Parenting Randomness

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Jeff V
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Jeff V »

My son got written up once for dropping an f-bomb in school. Only once in 18 months though. While I don't generally use the word casually around the house, it's often repeated on YouTube. TV or in audiobooks I happen to be listening to in the car. He is quick to say "daddy he said a bad word." So he understands.

Yesterday, he told me that he wants mommy to go to jail. I asked him whatever for. He replied, "because she's mean to you." :lol:

Apparently the other day my wife had a conversation with him and let me know that he said he's OK with it if I find him a new mommy. I think we have to work on that a bit.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by GreenGoo »

Daughter in grade six says that some kids in her class went to a "We day" concert and a homosexual youtuber (or something, it's not clear) was addressing the crowd and talked about how he and another gay fellow eat each other's cum.

This is the first time I have ever recoiled from a topic one of my children brought up.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by dbt1949 »

??????????????? :shock:
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by GreenGoo »

dbt1949 wrote: Tue Nov 27, 2018 12:25 am ??????????????? :shock:
Fun.

If I can remember back around that time for myself, the topic of anal was big for kids of my age. "fucking the poop chute" I believe was the phrase used, if I recall correctly, and details thereof. Note that these are kids with decent preliminary sex ed about the mechanics of reproduction, just starting to enter puberty, and just hearing vague rumours about things that they really don't have any idea about. Well in my day they were rumours. Today with the internet who knows how much detail random unsupervised kids are coming across and then sharing with their peers. The race to know the most about the most outrageous stuff is a fast one down some dark rabbit holes.

So it's not that the topic is particularly unusual for her age, it's that she thought it was a good idea to bring up in conversation. As far as I could tell she didn't have any questions or anything, it was more like "hey listen to this outrageous stuff kids at my school are talking about".

Again, these are kids just starting to pay attention to anything related to sex in any way, not that they are engaging in anything at all. Some maybe but most aren't even playing spin the bottle/7 minutes in heaven/kissing yet.

The things that I found noteworthy, is that the concert was known to have a fair number of children in the audience, that the guy thought jizz swallowing was a good topic to speak into a microphone, and that my daughter thought I'd like to hear what the kids at school are saying.

I have not corroborated of any of this, I only know what my daughter has told me, and 11 year olds are not known for their critical thinking or information processing. For all I know some kid thought it would be fun to say outrageous things to his peers even if he had to make them up, which is a pretty common thing for 11 year olds to do.

Or it could all be true right down to the last detail.

Hearing my 11 year old baby girl say the words "eat each other's cum" knocked me for a loop. I don't feel like I handled it well and will gently broach the topic again tomorrow to see if she has any questions/concerns/whatever.

Of course I'm glad that she feels comfortable enough to discuss even these sorts of things with me, and I will do my best to continue to deserve that trust in the future.

Still though. "Cum eating" FFfffuuucckkk me. Growing up sucks.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by dbt1949 »

My generation's sex ed was...............not existent. We learned from each other and each other was just as ignorant as the next person.
So what your little girl said is even more shocking to me than to you.
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It's not just my decision making I question it's also my total ignorance of what kids are going thru now a days.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by GreenGoo »

Sex ed is only relevant in this instance because from a basic reproductive standpoint she understands what semen is.

Everything else is exactly what you say. Older brothers/sisters giving younger siblings an incomplete picture, a peer hearing something and repeating it without really understanding it, an internet forum where slang and abusive language is employed.

At my daughter's age there is nothing about the pleasures and nature of sexual relationships in the sex ed, I don't think. Masturbation might be covered at a high level.

So everything else is just like you say, ignorance about a topic that is clearly important to humans and of budding interest to the kids themselves.

Homosexuality just adds yet another layer to the complexities. I don't view this particular conversation any different than hetero oral sex, really.

Still, I'm old school in that while I think these topics are normal and think talking is better than secretive whispering of rumours, I still am not comfortable about this being dinner conversation, for example. I still feel that education is better than ignorance, I just don't think the nitty-gritty should be part of polite conversation.

I'm fairly sure a lot of that is because I'm only one generation from yours dbt. I have a number of semi-conservative views despite being raised in a more progressive, liberal society.

