Chloe Dykstra, Chris Hardwick in She Said/He Said

[Scuzz]

Isn't it kind of creepy how we are seeing "famous" guys outed for their dating or relationship behavior? And any comment about how the female could have walked away or ended it comes off as "victim blaming" or sexism.

I have no problem with anyone using a position of power to force sex from someone being ostracized forever, but that's not really what these type stories are about.

[Paingod]

I don't know any of these people involved, but it's a seriously messed up scenario. I can see where it can happen, though.

My wife recently went through therapy because she had been in a really bad place, emotionally, and feeling worthless. She was calling it PTSD because of what she went through before we ever started dating. Later she told me it was trauma because of what I was doing.

Spoiler'd because it's that old PG's Wife Drama that people might not want to bother with.

Spoiler:

• She had a long term relationship with her first real boyfriend that ended after 8 years when she came home to find him trying on women's clothing. He claimed to have gender identity issues, but she was completely unprepared for it and ran screaming. Later, she realized there was a pattern of behavior she never saw, and before the end of their relationship, he had basically replaced her with his computer, spending evenings alone playing games and watching porn. She was isolated and alone, young, naive, only ever having had one relationship and a very sheltered childhood. She had no oping mechanisms and the experience was traumatic for her in a big way - so alienating her that when they did split, she jumped at the next guy like a bullet.
• The next guy turned out to be a man twice her age that was eager to provide whatever attention a 25 year old woman with the face and body of a model wanted. He was into dog sledding and very active, two things she found compelling. They dated for 18 months, but later she described how he had coerced her into sex by getting her hammered on their second date. She found a journal he kept just before she left him where he described her as a "hole in two" - meaning two dates to sex. She would alternate between calling the encounter rape and not really rape, because she was so starved for attention that she let it happen. She moved in with him immediately. Outwardly, she was into the relationship when she talked about it with other people, but secretly building resentment and disgust for this man. He was relentlessly chasing her for sex - at first it was okay because she was into it. Then it quickly wasn't. And eventually he was just mean about it all the time and she'd give in just to make him stop being mean. She started to feel like nothing more than a glorified sex toy. On top of that, his decent facade crumbled after a couple months and he became irrationally and insanely jealous. When she describes their time together, she recalls it as hellish.

The she meets me. I'm a gamer - strike one. I have a normal interest in porn. Strike two. I'm very touchy and like playing grab-ass. Strike three. Of course, neither of us knows this until we spend 9 years fighting about it and she goes to therapy to figure out why she's down on herself all the time.

We worked through a lot of issues and scarring she got from her relationships. She spent a lot of time trying to lie to herself, and lying to me as she went. The (hopefully) last lie she's been telling herself is that she could be okay with me being so touchy all the time. Grab her butt as she walks by kind of stuff. Lots of it. I've always been intensely attracted to her, as a person and physically. Often it felt like my hands had minds of their own when I was around her and they'd itch to touch her in decidedly husbandly ways. She'd alternate between asking me not to do that so much, being angry if I did, and being okay with it - largely based on her mood and whim, which ebb and flow like an unpredictable tide. Often it seemed like the best way to test the waters was to tip-toe in and cop a feel on my wife. From my perspective, it was a gesture of affection. Hell, if my wife wanted to grab my ass, I'd like it. I'd love it. I considered it a good thing, an expression of my love.

When she went into therapy, she quickly discovered that she resented me for all the touching she didn't want and let me know it - finally, after 9 years - in no uncertain terms - that what I was doing made her feel dehumanized and trashy. Like a piece of meat, worthless except for sexual contact. She went to two therapy sessions, decided she found her answer, and quit. I think there's still more to it, but she's done. I'm the problem.

The revelation as she layed it out hit me like a ton of bricks and we've been trying to recover. It hasn't been easy. The only times I do touch her, grab her ass or other sexual context, is by asking permission first. Every time. Without question. If the answer is "No" I walk back and leave her alone. I don't try again for hours, sometimes not until the next day. No pressure, just a question, and we move on. I feel an odd sense of rejection on a near-constant basis because it feels like my wife is off-limits to me, physically. It's a hard thing to adjust to. I'm a very physical person and that kind of touching makes me feel reassured and happy.

