This is why I *heart* Kevin Smith ...

[GuidoTKP]

So Empire Magazine hands out awards for movies. Not in the loop on Empire Magazine (I guess its a European film magazine) or their awards, but saw that Kevin Smith won their Independent Spirit Award this year (not really sure for what, since his most recent flick was his least "independant", but ... I'll give them that one because his body of work is certainly deserving of that kind of award). Here is Kevin's acceptance speech:

I appreciate that because it kind of makes up for every chick who ever said I had a small dick. Starting with my mom, working right up to my wife. I'm gonna take a few minutes cause this is the only award I'm ever going to win I assure you. And I'm sorry if I'm a little sweaty but I tend to do that when I… breathe. I don't know if you all watched the Golden Globes a few years ago but Marsellus Wallace won a Golden Globe - Ving Rhames - for this TV movie that was… he played Don King. And when he got the award he didn't feel like he was really worthy of the award so he passed it off to somebody he felt was more deserving and that was Jack Lemmon, who was in a TV movie that year. In the spirit of that I would like to pass this award to somebody who I thought did an amazing film this year and went unrecognised by the Academy and he's just a fantastic guy, and that dude is a hero of mine. I would like to give my award to Quentin Tarantino.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait wait. I would like to, but I'm not going to. Because fuckin' Quentin's doing really well. He won a Palme D'or, he's got an Oscar and shit like that, he's got acclaim. I made Gigli2 people, so I'm fucking keeping this award, to be honest with you. Because you don't know how many editors at Empire Magazine I had to suck off to get this award. You wouldn't think a movie magazine would have so many editors but they do and oddly enough most of them are guys. And it was always the same, it was like 'Oh it ain't going to suck itself fatty!' You know. 'hurry along so we can talk about Revenge of the Sith.' So I'm takin' it for me. Because… that's a lot of cock.

This is especially meaningful to me because it comes from part of the British press and the British press the last time I was here wasn't very kind to me. I had released the most independent I ever made, a low budget effort called Jersey Girl. And you know they kind of went after the film, particularly… I don't know if you all read the papers here but in a paper, I believe it's called The Mirror, there's a column by some writers called the 3am girls. The 3am girls kind of teed off on the film a little bit. And just so I can be specific and I don't misquote (pulls out clipping) - because the press can do that - I'm going to read you a little something that they wrote. They were talking about the fact that Ben Affleck couldn't make it over to promote the movie and stuff so the essential point of the article is Ben lit out because the movie's terrible. They wrote 'the film in which Ben and J-Lo play lovers with a baby on the way proved to be a box office disaster in the States. It's a shame Ben has pulled out because it's obvious the film needs all the publicity it can get. Says an insider.' An Insider, not, you know, me or fuckin' somebody involved with the film, an insider essentially. So, I ran into one of the 3am girls the next day at the premiere and I was just 'look, not for nothing but you're quoting anonymous sources, why don't you talk to someone who knows about it. I'm not telling you how to do your job but this shit's kind of hurtful to read.' And she was like 'right, right, you've really turned me around here. So this is what she wrote the next day. She called me 'the movie's director, fat, bearded, hobbit lookalike Kevin Smith.' Now, many of you probably aren't aware but I have a weight problem, so if you call me fat and bearded, alright, you're on point, that's accurate. But calling me hobbit lookalike? Come on man. Cause, if I look like a hobbit, this bitch looked like a fucking orc, I assure you.

Revenge is awfully sweet. But the thing that bothered me most was that the article said 'insiders say' which is a little vague and you could just , really, make that up and attribute it to anybody. So in the spirit of that I've spoken to some insiders about the 3am girls. Now I don’t' know if this is accurate but insiders say that for one Euro, not a pound, for one Euro, you can take a fuckin' brick in their mouths. If that makes print tomorrow, an insider heard it.

I just want to thank a few people while I'm up here, 'cause the last ten years of my life wouldn't be possible without a lot of cats, some of them mean the world to me and some of them don't. Of course I want to thank Alan Rickman and Jason Mewes and Matt Damon because they're here. All the other people who you've seen in the clip, I thank them too. I want to thank Scott Mosier, my producer, but without that dude I can't do anything. Mewes, you get a special thank you cause you're an inspiration and you're one of the funniest guys I've ever met and without you I would just be the fat guy standing there in movies. So thank you. I thank Empire magazine, I thank everyone who came out tonight, but most importantly this award doesn't really go to Quentin, I'm not going to keep it, this award goes to my wife. Thank God she's into fat dudes. So I'm going to scratch it out and write chubby chaser award and I'm going to present it to her. Because I love her to death and without her, you know, it would be kind of hard to slog through some of the bad press. And even when I read a 3am girls column about myself she said 'you know, you're not hobbit-like.' Leaving the fat and bearded part there. But Jennifer I love you to death, thanks so much. Y'all know I'm getting so laid tonight because of that. Thank you, goodnight.

