Preparing my pre teen for a successful school career

[Xmann]

This will be long, i'll go ahead and warn anyone that's not interested in these type of topics.

I'm looking for advice on how to help prepare our son become a successful student. This started last week when my wife's best friend revealed her son has been accepted to numerous colleges. Most of those with scholarships. He is in his senior year of high school and was the star QB with the football team. His current GPA is 4.3 and sounds like he is in mostly AP classes. My wife's friend is an Occupational Therapist and her husband is an Environmental Engineer (whatever that is).

After listening to all this, I'm concerned/worried that we aren't doing everything we can to ensure our son is being set up for success. Our son is 12 (turns 13 in 2 weeks) and in 7th grade. This year is the first year we started pushing him in school. He's always pretty much made all A's up until this point, whatever that is worth. He's a smart kid and really hasn't needed to apply himself to get those A's. First half of this year he made all A's, with 1 B. Looks like he's going to make pretty much similar grades this semester.

However, my wife and I really don't know what we are doing to ensure he gets the best education he can. I'm a Registered Nurse and my wife is a Physical Therapist. However, neither of us were raised in a home where higher education was a priority. Both of us went back to school later in life. I did ok in high school, but not great. I didn't take AP classes, much less knowing how to get to that point. My wife very similar situation.

Now, we plan on speaking with my wife's friend and see what they did with their son. But I'm curious to know what others have done in this situation? Are there classes or courses or something we need to look into for him during the summer? I'm guessing letting him play the PS4 all summer isn't the best option. But we don't know what to do. How do we prepare now? We are thinking this is an important transition in his life that we need to take advantage of. This time next year we'll be talking about him getting ready for high school.

How do we stress the importance of making A's in school? What do we do to enforce/ensure or cultivate that? Do we have to ride his ass daily until he graduates high school? Is that what successful students have to endure from their parents? What extra classes, courses, programs, etc etc etc do we need to look into for the summer?

I guess I might be freaking out some. But again, my wife and I didn't have guidance growing up and we seriously don't know what to do. We want him to have similar opportunities as my wife's son. But how do we do that without making it feel like a Nazi prison camp?

Any ideas or suggestions are greatly appreciated.

[El Guapo]

Honestly I'm not really sure what you're worried about. He's getting all As so far and is a smart kid - not really seeing what the problem is. To me 90% of it is making sure that he has access to a good school (which I'm guessing he does already), and then supporting him as problems arise (which it sounds like they haven't yet). You can also nudge him a bit towards extracurriculars / sports / whatever. He'll probably want an internship or something at some point in high school that he can market in college applications. Talk to him about AP classes when it comes to that, but that's not until high school.

But honestly, it really sounds like you're overthinking this. He's in 7th grade and getting good grades - there's not much else to do. Summer stuff is not essential - I spent my summers goofing off, mostly a mix of video games and books, at least until high school (when I started temping for extra cash).

[Xmann]

Honestly I'm not really sure what you're worried about. He's getting all As so far and is a smart kid - not really seeing what the problem is. To me 90% of it is making sure that he has access to a good school (which I'm guessing he does already), and then supporting him as problems arise (which it sounds like they haven't yet). You can also nudge him a bit towards extracurriculars / sports / whatever. He'll probably want an internship or something at some point in high school that he can market in college applications. Talk to him about AP classes when it comes to that, but that's not until high school.

But honestly, it really sounds like you're overthinking this. He's in 7th grade and getting good grades - there's not much else to do.

I guess I'm worried because again, my wife and I never had guidance. We don't want to be here in 3 years and wish we had done something different.

[El Guapo]

Honestly I'm not really sure what you're worried about. He's getting all As so far and is a smart kid - not really seeing what the problem is. To me 90% of it is making sure that he has access to a good school (which I'm guessing he does already), and then supporting him as problems arise (which it sounds like they haven't yet). You can also nudge him a bit towards extracurriculars / sports / whatever. He'll probably want an internship or something at some point in high school that he can market in college applications. Talk to him about AP classes when it comes to that, but that's not until high school.

But honestly, it really sounds like you're overthinking this. He's in 7th grade and getting good grades - there's not much else to do.

I guess I'm worried because again, my wife and I never had guidance. We don't want to be here in 3 years and wish we had done something different.

The good news is that it's not that complicated. Go to a good school, get good grades (so far so good) and prepare for the SAT / ACT (or whatever it is that kids are taking as part of the college application process) when time comes for that. That's 90% of it.

After that, push him to do some extracurriculars / internships / sports / etc. that will cultivate and explore his interests and could help on college applications, though to me that's the icing not the cake.