Being in control of this has made her feel leagues better, and she's happier now than she's ever been in this relationship. The downside is that I feel like I abused her for the better part of a decade and don't feel like I have any business being intimate with her most of the time now. It's a hard pill to swallow. I feel like I'm gradually receding from the relationship, while she feels like she's getting stronger in it all the time.

So I can easily see how a guy, in his perspective, is doing his thing - whatever it is - and there's no opposition, so he does it because he thinks it's okay. Some guys can spot a weakness and pry it open on the first date. I'm guessing he's one of them. I can easily see a scenario where this woman lied to herself and her boyfriend for years and suddenly had a revelation that made her want to speak out. I certainly don't agree with anything he did, though. Even with a "willing" partner, his actions seemed grotesque. I'm sure to some people, mine do too.

In short, people fuck up other people all the time. There's no good way around it.

[hentzau]

Any relation to Lenny?

None.

She is the daughter of John Dykstra, the lead special effects guy for Star Wars.

[gameoverman]

Then theres nothing to it. She seems to have brought it up only to harm his life.

You don't have to use physical force to be a controlling, abusive scumbag.

My problem with this is multiple. Let's say he's a scumbag, I agree he's a scumbag. So what? That's not a crime last I checked. Controlling? Yeah, and...? Abusive? Well, isn't it true that some people consent to be on the receiving end of BDSM type stuff? So all their partners are abusive scumbags? Aren't adults allowed to make their own choices?

See, the thing some people keep skating past is she AGREED to what he asked. How she arrived at the agreement is irrelevant, whether she wanted to do what he asked or she did it keep him happy even though she herself didn't want to do it. Either way she admits it was her choice. If she has 'daddy issues' or whatever, that's her problem. As long as she controls making her own choice it doesn't matter what went into how she decided. Otherwise people are placing themselves in the position of claiming a grown woman can't be expected to figure out what she wants to do on her own.

She does not say he intimidated her into it. She does not say she feared him harming her if she said no, there was no force directly or indirectly implied or threatened. She weighed her options and it was her choice. Afterwards she regretted even being involved with him. THEN it becomes "OMG I was abused". Whatever happened to people saying "I f*cked up, but I won't do that again"?

Sexual assault is a serious thing to accuse someone of, and yeah she didn't name him but that's disingenuous to hide behind that. The guy has had his name and career ruined and so far there hasn't been one scrap of evidence he committed a crime. He's an asshole? Fine, then don't date him. How hard is that?

[Blackhawk]

To pull from Smoove's example, if you ask someone if they want tea and they say no, I have no problem with asking them, "Are you sure? I've got a new jasmine white tea that's absolutely amazing." If they still say no, though, drop it.

That's a far cry from saying that you're going to make them miserable if they don't say yes. Or from telling them that they're harming you (making you miserable/causing suicidal thoughts/etc) if they don't say yes.

And what some people seem to be missing is that such a thing as psychological abuse and manipulation are a real thing. You can manipulate or coerce someone without ever physically threatening them. Some personalities are especially susceptible to it. Knowingly and intentionally doing so is an attack, and the person on the receiving end is still a victim.

[McNutt]

Nobody is saying the behavior described in the story is cool. Just is it sexual assault?

If she tells him she's not feeling well and is not in the mood and then he replies with his story about how he broke up with his last girlfriend because she wasn't in the mood, is he guilty of attempted sexual assault?

[LordMortis]

Nobody is saying the behavior described in the story is cool. Just is it sexual assault?

If she tells him she's not feeling well and is not in the mood and then he replies with his story about how he broke up with his last girlfriend because she wasn't in the mood, is he guilty of attempted sexual assault?

I think there is an argument to be made for sexual assault based on reading her statement, if only because she uses the terms to describe it. I think there is an argument to made that he used his position of authority to intimidate her in to sex which falls under sexual harassment which is a form of sexual assault. That's not rape but it's not to be dismissed. And any smart authority figure not abusing his authority know enough to keep being a boss and having sex separate.