Upon winning an award he takes the opportunity to simply lay out some fugly columnist from the Mirror. I'm still laughing ....

[LordMortis]

That's awesome. You know who will never get an academy award.

[Larraque]

You like that? You should check out 'An Evening with Kevin Smith'. It's a 2 disc, 3.5 hour documentary of smith giving lectures at universities. Basically, he's just telling stories. Great stuff.

[farley2k]

Yeah, he's a hero.....or a moron.....

I liked him a lot better when he was silent Bob.

[Kratz]

Bahaha!

Thank God she's into fat dudes. So I'm going to scratch it out and write chubby chaser award and I'm going to present it to her.

[GuidoTKP]

You like that? You should check out 'An Evening with Kevin Smith'. It's a 2 disc, 3.5 hour documentary of smith giving lectures at universities. Basically, he's just telling stories. Great stuff.

I've been meaning to buy that for a while (I have all of his other shit, I might as well have that). He is putting out a "sequal" to that disk. Title cracked me up:

"An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder"

[Bad Demographic]

I'm with Larraque - An Evening with Kevin Smith was really good. Jay even shows up at one college.

[Kratz]

We saw Mewes talk after a screening of Mallrats at CU.

It was retarded... he basically walked out and asked if people had questions. Like 15 people asked him a stupid question, then he said 'where is the good bar to go to?' and that was that.

[gellar]

Kevin Smith is awesome.

I really wanted to go to Vulgarthon 2005, but can't miss that day off of work. Why couldn't it be a frikkin weekend?

gellar

[Larraque]

"An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder"

That's probably the worst title imaginable. And I think that's why it works so well.

[DiscoJason]

You like that? You should check out 'An Evening with Kevin Smith'. It's a 2 disc, 3.5 hour documentary of smith giving lectures at universities. Basically, he's just telling stories. Great stuff.

I've been meaning to buy that for a while (I have all of his other shit, I might as well have that). He is putting out a "sequal" to that disk. Title cracked me up:

"An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder"

Thakns for the tip. I loved An Evening with Kevin Smith and it is good ot know there is more coming.

[Jancelot]

Personally I think his movies are rather mediocre. But that point aside, this just comes across like a bitter guy lashing out at reviewers. You're a celebrity, you make fistfulls of cash, shit happens, get over it.

[GuidoTKP]

Personally I think his movies are rather mediocre. But that point aside, this just comes across like a bitter guy lashing out at reviewers. You're a celebrity, you make fistfulls of cash, shit happens, get over it.

But ... why? Part of his popularity, i.e., part of why he earns those fistfulls of cash, is because he does shit like this. He tried to actually have a conversation with one of these chicks, and she turned around and made a straight out personal attack on him in print. I mean, it's not like he went after her because she gave his movie a bad review. Instead she made some shit up about Afflek (who is a very good friend of Kevin's) and then went out of her way to take a jab at Kevin after he called her on it, face-to-face. He wins an award in her country, at a ceremony where he has license to say whatever he wants, using whatever language he chooses (sort of like her column). He shot back. Humorously.

Works for me.

[Mr. Fed]

I'd love to see what the 3 a.m. girls had to say in response.

[GuidoTKP]

I'd love to see what the 3 a.m. girls had to say in response.

Here ya go:

When we pointed out last year that director Kevin Smith's movie Jersey Girl had failed to set the box-office alight, it appears we touched a nerve.

Since then he's mentioned the so-called slur in every interview, and at this weekend's Empire Film Awards still had the cutting in his pocket.

Kev, mate, we can only apologise. We're genuinely sorry more people didn't flock to see your movie, which was described by one critic as "A more unbearable film than Gigli."

While it's flattering to be the focus of your obsession, we think enough's enough. Maybe it's time you concentrated on your film career.

Otherwise, a measly Empire award is the first and last gong you're likely to win.

[Kratz]

See... he sounded funny... they sound bitter and like they are taking everything too seriously.

[gellar]

See... he sounded funny... they sound bitter and like they are taking everything too seriously.

Maybe you just don't understand British humor.

gellar

[Kratz]

See... he sounded funny... they sound bitter and like they are taking everything too seriously.

Maybe you just don't understand British humor.

gellar

You aren't funny either.

[gellar]

See... he sounded funny... they sound bitter and like they are taking everything too seriously.