Otherwise just keep in constant communication (which I'm sure you are, seeing as how it's your son and all) so that you'll become aware relatively early on if problems arise. But it sounds like they haven't yet.

[Xmann]

Honestly I'm not really sure what you're worried about. He's getting all As so far and is a smart kid - not really seeing what the problem is. To me 90% of it is making sure that he has access to a good school (which I'm guessing he does already), and then supporting him as problems arise (which it sounds like they haven't yet). You can also nudge him a bit towards extracurriculars / sports / whatever. He'll probably want an internship or something at some point in high school that he can market in college applications. Talk to him about AP classes when it comes to that, but that's not until high school.

But honestly, it really sounds like you're overthinking this. He's in 7th grade and getting good grades - there's not much else to do.

I guess I'm worried because again, my wife and I never had guidance. We don't want to be here in 3 years and wish we had done something different.

The good news is that it's not that complicated. Go to a good school, get good grades (so far so good) and prepare for the SAT / ACT (or whatever it is that kids are taking as part of the college application process) when time comes for that. That's 90% of it.

After that, push him to do some extracurriculars / internships / sports / etc. that will cultivate and explore his interests and could help on college applications, though to me that's the icing not the cake.

Otherwise just keep in constant communication (which I'm sure you are, seeing as how it's your son and all) so that you'll become aware relatively early on if problems arise. But it sounds like they haven't yet.

Is it really that easy?

How do we get him into AP classes? It's much more than just getting A's, right?

[Smoove_B]

I think the issue is one that many can relate to (if I'm remembering other threads correctly). I didn't need to study in grade or high school as the material came easy to me. This was a problem as I never developed study habits or a method for getting help when I was struggling - because I never did. So when the first semester of college started...pain. I don't know how you develop study habits in a person that doesn't need to study, so I'm probably not the best to give advice.

We've been sending our daughter to various camps each summer for the last few years - general day camps and a science camp (Camp Invention). This summer we're looking into a coding camp that uses Minecraft as a basis for learning. There's still plenty of down time (because it's the summer), but we do try to keep her engaged so it's not a total loss between July and August. Yeah, it's learning, but it's hands on learning and creative thinking so its seemingly still fun. Not sure how she's going to feel in a few more years when she's your son's age.

I really don't know. My Dad always told me when I turned 18 I had to be (1) working full time, (2) in college or (3) in the military. I opted for #2 and screwed around for a long time so the joke was on him. It all worked out (eventually), but it could have ended very differently if not for a few random events.

I went to Boy Scout camp a week in the summer and spent the rest of the time goofing off with friends. High school was mostly just goofing off, though I did start working at some point; it's all a blur. If he's interested in doing something else (like a coding camp) that's one thing, but I'm not sure I'd be inclined to push anything. It certainly can't hurt to look into your options.

[El Guapo]

Honestly I'm not really sure what you're worried about. He's getting all As so far and is a smart kid - not really seeing what the problem is. To me 90% of it is making sure that he has access to a good school (which I'm guessing he does already), and then supporting him as problems arise (which it sounds like they haven't yet). You can also nudge him a bit towards extracurriculars / sports / whatever. He'll probably want an internship or something at some point in high school that he can market in college applications. Talk to him about AP classes when it comes to that, but that's not until high school.

But honestly, it really sounds like you're overthinking this. He's in 7th grade and getting good grades - there's not much else to do.

I guess I'm worried because again, my wife and I never had guidance. We don't want to be here in 3 years and wish we had done something different.

The good news is that it's not that complicated. Go to a good school, get good grades (so far so good) and prepare for the SAT / ACT (or whatever it is that kids are taking as part of the college application process) when time comes for that. That's 90% of it.

After that, push him to do some extracurriculars / internships / sports / etc. that will cultivate and explore his interests and could help on college applications, though to me that's the icing not the cake.

Otherwise just keep in constant communication (which I'm sure you are, seeing as how it's your son and all) so that you'll become aware relatively early on if problems arise. But it sounds like they haven't yet.

Is it really that easy?

How do we get him into AP classes? It's much more than just getting A's, right?

I wouldn't say that it's easy necessarily, just that it's not that complicated conceptually - the execution may or may not be messy though. Like, you said your son hasn't had to work all that hard for As so far - he could start to struggle when and if he hits classes where his previous effort level doesn't cut it anymore. Or he could start to slack off, or have conflicts with kids at school that impacts his happiness and grades, etc. etc.

But I don't know that there's much to do on stuff like that at this stage, other than keeping up good communications so that you know early on when and if problems arise.