That said having read through the statement, she uses elipses in regard to be assaulted which is to say "I'll spare you the details of what's worse than the shit I'm already writing about" with her ultimately not looking for legal action but rather to be heard and to warn others to examine if they are in emotionally abusive relationships and just leave if they are. Both her title and her bolded "Call to action." She's literally telling what, if anything she wants you to walk away with:

This story, post, whatever this is, serves as both closure for me as I say farewell to my twenties and stumble my way into my thirties, and it serves as a warning for every single one of you, regardless of gender. One of my favorite quotes comes from Bojack Horseman:

“You know, it’s funny; when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

Please, please, keep an eye out for those red flags.

[JSHAW]

People, both male and female, can get the fuck out of the relationship and LEAVE. What ever happened to people taking responsibility for their part
in a fucked up relationship?

No excuses, just pack your shit and leave. There's no children in the mix, even better.

I don't care if I'm attacked for my opinion, but the Chloe post about Mr Podcaster supreme feels like an online hit job, why? For REVENGE.

Hardwick is married, to a high profile Hearst, Patty Hearst's daughter, he's has or now HAD a very high profile gig with AMC, and life is coming up
roses for him. What does Chloe have? Fuck if I know, never heard of her till last Friday. To me she wasn't high profile, even as some geek cosplayer, still never heard of her.

And, she uses the threat of don't even come out of the woodwork and bitch about anything former ex-boyfriend because she say's she has audio and video to prove her points. Very smooth move of intimidation there Chloe.

It takes two to tango. Hardwick say's she cheated on him, and he dumped her. Even more reason to exact a measure of revenge from the
ex-girlfriend. Hardwick say's she begged for him to take her back, didn't happen.

What do I believe? That both parties are to blame, and both are going to wind up losing in the end. Just that one party lost some sooner than the other one.

[Daehawk]

So you consider it a "My shitty career is still shitty so Im going to make some waves and get attention" ?..I would not disagree.

[msduncan]

My biggest concern is the lack of evidence coupled with the fact that this unsubstantiated account about him has cost him everything.

If other women were joining the fray and saying the same things about him? Can him yesterday! One ex girlfriend saying things without any kind of evidence? I've dated girls who seemed normal on the outside and were super crazy in a relationship. Are you going to take their word as 100% truth just because they were female and said something?

We have to be super careful about these things from both perspectives. You can't discount what a woman says and just accuse her of being crazy because if that stuff is really going on it's very serious and the guy should suffer the consequences that being a scum bag has coming to him. However, you can't just utterly obliterate peoples' lives on one person's word just because she happens to be a woman and it's now trendy to destroy people's lives on one person's account.

[GreenGoo]

Don't know, don't care.

People close to the situation are free to react as they will.

[Victoria Raverna]

Had a bad break up? Careful, you could be next.

[WYBaugh]

The country has lost its effing mind.

[JSHAW]

The country has lost its effing mind.

Yes, pretty much Bizarro World. Wrong is Right and Right is Wrong.

If we're close to hitting rock bottom we can only see things get better. Or not???

[Daehawk]

Though it doesn't help me know her mind I can say years ago when I watched her stuff I found her personality borderline crazy mixed with attention whore. Her and her friends would make videos of them getting together, ordering pizza, and watching porn. She is a solid type A personality.

[LawBeefaroni]

Hardwick is married, to a high profile Hearst, Patty Hearst's daughter, he's has or now HAD a very high profile gig with AMC, and life is coming up
roses for him. What does Chloe have? Fuck if I know, never heard of her till last Friday. To me she wasn't high profile, even as some geek cosplayer, still never heard of her.

Income, fame, and marrying well are the moral measure of a man. Got it.

[gbasden]

Hardwick is married, to a high profile Hearst, Patty Hearst's daughter, he's has or now HAD a very high profile gig with AMC, and life is coming up
roses for him. What does Chloe have? Fuck if I know, never heard of her till last Friday. To me she wasn't high profile, even as some geek cosplayer, still never heard of her.

Income, fame, and marrying well are the moral measure of a man. Got it.

And whether or not somebody is famous is directly indicative of their trustworthiness.

[Victoria Raverna]

Seriously? I don't see JSHAW meant that. Just a possible motive for her to lie about it. We don't know if she is telling the truth or not but Chris Hardwick is already ruined by this accusation.