Maybe you just don't understand British humor.

gellar

You aren't funny either.

Maybe you don't understand half azn humor either.

gellar

[loc-nar]

See... he sounded funny... they sound bitter and like they are taking everything too seriously.

Maybe you just don't understand British humor.

gellar

You aren't funny either.

Maybe you don't understand half azn humor either.

gellar

No one understands half azn humor. Least of all you.

[magic]

See... he sounded funny... they sound bitter and like they are taking everything too seriously.

Maybe you just don't understand British humor.

gellar

It's not funny. Take it from one...

[gellar]

See... he sounded funny... they sound bitter and like they are taking everything too seriously.

Maybe you just don't understand British humor.

gellar

It's not funny. Take it from one...

Maybe you don't understand sarcasm.

gellar

[gellar]

See... he sounded funny... they sound bitter and like they are taking everything too seriously.

Maybe you just don't understand British humor.

gellar

You aren't funny either.

Maybe you don't understand half azn humor either.

gellar

No one understands half azn humor. Least of all you.

I understand the half that isn't azn.

gellar

[leo8877]

See... he sounded funny... they sound bitter and like they are taking everything too seriously.

I agree.

[stessier]

Title seemed mostly appropriate.

Kevin Smith survived a massive heart attack last night.

[Isgrimnur]

He looks like he's dropped a good bit of the weight, too.

[stessier]

Yeah, I think it's almost 2 years now. When he started he said he'd tell us how much he lost, but in the end decided not to. I think it was at least 85+ and may have been 100+.

[Daehawk]

I love the guy. Not seen anything but cool from him. No I did not see Jersey Girl. Hope the best for him.

Kevin ...my wife had 3 blocked and 1 almost..you wuss Get well man. Life is shitty enough to not have you around would make it worse.

He looks like Robert Downey Jr in that pic to me. Getting healthy will kill ya man.

[bb2112]

Even laid up and he still seems like he is keeping a good sense of humor. He is one funny dude and I wish him all the best.

[Sepiche]

He wrote very eloquently about his recent brush with death, and I think it's worth reading for anyone who lives dreading that final moment:

When the time came, I never imagined I’d ever be able to die with dignity - I assumed I’d die screaming, like my Dad (who lost his life to a massive heart attack). But even as they cut into my groin to slip a stent into the lethal Widow-Maker, I was filled with a sense of calm. I’ve had a great life: loved by parents who raised me to become the individual I am. I’ve had a weird, wonderful career in all sorts of media, amazing friends, the best wife in the world and an incredible daughter who made me a Dad. But as I stared into the infinite, I realized I was relatively content.

Yes, I’d miss life as it moved on without me - and I was bummed we weren’t gonna get to make #jayandsilentbobreboot before I shuffled loose the mortal coil. But generally speaking, I was okay with the end, if this was gonna be it. I’ve gotten to do so many cool things and I’ve had so many adventures - how could I be shitty about finally paying the tab. But the good folks at the Glendale hospital had other plans and the expertise to mend me. Total strangers saved my life tonight (as well as my friends @jordanmonsanto & @iamemilydawn, who called the ambulance).

This is all a part of my mythology now and I’m sure I’ll be facing some lifestyle changes (maybe it’s time to go Vegan). But the point of this post is to tell you that I faced my greatest fear tonight... and it wasn’t as bad as I’ve always imagined it’d be. I don’t want my life to end but if it ends, I can’t complain. It was such a gift. #KevinSmith

[Daehawk]

I never see his name without thinking of Kevin Smith that died years ago from a fall on set. The one who played Ares on Hercules and Xena.

[bb2112]

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/kevin-s ... 12470.html

He said he lost 85 - 90 lbs and still has a great sense of humor.

[Daehawk]

[stimpy]

Glendale Adventist.....That's where I was on New Years Eve 2017 because of this.....

[Daehawk]

Whats that? Wait NM. My kidney hurts already. I got two dice sized ones in left..had for about 12 years. Two blastings. Need surgery. Maybe Ill go this year. Tired of hurting.

BTW how did that get outside you?

[stimpy]

The hard slow painful way.
That hole was not made for something like that to exit out of.

[Isgrimnur]

This film is why I survived my heart attack. I refuse to die til I see @Avengers. In fact, anticipation for all of these flicks might keep me alive for decades. I will accept eternity only if/when the most important Kevin in the world (Kevin Faige) is done making @Marvel movies.

[Moliere]

Kevin Smith Speaks Out For The First Time Since His Massive Heart Attack | TODAY

Following Penn's diet, he's looking pretty good.