...In which dbt has a heart attack.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:15 pm

Her main problem right now is her kidneys have stopped working. She's still incoherent and has other problems but her kidneys are keeping her in ICU.
I'll go down tomorrow and see what's going on.
And I'm feeling a little bit better.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:27 pm

So sorry dbt. What a terrible situation. The stress of being a caregiver must be incredible. I hope you both can get the help you need.

Carpet_pissr · Post by **Carpet_pissr** » Wed Oct 04, 2017 9:22 am

Ugh, sorry to hear that...again. Take care of yourself.

Ralph-Wiggum · Post by **Ralph-Wiggum** » Wed Oct 04, 2017 11:13 am

Glad to hear you're feeling better but sorry to hear about your wife.

tgb · Post by **tgb** » Wed Oct 04, 2017 11:19 am

Sorry to hear about your situation. Hope it all works out.

em2nought · Post by **em2nought** » Wed Oct 04, 2017 12:50 pm

Your plate is certainly full. I feel for you.

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Wed Oct 04, 2017 12:56 pm

ydejin · Post by **ydejin** » Wed Oct 04, 2017 12:56 pm

Oh man. DBT sorry this is all happening to you. I hope you all get better soon.

KKBlue · Post by **KKBlue** » Thu Oct 05, 2017 10:17 pm

dbt1949 wrote: I'll go down tomorrow and see what's going on.
And I'm feeling a little bit better.

Hi, just checking in to see how things are going.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Fri Oct 06, 2017 12:01 am

I guess my wife's main problem is her blood sugar is too high. So high that pills couldn't control it. This messes with all her organs causing all sorts of problems. My stepson told me last night that her blood sugar levels were better and she was going from ICU to a private room.
This morning I get a call from a doctor who wanted permission to do a procedure to check her heart to see if there was some loose calcium buildup that might cause blockages in the future. I haven't heard anything since. I'll be visiting her again tomorrow.
I'm doing okay. Kind of stuck between being lonely and glad I don't have to take care of anyone but myself. And quite frankly am a little shook up from everything that's happened this week.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Fri Oct 06, 2017 12:05 am

She went into ketosis with a high A1C? Ugh. Been there for only a night so far with my daughters with Type 1 diabetes. Moving her out of the ICU shows good progress, and that she's stabilized for now. She'll have to control her carb intake (which produces high blood sugars), and keep hydrated.

Don't feel bad, you need the time to recharge.

KKBlue · Post by **KKBlue** » Fri Oct 06, 2017 8:15 am

Thanks for writing. This has been a jam packed week for many people, you are not alone. Please do take comfort knowing you woman is being looked after allowing you time to decompress and heal after your hospital stay.

When you have a chance, consider looking into additional help. The hospital may suggest some services too.

Isgrimnur wrote:Arkansas Department of Human Services Division of Aging and Adult Services

Talk with someone about Services
Call toll free: 1-866-801-3435

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Fri Oct 06, 2017 8:22 am

Zarathud wrote:She'll have to control her carb intake (which produces high blood sugars), and keep hydrated.

Problem being that she doesn't seem able to care for herself and I don't think dbt can stay with her 24 hours a day to keep her from causing trouble for herself.

I hope you're holding up man. We're behind you, and we're here to chat, listen, or joke around about goats.

Kelric · Post by **Kelric** » Fri Oct 06, 2017 9:15 am

Paingod wrote:joke around about goats.

Goats are nothing to kid about.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Wed Oct 11, 2017 1:54 pm

Went and saw my wife today. When I got out of my car I noticed somebody had stolen my cane. How pitiful is that?
Any how she has a tube in her stomach and that is how they're starting to feed her having been fed by an IV previously. Altho she has a strong voice now she still has problems getting the right words to come out of her mouth. Later today or tomorrow she goes to another building for rehab for 2-3 weeks. There they will try to get her strong enough to get out of bed by herself and use her portapotty next to her bed. She has to be able to do that by herself before I can take care of her. I'm not sure about tube feeding her as it is.
Got home and found my favorite dog had died. As sad as it was it wasn't a big surprise. I've been waiting for it for 2-3 weeks. The killer was digging her grave. I had a hell of a time getting the sod removed and then digging in 6" of topsoil followed by 313 miles of hardened clay. I had to take a lot of breaks as I have no strength of stamina. Then I didn't have enough topsoil to put on top of her so I had to wander around looking for big rocks. Took me an hour and a half. I think I'm ready for the hospital again.
Took a pain pill and I guess I'll live.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Wed Oct 11, 2017 2:08 pm

I’m sorry to hear about everything. Just take it one day at a time and take care of yourself.