The idea of sex with people you don't have a personal connection to horrifies me for example, irrespective of the health risks, despite several instances where it occurred in my own life.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

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One generation removed.
I can still remember the kind of modified British flag you all used to fly.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

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GreenGoo wrote: Tue Nov 27, 2018 9:42 amThe idea of sex with people you don't have a personal connection to horrifies me for example, irrespective of the health risks, despite several instances where it occurred in my own life.
The more I hear, the more it seems like oral is almost a standard greeting now. :?:

I'm agreeing with you, though. I don't get people who skip all the pretext of dating and getting to know each other and jump straight to naked things. I'm blaming overexposure to the internet and the instant gratification culture we've built with technology. Any day now I expect to start yelling at kids to get off my lawn while they have sex.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Jeff V »

Paingod wrote: Tue Nov 27, 2018 11:23 am
The more I hear, the more it seems like oral is almost a standard greeting now. :?:
My dad used to say that about the girls in France when he was stationed there in the 50's.

Sex without attachment was definitely a thing in the 70's when I came of age (literally and figuratively!)
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Re: Parenting Randomness

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The idea that grownups have sexual relationships that don't include oral sex is borderline absurd to me. I mean, I understand it exists, but I have no idea why it exists (the relationship without oral, I mean).

Human sexuality never ceases to amaze and disgust me. The hangups and kinks are nearly infinite.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by GreenGoo »

Jeff V wrote: Tue Nov 27, 2018 11:28 am Sex without attachment was definitely a thing in the 70's when I came of age (literally and figuratively!)
I'm not sure it ever wasn't a thing, although different generations and timeframes seem to give it more or less acceptability. We seem to be going through another "this is normal" age of random hookups facilitated by the internet.

Don't get me wrong, I don't care what other people do, I just find the idea of sex with strangers somewhat offputting and not particularly arousing to me personally. Others are free to do as they please with little (I won't say none at all, I'm human, believe it or not) judgement from me.

People have always enjoyed sex for sex's sake.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by coopasonic »

GreenGoo wrote: Tue Nov 27, 2018 11:35 am
Jeff V wrote: Tue Nov 27, 2018 11:28 am Sex without attachment was definitely a thing in the 70's when I came of age (literally and figuratively!)
I'm not sure it ever wasn't a thing, although different generations and timeframes seem to give it more or less acceptability. We seem to be going through another "this is normal" age of random hookups facilitated by the internet.
It was probably less of a thing for us because of the AIDS scare of the 80s.

My wife looks at my funny sometimes when I talk to the boys openly about sexuality. She has a hard time shaking the idea that penis and vagina are inappropriate words.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by GreenGoo »

coopasonic wrote: Tue Nov 27, 2018 11:40 am

It was probably less of a thing for us because of the AIDS scare of the 80s.

My wife looks at my funny sometimes when I talk to the boys openly about sexuality. She has a hard time shaking the idea that penis and vagina are inappropriate words.
That's a good point, although honestly I was *never* interested in random sex and held onto my virginity long past opportunities to lose it were presented to me. It can't be stressed enough however that HIV put a massive damper on anonymous sex as compared to the 60's or 70's. It's only just recovering now, pretty much, which I guess explains why there seems to be an increase now.

Luckily my wife and I mostly agree that open communication about sex is important. Our ideas about sex are not exactly in sync, but they are close enough that we are both comfortable with the other talking about sex to our kids without both parents being there.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

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It’s fascinating that my 15 month old pretty much naturally knew how to adopt a surly slouched position combined with a hardened visage. All to indicate that the food before him was not going to be eaten. Now he’s never seen another kid reject food, so I have no idea where he’s got it from, but I guess this is kinda universal thing?

At least he didn’t throw it, much.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Jeff V »

My 30 month old daughter has been doing the same forever it seems. Now at least she'll say "I don't want it!" before throwing it on the floor.

Every time she gives me that look though, I crack up. Sometimes I think she does that just to make me laugh. Other times, she's just pissed. But I do appreciate that her tantrums are much fewer in frequency and duration than her brother at that age.

