Is there an official "F*ck cancer" day yet? Can there be?

Xmann · Post by **Xmann** » Sat Jul 22, 2017 1:24 pm

Skinypupy wrote:Dad collapsed at home last night, so I've spent since 6:00 this morning in the hospital. He's weak to the point of not being able to stand, can barely talk, and is completely confused. Doesn't know where he is, what year it is, why he's at the hospital, etc. They think it's a combination of elevated calcium levels (which may or may not have to do with the cancer fucking up his internal organs), dehydration (he refuses to drink anything), and lack of nutrition (he's also refusing to eat anything).

I've watched him transform from my dad into a frail, confused old man literally over the course of 7 days. I had to help him pee into a cup at the hospital this afternoon because he's simply too weak to even stand up. It's been alternately terrifying and sad...and we're only a week in.

Again, you have my sympathies.

I'll also add, I'm an RN with Oncology experience and if you have questions, shoot me a pm.

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

Carpet_pissr · Post by **Carpet_pissr** » Sat Jul 22, 2017 1:33 pm

Oh man, so sorry to hear. Hope things go as well as they can in these cases.

MHS · Post by **MHS** » Sat Jul 22, 2017 1:47 pm

I'm so sorry. I miss my dad every day and have for the last 16 years. He didn't die of cancer, but I know how the loss feels, and the worry of your kids not remembering him. The hardest thing for me was that Neal never got to meet him. I was never sure someone could understand me 100% without meeting my dad, because he is such a part of who I am as a human being.

Fuck cancer.

killbot737 · Post by **killbot737** » Mon Aug 07, 2017 5:56 pm

So, some kind of GI cancer took my 18 year old cat over the rainbow bridge today.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Mon Aug 07, 2017 6:36 pm

Sorry to hear that. Our previous cat only lasted three weeks between diagnosis and death; he was 16. 18 years is a really good run for a cat, but I know that doesn't make the end any easier to take.

killbot737 · Post by **killbot737** » Mon Aug 07, 2017 6:49 pm

Yeah my guy only lasted another 10 days. He really crashed over the weekend. Didn't even make it to the specialist vet followup (that I have to cancel now).

I understand the "relief that it's over" thing now. I never had a pet deteriorate before, up to now they all died with no warning. I'm sad he's gone, I'm glad his journey was quick.

Sectoid · Post by **Sectoid** » Tue Aug 08, 2017 8:26 am

Sorry for your loss.
Fuck cancer with a hot poker.

Vorret · Post by **Vorret** » Tue Aug 08, 2017 8:58 am

Yeah, fuck cancer, for real, my mom also was diagnosed last year, did chimio and radio but the treatment didn't work so I'm spending as much time as I can with her, what a terrible disease I hope one day we'll find a cure.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:03 am

Damn killbot, I"m so sorry.

We've had an up and down couple of weeks. Dad started chemo and seems to be doing OK with it, but the doctors told him that the 4 things he absolutely, positively must do are: 1) Drink lots of water, 2) Eat, 3) Move around, 4) Do things (i.e. anything but sitting around thinking about how bad it is). Unfortunately, despite incessant nagging/begging/pleading, dad does nothing but sit on the couch and stare into space all day, drinks very little, and hardly eats. Mom calls me in tears every night because she simply has no idea what to do. The good news is that after yesterday's chemo, he set an appt with a social worker up at the cancer center, as well as a dietician. They're also looking at getting him on some anti-depressants, which he's been on again/off again for a long time. Whether they can break through his shell remains to be seen, but we're hopeful.

Dad's two best friends (guys dad grew up with) came over on Saturday while we were there, and it was more than a little scary to see the difference between them and dad. Dad is only 72, but If you were to watch him, you'd swear he was pushing 85. He can barely walk, his voice has gotten very quiet and scratchy, he's getting thin, his hair has turned completely white, etc.

I really just don't think he's got much fight left in him, and feel like we're just counting down the hours at this point.

