Drazzil Mega Thread: Round table panel skills presentation +Took a home drug test for THC; failed at 45 days sobriety.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Wed Dec 04, 2019 12:36 am

Don't forget the cats.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Wed Dec 04, 2019 11:04 am

The Meal · Post by **The Meal** » Wed Dec 04, 2019 2:22 pm

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Wed Dec 04, 2019 2:23 pm

Probably got reddit-hugged to death.

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Wed Dec 04, 2019 2:34 pm

The Meal wrote: ↑Wed Dec 04, 2019 2:22 pm
!!!

I got an "errorcat" (?) image so I wasn't sure if it was intended not.

The Meal · Post by **The Meal** » Wed Dec 04, 2019 2:36 pm

LawBeefaroni wrote: ↑Wed Dec 04, 2019 2:34 pm
The Meal wrote: ↑Wed Dec 04, 2019 2:22 pm
!!!
I got an "errorcat" (?) image so I wasn't sure if it was intended not.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Wed Dec 04, 2019 2:38 pm

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Wed Dec 04, 2019 4:05 pm

The Meal wrote: ↑Wed Dec 04, 2019 2:36 pm
LawBeefaroni wrote: ↑Wed Dec 04, 2019 2:34 pm
The Meal wrote: ↑Wed Dec 04, 2019 2:22 pm
!!!
I got an "errorcat" (?) image so I wasn't sure if it was intended not.

Realize that. I got a different errorcat thing before the edit. I don't know what an errorcat is, I suspect some kind of meme but I thought it was a 404/403 error splash but then realized it was a cat and then decided just to leave the thread without comment.

Now where's the razzle-drazzil?

The Meal · Post by **The Meal** » Wed Dec 04, 2019 4:27 pm

Oh. Whoa. The instagram and twitter forum integrations sort of redefine what it means to hotlink, yet can still lead to the sort of image hotlinking behavior we all think is icky. As an old, I'm easily confused. But it appears the desired item is currently being linked so all's well, right?

Jaymon · Post by **Jaymon** » Wed Dec 04, 2019 4:34 pm

I am easily confused. Cat? Who let the cat out? Thats a stupid question, Cats let themselves out. Attempting to let the cat out is a fools game, they just stand there. The best way to get a cat out is by by wanting it to stay in. Unless it knows you want it out, then it will stay in just out of spite. Spite and vinegar. On chips. Yes, fish and chips and vinegar. Not good for cats, but it is good for Jaymon. Yummy yummy in my tummy tummy.

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 4:32 pm

I got frustrated with the non existant, slow progress my life was making so I shot myself in the foot again. This amazing piece of self sabotage came in the form of a relapse. I feel *SO* stupid. I did it on purpose. Right after I got my six month chip.

I can sit on an 18 pack of beer for a week. God help me if theres any weed in the house. Ran through 3 bills of what a new PC could have run me.

I finally decided to quit again when the pants shitting terror hit in the shower. The fear sweat will last about four or five more days. I'm going back to AA in a few days when the terror subsides.

I'm due to attend a disability hiring fair roundtable in 14 days. It's run monthly so I need interview clothes (again!)
12 days to go. I'm going to try and attend coaching for said event led by the backers. Event by PMDEN.

*shivers* So... If I know myself I have only about four to five days of pants shitting terror left till I turn the corner.

Wish me luck!

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 4:41 pm

I have Boots the cat on a strong antiinflammatory after a round of antibiotics and its been two days since she urinated or pooped where she shouldn't have. I thought I was going to have to put her down.

Thank god.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 4:44 pm

Sorry to hear about your struggles. I hope you can find the strength to get back on the right path and get yourself on a healthy daily routine that includes a job. Don't underestimate how important it is for you to find *a* job, not *the* job.

I haven't worked a F/T gig in over a decade now and I still look for work at least once a week. Always. Be. Looking.

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 4:49 pm

Smoove_B wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 4:44 pm Sorry to hear about your struggles. I hope you can find the strength to get back on the right path and get yourself on a healthy daily routine that includes a job. Don't underestimate how important it is for you to find *a* job, not *the* job.

I haven't worked a F/T gig in over a decade now and I still look for work at least once a week. Always. Be. Looking.

