Is there an official "F*ck cancer" day yet? Can there be?

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Mon Jul 17, 2017 11:23 pm

Dad got his death sentence this afternoon, late stage pancreatic cancer. With treatment, average life expectancy is 6-8 months. However, the doc said that given his myriad of other health issues, he's likely looking at closer to 3-6. They stick a port in his side and start chemo on Wednesday. He's talking to the nutrition specialist, the pain specialist, and the counselor. On the way home from the Hunstman Cancer Institute this afternoon, the doc called and told him to get to an ER as quickly as possible. Results from his blood test came back with potentially toxic levels of calcium. They think he'll be OK from that (there's apparently a medication that fixes that pretty quick), but it doesn't feel like a good omen for where the rest of this process is going to go.

I'm still a little stunned, don't think it's really hit yet. While the last 5 years have been rough (a couple minor strokes have put him in a bad way), Dad's always been there. And now the clock is ticking to where he just...won't. I'm not even sure where to start getting his affairs in order, but I suppose that'll become clearer in the next few days. Mom seems to be doing OK, saying that she's "not surprised" at this diagnosis, but I can tell she's already overwhelmed. They're both only 72.

I think I need to go to sleep. Fuck off, cancer...I hate you so hard.

Lassr · Post by **Lassr** » Mon Jul 17, 2017 11:33 pm

I'm so sorry. Fuck cancer!

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 1:37 am

Sorry. Ive never really had the chance to prepare to lose someone before.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 2:27 am

Sorry to hear that.

em2nought · Post by **em2nought** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 2:32 am

Sorry about your dad, cancer got my brother when he was only 47.

GreenGoo · Post by **GreenGoo** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 2:49 am

Every day is eff cancer day.

Sorry to hear it skiny.

AWS260 · Post by **AWS260** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 6:31 am

I'm so sorry. Pancreatic cancer is a motherf*cker.

tgb · Post by **tgb** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 6:32 am

Sorry to hear about it. Preparing to lose a parent is hard.

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 7:24 am

Fuck cancer. You have my deepest sympathies.

Enjoy the time you have, as much as you can. If the end is unavoidable, I hope there is no loss of dignity and that there is no suffering.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 9:06 am

So sorry to hear. My wife's uncle passed from pancreatic cancer after 12 months. It's far too quick.

Lorini · Post by **Lorini** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 9:13 am

I'm very very sorry to hear that. My mom, two uncles and three aunts died of cancer.

Fuck cancer.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 9:17 am

Thanks all.

In truth, I've been mentally preparing to lose dad since his second stroke last year. I've kinda known in the back of my mind that he didn't have much time left. That doesn't really make things much easier, but at least it's not coming as a total surprise.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 9:32 am

I'm so sorry to hear it.

Grifman · Post by **Grifman** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 9:42 am

I am sorry to hear this. Believe me when I say this, I know exactly what you are going through.

Holman · Post by **Holman** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 9:58 am

So sorry to hear this news. Thinking of you and your family, Skinypuppy.

Newcastle · Post by **Newcastle** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 10:15 am

Fuck cancer. Hoping for the best for your family in this hard time.

Jeff V · Post by **Jeff V** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 10:29 am

So sorry to hear, really it's terrible news.

Two weeks ago our chief information security officer, who held a doctorate and was a leading figure in that field and was well liked by everyone, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He died last Friday. He was around my age with a couple of teenaged kids.

pr0ner · Post by **pr0ner** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 10:32 am

Cancer blows. Sorry for the bad news, Skinypupy.

McNutt · Post by **McNutt** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 10:35 am

I'm sorry to hear that, Skinypupy. Even when you think you've prepared yourself for hearing bad news about a parent, it's still incredibly tough. My thoughts are with you guys.

KKBlue · Post by **KKBlue** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 10:47 am

XOX
Wishing you comfort. Wishing your family comfort.

If you have a chance, get some recordings of your parents so your kids have some kind memories. My brother and his wife are famous for doing documentation. Every kid's birthday, my SIL turns the camera around to take video of the audience singing to capture everyone who was present in physical form. I believe in keeping people alive by remembering with love.

Just a suggestion for you to take a day or more to be with him, solo. It does the heart well to spend friendship time with those we love to talk about the past, present, and future. I try very hard to limit my regrets by acting and managing time to the best of my ability.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 10:50 am

Ugh, so sorry. All I can say from having similar experiences is to make every moment count. And yes, F cancer.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 10:57 am

KKBlue wrote:If you have a chance, get some recordings of your parents so your kids have some kind memories. My brother and his wife are famous for doing documentation. Every kid's birthday, my SIL turns the camera around to take video of the audience singing to capture everyone who was present in physical form. I believe in keeping people alive by remembering with love.

That's a really good idea. Not sure he'll want like us recording him in this state, but it's better than nothing. I've also thought of spending time just getting stories from him, and either recording or writing them down.

The thing that's hitting me the hardest is the fact that the Wonder Twins are the same age (4.1) as I was when my Grandpa on my mom's side passed away. I have zero memory of him. Knowing that's likely going to the be the case for my kids is wrecking me, especially since dad's been so involved with them for these first 4 years.

McNutt · Post by **McNutt** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 11:01 am

Video recordings are a great idea. My father died when I was 12 and about ten years later my uncle played for me a cassette tape where you could hear my father talking in the background. It was so nice to hear his voice again because while I never lost the ability to recall his face, I had completely forgotten the sound of his voice. I would do anything to have a video of my father now. Unfortunately most people didn't have videos of themselves in the early 1980s.