It is dangerous when an accusation can cause people to lose their job and their life ruined. While it is good for the bad people to pay for their crime, there is a good chance that innocent people get punished, too.

It is too easy to ruin someone live. No need to prove anything. Just make an accusation is enough. If the accused try to defend himself, most people will side with the accuser.

[Fireball]

I’m pretty disheartened by some of the responses on here. It seems that some people here might also be the sort who thought that gamergate was actually about ethics in video game journalism.

Emotionally manipulative people twist their victims into knots, make them think that there is no way to leave. Someone who is being victimized in such a manner may not see a way out.

If one member of a couple is unhappy with the amount of sex the couple is having, he or she is certainly within their rights to raise that issue with their partner. But when they raise it in the form of extortion — demanding sex at that moment or else they’ll immediately break up with their partner — that is abusive. Particularly when that demand is coming from someone who is not only a romantic interest, but also one’s employer.

I wonder where the people who are attacking the victim here draw the line. If he had driven her out into the middle of nowhere, and demanded sex or else she had to walk home, would that be okay? If they lived together and he demanded sex or he would kick her out of the apartment, would that be abuse?

[Smoove_B]

I think two things need to be separated here. First, whether or not this constitutes abuse and whether or not she was right to post it.

I'm firmly in the camp that this (as she's described it) was abusive and I honestly don't know how anyone could read her account of what happened and not feel gross about what she endured and sad for her. Completely ignoring that it's allegedly Chris Hardwick she's describing, the story she relates is depressing beyond words.

For the second part (her public release of this information), I think that's a different story. While we can't possibly know her true motivations, I do think there is value in her sharing her story. Both for her personally and for anyone that might read it and it somehow helps them. Whether or not that outweighs the potential harm it could do (or did) for Hardwick is another story, but my impression upon reading it wasn't that she was out for revenge. Instead, it read (to me) more like a "Here's how this happened to me and if it's also happening to you, read this and maybe it will help save you."

[Anonymous Bosch]

The fact that a number of Hardwick's former staff (who likely know him fairly well) are apparently supporting the ex-gf and speaking out against him is far from a ringing endorsement of his character:

Friday, soon after Dykstra’s post began circulating, the Twitter account for Nerdist — a written and video-based pop culture site founded by Hardwick — disavowed him and removed all references to his name from its site. In a statement posted to Twitter, Nerdist said Hardwick hadn’t been involved in the “operation” of Nerdist for two years. He did, however, still have ties to the company via a contract that expired in December. It’s not clear exactly what the terms of his contract stipulated or what his involvement with Nerdist was.

A number of staff members currently working at Nerdist spoke out against Hardwick — but in support of current Nerdist staffers — saying they believed Dykstra’s accounts.

Scott Weinberg, a film writer who has contributed to Nerdist, said he would no longer be writing there in light of Dykstra’s allegations.

Sure, perhaps they're just playing along with the mob justice movement, but if the accusations truly seemed unfounded, it's hard to believe that those who worked with him and likely know him best would be so keen to speak out against him and so reluctant to speak out in his defence .

[Daehawk]

demanding sex at that moment or else they’ll immediately break up with their partner

Thats the moment you break up with them and avoid any abuse if you're intelligent. If you go along with it and stick around for more thats on you.

[Fireball]

demanding sex at that moment or else they’ll immediately break up with their partner

Thats the moment you break up with them and avoid any abuse if you're intelligent. If you go along with it and stick around for more thats on you.

Unless you’ve been subject to emotional manipulation. Also, what if breaking up with your partner costs you your job? Your home?

To imply that those who have been emotionally abused into a codependent relationship that they can’t fathom escaping aren’t intelligent is victim-blaming, and shows an incredible lack of empathy on your part.

[Victoria Raverna]

The fact that a number of Hardwick's former staff (who likely know him fairly well) are apparently supporting the ex-gf and speaking out against him is far from a ringing endorsement of his character:

Friday, soon after Dykstra’s post began circulating, the Twitter account for Nerdist — a written and video-based pop culture site founded by Hardwick — disavowed him and removed all references to his name from its site. In a statement posted to Twitter, Nerdist said Hardwick hadn’t been involved in the “operation” of Nerdist for two years. He did, however, still have ties to the company via a contract that expired in December. It’s not clear exactly what the terms of his contract stipulated or what his involvement with Nerdist was.