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Wed Oct 11, 2017 2:09 pm

I know the pain of digging dog graves, in the cold dusk light with a light drizzle coming down, hacking through tree roots and rocks to make a spot to put a beloved pet to rest. There is no joy in that, but there is some catharsis.

S##t tends to pile up at once, but there's always a bright side to it later. It sounds like a terrible streak going on here, and I'm sorry. You need to find some rest and center yourself.

I'm still worried about her coming home, but can't even begin to imagine what I'd do in that situation. I hope you stay strong.

Default · Post by **Default** » Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:31 pm

KKBlue · Post by **KKBlue** » Wed Oct 11, 2017 9:47 pm

D B T !

I feel you are going to write the best country song, country has ever heard!

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Wed Oct 11, 2017 11:36 pm

KKBlue wrote:D B T !
I feel you are going to write the best country song, country has ever heard!

I sure am missing my dog.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Thu Oct 12, 2017 2:07 am

dbt1949 wrote:
KKBlue wrote:D B T !
I feel you are going to write the best country song, country has ever heard!

I sure am missing my dog.

You have a bunch of emergency backup dogs, don't you? Can you promote one to top dog?

We did that once with our cats, and it turned out that the understudy was just waiting for his chance to shine. He ended up being the second-best cat I've ever had.

gbasden · Post by **gbasden** » Thu Oct 12, 2017 2:16 am

Man, DBT. That's a hell of a week for anyone. Please try to take care of yourself! We want you around here for a long time to come.

Eightball · Post by **Eightball** » Sat Oct 14, 2017 8:50 pm

Wow dbt. Best of luck man for you and the wife, and sorry to hear about your dog

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Tue Oct 17, 2017 3:14 pm

Well, wife was transferred to rehab facility. She has decided she does 't want to do any exercises so they've decided to give her like one more day before they kick her out. "They" haven't talked to me but to one of her sons. So I guess she'll be going to a nursing facility where his wife works.
The hospital system doesn't ever contact me except once in awhile by accident I think. I was there this morning visiting her and no one said anything to me. She seems fairly lucid so I guess she knows what she's doing. I was talking to her telling her that I couldn't take care of her unless she could get out of bed by herself and go to the bathroom by herself. She seemed to understand okay and was worried about my health.
She never did any rehab by herself after her first major stroke but she told the therapists she did. So this doesn't really surprise me. She's just never been a person who "tried" too much.
Going to be a financial burden on me but I'll probably go with a reverse mortgage or such.
<sigh>

Jaymann · Post by **Jaymann** » Tue Oct 17, 2017 3:35 pm

But at least you can watch Netfl...oh.

Xmann · Post by **Xmann** » Tue Oct 17, 2017 4:15 pm

dbt1949 wrote:Well, wife was transferred to rehab facility. She has decided she does 't want to do any exercises so they've decided to give her like one more day before they kick her out. "They" haven't talked to me but to one of her sons. So I guess she'll be going to a nursing facility where his wife works.
The hospital system doesn't ever contact me except once in awhile by accident I think. I was there this morning visiting her and no one said anything to me. She seems fairly lucid so I guess she knows what she's doing. I was talking to her telling her that I couldn't take care of her unless she could get out of bed by herself and go to the bathroom by herself. She seemed to understand okay and was worried about my health.
She never did any rehab by herself after her first major stroke but she told the therapists she did. So this doesn't really surprise me. She's just never been a person who "tried" too much.
Going to be a financial burden on me but I'll probably go with a reverse mortgage or such.
<sigh>

dbt, is this an Acute Rehab inside the hospital she was admitted to? If so, that is not good communication between the therapists and medical staff to you. There should also be a social worker.