Since the time this thread was last active, my son started sleeping in his own bed and my daughter stopped sleeping in hers. :doh: Lately, she's also insisted that "daddy sleep!" at the same time. Well, daddy doesn't want to sleep at 8:00 pm, so that's a problem. (another problem is she snores like a grizzly bear who ingested a buzz saw). Saturday, she kept getting up and following me downstairs. Finally, I tried to comply until she fell asleep. As soon as she started snoring, I'd try to sneak out of the room. Every single time, she woke up right away and chastised me for trying to escape. Finally, she got up and locked the door (as if that would stop daddy) then she removed the slippers from my feet then picked up my legs one at a time to place them on the bed (because how could I sleep when my feet were on the floor ready to try another escape?) When she again caught me escaping, I continued to run, having had enough of that game. She ran into my wife first, decided daddy was too much trouble and demanded "mommy sleep! Don't want daddy! Daddy go to work!" I got an hour of Civ 6 in before finding both mommy and daughter asleep in bed. :horse:
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Re: Parenting Randomness

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With the twins, we permit no such sleeping foolishness. Our oldest had so many medically induced sleep issues that we didn't fool around when it came to sleep training the younger ones. They go to bed in their room, in their beds (or when we first started, in their cribs). If they wander into our rooms in the morning and try to crawl into our bed (a rarity), they get a hug and sent back to their room.

Two things really helped. First, they had each other in the same room, so it wasn't like they felt alone. Second, my wife and I were in lock step on this so there was consistent messaging and they didn't get different approaches from different parents.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

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ImLawBoy wrote: Mon Mar 25, 2019 5:20 pm With the twins, we permit no such sleeping foolishness. Our oldest had so many medically induced sleep issues that we didn't fool around when it came to sleep training the younger ones. They go to bed in their room, in their beds (or when we first started, in their cribs). If they wander into our rooms in the morning and try to crawl into our bed (a rarity), they get a hug and sent back to their room.

Two things really helped. First, they had each other in the same room, so it wasn't like they felt alone. Second, my wife and I were in lock step on this so there was consistent messaging and they didn't get different approaches from different parents.
Same here. We've always been 100% firm that the kids sleep in their own beds and not with mom and dad. The closest we've ever come is when Mrs. Skinypupy spent a night sleeping on the floor next to one of the twins when they were really sick, but that has only happened once.

We've conditioned them so well that when they wake up before us, they simply head downstairs to play with their Legos instead of coming in and waking us up. It's nice, until we do get woken up by them screaming at each other...over the legos.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

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We have the same rule - the girls have their beds and we have ours. No sharing.

I remember having bad nightmares as a kid, though, and hated the alone feeling. So I allow them to wake me up whenever they feel the need. I then follow them to their bed, talk to them a bit until they feel safe and give them something happy/funny to think about (balloons/unicorns/Santa/balloon of a unicorn Santa/etc.), then head back to my bed. I'll do that as many times as they need and try to never wake up grumpy (they say I am much better than the Mom option). Ages 5-8 were kinda tough, but it's been pretty good since then - maybe get a visit 1x or 2x/year.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

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JeffV, start saving for therapy. :shocked:

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Re: Parenting Randomness

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LawBeefaroni wrote: Mon Nov 26, 2018 4:00 pm So both were hilarious but it got me thinking. The wife and I don't say "jacked up" or "fuck it". We say the f-word of course but not in that context. He started school a month ago and his vocabulary has expanded a lot. Maybe it's from there? That's what I told the shocked in-laws anyway.
Sorry for the necro-reply to a thread I've somehow never seen before. (seriously don't even know how it's possible that I've never read this entire thread, that just totally baffles me.)

This caught my eye; did this shock you (I mean, I see it did, but I wanna dive into that)? I mean, if I'd have heard my kid start using those 2 phrases (knowing they didn't come from our house even if we weren't angels either....) I guess I would mostly assume that the teachers were using the terms (and then be kinda upset by that) and not just that my kid got it from another kid. Curious what you guys made of it.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

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Jeff V wrote: Mon Nov 26, 2018 4:56 pm My son got written up once for dropping an f-bomb in school.
Lol
ok, lol
isn't your son about 4 or 5? sorry... I'm probably not applying the proper progession of time here and he's a little older... still - I'm humored.

and I should catch up on this thread and stop replying to ancient posts... sorry.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

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GreenGoo wrote: Mon Nov 26, 2018 10:35 pm Daughter in grade six says that some kids in her class went to a "We day" concert and a homosexual youtuber (or something, it's not clear) was addressing the crowd and talked about how he and another gay fellow eat each other's cum.

