I'm going in...

[hepcat]

Waterworld extended director's cut. It's on OnDemand for Encore Movie Channel. 171 minutes. 30 extra minutes added.

I'm doing this so YOU don't have to.

I'll try to report in periodically, but I'm not sure how long I'll stay conscious.

If you don't see me within 48 hours, please contact the authorities. Have them bring heart paddles, a shot of adrenalin and a copy of Citizen Kane to flush my system.

Now...if you'll excuse me...

[hentzau]

It was nice knowing you, man.

Can I have your Xbox?

[CeeKay]

[Hrnac]

Ahhhh, good to see another closet Waterworld fan.

-Hrnac

[Kelric]

If it was free, I'd watch it once.

[JSHAW]

I'll take Waterworld over The Wild Wild West anyday and twice on sunday.

I've seen worse movies than Waterworld.

During Eyes Wide Shut there was this overwhelming desire to puncture both eardrums because the piano ticking constantly was driving me bonkers.

I'm IN. Just tuned in after seeing your post, I've got all the Starz channels so your not alone. I actually like Waterworld, so chalk up another closet fan.

[CeeKay]

it's been an hour and ten minutes and no word from Hepcat....

GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT HEPCAT!! GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT!!!!!!

[hepcat]

I must admit to feeling a bit lightheaded. I've had to take a small break from Costner's bad wig in order to replenish fluids lost during the frequent bouts of sobbing I've experienced.

All in all, the extra 30 minutes appears to be approximately 27 minutes worth of Dennis Hopper trying to look comfortable in a chair on that "battle houseboat" he proudly drives around in.

...and the jet ski battle was just as bad as I remembered it, although the first time around I was able to dull the pain with cheap liquor. i've searched my cabinets but alas I am sans alcohol for this one.

in other words, I'm facing this sober and alone...much how I envision my death.

whoa...i get dark when i've overdosed on costner...

[YellowKing]

I see your Waterworld and raise you a Postman.

[Sarkus]

I see your Waterworld and raise you a Postman.

They're both horrible, though in the case of Postman it might have been a decent 90 minute movie if they'd cut out the crap.

Waterworld is still one of the stupidest movies I've ever seen.

[Zarathud]

Postman was a good book. Sigh.

There's an episode of Big Love which includes Jeanne Tripplehorn (the eldest wife) and Tina Majorino (the kid in Waterworld).

[Chaosraven]

Having grown up sailing I LOVED the movie.

Just for the boat.

Our conversation after the movie over coffee:

"That was ridiculous"-plot, dialogue, scene discussions
That boat was so cool
"There couldn't haven't been that much water"-discussion of polar ice etc ensues
That boat was fucking awesome
"The vegetation to soil to human consumption ratio blah blah blah"
Man I'd love to have that boat

[Biyobi]

Having grown up sailing I LOVED the movie.

Just for the boat.

Our conversation after the movie over coffee:

"That was ridiculous"-plot, dialogue, scene discussions
That boat was so cool
"There couldn't haven't been that much water"-discussion of polar ice etc ensues
That boat was fucking awesome
"The vegetation to soil to human consumption ratio blah blah blah"
Man I'd love to have that boat

If you're talking about the big trimaran I happened to be in Long Beach last summer and saw it before it left on the TransPac race. Awesome looking boat.

[Chaosraven]

Hell Yeah!

[CeeKay]

I see your Waterworld and raise you a Postman.

I liked Postman. Waterworld was blech though.

[Veloxi]

Waterworld extended director's cut. It's on OnDemand for Encore Movie Channel. 171 minutes. 30 extra minutes added.

I'm doing this so YOU don't have to

You, sir, are a brave, brave man. I salute you!

[dbt1949]

and did he ever return, no, he never returned, and his fate is still unlearned

[CeeKay]

and did he ever return, no, he never returned, and his fate is still unlearned

he probably got disoriented, wandered into work and turned off the data center.

[Hispanicgamer]

The wife and I tried to watch Waterworld. I really tried to watch it only because I wanted to be able to say that it stunk and that I actually watched it. Well I made it through the first hour and then hit eject. God that was bad. I couldn't possibly imagine what it must have been like to pay to see that in a theater. It would only have been worth it if it was like over 100 degrees outside and you wanted to sit and enjoy the AC while taking a nap. I mean, come on, the movie Mary Reilly would win prizes versus this behemoth poopfest.

[Brian]

and did he ever return, no, he never returned, and his fate is still unlearned

Poor old Charlie

[CeeKay]

I couldn't possibly imagine what it must have been like to pay to see that in a theater.

it was bad. My girlfriend at the time dragged me to it, and I had to pay for her ticket also. I got payback though- 2 years later I dragged her to Batman & Robin. of course we broke up later that year, so it may have been a tactical error on my part....

[hepcat]

I must have passed out around the 2 hour 30 minute mark. When I woke up this morning I'd apparently tried to make myself into Costner's character. I had masking tape between all my toes to simulate webbing and i was wearing what appeared to be a pair of spandex pants that you'd only find in a Striper video from the mid 80's. I had taken the sectional couch and constructed what, to my waterworld addled mind, must have appeared to be the boat he piloted. There was water all over the place and some dirt in the kitchen in the middle of the floor.

...I don't even wanna discuss what was used in place of the Tripplehorn character.

[PR_GMR]

You're a brave and crazy man, hepcat. I tip my hat to you!

[ChrisGwinn]

God that was bad. I couldn't possibly imagine what it must have been like to pay to see that in a theater. It would only have been worth it if it was like over 100 degrees outside and you wanted to sit and enjoy the AC while taking a nap.