I'm not sure why no one has spoken with you about your wife. As her husband, they should be contacting you and discussing her care with you. Unless there is a law in your state that says otherwise, you are the contact and decision maker in the event she can't.

Another good idea is to get some legal paperwork done while she is competent.

I say all these things with experience. I'm a supervisor in an Acute Rehab in Denver.

I can try and help with any questions or assist you if needed.

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Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Tue Oct 17, 2017 5:23 pm

They divorced for financial reasons. Unless he has legal docs (I forget if he does) he’s not legally the responsible party anymore.

Scuzz · Post by **Scuzz** » Tue Oct 17, 2017 6:43 pm

No medicare or local version of medical?

My Aunt spent 15 years in a facility after a stroke which was supposed to kill her. She had to be tube fed as after awhile your throat "quits" working. Once she ran out of money she went on medicare/medical, which did not require the sale of her house. Her house, which is in a nice Bay Area neighborhood, is worth quite a bit.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Tue Oct 17, 2017 6:59 pm

She has Medicare and Medicaid. I m divorced from her with no power of attorney.
I went back this afternoon and had a talk with her. She wasn't doing anything the staff there wanted and kept thinking she was going home tomorrow.
I had a big long talk with her which she would seem to understand and then say she was ready to go.
I finally got a nurse in there and told her I wanted to get her therapist in there and I would see to it that she worked out. The nurse contacted the therapist who was with a patient but said he'd be there after he finished.
After about an hour my wife rang the nurse. She took about 20 minutes to answer and said the therapists had all gone home.
I asked her questions and the only answer I got was "I don't know". She did chastise me for giving my wife water and ice. A therapist has to in her presence to be able to do that. I said she did it just fine for me. She said she might get pneumonia. I told if it goes down the wrong pipe you just have to pound her on the back. The nurse went into her fuck you mode and didn't answer any of my questions except to say "I don't know".
My wife was here five years ago with a broken leg and the staff was just as surly then.
I finally got up to leave and my wife thought she was going too. After all that loud talking we had earlier she still didn't seem to understand.
As her kids seem to be taking over and I have no legal standing here she's all theirs.

Then rush hour traffic.

hentzau · Post by **hentzau** » Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:29 pm

Xmann · Post by **Xmann** » Tue Oct 17, 2017 9:04 pm

dbt1949 wrote:She has Medicare and Medicaid. I m divorced from her with no power of attorney.
I went back this afternoon and had a talk with her. She wasn't doing anything the staff there wanted and kept thinking she was going home tomorrow.
I had a big long talk with her which she would seem to understand and then say she was ready to go.
I finally got a nurse in there and told her I wanted to get her therapist in there and I would see to it that she worked out. The nurse contacted the therapist who was with a patient but said he'd be there after he finished.
After about an hour my wife rang the nurse. She took about 20 minutes to answer and said the therapists had all gone home.
I asked her questions and the only answer I got was "I don't know". She did chastise me for giving my wife water and ice. A therapist has to in her presence to be able to do that. I said she did it just fine for me. She said she might get pneumonia. I told if it goes down the wrong pipe you just have to pound her on the back. The nurse went into her fuck you mode and didn't answer any of my questions except to say "I don't know".
My wife was here five years ago with a broken leg and the staff was just as surly then.
I finally got up to leave and my wife thought she was going too. After all that loud talking we had earlier she still didn't seem to understand.
As her kids seem to be taking over and I have no legal standing here she's all theirs.

Then rush hour traffic.

damn dbt, wish I was there to help you out.

I'm assuming this is an Acute Rehab facility and the reality is that patients are required to participate in therapy or insurance will flat out stop paying. it sucks and I empathize with you and your wife, but that's how it works. 3 hours of therapy daily.

sounds like you need to have someone with compassion to sit down and help explain that to you and her. trust me, I deal with staff like that daily.

I wish I could do something to help. this is what I do. you both just need someone there to treat you guys with respect and not be a dictator.

it's unfortunate because if they are sending her to a skilled nursing facility, she won't get the intense therapy she needs to get better and go home with you.

really sorry my friend

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dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Tue Oct 17, 2017 10:49 pm

It's exactly as you say. Times run out and I have no more options. I'll leave it to her kids and visit her in her new home.
I wish she could comprehend more.
Now I have to figure out how not to let her oldest son and his wife move in to the empty bedroom.