A number of staff members currently working at Nerdist spoke out against Hardwick — but in support of current Nerdist staffers — saying they believed Dykstra’s accounts.

Scott Weinberg, a film writer who has contributed to Nerdist, said he would no longer be writing there in light of Dykstra’s allegations.

Sure, perhaps they're just playing along with the mob justice movement, but if the accusations truly seemed unfounded, it's hard to believe that those who worked with him and likely know him best would be so keen to speak out against him and so reluctant to speak out in his defence .

Maybe he is not a nice guy?

Or because to support him can destroy their careers? Maybe they're just covering their asses.

In the era of #metoo movement, it is dangerous to support the accused. People tend to side with the accusers so anyone that defend the accused is automatically become "bad people".

Look at this thread to see the example. To have doubt about the accusation = bad people who don't understand sexual abuse. Victim blamers, etc.

[Daehawk]

Why would breaking up with someone cost you your job?

[Fireball]

Why would breaking up with someone cost you your job?

Dykstra worked with Hardwick and with people who worked with Hardwick. When she left him, she says he had her blackballed, and others on Twitter have backed that up.

[tjg_marantz]

Jesus Christ this thread.

And this board is the enlightened part of society.

[GreenGoo]

Jesus Christ this thread.

And this board is the enlightened part of society.

Please look at the names beside the comments please. They are the same ones as ever. And to be fair, no accusation should be taken at face value just because it was made.

[gameoverman]

Emotionally manipulative people twist their victims into knots, make them think that there is no way to leave. Someone who is being victimized in such a manner may not see a way out.

If one member of a couple is unhappy with the amount of sex the couple is having, he or she is certainly within their rights to raise that issue with their partner. But when they raise it in the form of extortion — demanding sex at that moment or else they’ll immediately break up with their partner — that is abusive. Particularly when that demand is coming from someone who is not only a romantic interest, but also one’s employer.

She wrote

And I made the choice to accept his controlling behavior

Why do so many people ignore that part? She went into this with her eyes wide open. It didn't work out as she had hoped, which is why she's upset about it now.

She also wrote

To be fair, I did go along with it out of fear of losing him.

Fear of losing him! Not 'fear of violence' or 'fear of being hurt by him'...just fear of him breaking up with her. That's abusive? Someone telling you they'll break up with you if they are unhappy with how things are going in the relationship(such as lack of sex)?

Isn't it possible she screwed up by getting involved with him even though she knew right away what he was like, realized that and felt humiliated at how she allowed herself to be treated, and then made herself feel better by convincing herself he's a sexual predator who abused her?

[Fireball]

This shit is why women don’t come forward. In the context of her piece, it is clear that she was “accepting” his behavior from a manipulated and fearful place.

Compelling someone to have sex is wrong. Ever using words to the effect of “have sex with me now, or else I will...” is wrong. I think, from the context provided here, that this qualifies. He was emotionally manipulative and abusive towards her throughout their relationship. She feared that he would damage her career if she left him (which he did). She felt compelled by his manipulation and in the moment threats to have sex with him that she really didn’t want to have. Maybe that’s not rape, but it sure seems like sexual assault to me.

There is a world of difference between sitting down with someone and saying, “I don’t think we have sex often enough, and it’s important enough to me that it could end the relationship, what do you think?” and being in bed and just after being turned down for sex saying, “You know I want to have sex a lot, have sex with me now or we are through.”

And it’s not as if no one has risen up to confirm externally-visible parts of her story. People who worked with them have confirmed how he treated her in public, and that they were indirectly told not to hire her for future work after the break up. Others have confirmed his assholeish behavior towards subordinates. I haven’t seen anyone connected to them both come forward and defend Hardwick.

[Isgrimnur]

She wrote

And I made the choice to accept his controlling behavior

Why do so many people ignore that part? She went into this with her eyes wide open. It didn't work out as she had hoped, which is why she's upset about it now.

She also wrote

To be fair, I did go along with it out of fear of losing him.