You nailed it. I don't think I managed to fall asleep, but the AC was great.

[dbt1949]

I must have passed out around the 2 hour 30 minute mark. When I woke up this morning I'd apparently tried to make myself into Costner's character. I had masking tape between all my toes to simulate webbing and i was wearing what appeared to be a pair of spandex pants that you'd only find in a Striper video from the mid 80's. I had taken the sectional couch and constructed what, to my waterworld addled mind, must have appeared to be the boat he piloted. There was water all over the place and some dirt in the kitchen in the middle of the floor.

...I don't even wanna discuss what was used in place of the Tripplehorn character.

So, all that stuff around isn't salt water?

[hepcat]

You ever just get the urge to take a ball peen hammer and repeatedly strike yourself in the groin?

I just noticed that Postman is available on my 360 via the online netflix service. It's 177 minutes of pure Costner.

Pros: It has Olivia Williams

Cons: There are scenes that don't include Olivia Williams

I know there are some around here who say it's not a bad film (to be fair, those same folks also have tried to convince me in the past that pure grain alcohol is actually good for humans, and that there's money to be made as a professional Lion Taunter in Vegas). It is for those people I once again go boldly into Costner's 1990 era, ego fueled filmmaking pantheon in order to give this piece of celluloid a second chance.

If I'm not back online by tomorrow afternoon, please have someone alert the CDC (the Costner Detox Center) with my name and address. In their online ads, they promise to have someone at my door with a copy of a non-Costner film within an hour of notification, along with a defib unit in case they don't get there soon enough...or if they're just trying to relive the hilarity of 9th grade biology class and the "dead frog hooked up to a battery" experiment.

[PR_GMR]

You must be insane, hep. 'The Postman'? Noooooooooooooooooo!

I, on the other hand, am about to embark on The Proposition. A winner is me!

[Zarathud]

It's not a bad book....

[Kyosho]

I know this is an old thread, but the first thing I thought of when I saw it was this. God, I'm a fricken nerd.

[ChrisGrenard]

I can never decide if hepcat is just really funny or if he's crazy. Seriously, can't figure it out.

[RMC]

and did he ever return, no, he never returned, and his fate is still unlearned

Poor old Charlie

That's the Kingston Trio, MTA song, right?

[hepcat]

I can never decide if hepcat is just really funny or if he's crazy. Seriously, can't figure it out.

Neither, my friend. I'm a humanitarian. A man who simply wants to give back to a community. I'm the guy who grabs the handle of the pot on the stove to see if its hot so no else has to get burned. Of course, I then grab it another 12 to 17 times for some bizarre reason, but hopefully modern medicine will eventually figure out why and I can go on with my life.

Also, I was feeling under the weather last night, didn't have the energy to play Left for Dead, and wanted something on the telly that wouldn't require more thought than, "Hey, that hairpiece just doesn't look right!"...in hindsight, I guess Desperate Housewives would've fit the bill, considering their ages.

Anyway, I made it through all 3 hours.

It's not a bad book....

I've never read the book. If the movie is a close adaptation, then I would argue that the book is god awful. However, I'm sure that Mr. Costner "re imagined" it during the scriptwriting process, looming over the shoulder of the screenwriter and yelling, "Plot be damned! Put in as many scenes as you can in which I pose with the sun at my back...and CGI in more hair!" every 12 seconds.

I also found out via this film that it will only take the citizens of the United States of America 15 years to go from 1997 to 1897 in terms of technology and dress. I'm running under the assumption that one day someone woke up, found a cache of old west movie outfits and started wearing them around town. Eventually (read: 19 minutes later) everyone caught on and started doing the same. Thankfully though, it only takes about 30 years for everything to bounce back to normal after a decent mail route is restored.

[Brian]

and did he ever return, no, he never returned, and his fate is still unlearned

Poor old Charlie

That's the Kingston Trio, MTA song, right?

Quite right.

[PR_GMR]

Anyway, I made it through all 3 hours.

Give this man a medal... or some anti-depressant medications, stat!

[Moliere]

I'm the guy who grabs the handle of the pot on the stove to see if its hot so no else has to get burned. Of course, I then grab it another 12 to 17 times for some bizarre reason, but hopefully modern medicine will eventually figure out why and I can go on with my life.

Modern medicine is exactly the problem. In a purely evolutionary sense you should never have survived your viewing of Waterworld let alone The Postman. Costner movies are meant to weed out the weak and infirm making the rest of the population stronger. Its like people who get an appendectomy. They are messing up the evolutionary advancement for the rest of us.

[hepcat]

Coincidentally, I had my appendix taken out when I was 18.

...not because I had to, mind you. I just had a few hours to kill one afternoon.

[Isgrimnur]

If you don't have PTSD yet, might I recommend a viewing of Apocalypse Now Redux?

The horror ... the horror....

[hepcat]

If you don't have PTSD yet, might I recommend a viewing of Apocalypse Now Redux?

The horror ... the horror....

I watched it alone so I don't know how I could have an ST....OH WAIT....sorry, read that wrong.

[Zarathud]

However, I'm sure that Mr. Costner "re imagined" it during the scriptwriting process, looming over the shoulder of the screenwriter and yelling, "Plot be damned! Put in as many scenes as you can in which I pose with the sun at my back...and CGI in more hair!" every 12 seconds.

Jealousy. Kevin Costner did have nice hair:

[WAW]

Now you need 1996's The Island of Dr. Moreau for the shear OMFG what am I watching. Marlon Brando spends the whole movie wearing a muumuu, puts ice in his hat. It's a trainwreck you can't look alway from. That movie should let it's viewers keep the gun.