The remarkable titles of the Lifetime Channel.

Giles Habibula · Post by **Giles Habibula** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 8:37 pm

"Identity Theft: The Michelle Brown Story" is on right now.

Description: A schoolteacher becomes the victim of <gasp> identity theft.

Good lord. Just when I thought they had already used up all the bad titles.

What could they possibly come up with next?

Crowley · Post by **Crowley** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 8:43 pm

"Diary of Aunt Flow: The Crimson Chronicles"

Hrdina · Post by **Hrdina** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 11:05 pm

Crowley wrote:"Diary of Aunt Flow: The Crimson Chronicles"

(I think that's the Movie of the Week for next week)

I thought that most of their shows were Men Are Garbage Because ______.

Hamsterball_Z · Post by **Hamsterball_Z** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 11:28 pm

Lifetime Movie Index. Try these: "Do You Know the Muffin Man?" "Deadly Intentions...Again?" "Trapped in a Purple Haze" and my favorite, "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?" Well gee, if you have to ask....

And if you can't find enough bad real movies make up your own with the Lifetime Movie Plot Generator

Tonight, on Lifetime Television for Women....
JoBeth Williams and Gary Cole star in "She Was Forgotten", the true story of a woman who battles an unplanned pregnancy. Despite her post-dental anaesthesia memories, with the help of her mother's love she eventually finds the courage to fight her terrible addiction.

warning · Post by **warning** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 12:02 am

Heather Locklear and Robert Urich star in "Love's Healing Grace", the true story of a woman who battles rape. Despite her husband's impotence, with the help of a twelve-step program she eventually finds the courage to love again.

Grievous Angel · Post by **Grievous Angel** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 12:06 am

Deirdre Hall and Patrick Duffy star in "Love's Fiery Obsession", the true story of a woman who battles an evil, polluting corporation. Despite her teenage son's mullet hairdo, with the help of a concerned TV reporter she eventually finds the courage to raise her daughter on her own terms.

Post by **ImLawBoy** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 12:17 am

Susan Lucci and Barry Botswick star in "A Stranger's Passion", the true story of a woman who battles her out-of-control teen. Despite her teen's raging hormones, with the help of her sassy best friend she eventually finds the courage to overcome society's prejudice.

Giles Habibula · Post by **Giles Habibula** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 1:05 am

From Lifetime's site:

"A Stoning in Fulham County"

Cool. A story about drugs.

Ranulf · Post by **Ranulf** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 1:21 am

Tori Spelling and Paul Sorvino star in "Love's Innocence Betrayed", the true story of a woman who battles her addiction to prescription painkillers. Despite her husband's abuse, with the help of Clairol jumbo heated rollers she eventually finds the courage to live on her own terms.

Must see tv there..

McBa1n · Post by **McBa1n** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 1:26 am

heh
quality thread....
Wish I could add better, but sheesh

Faldarian · Post by **Faldarian** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 1:28 am

Linda Evans and Gerald McRaney star in "Mother, May I Binge and Purge?", the true story of a woman who battles her husband's impotence. Despite her husband's abuse, with the help of a radical new surgery she eventually finds the courage to love again.

I'm shocked both because of what I imagine that surgery would be, and because I would totally watch that.

Kelric · Post by **Kelric** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 1:49 am

Faldarian wrote:Linda Evans and Gerald McRaney star in "Mother, May I Binge and Purge?", the true story of a woman who battles her husband's impotence.

Wait....what is she binging on and then purging?

Nevermind. I don't want to know.

CSL · Post by **CSL** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 1:50 am

Elizabeth Montgomery and Antonio Sabato Jr. star in "Passion's Obsession", the true story of a woman who battles her daughter's lechrous gym teacher. Despite her husband's 23-year-old mistress, with the help of her husband's love and support she eventually finds the courage to overcome society's prejudice.

Suitably Ironic Moniker · Sun Nov 07, 2004 2:01 am

Tonight, on Lifetime Television for Women....

Nancy McKeon and Paul Sorvino star in "Do I Look Puffy? - The Tori Spelling Story", the true story of a woman who battles a ruthless stalker. Despite chronic migraines, with the help of a twelve-step program she eventually finds the courage to heal her child.

CSL · Post by **CSL** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 2:22 am

Is it just mean or do all of these descriptions sound like really bad softcore porn movies?

Suitably Ironic Moniker · Sun Nov 07, 2004 2:26 am

Do I Look Puffy? would make for one fucked up porn.

I guess it is kind of porn for the lonely housewife, though.

