Defusing a potential grandma from hell situation

Grievous Angel · Post by **Grievous Angel** » Mon Oct 18, 2004 12:13 pm

Time to start tapping into the BS/OO mom and dad pool. Jenn and I had read of new parents taking their babies home from the hospital and having a sort of a "babymoon." It's just a week or so where you have no visitors, take no phone calls, and just spend the time bonding with the baby. We think this is a great idea and are definitely planning on doing this. Did anyone else do this? If so, did you have any issues with your parents or family?

Jenn's folks are fine with it and told us they're not flying in from Georgia until we invite them. Then there's my mom. I was talking to her on the phone and mentioned that we don't want visitors for the first week or so, and she completely shut down on me. I guess she had visions of stopping by early and often, and I wrecked them. This isn't a new thing, as the same thing happened when we were making wedding plans that didn't jibe with her ideas. We're meeting up later this week, and I know she's going to bring it up and try and get the guilt-trip going. If we tell her this isn't a oddball request on our part and that it's a common thing, she may loosen up.

MHS · Post by **MHS** » Mon Oct 18, 2004 12:20 pm

I'd never heard of this before, and definitely didn't do it with Kayla, but I think it's a great idea. Compromise with her. Let her come to the hospital and be there when the baby is born, then take a week to yourselves, then let her some and spend a weekend shortly after that. Win-win for everyone.

DiscoJason · Post by **DiscoJason** » Mon Oct 18, 2004 12:22 pm

Didn't do this, personally, with either of our kids. In fact, the parents all flew in for both births and stayed a week or two afterwards. It was nice having the extra help around.

RunningMn9 · Post by **RunningMn9** » Mon Oct 18, 2004 12:31 pm

I would hold off on such a decision until you understand more completely the nature of having a baby that might be awake every 3 hours. Being alone and bonding is great. But having help so that you can actually sleep at some point is also great.

Find your balance and go with that.

I found that it was nice to have our help leave for stretches of time so that we could enjoy being alone with the baby. Of course, that's when we realized that it was insane for anyone to be leaving us alone with a baby....

But it all worked out in the end.

mdsmith · Post by **mdsmith** » Mon Oct 18, 2004 12:55 pm

Are you going to be off from work during this week? If you are working you may want consider that your wife is going to need some help during this period. Sleep wil be scarce at least for a while after the newborn gets home. I am assuming from the tenor of the post that this is a first child. Is your wife nervous about having a baby? Sometimes, having someone around who has been through this can be comforting. But in the end, it is your decision. Do what you feel is right.

Austin · Post by **Austin** » Mon Oct 18, 2004 1:08 pm

We didn't have a normal go of things, but we sure did appreciate the visitors and family that came by. I did run blocker for my wife for a few days. If she wanted to talk, I would allow people to talk to her, if not... I just explained that she wasn't up to it. People were pretty understanding.

Of course we don't have family in town either. Our closest family lives in Florida, about 7 hours drive away. I would not have liked having anyone intrusive around. My mom stayed with us for about a week and she was appreciated by both my wife and I. She handled a lot of the household cooking, cleaning and such and meant we didn't have to do it. (which meant more baby appreciation time.

Try to block off a few days maybe and play it by ear. You may well want to have someone come by to see how freak'in cute a baby you two managed to produce. (Must be Jenn's side

)

EvilHomer3k · Post by **EvilHomer3k** » Mon Oct 18, 2004 1:10 pm

My wife and I left the hospital with Sage on Friday night. We took the weekend for ourselves. Then, we allowed the grandparents to visit on Sunday for a few hours.

I took part of the next week off (Monday and Tuesday). After that, my wife's mother came and stayed with use until the weekend. My mom came on the weekend but didn't stay overnight.

I have heard of a lot of new parents taking a babymoon. A week is a bit long, especially if you are working during that time. Anyway, the babymoon isn't at all uncommon. Many of the new parents that I know (and I'm at the age where all my friends and wife's friends are having babies) have had at least a short babymoon.

I would set times for you mother to come over. Make her stick to them, too. Don't give into the guilt trip or the silent treatment. My MIL does that exact same thing to my wife. If she doesn't get her way, she tries to manipulate her with a guilt trip and the silent treatment. If you continue to give in, it will become much worse. If you don't, you'll find it happens less and less. My wife has been pretty good about it and now the MIL doesn't do it quite as much and when she does, it doesn't last long.

Stick to your guns. If you want a week, take it. I would say that you might set a night for relatives to visit for a short time during that first week (especially if it happens on the weekend).

If someone is going to come and stay with you and your wife, let your wife decide who that is. She is going through a lot right now and she deserves as much consideration as possible. You owe it to her to make sure she is as comfortable as possible. (Please note that I'm not discounting your contribution in this matter.)

Finally, make sure to take time to enjoy your new family. These are moments to be savored (even the infuriating ones where they wake you up for hours at a time).