Didn't you retire from the state?

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:01 pm

I just feel terrible to be dealing with such a self inflicted wound.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:13 pm

I know I really hate it when I shoot myself in the foot.

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:15 pm

dbt1949 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:13 pm I know I really hate it when I shoot myself in the foot.

Blew my toe right off.

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:22 pm

Just wish I knew how to stop digging my own holes.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:27 pm

Therapy.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:32 pm

Drazzil wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 4:49 pmDidn't you retire from the state?

No, not quite. I left F/T government/public sector work to become a stay-at-home dad. My wife's salary was 2x mine, so it made sense. When my daughter was around 3, I picked up a P/T job as an adjunct lecturer at a public university. Been doing that 11 years now - the longest P/T job I've ever had. In total I now have like 21 years of public service (which is nuts) and I'm about to pick up another P/T job doing some QA/QI stuff for a local government agency.

And yet, I'm still looking for work. Always, always looking. I'm open to any number of opportunities and I'm fortunate enough to be in a position now where I can take advantage of it.

Get yourself working, get into a job routine. Build connections. Build relationships. Experience small success. Figure out what the next steps are.

Drazzil wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:22 pm Just wish I knew how to stop digging my own holes.

You're not unique in this aspect. But I truly believe mindset is more than half of it. To quote one of our generations greatest philosophers, "You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real."

Also what Isg said.

Exodor · Post by **Exodor** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:34 pm

Drazzil wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:01 pm I just feel terrible to be dealing with such a self inflicted wound.

You're human. Humans make mistakes. Kicking yourself over it won't do any good.

Learn from it and move on.

AWS260 · Post by **AWS260** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:35 pm

Good luck, man. One step (of pants shitting terror) at a time.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:38 pm

A little story from the Isg.

When I was younger and dumber, I would say stupid things. Eventually, I would realize that what I said was stupid. The lag time was significant. As I garnered the rewards for my big mouth, the lag time between when I would say something stupid and when I would realize it grew shorter and shorter, to the point where it was just after the words left my mouth.

The real trick, and the part that was the hardest was realizing that I was about to say something stupid, and not doing it. It was not a quick process.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:39 pm

AWS260 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:35 pm Good luck, man. One step (of pants shitting terror) at a time.

Can't shit your pants in terror if you aren't wearing any.

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:42 pm

Isgrimnur wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:27 pmTherapy.

+1

Alefroth · Post by **Alefroth** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:49 pm

Drazzil wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:42 pm
Isgrimnur wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:27 pmTherapy.
+1

This isn't therapy.

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:59 pm

Alefroth wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:49 pm
Drazzil wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:42 pm
Isgrimnur wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:27 pmTherapy.
+1
This isn't therapy.

No it isin't. I am on hold with KP to try to make the appt RIGHT NOW. Isg, thank you for the timely reminder.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 6:00 pm

Glad to help.

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 6:25 pm

Isgrimnur wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 6:00 pm Glad to help.

Isg you're an angel in human skin.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 6:30 pm

Don't tell anyone, okay?

em2nought · Post by **em2nought** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 7:54 pm

Seems like you might have something to contribute to a group that thinks legalizing Mary Jane might be a bad idea.

Not that I have any knowledge on the subject. I actually tried to smoke some for the first time in my life last year and for the life of me couldn't force myself to inhale. I could almost give Bill the benefit of the doubt.

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 8:09 pm

em2nought wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 7:54 pm Seems like you might have something to contribute to a group that thinks legalizing Mary Jane might be a bad idea. Not that I have any knowledge on the subject. I actually tried to smoke some for the first time in my life last year and for the life of me couldn't force myself to inhale. I could almost give Bill the benefit of the doubt.

No. I will *NEVER* argue against legalization. It needs to be completely legal. The scummy distributibutors are making too much money. I would have had to be sober and smoke many more oil carts for this to work to my advantage.

And yes. Good weed is vile.

stimpy · Post by **stimpy** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 8:31 pm

Is it that time of the year already?
My oh my how time flies when you don't do shit to help yourself.....

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 9:37 pm

stimpy wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 8:31 pm Is it that time of the year already?
My oh my how time flies when you don't do shit to help yourself.....