Blackhawk · Post by **Blackhawk** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 11:17 am

That is awful. I'm sorry.

And I agree about the recordings. I lost my mother (cancer) when I was 8, and I don't have a thing of her, save for a short film reel without sound (she died in '81.) I have zero memory of what she sounds like. I'd kill to have even a couple of minutes of her talking. I have only a couple of minutes of video of my father (also cancer.) I can't tell you what I'd give if someone had thought to just walk up to them, pointed a camera at them, and said, "Tell me about your day."

Fuck cancer. It took much of my family, and almost me. My sister just got diagnosed with late stage lung cancer a few weeks ago.

Zaxxon · Post by **Zaxxon** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 11:49 am

Ugh. Condolences. Fuck cancer, man.

Next month will be five years since I lost my Dad to cancer that hit on a fast timeline. I feel your pain. Enjoy the time you have.

And once more: fuck cancer.

rshetts2 · Post by **rshetts2** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 12:18 pm

Everyday is officially "Fuck Cancer" day. You have my sympathies, that is a hard thing to deal with. Like most I have personal reasons to hate cancer as well. I lost my mom to cancer, when I was four. After losing my father to an auto accident at 8, I was adopted by my aunt and uncle. I lost my 2nd dad at 18, he had cancer as well but officially a heart attack took him. I lost my 2nd mom to cancer when I was 23. My sister is a cancer survivor and is in full remission as is her husband, who is also a very good friend of mine. I have another sister who is fighting blood cancer right now. And another brother in law, a family friend since grade school, recently lost his battle to cancer. So yeah, FUCK CANCER!

Zaxxon · Post by **Zaxxon** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 1:02 pm

rshetts2 wrote:So yeah, FUCK CANCER!

Holy shit, dude. Condolences to you, as well.

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 2:28 pm

I agree on the recordings. I wish I had family members on recordings that are gone now. Like with dad we had TONs of photos...books and books worth. But when he passed I think I ended up with 3 photos of all those years. The only recording was his answering machine. He was happy and goofing off on it. Me and my sister would call for months afterward when we knew our step mom was gone just to hear dad's voice on that thing. Then one day even it was gone. We have nothing now but memories.

Xmann · Post by **Xmann** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 3:19 pm

My dad passed before my son was born and I'd nearly give anything to have some video of him for my son. It crushes me that my son has no sort of video I could show him that his granddad was indeed a real person.

You have my sincere condolences. My father died rather instant of a heart attack and I've wondered over the years how different my life may have turned out if I was given time again to spend with him and tell him how I loved him. I carry guilt and anger to this day I'll probably never get pass. I hope you can find some type of peace with yours.

But what an awful position you've been put in and for that, I'm truly sorry and I'll be thinking of you and your family.

Fuck you cancer and every bit of hurt you cause. Fuck off!

KKBlue · Post by **KKBlue** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 3:40 pm

Skinypupy wrote: ... especially since dad's been so involved with them for these first 4 years.

As long as you show the pictures you have taken of your dad with the kids TO the kids, the memory will not fade away. Going back to my bro's family, those kiddos remember, with a big part of recall being the watching of past videos together as a group. My dad passed away a few years back and each of them holds different memories still.

Love lingers more then we give it credit for.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 6:02 pm

Yeah, just to echo that a bit...I found out recently from my mother that my only memories of her father came because of the time we spent with him after his terminal lung cancer diagnosis. I have flashes of memories - nothing really specific but when I started asking my mother about what I was remembering she put what I was describing into context and realized what I was recalling. We lived with him and my grandmother for a bit so my mom could help out with things and I was probably around 4. I apparently ate breakfast with him nearly every morning and we shared eggs. It's not an earth-shattering set of memories, but it's something.

DD* · Post by DD* » Tue Jul 18, 2017 6:24 pm

As a cancer guy myself, yeah, fuck cancer. Nothing like a random thought of "I wonder if I'll see my daughter graduate" to kick you in the nuts on occasion. Great fun. So fuck cancer.

Default · Post by **Default** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 7:26 pm

Having just gone through this, you and yours have my love and sympathy. It's hard, damned hard, but if there is any blessing in this, you will not have the regrets of "l love you , Dad"s that went unsaid.

Stefan Stirzaker · Post by **Stefan Stirzaker** » Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:15 pm

Sorry to hear

Fuck cancer indeed.

Exodor · Post by **Exodor** » Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:27 pm

Ugh, so sorry to hear this news. Cancer is the worst.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Fri Jul 21, 2017 6:20 pm

Dad collapsed at home last night, so I've spent since 6:00 this morning in the hospital. He's weak to the point of not being able to stand, can barely talk, and is completely confused. Doesn't know where he is, what year it is, why he's at the hospital, etc. They think it's a combination of elevated calcium levels (which may or may not have to do with the cancer fucking up his internal organs), dehydration (he refuses to drink anything), and lack of nutrition (he's also refusing to eat anything).

I've watched him transform from my dad into a frail, confused old man literally over the course of 7 days. I had to help him pee into a cup at the hospital this afternoon because he's simply too weak to even stand up. It's been alternately terrifying and sad...and we're only a week in.

Zaxxon · Post by **Zaxxon** » Fri Jul 21, 2017 6:26 pm

Ugh. Thinking of you guys.

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Fri Jul 21, 2017 7:05 pm

Me and my wife are really sorry. We've gone through about it all too with family and can understand.

Trent Steel · Post by **Trent Steel** » Fri Jul 21, 2017 8:22 pm

So sorry man. Fuck cancer.

Lassr · Post by **Lassr** » Sat Jul 22, 2017 10:16 am