An appropriate kid's toy?

[LawBeefaroni]

The oozinator.

Looks fairly innocuous for a squirt gun:


But the description is odd:

Sneak up on your opponents with a surprise bio-ooze attack! Just when they think you're coming at 'em with water, you'll stick 'em with a shot of icky bio-ooze. The Oozinator Blaster shoots out globs of the gooey stuff, then gets 'em with water — a double blast attack that'll keep your opponents on their toes and running during every "water" fight.

Any doubt is erased with the TV ad (NSFW in a kids getting bio-oozed way).


Reviews are mixed.

[tgb]

We have with us tonight, Mr. Irwin Mainway, President of Mainway Toys. Uh, Mr. Mainway, your company manufactures the following so-called harmless playthings: Pretty Peggy Ear-Piercing Set, Mr. Skin-Grafter, General Tron's Secret Police Confession Kit, and Doggie Dentist. And what about this innocent rubber doll, which you market under the name Johnny Switchblade? [ holds up doll ] Press his head, and two sharp knives spring from his arms. [ demonstrates ] Mr. Mainway, I'm afraid this is, by no means, a very safe toy.

Irwin Mainway: Okay, Miss, I wanna correct you, alright. The full name of this product, as it appears in stores all over the county, is Johnny Switchblade: Adventure Punk. I mean, nothing goes wrong.. little girls buy 'em, you know, they play games, they make up stories, nobody gets hurt. I mean, so Barbie takes a knife once in a while, or Ken gets cut. You know, there's no harm in that. I mean, as far as I can see, you know?

Consumer Reporter: Alright. Fine. Fine. Well, we'd like to show you another one of Mr. Mainway's products. It retails for $1.98, and it's called Bag O' Glass. [ holds up bag of glass ] Mr. Mainway, this is simply a bag of jagged, dangerous, glass bits.

Irwin Mainway: Yeah, right, it's you know, it's glass, it's broken glass, you know? It sells very well, as a matter of fact, you know? It's just broken glass, you know?

Consumer Reporter: [ laughs ] I don't understand. I mean, children could seriously cut themselves on any one of these pieces!

Irwin Mainway: Yeah, well, look - you know, the average kid, he picks up, you know, broken glass anywhere, you know? The beach, the street, garbage cans, parking lots, all over the place in any big city. We're just packaging what the kids want! I mean, it's a creative toy, you know? If you hold this up, you know, you see colors, every color of the rainbow! I mean, it teaches him about light refraction, you know? Prisms, and that stuff! You know what I mean?

Consumer Reporter: So, you don't feel that this product is dangerous?

Irwin Mainway: No! Look, we put a label on every bag that says, "Kid! Be careful - broken glass!" I mean, we sell a lot of products in the "Bag O'" line.. like Bag O' Glass, Bag O' Nails, Bag O' Bugs, Bag O' Vipers, Bag O' Sulfuric Acid. They're decent toys, you know what I mean?

[McNutt]

Is that the Peter North signature series?

[Sparhawk]

Oh dear god...

[Yankeeman84]

It looks like a weapon from Halo.

[Gryndyl]

We have with us tonight, Mr. Irwin Mainway, President of Mainway Toys. Uh, Mr. Mainway, your company manufactures the following so-called harmless playthings: Pretty Peggy Ear-Piercing Set, Mr. Skin-Grafter, General Tron's Secret Police Confession Kit, and Doggie Dentist. And what about this innocent rubber doll, which you market under the name Johnny Switchblade? [ holds up doll ] Press his head, and two sharp knives spring from his arms. [ demonstrates ] Mr. Mainway, I'm afraid this is, by no means, a very safe toy.

Irwin Mainway: Okay, Miss, I wanna correct you, alright. The full name of this product, as it appears in stores all over the county, is Johnny Switchblade: Adventure Punk. I mean, nothing goes wrong.. little girls buy 'em, you know, they play games, they make up stories, nobody gets hurt. I mean, so Barbie takes a knife once in a while, or Ken gets cut. You know, there's no harm in that. I mean, as far as I can see, you know?

Consumer Reporter: Alright. Fine. Fine. Well, we'd like to show you another one of Mr. Mainway's products. It retails for $1.98, and it's called Bag O' Glass. [ holds up bag of glass ] Mr. Mainway, this is simply a bag of jagged, dangerous, glass bits.

Irwin Mainway: Yeah, right, it's you know, it's glass, it's broken glass, you know? It sells very well, as a matter of fact, you know? It's just broken glass, you know?

Consumer Reporter: [ laughs ] I don't understand. I mean, children could seriously cut themselves on any one of these pieces!

Irwin Mainway: Yeah, well, look - you know, the average kid, he picks up, you know, broken glass anywhere, you know? The beach, the street, garbage cans, parking lots, all over the place in any big city. We're just packaging what the kids want! I mean, it's a creative toy, you know? If you hold this up, you know, you see colors, every color of the rainbow! I mean, it teaches him about light refraction, you know? Prisms, and that stuff! You know what I mean?

Consumer Reporter: So, you don't feel that this product is dangerous?

Irwin Mainway: No! Look, we put a label on every bag that says, "Kid! Be careful - broken glass!" I mean, we sell a lot of products in the "Bag O'" line.. like Bag O' Glass, Bag O' Nails, Bag O' Bugs, Bag O' Vipers, Bag O' Sulfuric Acid. They're decent toys, you know what I mean?