/s

Hi Stimpy! Hows it goin? Thank you! for your valued, and much deserved criticism! I haven't done nearly enough to help myself these last six months and you've sole handedly made it overwhelmingly clear to me that I don't *REALLY* want to improve my life situation.

When I do *finally* make the needed changes, I will make a donation to the charity of your choice. I'm *so* glad you care enough about me to make the time to stop by my thread to post this. Thanks again.

/s

stimpy · Post by **stimpy** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 9:51 pm

Whatevs.
When you make some progress, I'll support and applaud you.
But this pattern of woe is me every few months makes it clear that you only seek self sabotage and fall back on that as an excuse to not get your shit together.
All the support and encouragement from the good people here always falls upon your deaf ears. You pay it lip service, but constantly come up with bullshit to not follow thru with any of it.
I feel no remorse in kicking you in your ass if there is a chance it might get you to do something different.
Some people need coddling. Some need a smack upside the head.
Which side do you fall on?

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 9:52 pm

You know what will help? Being a sarcastic smartass in addition to your self-sabotage. Doubling down on stupid self-destructive behavior is going to make such a difference.

Seriously, you need help, therapy, and maybe a swift kick in the ass. And to take charge of your life. Maybe.

Not pity from fake online people. Not alcohol. Not drugs. Not any of a million excuses you’ve had in this thread. This is your life. If you decide to piss it away and not care, why should anyone here give a duck?

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Thu Jan 02, 2020 9:56 pm

stimpy wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 9:51 pm Whatevs.
When you make some progress, I'll support and applaud you.
But this pattern of woe is me every few months makes it clear that you only seek self sabotage and fall back on that as an excuse to not get your shit together.
All the support and encouragement from the good people here always falls upon your deaf ears. You pay it lip service, but constantly come up with bullshit to not follow thru with any of it.
I feel no remorse in kicking you in your ass if there is a chance it might get you to do something different.
Some people need coddling. Some need a smack upside the head.
Which side do you fall on?

Thanks Stimp. I was omw back to apologize but you crystalized it for me. I am on the side of needing my ass kicked.

stimpy · Post by **stimpy** » Fri Jan 03, 2020 11:35 am

Drazzil wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 9:56 pm
stimpy wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 9:51 pm Whatevs.
When you make some progress, I'll support and applaud you.
But this pattern of woe is me every few months makes it clear that you only seek self sabotage and fall back on that as an excuse to not get your shit together.
All the support and encouragement from the good people here always falls upon your deaf ears. You pay it lip service, but constantly come up with bullshit to not follow thru with any of it.
I feel no remorse in kicking you in your ass if there is a chance it might get you to do something different.
Some people need coddling. Some need a smack upside the head.
Which side do you fall on?
Thanks Stimp. I was omw back to apologize but you crystalized it for me. I am on the side of needing my ass kicked.

I neither want or care about an apology from you. I'm just some faceless internet asshole ghost who reads posts from other faceless internet ghosts and inject my 2 pennies upon them. They can either choose to ignore it, embrace it or laugh at it. Their choice. At the end of the day you will (maybe? never? don't care?) realize that no one can help you but you. And the fact has been established by you over and over and over that you don't take helping yourself seriously. So why should we? I think we all hope that one day you'll post about the wise choices you've made and the improvements in your life that have come of them, but until then, keep posting bullshit and I'll keep doing the same.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Fri Jan 03, 2020 11:38 am

Drazzil wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 5:59 pm I am on hold with KP to try to make the appt RIGHT NOW. Isg, thank you for the timely reminder.

When's the appointment?

stimpy · Post by **stimpy** » Fri Jan 03, 2020 11:48 am

If you look back, you and Daehawk starting posting about life issues at around the same time a year ago. His were not self induced and certainly much more life altering.
The community responded and tried to give advise and encouragement to both of you.
Daehawk obviously had a much harder situation to deal with, but if you look at his demeanor as of late, yes.....his issues are still present and always will be. But.....he has and is taking steps to improve his outlook and his situation. He has shown that no matter how hard may be or what is thrown at you, you can learn to come to terms with things and take the small necessary steps to move on. Relapses will happen. But he seems to deal with them in an adult way, as hard as it may be.

Thats the difference between wanting to help yourself and not.