AP classes and stuff like that will vary by school, I expect. At my schools AP classes started in high school, and you pretty much just signed up for them before the school year (the only complication being that if you wanted to switch between regular and AP-level classes in a subject after the first year, you had to study and pass a test, which I did to go from regular to AP math between junior and senior years).

I will say it can't hurt to talk to people (friends, people at your son's school) about whether there is anything that you should be doing that you're not. Can't hurt to get more information and it may ease your mind. But like I said, I think 90% of it is just good school + good grades with a sprinkling of extracurriculars.

I will say that I do wish my parents had pushed me a little more in middle / high school to get out of the house more, although that worked out fine overall.

[McNutt]

Are you worried that he won't be accepted into the best colleges? Do you have a college fund that could make the best colleges possible?

It sounds like he's on his way to doing well in school. I believe if you want to sign up for AP classes you just have to sign up. These classes will challenge him more, so he'll need to apply himself more than he is now. Just encourage him.

[RunningMn9]

Some important things to note:

1) Not every child is destined for their school of choice and scholarships. And the difference between those that are, and those that aren't isn't just their parents. Not all kids are created equal. Some are motivated students, some are smart but lack motivation and organization, and some are just dunces.

2) Your job as a parent is to unlock what motivates your child to do the best that he can do. With some kids, it comes naturally. With other kids, it requires positive motivation (incentives for getting/improving grades). With other kids, it requires negative motivation (punishments for getting/falling grades). For my daughter, the allure of $5 for an A is a powerful motivator. For my son, the fear of losing access to his XBone is equally powerful (more on them later).

3) Kids still need to be kids. Summer school work is bullshit. That's just like...my opinion, man.

Like Smoove_B, I was a zero effort kid in high school and I got excellent grades, because high school was a cake walk. I took all Honors/AP classes offered, paid attention in class and pretty much skated through. As a result, I almost failed out of engineering school immediately. But here's the problem: if I can get a 98 in your class without studying at all, I'm not going to learn how to study. You can't force someone to learn how to study (even if you make them go through the motions, you can't control the daydreaming in their head while they are ignoring what you are talking about).

To learn how to study, you have to NEED to study. Once I NEEDED to study, I learned how to study. So, my advice is to hope that high school is challenging for your pre-teen. That will be better for him when it comes time to go to college, as he will be much better prepared. If it's not challenging to him, well, he'll get great grades, but be prepared for college to be a struggle initially (a problem he will overcome because he's smart).

The short answer is: Relax. College is a scam anyway.

Edit to add: Forgot about my kids. My wife was always the sort that tried really hard in school (ultimately becoming valedictorian of her college graduating class). She takes getting good grades very personally. I was like Smoove in that I goofed off and got pretty good grades. So I'm way more laid back about the grades that my kids do get. What I can't abide though is just lazily forgetting to do stuff that results in bad grades, like "forgetting" homework and stuff. My rules on this are simple - if your grades are acceptable to me, you get to keep on managing your time and effort. If your grades aren't acceptable, I get to manage your time. My son is one the cusp of acceptability at the moment, and is in danger of invoking this clause. He's a freshman though, and I am giving him a chance to adjust to everything (he went from an 8th grade where the entire school had 30 8th graders, to a freshman class of about 400-450 students - and he was playing soccer for the high school - so I've been lenient during the adjustment phase - but now that he didn't make the basketball team, he has the time to ensure straight As, so that has become the acceptable level that he must meet). I do try to be balanced in this because as a freshman he's got a lot of things going on.

I care more about the effort than the results at this point I guess.

[Jag]

I guess I'm worried because again, my wife and I never had guidance. We don't want to be here in 3 years and wish we had done something different.

I am now where you will be in 3 years and we have no guidance other than my wife talking to everyone she can. My son is 15 and just started 9th grade. He sounds like your son, As always came very easy to him and he placed in all honors/AP courses for HS. We stressed the importance of maintaining grades in HS if he wants to pick his college and he understands it's all on him. Right now his choice is University of Michigan (which is where my wife went). Our problem is he has shitty study habits and I was an absolutely terrible student so there is nothing I can do except tell him to eat breakfast and get sleep. Both of which he ignores.

Also, all his work is done on his laptop which is more likely to be tuned to Curb Your Enthusiasm or the League than homework. The weekends he hits the couch for College Football on Saturday and doesn't leave until Sunday night. Luckily my wife was a really good student and is a strong type A personality, so I let her do all the heavy lifting with figuring out the track he needs to take.