Tscott · Post by **Tscott** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 3:51 am

Judith Light and Nancy McKeon star in "I Want My Daughter Back!" Mother Amanda Andrews (McKeon) turns to the arms of a handsome missing persons officer (Doug Savant) who attempts to help her after her daughter is abducted. But is he prepared for the truth when he starts receiving secret messages from a stranger (Judith Light) who claims to be the real mother?

(I'm scared that I was able to make that up without the use of the linked website)

Kelric · Post by **Kelric** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 4:17 am

Valerie Bertinelli and Lorenzo Lamas star in "She Blew the President: The Monica Lewinsky Story", the true story of a woman who battles her addiction to prescription painkillers. Despite her amnesia, with the help of the true meaning of Christmas she eventually finds the courage to reconcile with her mother.

Ah yes, amnesia. No wonder Clinton didn't remember having sexual relations with that woman.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 8:17 am

You watch the Lifetime channel?

Giles Habibula · Post by **Giles Habibula** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 11:18 am

Tscott wrote:Judith Light and Nancy McKeon star in "I Want My Daughter Back!" Mother Amanda Andrews (McKeon) turns to the arms of a handsome missing persons officer (Doug Savant) who attempts to help her after her daughter is abducted. But is he prepared for the truth when he starts receiving secret messages from a stranger (Judith Light) who claims to be the real mother?

(I'm scared that I was able to make that up without the use of the linked website)

YOU'RE scared?!?
I think I saw that one.
No. Really.

Kadoth Nodens · Post by **Kadoth Nodens** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 11:40 am

Giles Habibula wrote:"Identity Theft: The Michelle Brown Story" is on right now.

Heh. I was visiting with some family yesterday when this came on. It was hypnotic in its mediocrity. We were all bored senseless, but no one could look away. Every time someone mustered up the strength to grab the remote, we inevitably ended up back at this gripping tale of an innocent, screechy woman being desperately inconvenienced.

If you like to watch one lady shop while another lady cancels her credit cards, then this is the flick for you!

"No! I am not that MICHELLE BROWN! I did not buy that toaster oven/SUV/lawn dart set!!!!" over and over and over again. For two hours. GAH!!

Eightball · Post by **Eightball** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 12:10 pm

A few months ago, I was walking by the TV, which my wife was watching Lifetime on.

A commercial came for an upcoming movie.

"Lorraine Bracco stars as a hardened mobsters wife in Goodfellas."

Wow.

Didn't know that Bracco was the main star of Goodfellas

The Meal · Post by **The Meal** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 12:21 pm

LIFETIME
8:00 How Can I Choose Between My Daughters?
9:00 The Abused Wife Who Didn't Mean To Kill Her Policeman Husband In Self-Defense
10:00 The Boy Whose Mommy Watched Far Too Much Television

This is an old (unattributed) Onion satire of TV listings that has always cracked me up. Yes, I had to google search "Incontinent Rhinos" to find this page (my original search forgot the word "Regional" when I tried "hit by a trolley semifinals").

~Neal

tgb · Post by **tgb** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 1:47 pm

Shelly Hack and Wilford Brimley star in "She Cried NO!", the true story of a woman who battles PMS. Despite being trapped under an avalanche, with the help of the justice system she eventually finds the courage to escape her abusive marriage.

Casting alone was worth the price of admission.

Debris · Post by **Debris** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 1:57 pm

Deirdre Hall and Robert Hays star in "Krystal's Secret", the true story of a woman who battles her child's kidnapper. Despite her husband's 23-year-old mistress, with the help of Viagra she eventually finds the courage to love again.

Did someone mention softcore porn?

Eel Snave · Post by **Eel Snave** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 11:17 pm

Linda Gray and Christopher Walken star in "Passion's Obsession", the true story of a woman who battles conviction for a crime she didn't commit. Despite her misdiagnosed illness, with the help of her mother's love she eventually finds the courage to reunite with her long-lost sister.

I think this movie needs more cowbell.

Default · Post by **Default** » Wed Nov 10, 2004 2:13 am

rm -rf

D.A.Lewis · Post by **D.A.Lewis** » Wed Nov 10, 2004 2:45 am

Jaclyn Smith and Timothy Busfield star in "Krystal's Secret", the true story of a woman who battles her daughter's lechrous gym teacher. Despite her exhusband's impotence, with the help of the true meaning of Christmas she eventually finds the courage to remarry.

Octopus Overlords

The remarkable titles of the Lifetime Channel.

The remarkable titles of the Lifetime Channel.

Re: The remarkable titles of the Lifetime Channel.