Lorini · Post by **Lorini** » Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:25 am

Some of you may know Tyjenks from qt3. His wife passed away Sunday night after a long hard battle with cancer. Her two girls, ages 12 (I think) and 16 and Tyler saw her through a really really tough battle that she eventually lost. I couldn't sleep much last night thinking of her and how hard she fought to beat cancer and wondering if I'd have the fight within me to do the same for my family.

AWS260 · Post by **AWS260** » Wed Aug 09, 2017 4:55 pm

Tyjenks' posts on Qt3 about his wife's cancer are beautiful and heart-rending.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to a funeral mass for a former co-worker who was felled by bladder cancer. He was a brilliant writer, editor and activist with a sharp and often acid wit, and I loved working with him. Fuck cancer.

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:33 pm

All I can tell you to do is something you cant do and something you never are...be ready. Its how I try to do things in times like this. Even though its impossible for me and even if who or what Im worried about is doing great I always try to have a piece of me be ready for the worse. I dont even know if it helps but part of me thinks it might.

Best of everything to you and dad and family.

And so sorry about your little cat buddy man. To me pets are as tough a loss or sometimes more than a person or family member who had become distant to me.

I myself have been worrying about colon cancer. Runs in the family bad on moms side and I should have been checked at 30. Im 48. Saw a new news article where under 55 are getting it more and dying more now than ever before and they are revising the age to be checked by 10 years. So should have been checked at 20.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Mon Aug 14, 2017 11:23 pm

So dad let us know tonight that he has made the decision to stop the chemo treatments. The few chemo sessions he's done seem to have damn near broken him, both in body and spirit. He's already lost nearly 50 pounds in a month. He can barely stand up on his own. He has lost most of the vision in his left eye. Etc., etc. Hearing your dad talk about seriously considering suicide because it would be an "easier way out" is simply never a discussion you want to have.

He basically said this was a "quality over quantity" decision, saying that he didn't want to spend his final days being miserable from not only the cancer, but also the chemo. They're going to be getting him set up with home hospice shortly through the Huntsman Cancer Institute.

While it was a tough discussion, I'm mostly at peace with his decision. Doesn't make it any easier, mind you, but my hope is that it will give him the peace of mind to continue fighting as well as he can, knowing that he's going out on his terms. We're now in the process of setting up a series of "micro goals" for him so he has things he can look forward to each week. Baking cookies with the Wonder Twins, seeing Little B's karate belt test, playing fetch with Ziggy Stardog at our house, that sort of thing.

Oddly, the worst part of the night was when David Bowie's "Lazarus" came up on shuffle on the way home. I freaking lost it.

MHS · Post by **MHS** » Mon Aug 14, 2017 11:35 pm

Wish there were something helpful I could do or say, but there's not, so sending

.

Zaxxon · Post by **Zaxxon** » Mon Aug 14, 2017 11:45 pm

Bah. Sorry, man.

Baroquen · Post by **Baroquen** » Mon Aug 14, 2017 11:59 pm

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Tue Aug 15, 2017 1:23 am

So very sorry, but celebrating the moments you have left with him is good. May you both have time to make them great.

AWS260 · Post by **AWS260** » Tue Aug 15, 2017 10:04 am

Zarathud wrote:So very sorry, but celebrating the moments you have left with him is good. May you both have time to make them great.

Hear, hear.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Tue Aug 15, 2017 11:38 am

Best wishes to you and your family.

Newcastle · Post by **Newcastle** » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:53 pm

Wishing you & your family the best during these times.

Grifman · Post by **Grifman** » Tue Aug 15, 2017 1:00 pm

Sorry to hear this, Skinpuppy, I know what you are going through.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Tue Aug 15, 2017 1:06 pm

Yes, I can empathize as well and I'm sorry for you and your family. Do what you can to stay present.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Sun Sep 03, 2017 6:42 pm

Dad went into hospice yesterday afternoon, and passed at 3:30pm today. The entire family was there, and he went very peacefully. It's comforting to know that he's at peace and no longer in any pain...but it certainly doesn't make things any easier.