As far as extra curricular, he's a sports kid, so he plays Varsity Baseball and volunteers with a sports buddies program on the weekend to teach sport to disabled kids. He's a good athlete, but we're not delusional that he's good enough for a scholarship. He's finishing his last summer of sleep away camp this year, so we're not worried about summer activities, but he will take some prep classes for math and english when he's back. Oh, he also has a math tutor that he sees once a week to make sure he stays on top.

Our school also has a good debate team and we are trying to get him to stick with it on top of baseball.

The volunteering is important though and something you can start earlier. Schools don't want to see that you started volunteering at the same time you are applying. It's also good for their character. He hates getting up early, but he really does like helping the kids.

[LawBeefaroni]

I think the issue is one that many can relate to (if I'm remembering other threads correctly). I didn't need to study in grade or high school as the material came easy to me. This was a problem as I never developed study habits or a method for getting help when I was struggling - because I never did. So when the first semester of college started...pain. I don't know how you develop study habits in a person that doesn't need to study, so I'm probably not the best to give advice.

Same with me. A lot of college isn't about innate intelligence but more about work and organization. If that's not taught it can be a tough adjustment. There wasn't a paper I couldn't write in 1 hour or a test I couldn't ace in high school without cracking a book open. Not so in college. And not because it was necessarily harder work but because it was designed to test study habits.

Ours is only in kindergarten but study habits and organization are the key things we're teaching right now.



As for the college path, there are two approaches I see when I talk to friends with kids around high school. Either you have a school/profession already picked out and you do everything to make it happen, or you take a generalist approach and try to prepare them for whatever may come while encouraging them to pursue what they want. Both have advantages.

The former is the on-rails approach. Every class and activity is selected to maximize their odds at getting into the school of choice. Saxophone or piano? Soccer or football? Breast cancer charity or homeless shelter volunteer? Summer college at Cornell or Stanford? Even who they hang out with. It's way too much for me but I have seen it work. And no, the kids don't turn out damaged all the time.

The other approach may sound easier but it is still just as packed a schedule. You just don't min-max every single decision. It's more based on what the kid likes and is good at doing.

[El Guapo]

Also, all his work is done on his laptop which is more likely to be tuned to Curb Your Enthusiasm or the League than homework.

Hey, at least the little slacker has a good taste in shows.

[dfs]

How do we stress the importance of making A's in school? What do we do to enforce/ensure or cultivate that? Do we have to ride his ass daily until he graduates high school?

....when he brings home his report card praise/reward him for A's, frown at B's and have discussions about things lower than B's?

Do not ride his ass daily unless you want to make trouble for both he and himself.

I don't know your school system or your son, but in my kids system the scheduling for AP - col ledge prep - get them through high school tracks was pretty much established during freshman year. Jumping up a track is often a very difficult thing to do.

Down the road....Classmates of my daughters have gone to Ivy League schools/Private schools/State schools and Vocational programs.....I'm not convinced that an extra B turned into an A here and there on their academic transcript had a whole lot to do with those decisions and I'm not entirely convinced that the conventional ordering above has much to do with eventual life success.

I would suggest more than singling out classes in order to try and improve grades, have him select a couple of experiences that he might want to have. Take a class with a noted local artists. Explore serious Photgraphy. Go on a team building high course weekend. Do mission work in the inner city. Go to a singing camp or an engineering weekend. Don't make a big deal about it, but find SOMETHING that isn't sitting on a couch playing games and "allow" him to do that. Those experiences will mean likely mean far more to him than doing workbooks with a tutor.

[RunningMn9]

With my son in high school, we have talked about his future and what he wants, and to this point he doesn't know. So I've tried to make clear that without knowing what he wants to do, his job right now is to do the best that he can, to keep as many doors as possible open, as long as possible.

If he decides that he wants to be an auto-mechanic, it's not going to hurt him that he got straight As. If he wants to go to a good engineering school, it will hurt him if he doesn't. So get straight As and keep that door open as long as possible.

I'm also trying to get him to understand that the decision in front of him (college) is a financial one first and foremost. He's in a Financial Literacy class that he has to take, and so we talk about things in that context. College is going to be the second most expensive financial decision he ever makes. Even here in NJ as an in-state student, the four-year cost of going to Rutgers is about $120,000 a year. That's completely insane, and it's not even remotely worth it.

But what if you still need the piece of paper? I showed him how to get the cost of that piece of paper down to about $25,000. For the exact same piece of paper. But it requires understanding the impact of your decisions now, and understanding what you are trying to achieve. Are you going to college for the "college experience"? Because I'm not paying for that. And these days, the "college experience" is simply a code word for starting out with a ridiculous amount of debt.

