im allowed to even work as a DAC. If so Ill try all over for part time. Most places are $8 an hour here. If I could get 4 or 5 hours a day 4 or 5 days a week with no heavy lifting and no GED required Id be set.

I could pay off the BR in 7 or so months and keep paying that home loan. I wish that one would just go away from insurance somehow then Id be clear.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Grifman
Posts: 18004
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 7:17 pm

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Grifman » Sat Jan 12, 2019 5:20 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:30 pm
Chapter 13...paying off everything.
You may need to convert that to Chapter 7 if possible. You ought to discuss this (I don't know if it's even a possibility) with your lawyer.
I can if I can find a part time job and keep one. Or somehow get the stuff paid off.
There is no "somehow". Unless you are able to find and keep a job, you don't have any means of coming up with the money. Just wishing for "somehow" isn't going to cut it.
To get it down means a refinance of the house...I cant go through that. Only like 5 years left I think. I need to look.
If your choice is being foreclosed on and going out on the street, or refinancing, what are you going to do. You can't pretend that you have options that don't exist.
Some of the loan stuff I recall her saying has insurance in case of death it paid off the loan. Im finding all kinds of important papers insurance but when I call I get no info.
What do you mean when you say "no info". It should be a very easy process. You call the insurance company and give them the policy number. They look it up and say either, "Yes, it is a valid policy" or "No, it's not a valid policy". Which answer are they giving you?
In the checkbook I find car and house insurance. Im trying to find if the house insurance pays off the loan on death or if the loan itself had a built in insurance payment for coverage. Finding this out is a hell unto itself.
No, the insurance would be insuring the house in case of fire, disaster, etc. Insurance for death would be life insurance, not house/property insurance. It would not pay off the loan. It is highly unlikely the loan would include something like that. All you would need to do is call the mortgage company/service and ask them for how you last payment was applied. If the interest + principal + escrow amount (if any) equals the amount of the loan payment, then that's all there is. That said, did you pay escrow - were property taxes and insurance included in your payment (I would suspect they would be). So then the question becomes is that insurance really properly insurance as you described it, or was it life insurance?
I cant move. I wont. They can shoot me first. Id prefer it.
If you are foreclosed on, it won't be your choice. I'm not trying to be cruel here, I just trying to get you to look at your options realistically. The worst thing you can do is deceive yourself about your financial condition, or engage in wishful thinking.
Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions. – G.K. Chesterton

User avatar
Grifman
Posts: 18004
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 7:17 pm

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Grifman » Sat Jan 12, 2019 5:23 pm

If you can't afford your chapter 13 payments, you have options:

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia ... ments.html

I would print this out and discuss with your attorney. Go through each option with him and get his specific response.

That said, have you considered free legal advice? Does your area have a legal aid office that provided legal assistance to the indigent? You really can't afford to talk/pay attorney's at this point.
Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions. – G.K. Chesterton

User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 42949
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am
daehawk’s avatar
Online

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Jan 12, 2019 5:42 pm

What do you mean when you say "no info". It should be a very easy process. You call the insurance company and give them the policy number. They look it up and say either, "Yes, it is a valid policy" or "No, it's not a valid policy". Which answer are they giving you?
I dont have anything with a policy number on it but the house insurance. Other stuff I have are insurance papers with her name and thanks for payment and such from a few years ago. Im hoping some place ....like the accidental death insurance place....also has another life insurance one. I didn't think to call and ask last week.
You may need to convert that to Chapter 7 if possible. You ought to discuss this (I don't know if it's even a possibility) with your lawyer.
Ill see if I can figure out what that means.
call the mortgage company/service and ask them for how you last payment was applied. If the interest + principal + escrow amount (if any) equals the amount of the loan payment, then that's all there is. That said, did you pay escrow - were property taxes and insurance included in your payment (I would suspect they would be). So then the question becomes is that insurance really properly insurance as you described it, or was it life insurance?
Ill see if I can find the info from them Monday on how its applied. And no we pay property tax ...I can pay it now. She got us a discount due to disability so instead of the normal $400 it is about $195. I need to pay it by next month to keep the discount. We always have. And she paid house insurance via the phone. I did that too just last week.
I would print this out and discuss with your attorney. Go through each option with him and get his specific response.

That said, have you considered free legal advice? Does your area have a legal aid office that provided legal assistance to the indigent? You really can't afford to talk/pay attorney's at this point.
Ill try to do that. Also yes we have Legal Aid here. We actually helped and worked for them or a person there in the very early 90s. No idea about it these days. Dont really know how to go about that but will look into it. Maybe Monday.

Thank you for continuing to try and support and help me. I appreciate it.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk

User avatar
Zarathud
Posts: 13668
Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2004 10:29 pm
Location: Chicago, Illinois

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Zarathud » Sat Jan 12, 2019 7:46 pm

The insurance may be part of the mortgage.
"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts." - Albert Einstein
"When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal. - Nixon
"I don't stand by anything." - Trump
“Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.” - John Stuart Mill, Inaugural Address Delivered to the University of St Andrews, 2/1/1867

Post Reply