FloriDUH - get your WTF news here

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Fri Apr 22, 2011 8:55 pm

Your one stop site for all things stupid in FloriDUH

http://weblogs.sun-sentinel.com/news/sp ... chives.htm" target="_blank

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Sun Dec 04, 2011 3:08 pm

Miami prison “overrun” by strippers pretending to be legal assistants

A Federal Detention Center in downtown Miami is falling under heightened scrutiny amid reports that South American strippers are posing as paralegals and smuggling in contraband for imprisoned, wealthy drug lords.

The drug lords reportedly hire lawyers who then list the women as "legal assistants," which grants them access to the prisoners, the Miami New Times reports.

"They take off their tops and let the guys touch them," veteran defense attorney Hugo Rodriguez told the paper's Riptide blog. "The majority of these young, very attractive women are noncitizens brought in exclusively for the purposes of visiting the FDC. Any lawyer can sign a form and designate a legal assistant. There is no way of verifying it. The process is being abused."

Fitzy · Post by **Fitzy** » Sun Dec 04, 2011 6:09 pm

If they know what is happening, is there really nothing they can do to the lawyers? Disbarment? Public humiliation?

tgb · Post by **tgb** » Sun Dec 04, 2011 6:15 pm

I think we just found JeffV.

em2nought · Post by **em2nought** » Sun Dec 04, 2011 7:50 pm

tgb wrote:I think we just found JeffV.

lol

if you think that's bad, read about this FloriDUH bacon http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20 ... the-police" target="_blank

Jag · Post by **Jag** » Mon Dec 05, 2011 11:28 am

Daehawk wrote:Your one stop site for all things stupid in FloriDUH

http://weblogs.sun-sentinel.com/news/sp ... chives.htm" target="_blank

It's sad that this is my local paper.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Fri Apr 05, 2013 10:17 pm

Now with their own subReddit.

WYBaugh · Post by **WYBaugh** » Thu Sep 29, 2016 6:47 pm

Not sure if already posted:

Florida man, high on meth, cuts off genitals and feeds them to an alligator

http://www.bostonleader.com/florida-man ... alligator/

em2nought · Post by **em2nought** » Thu Sep 29, 2016 7:12 pm

Whoa, at the end of that story in related Floriduh news, man would it suck to be a hottie out sun-tanning and the guy spying on you with his drone crashes it into your face severing your nose.

Pyperkub · Post by **Pyperkub** » Thu Sep 29, 2016 7:17 pm

Where's Kasey Chang - our usual FloriDUH! poster from back in the day...

WYBaugh · Post by **WYBaugh** » Thu Sep 29, 2016 9:11 pm

I'm wondering if this is a faux news site at least concerning these Florida news pieces. The woman getting hit in the face by drone is here in my town and there's nothing on the local news pages concerning it.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Thu Sep 29, 2016 9:53 pm

WYBaugh wrote:I'm wondering if this is a faux news site at least concerning these Florida news pieces. The woman getting hit in the face by drone is here in my town and there's nothing on the local news pages concerning it.

The rest of the news looks legit to me, but I've never heard of the paper before.

em2nought · Post by **em2nought** » Mon Jan 02, 2017 4:08 pm

Proof that dogs do not like to get dressed up in Christmas sweaters. Does anybody?

https://www.yahoo.com/style/dog-mauls-f ... 08090.html

Hrothgar · Post by **Hrothgar** » Mon Jan 02, 2017 10:02 pm

WYBaugh wrote:I'm wondering if this is a faux news site at least concerning these Florida news pieces. The woman getting hit in the face by drone is here in my town and there's nothing on the local news pages concerning it.

Apparently, you are correct:

Snopes wrote:Associated Media Coverage

Associated Media Coverage was yet another fresh face on the fake news scene in early 2016. After its February 2016 creation, Associated Media Coverage swiftly leapt into the hoaxmongering business with bits about a motorcycle curfew, an e-juice ban, a two-pet maximum ordinance, and a fabricated claim that a transgender woman was shot in a Colorado department store bathroom.

Associated Media Coverage also has apparently spawned sites that appear to be legitimate local news bearing shocking (but fake) stories: Boston Tribune, Boston Leader, and the Baltimore Gazette are three that we have been able to identity so far.

gilraen · Post by **gilraen** » Thu Mar 09, 2017 12:46 pm

Lawyer's pants burst into flames as he defends arsonist

A defense attorney in Miami who was representing an accused arsonist presenting his closing arguments to the jury when his pants burst into flames.

Attorney Stephen Gutierrez is said to have been fidgeting with something in his pocket as the trial was coming to a close. With smoke billowing from his pocket, Gutierrez ran out of the courtroom.

naednek · Post by **naednek** » Thu Mar 09, 2017 1:29 pm

Classic case of Liar Liar Pants On Fire.