[coopasonic]

I think the issue is one that many can relate to (if I'm remembering other threads correctly). I didn't need to study in grade or high school as the material came easy to me. This was a problem as I never developed study habits or a method for getting help when I was struggling - because I never did. So when the first semester of college started...pain. I don't know how you develop study habits in a person that doesn't need to study, so I'm probably not the best to give advice.

That was me also, I was valedictorian without ever taking any work home or studying. College opened my eyes a bit, but not much. I only got a 3.2 in college without ever studying. My wife, on the other hand, worked really, really hard in high school and college and graduated something cum laude. She works twice as hard as I do for half the money and half the job satisfaction. I think the moral of the story is good study habits are overrated.

She gets upset when our 4th grader slacks off. His grades swing wildly based on the amount of effort he puts in and his default is none and apparently that's not enough. When he does the work he is a strong B/weak A student. I only get stressed about because my wife goes nuts about it and THAT gives me stress. He'll go to college because that's what we do. So will your son. Colleges like money.

When was the last time someone asked you your high school GPA?

[Paingod]

The short answer is: Relax. College is a scam anyway.

It's not entirely a scam, but you don't need Ivy League to do well in life and community colleges are still viable options at any point in life. I don't know that college right out of High School is a good idea - I think a kid should grow up a little before trying to learn the skills needed for an adult career. It seems like a lot of college "kids" are just having fun with being free and blowing the academic opportunities that they'd appreciate more when they're more mature. That won't stop me from pushing it as an agenda for my kids, though.

I didn't go back to school until I was 24 and I don't regret spending the 7 years between High School and College farting around trying to figure out who I was. I was able to pick up a 2nd shift job, some roommates, and paid my way through an Associates degree in Computer Science and came out the other side with zero debt, no grants or scholarships, and no assistance from my parents. It took 3.5 years for a 2 year degree, but I did it.

During my time there, I saw a lot of kids come in and a lot of them barely passing and slacking off a lot. I saw a number of them later, outside, doing things completely unrelated, like delivering pizzas with his Associates Degree or working at Best Buy. I also saw a lot come in with a desire to learn and succeed and they pushed out into good careers.

So I think it comes down to motivation and finding passion. Is your child going to be motivated to succeed, or are they just going to be turning the crank and passing time until they're free from your expectations and several thousand in debt? I think that's where parents are valuable. You can help your child look for the things they're passionate about and try to cultivate that. Getting good grades is just part of the equation. It helps, and I think it means the kid is learning more than a "C" student, which is good.

AP classes can be quite challenging. I think all you need to do is ask the school and enroll your kid for them. A straight "A" student should be easily considered for more challenge, IMO. It looks better for college, and I think it's more rewarding for the child. It's something you should engage your child about, see if they want to, explain what it means, and let them decide. Pushing a child into AP classes is a bad idea, I think. They could easily become overwhelmed, resentful, and miserable.

I think the issue is one that many can relate to (if I'm remembering other threads correctly). I didn't need to study in grade or high school as the material came easy to me. This was a problem as I never developed study habits or a method for getting help when I was struggling - because I never did. So when the first semester of college started...pain. I don't know how you develop study habits in a person that doesn't need to study, so I'm probably not the best to give advice.

That was me also, I was valedictorian without ever taking any work home or studying. College opened my eyes a bit, but not much. I only got a 3.2 in college without ever studying. My wife, on the other hand, worked really, really hard in high school and college and graduated something cum laude. She works twice as hard as I do for half the money and half the job satisfaction. I think the moral of the story is good study habits are overrated.

I was AP classes through to my Junior year in High School, then I hit a massive funk and hated the world and downgraded myself to "regular" classes for my Senior year. I literally slept through half of them and dicked around in the others and did better than people killing themselves for it. It didn't earn me any friends.

My wife has a higher degree than me, Bachelor's, but isn't using it in her career and I'd say she also works harder than I do and gets less job satisfaction and money. Sometimes she calls me a 'privileged white male' ... like that's some kind of four letter word.

[RunningMn9]

When was the last time someone asked you your high school GPA?

I was asked about my college GPA exactly once in my life, and not by the person who was making the hiring decision.

[GreenGoo]

Don't worry. I'm prepping my kid by letting him watch youtube videos, play video games and read (abridged!) comic books. Oh, I also yell at him sometimes.

I've done all the hard work. All you've got to do is make sure your son's college application looks better than that.

You're welcome.