This is the first time I have ever recoiled from a topic one of my children brought up.
… Aaand I picked the wrong post to stop commenting on. OMG.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Jeff V »

Unagi wrote: Mon Mar 25, 2019 11:30 pm
Jeff V wrote: Mon Nov 26, 2018 4:56 pm My son got written up once for dropping an f-bomb in school.
Lol
ok, lol
isn't your son about 4 or 5? sorry... I'm probably not applying the proper progession of time here and he's a little older... still - I'm humored.

and I should catch up on this thread and stop replying to ancient posts... sorry.
That was quite a while ago and it seems he's learned to watch his language. He is, however, fond of pointing out "bad words" whenever he hears them (usually TV or audiobooks). And maybe once in great while, mommy or daddy. :oops:
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Jeff V »

ImLawBoy wrote: Mon Mar 25, 2019 5:20 pm With the twins, we permit no such sleeping foolishness.
Unfortunately, Filipinos don't see it that way. Often, entire families sleep on the same bed or futon. The bigger problem is that she is such a loud sleeper (this was not a problem with our son).
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Jeff V »

Skinypupy wrote: Mon Mar 25, 2019 5:32 pm We've conditioned them so well that when they wake up before us, they simply head downstairs to play with their Legos instead of coming in and waking us up. It's nice, until we do get woken up by them screaming at each other...over the legos.
The only time the kids ever wake before I do is on weekends. My daughter is not content to let me sleep and play quietly, however - she'll shake me until I wake up, then put my clothes on the bed so I can get up (It's funny to see her struggle putting my relatively heavy jeans on the bed). This is also why I can't just try to outlast them in the evening and then get some late night time for myself - it doesn't matter how late they get to bed, they are usually up with the sun.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by LawBeefaroni »

Unagi wrote: Mon Mar 25, 2019 11:26 pm
LawBeefaroni wrote: Mon Nov 26, 2018 4:00 pm So both were hilarious but it got me thinking. The wife and I don't say "jacked up" or "fuck it". We say the f-word of course but not in that context. He started school a month ago and his vocabulary has expanded a lot. Maybe it's from there? That's what I told the shocked in-laws anyway.
Sorry for the necro-reply to a thread I've somehow never seen before. (seriously don't even know how it's possible that I've never read this entire thread, that just totally baffles me.)

This caught my eye; did this shock you (I mean, I see it did, but I wanna dive into that)? I mean, if I'd have heard my kid start using those 2 phrases (knowing they didn't come from our house even if we weren't angels either....) I guess I would mostly assume that the teachers were using the terms (and then be kinda upset by that) and not just that my kid got it from another kid. Curious what you guys made of it.
We brought it up with school. We asked if he ever swears and they said no. Then I asked if the teachers ever swear, not that I minded but just that he had picked up some words. The two teachers I spoke with both looked around and said no. Wasn't sure what to make of that. Three of his four teachers are in their 20s so anything is possible I guess. We're not too worried about it. The older kid said goddamnit a lot but grew out of it.

He also has a lot of ESL contacts and I find that they don't always recognize the same severity scale that EFL speakers so. One of Grandpa's favorite phrases is "What the shit?" and I honestly can't hear that and think it's a bad thing.




Although he is rapidly developing in his deployment of "fuck it" and it's a little too spot on. I picked up these Justice League graham crackers as an after school treat. They are round with a hero logo on each. Like Wonder Woman, flash, Aqua Man, Batman, etc. He knew all of them but one. When he got to the one he didn't know (cyborg), he thought for a few seconds and then shouted, "It's Fuckitman!" Now his sister's favorite party trick is to try to get him to name the unlnown superhero.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Unagi »

:D nice!
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Re: Parenting Randomness

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Ian has, indeed, changed his interest from engineering to computer science. Sadly, there isn't a single computer course available in his high school. 30 years ago when it was a fringe topic my high school offered three. Today when it is a core career, his school offers nothing. It's a school that tries, for the most part, but it's a rural school without money. Ian's also in art. The art teacher got fired (the third in three years), and they can' t find another, so the class is nothing but a sub giving busy work every day. Caiden is in German. He worked his ass off all last year in the class, and couldn't speak a word of German because the teacher taught about Germany, but barely touched on the language. They brought in a temp teacher to finish out the three year series for those who are already in German, and are cancelling the class after they graduate. That will leave Spanish as the only foreign language the school teaches.