Unagi · Post by **Unagi** » Thu Mar 09, 2017 2:19 pm

gilraen wrote:Lawyer's pants burst into flames as he defends arsonist
A defense attorney in Miami who was representing an accused arsonist presenting his closing arguments to the jury when his pants burst into flames.

Attorney Stephen Gutierrez is said to have been fidgeting with something in his pocket as the trial was coming to a close. With smoke billowing from his pocket, Gutierrez ran out of the courtroom.

My buddy once was standing in the family room of a rental we shared... we were all hang out talking... his hands in his pockets.

Next thing you know he is panicked and starts to de-pant himself.

He was playing with a book of matches in his pocket, and managed to light the book in his pocket.

Toe · Post by **Toe** » Thu Mar 09, 2017 3:54 pm

gilraen wrote:Lawyer's pants burst into flames as he defends arsonist
A defense attorney in Miami who was representing an accused arsonist presenting his closing arguments to the jury when his pants burst into flames.

Attorney Stephen Gutierrez is said to have been fidgeting with something in his pocket as the trial was coming to a close. With smoke billowing from his pocket, Gutierrez ran out of the courtroom.

If the pants ignite, you must indict.

Jaymann · Post by **Jaymann** » Thu Mar 09, 2017 4:38 pm

Toe wrote:
gilraen wrote:Lawyer's pants burst into flames as he defends arsonist
A defense attorney in Miami who was representing an accused arsonist presenting his closing arguments to the jury when his pants burst into flames.

Attorney Stephen Gutierrez is said to have been fidgeting with something in his pocket as the trial was coming to a close. With smoke billowing from his pocket, Gutierrez ran out of the courtroom.
If the pants ignite, you must indict.

em2nought · Post by **em2nought** » Thu Mar 09, 2017 7:22 pm

Unagi wrote:
gilraen wrote:Lawyer's pants burst into flames as he defends arsonist
A defense attorney in Miami who was representing an accused arsonist presenting his closing arguments to the jury when his pants burst into flames.

Attorney Stephen Gutierrez is said to have been fidgeting with something in his pocket as the trial was coming to a close. With smoke billowing from his pocket, Gutierrez ran out of the courtroom.
My buddy once was standing in the family room of a rental we shared... we were all hang out talking... his hands in his pockets.

Next thing you know he is panicked and starts to de-pant himself.

He was playing with a book of matches in his pocket, and managed to light the book in his pocket.

Match heads came make an awesome improvised explosive device on the fireworks scale. Thanks goes to Estes Rockets for including a list of "what not to do" in their 1970's catalogs.

It's getting tiring living in "God's waiting room", I hope I can get out before it's too late and I become assimilated. I think they start to adopt each others mannerisms. They see somebody shuffling along, and think maybe that's the way I should be walking, next thing you know they all look pitiful. Or maybe the Doctor takes a few extra minutes with the more feeble so the healthier are jealous and start to act more feeble in order to score a few more minutes of human interaction. Man, I am tired.

gameoverman · Post by **gameoverman** » Thu Mar 09, 2017 8:03 pm

I remember once I was with some friends and we were going to get something to eat. So I'm reaching into my pocket trying to pull out some bills I had in there but for some reason couldn't fish out. Then I notice one of the women in the group looking at me and she nudges one of the other women, sort of like 'look at what he's doing'. I quickly just opened my hand and grabbed the entire pocket itself and pulled it all out and said "I was just trying to get some money out, see?!?!".

Lesson learned. Never fiddle around in your pockets while in front of other people because it can't end well for you.

Holman · Post by **Holman** » Thu Mar 09, 2017 8:33 pm

Unagi wrote:
gilraen wrote:Lawyer's pants burst into flames as he defends arsonist
A defense attorney in Miami who was representing an accused arsonist presenting his closing arguments to the jury when his pants burst into flames.

Attorney Stephen Gutierrez is said to have been fidgeting with something in his pocket as the trial was coming to a close. With smoke billowing from his pocket, Gutierrez ran out of the courtroom.
My buddy once was standing in the family room of a rental we shared... we were all hang out talking... his hands in his pockets.

Next thing you know he is panicked and starts to de-pant himself.

He was playing with a book of matches in his pocket, and managed to light the book in his pocket.

When we used to have neighborhood bottle-rocket wars back in the early 1980s, my pal caught a flying BR in the side pocket of his army-surplus cargo pants. The rocket was still spitting thrust, and the pocket contained almost a full gross of down-pointing bottle rockets ...and their fuses.

Blackhawk · Post by **Blackhawk** » Fri Mar 10, 2017 12:03 am

Holman wrote: When we used to have neighborhood bottle-rocket wars back in the early 1980s, my pal caught a flying BR in the side pocket of his army-surplus cargo pants. The rocket was still spitting thrust, and the pocket contained almost a full gross of down-pointing bottle rockets ...and their fuses.