[stessier]

Even here in NJ as an in-state student, the four-year cost of going to Rutgers is about $120,000 a year.

Please tell me that is a typo. The four year cost is $120k total, right? It's not really $120k/year? Because I have a 9 & 6 year old and still dream they are going to be able to go to college. At that price/year, there's no way.

[LawBeefaroni]

Even here in NJ as an in-state student, the four-year cost of going to Rutgers is about $120,000 a year.

Please tell me that is a typo. The four year cost is $120k total, right? It's not really $120k/year? Because I have a 9 & 6 year old and still dream they are going to be able to go to college. At that price/year, there's no way.

Guessing it's a typo. $30K/year sounds right. $120K/year does not. Not yet anyway. For your 9 and 6 year-olds? Possibly.

[El Guapo]

Even here in NJ as an in-state student, the four-year cost of going to Rutgers is about $120,000 a year.

Please tell me that is a typo. The four year cost is $120k total, right? It's not really $120k/year? Because I have a 9 & 6 year old and still dream they are going to be able to go to college. At that price/year, there's no way.

Guessing it's a typo. $30K/year sounds right. $120K/year does not. Not yet anyway. For your 9 and 6 year-olds? Possibly.

Given that the system is on an unsustainable trajectory, my hope is that it all comes crashing down, forcing the federal government to institute a new, affordable financing system, a few years before my kids enter college.

It's either that or they apply to every school and go to the ones that give them great scholarships.

[Smoove_B]

It's about $27K a year (14K in tuition; 13K for room and board). It's an absurd amount of money and while I can't say if it's "worth" that price, I can tell you from first-hand knowledge there are absolutely people wasting their money. Or money that belongs to someone else (hopefully not me via taxes).

And I think that's the hardest thing to understand for a 15+ year old as I wouldn't expect 99.9% of them to appreciate what it means to have a $1,000, $10,000 or a $100,000 debt on your back. Worse is that I don't know of a practical way to share that knowledge. I do know that the time spent at college likely puts you on a salary/career trajectory that would be different if you don't attend college, but I'm also 100% in the camp that it's not for everyone.

[EvilHomer3k]

I think the issue is one that many can relate to (if I'm remembering other threads correctly). I didn't need to study in grade or high school as the material came easy to me. This was a problem as I never developed study habits or a method for getting help when I was struggling - because I never did. So when the first semester of college started...pain. I don't know how you develop study habits in a person that doesn't need to study, so I'm probably not the best to give advice.

That was me also, I was valedictorian without ever taking any work home or studying. College opened my eyes a bit, but not much. I only got a 3.2 in college without ever studying. My wife, on the other hand, worked really, really hard in high school and college and graduated something cum laude. She works twice as hard as I do for half the money and half the job satisfaction. I think the moral of the story is good study habits are overrated.

She gets upset when our 4th grader slacks off. His grades swing wildly based on the amount of effort he puts in and his default is none and apparently that's not enough. When he does the work he is a strong B/weak A student. I only get stressed about because my wife goes nuts about it and THAT gives me stress. He'll go to college because that's what we do. So will your son. Colleges like money.

When was the last time someone asked you your high school GPA?

Study habits are not overrated. Doing something that you love is underrated. Overall happiness with your job is more important than making money. Studying doesn't have to be spending hours every night on homework.

I don't want my kids entire teenage years to be remembered as his parents pushing them to study. Like many of us I skated through HS and got all As and Bs. My rules for the kids are:
1. Get your stuff done early.
2. Check it over.
3. Redo what's wrong.
4. Get at least a B.

I work at a private college and hope my kids come here or to one of the ACM colleges where they get a big discount on tuition. Here they get a 100% discount on tuition (room and board are not discounted).

More and more colleges are looking at other metrics for admission. We use both test scores and HS GPA. It wouldn't surprise me if we went to just GPA and body of work. Many tests have shown HS GPA to be a better indicator of college success than test scores. Today, it's best to have both.

[LawBeefaroni]

Many tests have shown HS GPA to be a better indicator of college success than test scores.

Tests have shown that tests are poor indicators?

I'm curious how much of the HS GPA is the result of tests though? I know most of mine was. Or are they only taking about the two college admission tests? Obviously a measure of 4 years of sustained academic performance would be a better indicator of success at 4 more years academics than a few hours of testing.

[EvilHomer3k]

Many tests have shown HS GPA to be a better indicator of college success than test scores.

Tests have shown that tests are poor indicators?

I'm curious how much of the HS GPA is the result of tests though? I know most of mine was. Or are they only taking about the two college admission tests? Obviously a measure of 4 years of sustained academic performance would be a better indicator of success at 4 more years academics than a few hours of testing.

