Octopus Overlords

by **LordMortis** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:50 am

How many foods out there are better than the breakfast brownie? I swear it has to be in the top 10.

by **dbt1949** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:09 pm

I prefer the cookies made out of real Girl Scouts.

by **Gryndyl** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:23 pm

Why is cheddar the only flavor of cheetoes? Where are the mozarelleetoes?

Does Megan Fox have a shitty picture on here driver's license?

Where does the white go when the snow melts?

Where does the light go when you turn it off?

How do cats know where to lick first?

What do Asians think when they see western alphabet characters? Do they tattoo 'STRENGTH' on themselves and think it looks cool and exotic?

What do goldfish actually spend their time thinking about?

Does my lack of bottled water, lotion, fingernail clippers and a lighter really make you feel safer on an airplane?

by **Mr Bubbles** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:34 pm

What a waste of good duck tape.

by **dbt1949** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:40 pm

What happens if he farts a really big one?

Or gets diarrhea ?

by **Bakhtosh** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 2:11 pm

1) He planned ahead.
2) You don't want to see that thing from the back.

by **Mr Bubbles** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 2:36 pm

or for all we know he's already pass some gas. That outfit looks a bit puffy. For all we know that guy could really weight 130 pounds.

by **Mr Bubbles** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:14 pm

If Eye of the Tiger by Survivor was piped through the intercom all day I'd bet your productivity would go up. It's just that awesome of a song.

by **Jaymon** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:56 pm

Mr Bubbles wrote:If Eye of the Tiger by Survivor was piped through the intercom all day I'd bet your productivity would go up. It's just that awesome of a song.

Would it also spark an increase in fistfights and raw egg swallowing?

by **LordMortis** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 8:42 am

Latest thing heard when people were walking by

"I hope you've got wood"

by **Trent Steel** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 2:19 pm

I woke up this morning with the theme to Star Trek: TNG in my head. I haven't seen an episode of that in over 10 years.

/shrug

by **Lordnine** » Sun Jul 05, 2009 8:50 pm

You are all beautiful butterflies.

Vroooooooom!

by **dbt1949** » Sun Jul 05, 2009 9:24 pm

Do dogs worry about their hair color?

by **Lordnine** » Sun Jul 05, 2009 9:33 pm

by **silverjon** » Sun Jul 05, 2009 11:02 pm

dbt1949 wrote:Do dogs worry about their hair color?

Only after being dyed to match their owner's outfit.

by **LordMortis** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 3:18 pm

OMFG

Does no one take any fucking ownership for the work they are supposed to be doing any more?

Any one?

Any one?

I am sorry your machine keeps crashing. I am also sorry you can't tell me what you were doing when it was crashing or what error messages you were getting. Or what was happening versus what you were expecting to happen. I can't help you with "my machine crashes."

I don't control loss of connectivity betweeen one location that is not here and another location that is not here. If that connectivity goes down and you expect me to bring it then expect your problem to take longer to resolve because, I am simply another point of failure in your troubleshooting process.

For eleven years we have not been able to get a standard T1 connection that runs 3500 miles between locations to run with a latency under 45ms. Complaining that you can't get your work done now is sure to make me change the entire world of technology change for you at no cost or change to the way to do anything.

Yeah. I'll fix your problem for you right now at no inconvenience to you. I won't ask any questions. I won't kick you off your machine. And I won't cause any downtime from your work.

If a router on your spoke of Private network goes down when you FTP and no other spoke goes down and the service provider sees your router in an up down state and rebooting the router fixed the problem, then yes the most probable problem is with your router. Not my firewall. Not the service provider. Not the customer. Not workstation. Your router.

What printer is not printing? The Printer? Of course. That one.

Let me just guess what privleged accesses you need access to when you are requesting access, seeing as how you don't know what it is that you are requesting access for.

Yeah. Sure this week it's OK to share ID to customer applications. We're running a special.

So your R drive won't connect? Really? I'll just say the magic word.

Nice of you to go to lunch in the middle of working on a network traffic problem.

JESUS FUCKING PANCAKE!!!!!!