What's this from? Reads a lot like the Python 'Crunchy Frog' sketch

[jpinard]

Some great reviews:

= Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall
Shoot your ooze with surprising accuracy, power, May 1, 2006
Reviewer: Michael Rotch (Houston, TX) - See all my reviews
Funny story: I love tennis, so I invited my girlfriend to play with me. I noticed that we were all out of tennis balls, so I went to Sportmart. I guess I got the wrong ones, because my girlfriend said that she hated playing with my balls. She's never satisfied! So then I went to Toys R Us, and I decided to buy something that we would both have fun playing with, the Oozinator Blaster. I can't tell you how eager we were to go home and play with my toy. She was really surprised at how far I could shoot my ooze, and cleanup was a little messy, but stroking the barrel of my toy was far better than playing with my balls any day!

= Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall
oh WOW, May 1, 2006
Reviewer: R. Brandstetter "\o/" - See all my reviews

My buddy John 'skeet' Skeeter recomended this to me. At first I was a bit skeptical. I mean really, I'm 22 years old and a bit too old for toys. Well I sure was wrong! This is probably the best toy I've ever, EVER played with. I wish I had one of these when I was a young strapping lad. Most kids my age back then had never even CONCEIVED of getting oozed! (Especially by a young skinny white boy like me). I could just see it now, pretending like my oozer was stuck, pumping and pumping away, then calling one of my friends over to see if it was clogged and SKLERT! white ooze all OVER his face. Oh the fun! My girlfriend didnt like it though. I was playing with it and she wanted to try. So I held it and let her PUMP PUMP away. She started to get a bit flighty, saying that I better NOT ooze in her face! I coyly said I wouldnt, but my naughty side got the better of me! When the oozer was FULL of pressure i released a HUGE gloppy ooze mess right in her EYE! OHHHH man that was SO much fun...........we haven't spoken since

[$iljanus]

We have with us tonight, Mr. Irwin Mainway, President of Mainway Toys. Uh, Mr. Mainway, your company manufactures the following so-called harmless playthings: Pretty Peggy Ear-Piercing Set, Mr. Skin-Grafter, General Tron's Secret Police Confession Kit, and Doggie Dentist. And what about this innocent rubber doll, which you market under the name Johnny Switchblade? [ holds up doll ] Press his head, and two sharp knives spring from his arms. [ demonstrates ] Mr. Mainway, I'm afraid this is, by no means, a very safe toy.

Irwin Mainway: Okay, Miss, I wanna correct you, alright. The full name of this product, as it appears in stores all over the county, is Johnny Switchblade: Adventure Punk. I mean, nothing goes wrong.. little girls buy 'em, you know, they play games, they make up stories, nobody gets hurt. I mean, so Barbie takes a knife once in a while, or Ken gets cut. You know, there's no harm in that. I mean, as far as I can see, you know?

Consumer Reporter: Alright. Fine. Fine. Well, we'd like to show you another one of Mr. Mainway's products. It retails for $1.98, and it's called Bag O' Glass. [ holds up bag of glass ] Mr. Mainway, this is simply a bag of jagged, dangerous, glass bits.

Irwin Mainway: Yeah, right, it's you know, it's glass, it's broken glass, you know? It sells very well, as a matter of fact, you know? It's just broken glass, you know?

Consumer Reporter: [ laughs ] I don't understand. I mean, children could seriously cut themselves on any one of these pieces!

Irwin Mainway: Yeah, well, look - you know, the average kid, he picks up, you know, broken glass anywhere, you know? The beach, the street, garbage cans, parking lots, all over the place in any big city. We're just packaging what the kids want! I mean, it's a creative toy, you know? If you hold this up, you know, you see colors, every color of the rainbow! I mean, it teaches him about light refraction, you know? Prisms, and that stuff! You know what I mean?

Consumer Reporter: So, you don't feel that this product is dangerous?

Irwin Mainway: No! Look, we put a label on every bag that says, "Kid! Be careful - broken glass!" I mean, we sell a lot of products in the "Bag O'" line.. like Bag O' Glass, Bag O' Nails, Bag O' Bugs, Bag O' Vipers, Bag O' Sulfuric Acid. They're decent toys, you know what I mean?

What's this from? Reads a lot like the Python 'Crunchy Frog' sketch

Good ol' vintage SNL. Dan Ackroyd was Irwin Mainway. Jane Curtin, I believe, was the reporter.

[tgb]

Good ol' vintage SNL. Dan Ackroyd was Irwin Mainway. Jane Curtin, I believe, was the reporter.

Candace Bergen. And it doesn't come across well in print. Wish I could find a clip online somewhere.

[Jag]

It's a classic, you just need to hear Dan Ackroyd speak as the slimey company man.

[simon23]

I need to know where can I buy toys for my daughter's first birthday??
Feedback will be Appreciated

[Daehawk]

Pervert bot.

[Jeff V]

Toys are obsolete. You can't buy them anymore. Buy your daughter a box of matches instead.

[Punisher]

Toys are obsolete. You can't buy them anymore. Buy your daughter a box of matches instead.

Matches are obsolete.. Get her a Plasma Lighter.