How soon before I "get back into the game"

NetGuy · Post by **NetGuy** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 7:24 am

I just had a 1+ yr relationship end on me recently. The relationship had a lot of problems, and we both tried to make it work, but it just wasn't to be. She still very much wants to get back together, but I just don't feel that's best for either of us.

Throughout all of the problems, I was somehow able to grieve a little bit for the loss of the relationship while I was still in it.

Anyways, now that it's over, I'm considering dating again (already). I've been toying with the idea of joining Match.com and attempting to move on w/ my life. I think I'm ready for it, but I worry that it's disrespectful to my ex, and possibly to any girl I might end up dating.

So is this some horrible breech of ettiquette? Or should I just go ahead and put myself back out there.

Napoleon · Post by **Napoleon** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 8:06 am

Go ahead and put yourself out there.

You'll find out soon enough whether it was too soon or not for you. As for your ex...she's your ex, she'll just have to deal with it. (As long as you don't start a relationship with her sister and/or roommate

)

gorky1 · Post by **gorky1** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 8:06 am

What was wrong with your relationship? (If you don't mind my asking...)

If she was cheating on you, ignoring you or beating you, go ahead and date all you feel like. Otherwise, well, I have no idea. I'd worry about the feelings of your ex, not ettiquette, but I'm an inexperienced softie.

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 8:58 am

I would think that if you are ready, you are ready. If you are not, you are not... And a year isn't as long as you think. How long would youthink to not date after dating a year?

Ronin · Post by **Ronin** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 9:22 am

Who gives a shit about your ex? She's your ex and she should have no bearing on your present and future decisions. Launch yourself out there man if YOU think your ready. Don't worry about what your ex thinks.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 9:40 am

Debris · Post by **Debris** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 9:43 am

The best way to get over your ex is to get on with life and find someone who you like better.

Rubyeye · Post by **Rubyeye** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 11:52 am

It's never too s00n for p00n!

kathode · Post by **kathode** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 12:00 pm

Just do it man. Just get out there. If you've still got feelings for the ex, be honest with the other girls by saying that you're not looking for anything really serious right now, just a good time. You don't have to tell them all the gory details, it's better not to in fact.

I had an 8+ year relationship fall apart on me about a month ago. The only thing to do is get on out there. You need to live your life now, just get on with things. Worrying about how your ex feels about your life is only going to hold you back, and keep you in the middle of whatever grief you feel.

Discalced · Post by **Discalced** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 12:04 pm

In my best Matrix voice:

Girls is like a hyperventilation shaft that you needs to shut down before the air can truly blow freely. So heres what you should do. Guys these days have so much to learn when it comes to the ladie. Your ex is now like the local pizza places where when nothing else sounds good or you cannot afford anything nicer you can go and eats for cheaply. Just because you don't want pizza six or seven nights every week does not mean that you toss out the pizza entirely. This is just not smart and really you let the girl beat you if you stop eating the pizza.

So tell your ex that it is none of her busines where you eat (and really it is not and plus she will want you more for it) and then go! and dine out in the town. When you meet new ladyies (and now match.com or whatever is not the smartest because you have to pay and you shoud never have to pay for ladyies...at least I don't but I've been doing this for a while now) make sure to get to touching them right away. It makes it easuer for later.

But just see them on the street and tell them "Hey whats up" or something and then get their number but don't ever talk for more then ten minutes. It makes them want you more like an erection.

Follow my advice or not but I know what I am talking about.

NetGuy · Post by **NetGuy** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 12:05 pm

Thanks guys...

The break up is still tough, but I think I'm ready. Maybe not for anything serious, but I think I could benefit from some causual dating just to get help get my "next" life off and running. Better than sitting home alone at any rate!

I was just worried that it would somehow diminish how much I cared about the last one though, to be able to move on so quickly. It seemed somehow disrespectful. But I guess that's really pretty silly. Just because I'm making an attempt to move on doesn't mean that I didn't care for my ex.

Dirt · Post by **Dirt** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 12:07 pm

The best way to get over a girl, is another girl.

Bad Demographic · Post by **Bad Demographic** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 12:09 pm

Awesome reply, discalced!

Discalced · Post by **Discalced** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 12:30 pm

Bad Demographic wrote:Awesome reply, discalced!

MHS · Post by **MHS** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 12:36 pm

Definitely jump back out there, as long as you don't find yourself talking about your ex to new girls. If you notice yourself doing that, or even mentally being more focused on your ex (comparing the new girl, avoiding old favorite restaurants), then you need to step back for a bit and give yourself more time to get over it.

All this advice is contingent on the assumption that you weren't a serial monogamist. If the most recent ex was one of a long string of year or longer relationships that came one right after the other, then take a break of at least 6 months from anything other than flirting and/or maybe a nice innocuous one night stand, and figure out what it is you're really wanting from relationships.

And good luck.

-MHS

NetGuy · Post by **NetGuy** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 12:49 pm

No not a serial monogamist.... just concerned that <1 week after a breakup is too soon and would karmaically brand me as an "evil bastard"

MHS · Post by **MHS** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 12:51 pm

<1 week, no. <10 minutes , maybe...

Dirt · Post by **Dirt** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 1:10 pm

If it's over, then it's never too soon.

Mr. Sparkle · Post by **Mr. Sparkle** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 1:19 pm

NetGuy wrote:

No not a serial monogamist.... just concerned that <1 week after a breakup is too soon and would karmaically brand me as an "evil bastard"

That just says to me, that the relationship was over a loooong time before you "officially" ended it.

I don't think there is any problem with that, but it is something to think about in your next serious relationship.

Zekester · Post by **Zekester** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 5:23 pm

Thought about this a little more while I was working, and it occured to me that maybe NetGuy has more feelings towards this girl than he thinks.

NetGuy, have you pictured your 'ex' with another guy?
Is it a pleasant thought?

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 5:34 pm

When I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years, I was totally lost. I was crushed. I was depressed. All the standard emotions.

I had a new girlfriend in a week and we've been together 8 years now.

She still very much wants to get back together, but I just don't feel that's best for either of us.

If she simply tells you this, it's bullshit. However, if you somehow know this to be true, what was the point in breaking up? Time to get moving on.

Koz · Post by **Koz** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 6:26 pm

If you want to get back into the game that quickly, it usually means you moved on way before you actually broke up as Senor Sparkle alluded to.

If you want to get it on, then let it be on.

Napoleon · Post by **Napoleon** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 7:00 pm

Zekester wrote:Thought about this a little more while I was working, and it occured to me that maybe NetGuy has more feelings towards this girl than he thinks.

NetGuy, have you pictured your 'ex' with another guy?
Is it a pleasant thought?

In my opinion, even when he isn't over the other girl, hanging out with new chicks can never hurt. Either they make him realize he still wants the ex back, or they make him realize life can be so much better.

Best cure to a breakup: meeting lots of new people.

funnygirl · Post by **funnygirl** » Sat Oct 16, 2004 1:54 am

Napoleon wrote:
Zekester wrote:Thought about this a little more while I was working, and it occured to me that maybe NetGuy has more feelings towards this girl than he thinks.

NetGuy, have you pictured your 'ex' with another guy?
Is it a pleasant thought?
In my opinion, even when he isn't over the other girl, hanging out with new chicks can never hurt. Either they make him realize he still wants the ex back, or they make him realize life can be so much better.

Best cure to a breakup: meeting lots of new people.

Bingo! Napoleon hit the nail on the head.

This thread seems like Deja Vu all over again.