Don't raise your kids in a small town.

The last few months have been hard on the parenting front. Ian just turned 18, and the stress of getting ready for college had really been getting to him. After talking with his therapist, then setting up a meeting with his school support team, then talking with another specialist, it's been decided that he's not ready, and won't be for several years. The way his autism is manifesting has resulted in delayed psychological and social development. He's very, very smart. He's a semester away from having an AP/honors diploma. And yet he's got the emotional development and maturity of a 13-year-old. As such, he is going to need several more years of time to keep developing and maturing before he's ready for college, ready to live on his own, or anything along those lines. And he's legally an adult, and expected by society to fall in line with those responsibilities.

Again, after further discussion with his therapist and two adult support specialists, the unanimous advice was that he needs to be placed on disability, ASAP. It's something we've actively worked to avoid for years, but we've accepted may be the best course now. What we fear is that, once school is out and college is a vague 'someday', and he's got a safe source of income, he won't have any reason to want to change his situation. He'll just stay a shut in, disappear into his own interests, and never try to have a better life. And if he waits too long, he'll be trapped, like I am, but worse off, as he'll have the lesser form of disability. He is in a spot where he could choose to do anything, but he doesn't want to. He has no desires, no dreams, no ambitions. And now we're going to make it easier to not try.

And we're very limited in what we can do, as he's 18.

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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Isgrimnur »

If he's intelligent enough for the course work, there are MOOCs and paid online classes that he can take. I'm currently in a Learn to Program: The Fundamentals
by University of Toronto for Python. It's completely work at your own pace, but I have weekly deadlines to turn stuff in over a 7-week course.

Hell, WGU has an online CS program.

Obviously this won't address his social skills or other issues, but there are plenty of ways to get an education now that don't rely on having to navigate the hell of an actual college campus.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Carpet_pissr »

Talk to me about finding a receipt for condoms in an empty bag LAYING ON MY FREAKING KITCHEN COUNTER.

17 year old girl

Someone needs to talk me down, I certainly don't feel equipped to deal with this in a very reasonable manner. :D

Her boyfriend is in town (he is currently a freshman in college), and appears at our house constantly (I wonder if he is actually enrolled, as the college in question is almost 2 hours away, and he is ALWAYS here :D).

I know, 17 is practically an adult, but I also have two younger kids in the house, @14 and 11, which I guess is a secondary concern - that they will come across that (I mean it was on the freaking counter, granted, in a bag, but still).

We have already talked to the 17 YO about sex quite a bit, and if she is going to do it, be safe, etc. I guess I don't know why I am upset, or that I am even justified in being that way, considering her age. I am sure my wife will say something to the effect of "at least they are using protection!!" That doesn't soothe me at all.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Unagi »

You should be celebrating the fact that she is using protection.

For real


Edit: not to say that I wouldn’t also lose my mind!!

Lock her in the basement.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

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See if having her spayed and him neutered will help. Can't hurt.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by gbasden »

Unagi wrote: Thu Feb 03, 2022 7:29 pm You should be celebrating the fact that she is using protection.

For real
Seriously, for real. 17 isn't exactly an early bloomer, and she's close to being an adult.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Carpet_pissr »

gbasden wrote: Sat Feb 05, 2022 7:44 am
Unagi wrote: Thu Feb 03, 2022 7:29 pm You should be celebrating the fact that she is using protection.

For real
Seriously, for real. 17 isn't exactly an early bloomer, and she's close to being an adult.
I know, but I guess I’m resisting accepting this fact for some reason.

Not that it matters, but I know plenty of Dads who would absolutely lose their shit if they came across a similar situation. TBH that was my first instinct, but intentionally cooled myself down (partly by posting here!) and just spoke with her about it a few hours later.
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The Meal
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by The Meal »

Carpet_pissr wrote: Sat Feb 05, 2022 12:39 pm
gbasden wrote: Sat Feb 05, 2022 7:44 am Seriously, for real. 17 isn't exactly an early bloomer, and she's close to being an adult.
I know, but I guess I’m resisting accepting this fact for some reason.
Don't. It's super important that you're parenting the child you have, not the child you had or the child you want them to be. Your child. Their situation. Best outcomes.
Not that it matters, but I know plenty of Dads who would absolutely lose their shit if they came across a similar situation.
That matters 0 as you say. Maybe less than zero. Do not parent with other parents' values.
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Jaymann
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Jaymann »

I went with the don't ask, don't tell strategy and it worked out swimmingly. WMMV.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by RunningMn9 »

We found the used condom wrapper in the kitchen garbage one morning. My daughter was horrified at the prospect of me finding out (my wife found it). I wouldn’t say that I didn’t care, but she was 17 or 18, so I was in the “you are effectively an adult, just be smart and safe but don’t ever tell me about it” camp.