I have had this experience, except replace 'pants' with 'cab of my truck' and 'gross' with 'vast numbers of bricks.'

Also, we were driving.

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Fri Mar 10, 2017 8:29 am

I sometimes lament that I didn't have enough shenanigans with explosives in my youth.

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Sun Mar 12, 2017 6:35 pm

DUUUuuuh

Kind intelligent man.....wait no no wrong story......dumb mo'fo'r tries to burn store run by Arabs.......that were actually Indians.

GreenGoo · Post by **GreenGoo** » Mon Mar 13, 2017 11:48 am

False flag operation.

msteelers · Post by **msteelers** » Mon Mar 13, 2017 12:34 pm

I live in Port St Lucie. I would like to say that I'm shocked someone did this, but I'm not. There are some stupid f***ing people that live here. And rude.

I can't wait to get the hell out of here.

Punisher · Post by **Punisher** » Mon Mar 13, 2017 11:07 pm

msteelers wrote:There are some stupid f***ing people that live here. And rude.

Welcome to Earth!

Xmann · Post by **Xmann** » Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:28 am

Having grown up and lived most of my life in Florida, it definitely seems like a more concentrated amount of idiots there.

We've been in Colorado going on 10 years now and we have plenty of them here too.

However, no doubt Florida takes the cake for rude, inconsiderate, racist, homophobic, etc people. So glad we left and decided to raise our son elsewhere.

msteelers · Post by **msteelers** » Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:21 am

Xmann wrote:Having grown up and lived most of my life in Florida, it definitely seems like a more concentrated amount of idiots there.

We've been in Colorado going on 10 years now and we have plenty of them here too.

However, no doubt Florida takes the cake for rude, inconsiderate, racist, homophobic, etc people. So glad we left and decided to raise our son elsewhere.

The Mrs and I have discussed escaping to Colorado. It feels unlikely that we're ever going to be able to break free though. Most of our family is here, and our roots are getting stronger after purchasing a house and starting a business. Plus I don't know if my wife is willing to move too far away from Disney World.

Jag · Post by **Jag** » Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:42 am

Colorado is where I would love to retire. I just can't leave FL yet because of my job. I got insanely lucky with this job and hope to have it until I retire, so I really can't go anywhere else.

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:55 am

I don't know that the concentration is higher in Florida - they just have that law that requires all arrests to get posted so we hear about everything. I suspect some other states would give Florida a run for their money if that law was national.

GreenGoo · Post by **GreenGoo** » Tue Mar 14, 2017 11:00 am

Jag wrote:Colorado is where I would love to retire. I just can't leave FL yet because of my job. I got insanely lucky with this job and hope to have it until I retire, so I really can't go anywhere else.

I assume you and your family ski?

Jag · Post by **Jag** » Tue Mar 14, 2017 3:41 pm

GreenGoo wrote:
Jag wrote:Colorado is where I would love to retire. I just can't leave FL yet because of my job. I got insanely lucky with this job and hope to have it until I retire, so I really can't go anywhere else.
I assume you and your family ski?

We do and we get out to Steamboat every year for a ski trip, but I would be just as happy in CO in the summer. I don't really like any of the outdoor things to do in FL.

em2nought · Post by **em2nought** » Tue Apr 18, 2017 1:31 am

Somebody offers you two bits for a shave and a haircut you better take it in Floriduh

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/1-dea ... D=ref_fark

Xmann · Post by **Xmann** » Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:24 pm

em2nought wrote:Somebody offers you two bits for a shave and a haircut you better take it in Floriduh https://www.clickorlando.com/news/1-dea ... D=ref_fark

I grew up about an hour outside Mount Dora, where that story comes from.

Not surprised in the least.

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Tue Apr 18, 2017 5:29 pm

Somebody offers you two bits for a shave and a haircut you better take it

2 bits is only 25 cents.

em2nought · Post by **em2nought** » Tue Apr 18, 2017 7:27 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Somebody offers you two bits for a shave and a haircut you better take it
2 bits is only 25 cents.

The saying pre-dates 1965 so a quarter is worth $3.3077 melt value in silver.

Here is the original Mr.Two Bits since he's sort of a Florida institution

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Wed Jul 12, 2017 4:15 pm

This happened in Texas but Im posting it here because its a definite Darwin award winner.

Teen electrocuted in tub by her cell phone ...ya she had it plugged into the wall and couldn't stay off of it long enough to take a bath.

McNutt · Post by **McNutt** » Wed Jul 12, 2017 4:33 pm

I cut 14-year-olds some slack. It was not a smart move, but way too sad for Darwin threads.