Jeff V · Post by **Jeff V** » Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:20 pm

I'll have to show this thread to my wife when I have a chance and get her opinion on it. Is she in a facility that has little, if any, competition? In recent years, quality of patient care in general has been on the rise because competition has forced them to try to be better than the other guy and ratings organizations (think Rotten Tomatoes for the healthcare industry) have become prestigious arbiters of coveted awards.

Xmann · Post by **Xmann** » Wed Oct 18, 2017 12:58 am

it's very complicated Jeff and insurance really forces your hand, many times.

Acute Rehab Facilities (like the one dbt's wife's at), and such as the one I work at, rarely accepts Medicaid because they won't get paid. We have 18 beds and essentially 1 doctor, who is the medical director. On occasion, he'll accept someone on Medicaid if they are motivated and there's a good chance they can go back home and not a SNF. But it just doesn't happen often.

We take Medicare because Acute Rehab covers it and our doctor gets paid. However, there are very strict guidelines. Therapists, nurses, and the doctors have to document every single thing we do, literally. That documentation is sent to insurance companies, sometimes daily. If patients are not working with therapy, insurance will force the Acute Rehab facility to discharge them, usually to a SNF (presumably where his wife is going). There are wonderful nurses that work at SNF's and the majority are fantastic. The difference though is how much therapy you get. Acute Rehab is 3 hours daily, SNF can be a couple hours, but typically it's much less. Someone like dbt's wife could really benefit from Acute Rehab. Going to a SNF and getting 30 minutes here and there just isn't good for her recovery.

The other tricky part is once your insurance starts paying for Acute Rehab, you can't just switch to a competitor. They will not pay and you are stuck. So if someone essentially "fails" Acute Rehab, your option is to go home or to a SNF.

Very few people understand how this works...including me before I took a management position and learned what really happens.

The key to this is having compassionate people that can help people like dbt and his wife. It sounds cliche, but I absolutely look at my patients and say to myself, "how would I want my wife or son or mother treated" and that's how I manage, what is usually a horrible situation for people. You are essentially at the mercy of the therapists, nurses, doctors, social worker, insurance reps that don't know you and MDs. That's a very scary proposition that I take very serious.

I'm very sorry and infuriated that dbt and his wife aren't getting better care. Just from what I've read, I could absolutely make this better for them or at the very least, empathize and treat them like human beings.

For what it's worth dbt, I'm truly sorry you are in this position.

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Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Wed Oct 18, 2017 1:06 am

I'm sorry dbt. But it seems like you've done all you can legally. Sucks, but I hope you get the break you need before you're broken too.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Wed Oct 18, 2017 1:52 am

All I could do is complain I never got a vacation from her.
Now all I feel is sad. We've been together over 23 years.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Wed Oct 18, 2017 1:59 am

....and I still miss my little dog. We'd been together over 13 years.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Wed Oct 18, 2017 2:21 am

Xmann wrote: ↑Wed Oct 18, 2017 12:58 am For what it's worth dbt, I'm truly sorry you are in this position.

+1, and thanks for all that info. A lot of us are getting to the age where it's pertinent.

I used to think that elder care would get sorted out as we Boomers aged into it, but that was obviously wishful thinking. Those of us who don't have kids, or who have kids that aren't willing to sacrifice their own lives, or who aren't crazy rich...we're just unfortunate to have outlived our usefulness.

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Wed Oct 18, 2017 7:40 am

23 years is a lifetime of good times to look back on. This whole thread has me going home to hug my wife and kids all that much harder.

It sounds like her care is completely out of your hands now, and that has got to be frightening. I can't even imagine. I can only hope you pull through and stay strong. We are here to talk, to listen.

As for unwanted guests in the house taking over rooms, I think taking to walking around the house buck-ass naked should fix that.

Carpet_pissr · Post by **Carpet_pissr** » Wed Oct 18, 2017 7:57 am

FWIW that didn’t work in ‘Ozark’. Just sayin’.

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