Yes. They are just discounting the ACT and SAT. At this time it is an option for the students rather than a complete change in admission practices.

[Jag]

Tests have shown that tests are poor indicators?

Quick. Order more tests on those tests!

[RunningMn9]

Even here in NJ as an in-state student, the four-year cost of going to Rutgers is about $120,000 a year.

Please tell me that is a typo. The four year cost is $120k total, right?

Yes, I'm an idiot. It's that stupid Rutgers education.

[Jeff V]

I care more about the effort than the results at this point I guess.

This. I would add do what you can to make sure the child actually enjoys school. The results should follow if the kid is actively engaged but they might not, and that's okay too. While ideally the child will excel in all of the AP classes, there's nothing wrong with excelling in the normal classes instead. A good friend of mine from grammar school was not in any of my high school classes...I was in all of the AP classes, he was not. Today, he is addressed as "Doctor" and I am addressed as "Hey! Shithead!"

[Blackhawk]

Getting an autistic kid ready for life is a lot different, but one thing I've come to believe is that as long as the grades are good, well-rounded is important. Studying absolutely happens. It happens at home, and it is checked (they're both in every available AP class, but so was I, so I have a solid understanding of most of what they're studying.)

Once that is done, however, I think the most important thing is that they spend time being kids. They spend time following their own passions, they spend time with family, they spend time experiencing the world, and they spend time with their imaginations. It is a vital part of growing up into a well-adjusted, well-balanced adult.

Another thing is defining success. That word has popped up a lot in this thread, but what does it mean? What would your kids have to achieve to be a 'success' in your eyes? Is your vision of success more important than the idea of success that they'll eventually develop themselves? Will you be unhappy unless your kids surpass you in life (measured by, what? Wealth? Status? Square footage?) Will you be happy if they choose to follow a passion of theirs that is far less financially viable, but gives them a life of contentment?

[Scuzz]

Honestly I'm not really sure what you're worried about. He's getting all As so far and is a smart kid - not really seeing what the problem is. To me 90% of it is making sure that he has access to a good school (which I'm guessing he does already), and then supporting him as problems arise (which it sounds like they haven't yet). You can also nudge him a bit towards extracurriculars / sports / whatever. He'll probably want an internship or something at some point in high school that he can market in college applications. Talk to him about AP classes when it comes to that, but that's not until high school.

But honestly, it really sounds like you're overthinking this. He's in 7th grade and getting good grades - there's not much else to do.

I guess I'm worried because again, my wife and I never had guidance. We don't want to be here in 3 years and wish we had done something different.

I have friends who sucked in school and who are easily millionaires now capable of living pretty much anyway they want to. One has a college degree, a degree he earned over about 8 years while working full time, mostly at nights. The other attended a JC for a while but never ended up with a degree. I have seen friends kids who were great in school and at 25 are still living at home.

There are no guarantees, no perfect way of making sure your kid hits the jackpot.

What could you do? Go with your kid and talk to a counselor. Most schools have them. See what they would recommend as a good path in school. Does he have any career ideas? Introduce him to people who are doing that if you know any. Find out what kind of schooling or experience is required. Look into what colleges offer what he wants. Be prepared for him to change his mind.

Finally....let him enjoy his final years of "freedom". Once college starts his life will change drastically.

And it sounds like your son is doing well. He may just need motivation to step up to the next level.

[Scuzz]

How transferable are most AP class credits?

I have a niece who went to Azusa Pacific to become a nurse (she graduated in 4 years, had a job before she graduated and has now been hired away from her original employer) who had her AP classes ignored because they wanted her to learn "their" way. It seems to have worked.

[RunningMn9]

The point with Rutgers (since I went there, and he has indicated that he wants to go there) is that if he wants to go there for four years and live on campus (in their absurd new campus housing), that's going to set someone back probably closer to $110K if he graduates on schedule after four years (using Smoove's more accurate number). That someone isn't going to be me.

I had the good fortune of having my parents pay for college - but the four year cost of me going to Rutgers was around $20k.

Even adjusting for inflation - that's a four-year cost of $37,000 in 2015 dollars. There is nothing that Rutgers provides to warrant that additional $63,000 in inflation-adjusted cost increases. It's *insane*.