Fear of losing him! Not 'fear of violence' or 'fear of being hurt by him'...just fear of him breaking up with her. That's abusive? Someone telling you they'll break up with you if they are unhappy with how things are going in the relationship(such as lack of sex)?

Isn't it possible she screwed up by getting involved with him even though she knew right away what he was like, realized that and felt humiliated at how she allowed herself to be treated, and then made herself feel better by convincing herself he's a sexual predator who abused her?

Because that's what coercion is.

Where did that fear of losing him come from? A manipulative individual places or finds weaknesses, and then uses them to coerce people to do what they want.

[Combustible Lemur]

This shit is why women don’t come forward. In the context of her piece, it is clear that she was “accepting” his behavior from a manipulated and fearful place.

Compelling someone to have sex is wrong. Ever using words to the effect of “have sex with me now, or else I will...” is wrong. I think, from the context provided here, that this qualifies. He was emotionally manipulative and abusive towards her throughout their relationship. She feared that he would damage her career if she left him (which he did). She felt compelled by his manipulation and in the moment threats to have sex with him that she really didn’t want to have. Maybe that’s not rape, but it sure seems like sexual assault to me.

There is a world of difference between sitting down with someone and saying, “I don’t think we have sex often enough, and it’s important enough to me that it could end the relationship, what do you think?” and being in bed and just after being turned down for sex saying, “You know I want to have sex a lot, have sex with me now or we are through.”

And it’s not as if no one has risen up to confirm externally-visible parts of her story. People who worked with them have confirmed how he treated her in public, and that they were indirectly told not to hire her for future work after the break up. Others have confirmed his assholeish behavior towards subordinates. I haven’t seen anyone connected to them both come forward and defend Hardwick.

So youd be legit cool with me digging up all your old hyberbolic and graphic posts and sending it to your boss, the news, the opposition in a letter saying I won't say his name but this guy we both know constantly uses abusive and hyperbolic language about decent republican people. Here's all the inappropriate and gross things he says in private? I mean if it the world's responsibility to be the personality police.

Hardwicks a verbally and maybe mentally abusive douche. I kinda figured that already, any body that much of a workaholic puppeteer usually is. Now his career is over because he dated someone mentally unstable. No crime, no physical abuse, no non concenting adults. Just someone who couldn't put her foot down. As somebody who has dated and known quite a few emotionally challenged people, putting their issues under the responsibility of their partner is a scary fucking premise. Are they at greater risk of abuse? Yeah. Are they likely to emotionally abuse the people around them? Oh hell yes. Should either adult be publicly punished for these private volatile relationships? You better be damn sure you have ALL the factual info.

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[Combustible Lemur]

She wrote

And I made the choice to accept his controlling behavior

Why do so many people ignore that part? She went into this with her eyes wide open. It didn't work out as she had hoped, which is why she's upset about it now.

She also wrote

To be fair, I did go along with it out of fear of losing him.

Fear of losing him! Not 'fear of violence' or 'fear of being hurt by him'...just fear of him breaking up with her. That's abusive? Someone telling you they'll break up with you if they are unhappy with how things are going in the relationship(such as lack of sex)?

Isn't it possible she screwed up by getting involved with him even though she knew right away what he was like, realized that and felt humiliated at how she allowed herself to be treated, and then made herself feel better by convincing herself he's a sexual predator who abused her?

Because that's what coercion is.

Where did that fear of losing him come from? A manipulative individual places or finds weaknesses, and then uses them to coerce people to do what they want.

Since when is coercion grounds for public demolition. People coerce each other all day long.


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[Fireball]

Because that's what coercion is.

Where did that fear of losing him come from? A manipulative individual places or finds weaknesses, and then uses them to coerce people to do what they want.

Since when is coercion grounds for public demolition. People coerce each other all day long.

Coercion into unwanted sex is treated differently than other kinds of coercion in our culture and in our law.

Also Dykstra didn't name him, and in her piece she said she wrote it to help other women in similar situations recognize the signs early on and get out before they are in too deep to be able to escape. She's not calling for Hardwick to be fired or exiled, and neither am I.

What I am fighting against here are those implying that she somehow deserved her treatment because she didn't walk away, or denying that emotional manipulation can put a person in a place where they consign themselves to unwanted sex or abuse to which they are not truly consenting.