I must be on the rag. Normally, I understand that these are my people and they are not paid to understand computers. They are paid to work on them to do other jobs, but take some ownership in you what are doing. Working on a tool every day and knowing nothing about that tool just makes no sense to me. I think the problem for me today is that I have been working with too many IT types who seem to have never learned how to trouble shoot anything and want to shove all of thier problems behind an SEP field. And for some reason an entire company comes calling to me whenever anything is happening anywhere in the world.

I am thankful I have a job
People don't know any better
If they did I would have no job
I love my job
I am thankful I have a job
People don't know any better
If they did I would have no job
I love my job
I am thankful I have a job
People don't know any better
If they did I would have no job
I love my job
I am thankful I have a job
People don't know any better
If they did I would have no job
I love my job
I am thankful I have a job
People don't know any better
If they did I would have no job
I love my job
I am thankful I have a job
People don't know any better
If they did I would have no job
I love my job

by **dbt1949** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:38 pm

If you were a vitamin which one would you be?

by **Tscott** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:46 pm

dbt1949 wrote:If you were a vitamin which one would you be?

Me, Myself and I

by **Jag** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:49 pm

LordMortis wrote:IT NERDRAGE snip

I asked my IT guy today to burn me some large documents on CD because my computer doesn't have a bruner. He burned the docs and politely informed me, that yes, my computer does burn disks. I just didn't bother to check :lol:

by **theohall** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:54 pm

LordMortis wrote:I am sorry your machine keeps crashing. I am also sorry you can't tell me what you were doing when it was crashing or what error messages you were getting. Or what was happening versus what you were expecting to happen. I can't help you with "my machine crashes."

This, on the customer's part, is complete and utter bullshit. If the machine crashed, were you just logging on? NO? Ok, what program were you starting? You don't know? Really??? You didn't actually try to start doing something???? So if you can't tell me what it was you were doing, we'll just flag you're account and make sure you aren't surfing porn at work. So, what were you actually doing when the computer "crashed?"

I feel your pain. Re-programmed a Direct Order Entry System after consulting with all of the operators about how they do their job. I actually took 30 minute interviews with 40 different operators to get all of their inputs. Not one mentioned using function keys to automatically retrieve and load client data. Well, the re-design would automatically find that data and load it when the enter key was hit after the name was entered. Unfortunately, the operators who did use the function key had a habit of enter F<whatever>, which simulated about 50 key strokes and pulled data accordingly. Result - massive buffer overflows within 10 minutes of the re-design going live. THEN, the operator actually showed me the key strokes and added the F<whatever> key not one of them mentioned during the interviews. Fortunately, the fix was letting them know they didn't need the F<whatever> key anymore and the system restore only took 20 minutes. (I did add a Function key block so that crap wouldn't happen anymore). Fun with clients. :roll:

by **edosan** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 6:07 pm

LordMortis wrote:I am sorry your machine keeps crashing. I am also sorry you can't tell me what you were doing when it was crashing or what error messages you were getting. Or what was happening versus what you were expecting to happen. I can't help you with "my machine crashes."

My favorite is "my computer is slow."

by **Unagi** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 6:08 pm

Jag wrote:
LordMortis wrote:IT NERDRAGE snip

I asked my IT guy today to burn me some large documents on CD because my computer doesn't have a bruner. He burned the docs and politely informed me, that yes, my computer does burn disks. I just didn't bother to check

That's when you turned to him and said, "Ahem... All I said was that my computer doesn't have a bruner. I am well aware of the fact that it can burn disks.... Jheeesh. Now get me some coffee, I have no idea where they keep the musg."

by **Jag** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 6:22 pm

edosan wrote:
My favorite is "my computer is slow."

The reason I didn't think my machine had a CD burner is because it's a new PC. My old PC was too slow :oops:

and this one needs more ram!!

:runs:

by **Tscott** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 6:36 pm

One of my favorites that happened to me was: "My CD is stuck in the computer." I go to check it out and she had stuck a CD into a 5 1/4 inch floppy drive. Turned out it was an AOL disc she got in the mail and she wanted to see if it would install. Thank god she didn't have a CD-ROM on her computer.