But I explained to him that at least for the time being, if you graduate high school in NJ in the top 15% of your class, you can get into the NJ Stars program. That sends you to any one of the 19 county colleges in NJ for free, for two years to get your Associate's degree. If during your time at the county college you maintain a sufficiently high GPA, you qualify for NJ Stars II, which lets you transfer to a four-year NJ school (like Rutgers) and they will give you an additional $2500 a year I think towards tuition there. And if he commutes, since it's only about an hour away (I commuted the same distance there for four years), you've cut the cost of that degree from $110,000 down to $23,000 - and I will happily pay every penny of that.

And so you go out into the world with the exact same piece of paper - except that you are totally debt free.

What a scam.

[El Guapo]

if you graduate high school in NJ in the top 15% of your class, you can get into the NJ Stars program.

You are going to want to keep an eye out for programs like this in your state (presumably Colorado, I guess?) when the time comes. When I was in school Massachusetts had a similar program, giving in-state tuition scholarships to top students in each high school (as long as you also did decently on a standardized test). Fortunately for me since I grew up in a wealthy suburb there wasn't much competition for those scholarships from my high school because everyone looked down their noses at the in-state university system, so I was able to get the scholarship pretty easily, which helped my parent pay for my college.

Of course, then I had to go get loaded up on law school debt.

But anyway, that's for when your kid is in high school.

[EvilHomer3k]

Many tests have shown HS GPA to be a better indicator of college success than test scores.

Tests have shown that tests are poor indicators?

I'm curious how much of the HS GPA is the result of tests though? I know most of mine was. Or are they only taking about the two college admission tests? Obviously a measure of 4 years of sustained academic performance would be a better indicator of success at 4 more years academics than a few hours of testing.

Studies, tests, whatever. I went to a community college and then a state school. It's not like I went to Rutgers.

Right now we are simply giving students the option of not submitting SAT/ACT scores and going more on GPA and essays. Personally, I think the SAT/ACT shows your potential while GPA shows your ability to learn mundane crap and regurgitate it in a manner that the testing units find pleasing. Neither is perfect but both are useful in broad strokes.

[Jeff V]

How transferable are most AP class credits?

I went to a state school. There was no AP class credit; there was only opportunity to take a proficiency test that would allow one to skip a low-level required class. The only exam that it made sense for me to take was the English exam. The exam format (DBQ) was used in my AP European History class, so familiarity with the test type was helpful.

[gilraen]

When I took AP classes, the credit received depended on what score you got on the final exam (4 and 5 gave full credit, 3 gave partial credit). I took 3 classes, got two 4s and one 5, and my university gave me full credit for them.

These days there are more options. I have a coworker with 2 kids in high school, and they are taking college-level classes in a local community college (presumably later they will count for college credits). I don't know which school district you're in but once your kid is in high school, your mileage may vary depending on the school. Several schools here in the area stress their IB (int'l baccalaureate) program over the AP classes (although IB program is actually competitive to get into; AP classes you just sign up).

[ImLawBoy]

How transferable are most AP class credits?

I went to a state school. There was no AP class credit; there was only opportunity to take a proficiency test that would allow one to skip a low-level required class. The only exam that it made sense for me to take was the English exam. The exam format (DBQ) was used in my AP European History class, so familiarity with the test type was helpful.

You only couldn't transfer the AP class credit because the stone tablets on which the records were kept were too heavy to ship easily.

By the time I went to a state school, we had moved on to paper records that could be delivered by Pony Express, and I used my AP credits to graduate a semester early.

[RunningMn9]

When I took AP classes, the credit received depended on what score you got on the final exam (4 and 5 gave full credit, 3 gave partial credit).

This was how it worked for me as well. I think I took AP classes for Medieval History, English, Calculus and Computer Math. I got full credit for Calculus (the AP class allowed me to skip Calc I) and Computer Math. I only took the other two exams because it gave me an automatic 100 on the final exam for that class. I didn't put forth any kind of effort on either.

[Xmann]

How important is it for students to take AP/Honors classes for college?

IE: it helps with acceptance into schools or it has no bearing?

[wonderpug]

He's always pretty much made all A's up until this point, whatever that is worth. He's a smart kid and really hasn't needed to apply himself to get those A's.

I would recommend trying to reward hard work more than just good grades. I had an easy time getting As without trying very hard in high school, and it made me develop all sorts of bad work/study habits (or more accurately, led me to never develop good ones.) I did fine at the start of college when classes weren't all that much harder than high school coursework, but once I got into higher level college courses I did terribly. I didn't have the mental toolset to actually buckle down and work hard.

But 7th grade is still pretty early, so I wouldn't overdo it yet...

He's a smart kid and really hasn't needed to apply himself

but it wouldn't hurt to find some avenues for him to be able to apply himself and feel proud about what additional he's able to accomplish when he does that.