My son found out (who is 20), and came downstairs demanding to know what we were going to do about this kid disrespecting us in our own home like that. I laughed for a good week over his reaction.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Pyperkub »

One thing between the two stories, first kid vs second kid parental protective reactions :)

Black Lives definitely Matter Lorini!

Also: There are three ways to not tell the truth: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by gbasden »

Carpet_pissr wrote: Sat Feb 05, 2022 12:39 pm
Not that it matters, but I know plenty of Dads who would absolutely lose their shit if they came across a similar situation. TBH that was my first instinct, but intentionally cooled myself down (partly by posting here!) and just spoke with her about it a few hours later.
I intellectually understand this, but it doesn't resonate for me. I was sexually active by 17 as was most all of my peers and that was a lot of years ago. I just feel like trying to shut that down is only going to lead her to not talking to you about things that may be important and forcing her to go around behind your back. My parents certainly weren't going to win out over my hormones, and I think you are facing a losing battle probably too. You will have absolutely no control once she leaves for college, so isn't it more important to build trust now?
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Re: Parenting Randomness

Post by Carpet_pissr »

Didn't mean to drive by post on this and not respond. I truly appreciate the feedback and let it sink in.

I should clarify some things, but first:
I totally agree that I should not compare my kids with me, or my wife, or really maybe anybody else when they were this age. Things are, and will be different than my experience (or lack of it in this case! BAMmed myself!).

I guess my anger at the time was because this was a "second time" thing, where I had told her that I didn't want the younger kids hearing, seeing or whatever...ANYthing. I don't THINK that's unreasonable, but I am constantly having to check myself these days. Speak up if you think even that's crazy.

Anyway, so I might have already mentioned it, but a couple months ago, an unused condom was found in her trash, literally just laying on the top. Wife and I kinda freaked out (I know, wrong response!) but not in a punitive way. It was very much more "you have an 11 year old brother roaming around upstairs, and a sister, and we don't want them hearing or seeing....whatever. I was very clear that she should not be engaging in anything when the other kids were around, and she agreed.

So my freakout about the condom wrapper was MOSTLY in regards to that. That it was 1. being openly left out there for the world to see, and 2. that she was still obviously "engaging" (gah!) at home, when siblings were around. So in THAT context, I said, ok, no more boyfriend upstairs (the kids bedrooms and playroom is upstairs, rest of house is downstairs). All three kids for the most part, are upstairs most of the time, either in the playroom, or their bedrooms, so if "something" is happening, you are very likely to know it if you're up there.

The first time, and this last time, I did talk to her very directly and said "it's your body, you are almost an adult, but you still live here, with your brother and sister, and they are not almost adults." I also said (and possibly regret this) "I PERSONALLY am not crazy about your choice at this age, but it is YOUR choice, obviously. Reasons: condoms are not as fool proof as people think. I have 2 friends who have a kid each because of assumptions about condoms. Just think through the next steps here: 1. nothing happens, and you're good and 2. something fails (the condom itself, or user error, etc) and then boom. What does THAT look like if you take it a few steps forward. Are you WILLING to take that risk? Again, your choice to do so, but I want you to fully understand what can happen (and does)."

I have to say though, even since posting this initially, I have really come to terms with it, and how my kids seem to be growing up so fast. I think when you are just cruisng along though, and you maybe still see your kids when you used to put them on your shoulders, and find a condom...it REALLY jolts you (at least me).

Finally, to whoever mentioned it, yes, it is ABSOLUTELY more important that she feels like she can talk to me (though she very rarely does at a very deep level, and that saddens me a bit) than punishing or shaming. I hope the way that I talked to her afterwards actually shows her that we can discuss maybe very awkward things, very openly. I was not punishing the act, but the terms AROUND the act that she had agreed to previously (and frankly "your BF can no longer go upstairs" is not really that big of a punishment).
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