Same person about a year later. "My keyboard stopped working." I go to check it out, pick up the keyboard and coffee starts pouring out of it. "Oh, I spilled coffee this morning. Do you think that has something to do with it?"

by **Jag** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 6:39 pm

We had someone in our office who couldn't work her fax machine ... because it was a printer :lol:

by **Kraken** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 8:42 pm

dbt1949 wrote:If you were a vitamin which one would you be?

Riboflavin. I would look awesome in a Riboflavin costume.

by **LordMortis** » Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:04 pm

I think a coworker just talked me in to starting to tip at my favorite carry out chicken place. The people there are always so friendly and quick that I need to change my evil ways.

by **Mr Bubbles** » Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:53 pm

LordMortis wrote:I think a coworker just talked me in to starting to tip at my favorite carry out chicken place. The people there are always so friendly and quick that I need to change my evil ways.

Have your friends every considered you're just evil by nature and therefore destine to not change?

by **LordMortis** » Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:58 pm

Mr Bubbles wrote:
LordMortis wrote:I think a coworker just talked me in to starting to tip at my favorite carry out chicken place. The people there are always so friendly and quick that I need to change my evil ways.

Have your friends every considered you're just evil by nature and therefore destine to not change?

I don't know. Maybe.

When did "hosed" lose its being a legitamate techinical term?

by **dbt1949** » Wed Jul 08, 2009 3:14 pm

How does a vampire get a hard on?

by **Bakhtosh** » Wed Jul 08, 2009 4:34 pm

dbt1949 wrote:How does a vampire get a hard on?

Shove a stake up his ass?

by **Mr Bubbles** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 6:02 pm

Life is tough for left handed people. I'm tired of the discrimination and I'm not going to take it anymore. White-out correction tapes are way too difficult to use. That is all.

by **Isgrimnur** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 6:05 pm

Mr Bubbles wrote:Life is tough for left handed people. I'm tired of the discrimination and I'm not going to take it anymore. White-out correction tapes are way too difficult to use. That is all.

I always thought you looked sinister, especially in all those forum games... :ninja:

by **dbt1949** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 7:12 pm

Have you ever sniffed your neighbor's butt?

by **LordMortis** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 9:32 am

Mr Bubbles wrote:Life is tough for left handed people. I'm tired of the discrimination and I'm not going to take it anymore. White-out correction tapes are way too difficult to use. That is all.

I'm pushing 40 and I still don't have the hang of scissors. Never mind writing on spiral bound note paper. I guess it's good to be a kid.

In my first ever recycle from my house, I saved .12 trees and 8.35 gallons of oil. I'm not sure how that works, because there was very little plastic and a lot of paper/cardboard.

In the three weeks since I have had the fortress that is my recycling can, I have lowered my garbage production to a single non full bag that I took anyway because it had some yogurt going bad that I didn't want to start to smell.

by **LordMortis** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:12 pm

Holy Beans!

RevCo is playing Blondies.

I haven't set foot in Blondies in almost 20 years. I wonder how you buy tickets ahead of time there. I also wonder if they will be any good. Al changes band members and attitudes more than a girl changes clothes. He's then he's cold he's yes then he's no hmm hmm hmm hmm hmmm hmmm yeah.

by **hentzau** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:27 pm

There are two old people sitting next to me here at Panera, talking about colostomy bag failures in great detail.

I'm glad I wasn't eating the black bean soup.

by **The Meal** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:43 pm

hentzau wrote:There are two old people sitting next to me here at Panera, talking about colostomy bag failures in great detail.

I'm glad I wasn't eating the black bean soup.

That just came by on my twitter feed. Nice try.

by **Brian** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:44 pm

You follow the colostomy twitter too?

by **stessier** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:45 pm

hentzau wrote:There are two old people sitting next to me here at Panera, talking about colostomy bag failures in great detail.

I'm glad I wasn't eating the black bean soup.

You should be equally glad that they weren't either. :shock:

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