If you coerce someone who has said "no" to a particular request for sex into letting you have sex with them by threatening them, no matter what the threat entails, you have crossed a line that shouldn't be crossed. I can't believe that people are arguing that situations where one person forces a "no" into a "yes" through some form of "have sex with me right now or else..." statement is okay. What kind of people think that is acceptable?

[Blackhawk]

A few people need to pay attention to what she said and was claiming. She said that she was assaulted, yes. The context in which she used it is important. She said that she wasn't providing the worst examples. She did not say that she was trying to have him prosecuted. She said she had other evidence that she wouldn't provide unless he made it impossible not to. To sit there in front of your keyboard and say that she wasn't assaulted with that fraction of the information in front of you is bullshit.

And to sit there and completely ignore that psychological and emotional manipulation are real things, and to say that someone in an abusive relationship with someone like that can just stroll away from it at will is stupid and ignorant. Brush the cheeto dust off of your keyboard, close the lolicon, and go read up on the actual reality before you spout off.

Also, keep this in mind: You can't assume that, if what she was saying was true, that she's fully recovered, either. If it was true, she's likely still suffering the effects of it and will be for a long time. It is entirely likely that she wrote that through that filter, and likely in an intensely emotional state. Its pretty likely that she still doesn't have a full, clear, 'hindsight' understanding of how she got into that position. Trauma does that. Recalling trauma brings the fear back into full effect, and it is just as hard to do things now that were hard to do then. In abuse cases, that can manifest in a pattern of rationalizing and excusing. Of downplaying the worst. You can't sit there and nit-pick phrasing while ignoring the narrative.

[Isgrimnur]

Since when is coercion grounds for public demolition. People coerce each other all day long.


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Since when did I say anything about that?


Sent from my Rutabaga 3000

[noxiousdog]

FWIW, Dan Savage is about as liberal and pro-consent as you can get, but even he says that not getting enough sex in a relationship is grounds for leaving.

Note that this is in the aggregate and it can still be abusive.

While there could be context not reported, and the fact she was not feeling well absolutely makes it distasteful, "I just want to remind you, the reason my last relationship didn’t work out was because of the lack of sex" is a reasonable thing to say.

The starfishing thing is abusive.

[Fireball]

FWIW, Dan Savage is about as liberal and pro-consent as you can get, but even he says that not getting enough sex in a relationship is grounds for leaving.

No one is saying that it isn't. But threatening to quit a relationship if you don't get the sex you want right then and there *is* abusive.

While there could be context not reported, and the fact she was not feeling well absolutely makes it distasteful, "I just want to remind you, the reason my last relationship didn’t work out was because of the lack of sex" is a reasonable thing to say.

It is a reasonable thing to say as part of a conversation held apart from an immediate demand for sex.

[JSHAW]

She didn't name him, but she dropped enough little red riding hood bread crumbs of info for AMC to figure out it was Hardwick, did they not?

If it's NOT Hardwick, why did AMC pull his gigs? Don't play naive, we ALL know who Mr King of the Nerdist's podcaster world was, and is.

People don't have to let others control them. We're all born with a brain, an intellect, and the ability to make our own choices.
She made her bed, and obviously she laid down with him in it. She made choices, bad choices. Welcome to the world of the adults.

WE ALL make and have made bad choices. NONE of us are perfect, but some of you get to act like you know it all and that you are perfect. You're not.

As I said before, and I'll say it again, they are BOTH to blame. They both played a part in this shit show at the fuck factory.
They're both gonna suffer in the end on this one.

To the person who mentioned attention whore, I can agree with that one. And thanks Victoria, I agree with your post 100%

[Skinypupy]

Also Dykstra didn't name him, and in her piece she said she wrote it to help other women in similar situations recognize the signs early on and get out before they are in too deep to be able to escape. She's not calling for Hardwick to be fired or exiled, and neither am I.

I have no judgement one way or the other on her claims, but she knew exactly what would happen once this story was released.

Whether that result was the ultimate driver behind releasing the story is up for debate, but to try and say Hardwick being ostracized is somehow a totally unexpected side effect is bullshit.