Fuck you cancer. You had no business taking him this soon.

RIP Dad. I'm sure this hurt will heal, but it'll take a long time. You've left an amazing legacy and I'm damn proud of the fight you put up.

McNutt · Post by **McNutt** » Sun Sep 03, 2017 6:46 pm

My condolences. I'm glad you were there with him. We don't always get that chance.

funnygirl · Post by **funnygirl** » Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:04 pm

Very sorry for your loss.

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:08 pm

I'm so sorry. It does take time. Still miss them so much but the sharp pangs decrease. The tears lessen. The good times are more easily thought of with a smile instead of tears.

Baroquen · Post by **Baroquen** » Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:43 pm

I'm sorry for your loss.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Sun Sep 03, 2017 8:17 pm

It sounds like he made a good exit. Condolences.

Suitably Ironic Moniker · Mon Sep 04, 2017 5:34 am

I'm sorry that you lost your dad, Skinypupy.

Xmann · Post by **Xmann** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:49 am

Skinypupy wrote:Dad went into hospice yesterday afternoon, and passed at 3:30pm today. The entire family was there, and he went very peacefully. It's comforting to know that he's at peace and no longer in any pain...but it certainly doesn't make things any easier.

Fuck you cancer. You had no business taking him this soon.

RIP Dad. I'm sure this hurt will heal, but it'll take a long time. You've left an amazing legacy and I'm damn proud of the fight you put up.

I knew we'd see this update eventually and for that, I'm sorry and you have my condolences.

Lorini · Post by **Lorini** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 9:47 am

I'm sorry to hear this. Fuck cancer.

Blackhawk · Post by **Blackhawk** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 12:34 pm

Fuck cancer a lot.

Jaddison · Post by **Jaddison** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 4:41 pm

Fuck cancer it all its forms. sorry for your loss but he went out on his terms and that is a good thing.

My dog has terminal mast cell cancer so one more time FUCK CANCER

Trent Steel · Post by **Trent Steel** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 5:08 pm

Your dad sounds like a great man.

Fuck cancer.

Holman · Post by **Holman** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 5:14 pm

My condolences.

Fuck cancer.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 5:28 pm

Sorry for your loss, Skinypupy. May your family find peace now that your dad's struggles are over.

Unagi · Post by **Unagi** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 5:58 pm

Real sorry to hear about your loss, Skinypupy.
Wishing you all the strength you need for you and your family.

Grundbegriff · Post by **Grundbegriff** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:06 pm

No doubt your family's strength was a comfort to him. Hold fast to what was good, and trust that time will ease the pain of his absence.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 9:56 pm

Thanks all, the support means a lot.

It's amazing how the universe just works out sometimes. Last Sunday (8/28), my brother and his family were in town, and Dad was able to attend my nephew's baptism, and we were able to take some amazing family pictures.

Last Tuesday, we were set up with a new home care nurse who was one of the most amazing, remarkable professionals I have ever worked with. She made sure dad was taken care of 100%, and then some.

Last Thursday, we were able to get him to his attorney's office to sign the trust paperwork, finalize his will, and sign the DNR papers. That was the last day he had any sort of functionality.

The mortician had a cancellation, so he was able to come over on Saturday night instead of Sunday, so we had all the arrangements made and papers signed before he passed.

Dad had a fairly steady stream of visitors when he got transferred to hospice Saturday afternoon. His two best friends, his neighbors, his co-workers, etc. Although dad was unresponsive, they all had a chance to say goodbye. About 2:45 yesterday, his two sisters arrived and said goodbye...and he passed at 3:25 with me holding one hand, and my brother holding his other.

Watching everything simply align itself to happen at that specific time was actually quite remarkable, and was the best possible outcome we could have hoped for.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 10:26 pm

So sorry to hear it. My condolences for your family's loss.