Curing My Co-Dependancy
I want to be a little more free of you each day SO...
1. If my good feelings about who I am, stem from being liked by you -
- now I will ignore what you think of me, and feel good about that.
2. If my good feelings about who I am, stem from receiving approval from you -
- now I will turn up my nose at your doggie treats.
3. If when you are upset, I'm upset, too, (or) If I focus on solving your problems/relieving your pain -
- now I will no longer empathize with you, or help you.
4. If my mental attention is focused on you -
- now I will not pay attention to you any more.
5. If my mental attention is focused on protecting you -
- now I will no longer remind you of things like "buckle your seat belt" or "watch your step".
6. If my mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way -
- now I will give you only lousy suggestions until you decide to do it your own way.
7. If my self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems -
- I will lower myself to your level by creating problems for you.
8. If my self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain -
- now it will be worth putting you out of your misery.
9. If my own hobbies/interests are put to one side, (or) if my time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests -
- now I will go back to my computer games, and play with myself.
10. If your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires, and I feel you are a reflection of me -
- I will re-invent myself.
11. If your behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me -
- I will call you my son.
12. If I am not aware of how I feel, but I am aware of how you feel -
- I will ignore how you feel, and tell you how I feel instead.
13. If I am not aware of what I want, and I ask what you want, and want that myself -
- now I will make something up I want, and argue with you about it.
14. If the dreams I have for my future are linked to you -
- now I will come up with a "plan B" which doesn't include you.
15. If my fear of rejection determines what I say or do -
- now I will boldly tell you what I really think of you.
16. If my fear of your anger determines what I say or do -
- I will be in your face from now on.
17. If I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship -
- now I will go out on a limb, and take all I can get from you instead.
18. If my social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you -
- you will find yourself looking for another co-dependent.
19. If I put my own values aside in order to connect with you -
- who's the prostitute then?
20. If I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own -
-I will call you Mom.