Bagels suck

[LawBeefaroni]

Unless they are toasted. Do not serve bagels without a toaster. That is all.

Thank you.

[El Guapo]

Why do you hate the Jews?

[Isgrimnur]

WaPo: What your bagel order says about you and your fitness to govern

New York gubernatorial candidate Cynthia Nixon recently caused a Great Deal of Stir by ordering a cinnamon raisin bagel with lox, cream cheese, capers, tomato and red onion. Good heavens!

But this is raisin an important question: Which bagel order marks you as fit to serve the people of your state as governor, and which correctly casts you into the Outer Darkness for all eternity? What does your order say about you? I have taken the liberty of determining this for you, using science. At any rate I think it is science. It might just be my arbitrary opinion.

[hentzau]

I prefer panera's asiago bagel untoasted. It's quite tasty that way. And no cream cheese or spread needed.

[Isgrimnur]

I prefer panera's asiago bagel untoasted. It's quite tasty that way. And no cream cheese or spread needed.

Asiago Bagel: You have impeccable judgment and taste in all things. Or you just like cheese a little too much and will always get it when it is an option. Only one of these things is true; be honest in your self-assessment. You are fit to govern, but you are too busy.

[ImLawBoy]

I have no time to wait for a toasted bagel. I put my morning cinnamon raisin bagel on top of my coffee to warm it up a bit.

[The Meal]

I have no time to wait for a toasted bagel. I put my morning cinnamon raisin bagel on top of my coffee to warm it up a bit.

Stroopwaffel!

[ImLawBoy]

I have no time to wait for a toasted bagel. I put my morning cinnamon raisin bagel on top of my coffee to warm it up a bit.

Stroopwaffel!

That's exactly where I got the idea!

[Archinerd]

At work, we get bagels every Friday from a local Jewish Deli.
I never toast mine and it's delicious.

My biggest complaint is nobody else in the office wants lox.

[Fretmute]

The best bagel for me is one that somebody else is eating.

[$iljanus]

Since I've had to drastically cut back on starchy carb consumption for health reasons, those delicious bagels with all sorts of yummy fillings do suck!

(That cinnamon raisin with "lox and anything else one can get from behind the counter" bagel kind of sucks too, regardless of whether or not I was still eating the things. Obviously Cynthia Nixon is a politician making promises to all sorts of potential voters with that bagel choice)

[Carpet_pissr]

Unless they are toasted. Do not serve bagels without a toaster. That is all.

Concur. And “buttered” is not far behind for me.

[Octavious]

I HATE things toasted except for toast. You sir are a heathen!

[Ralph-Wiggum]

Bagels only need toasting when they’re more than a day old or if they’re crappy grocery store bagels. Fresh bagels are perfect just the way they are.

Also, and I know this for a fact now that I live here, it is impossible to get a good bagel in the Midwest.

[Archinerd]

Also, and I know this for a fact now that I live here, it is impossible to get a good bagel in the Midwest.

Not impossible, just very difficult.

[AWS260]

Have your bagels in whatever way makes you happy. But if you think untoasted bagels suck, you've probably never had a good bagel (as R-W notes, good bagels just aren't available in large swathes of the country).

[Sepiche]

Stroopwaffel!

I like Stroopwaffels, but every time I say the name, I feel like I'm talking about the latest Nazi wonder weapon.

[Isgrimnur]

Stroopwaffel!

I like Stroopwaffels, but every time I say the name, I feel like I'm talking about the latest Nazi wonder weapon.

It wafels stroops!

[Daehawk]

Bagels are an awful food item if you can call them food. Yankee cardboard!! With no flavor either. A donut is the bomb though. A Krispy Kreme even more.

[LawBeefaroni]

Have your bagels in whatever way makes you happy. But if you think untoasted bagels suck, you've probably never had a good bagel (as R-W notes, good bagels just aren't available in large swathes of the country).

If 90% of bagels in the country are bad bagels, then most bagels are bad.

I'm at a meeting downtown and they had bagels catered from Panera. I assume these are among the 90% of the bad.

[Archinerd]

Have your bagels in whatever way makes you happy. But if you think untoasted bagels suck, you've probably never had a good bagel (as R-W notes, good bagels just aren't available in large swathes of the country).

If 90% of bagels in the country are bad bagels, then most bagels are bad.

I'm at a meeting downtown and they had bagels catered from Panera. I assume these are among the 90% of the bad.

I won't go as far as saying they are bad, but you're right. There should have been a toaster.

[GreenGoo]

Unless they are toasted. Do not serve bagels without a toaster. That is all.

Thank you.

It's hard to imagine an untoasted bagel, let alone eat one.

[Isgrimnur]

It's the equivalent of trying to bite off a piece of Stretch Armstrong.

[GreenGoo]

It's the equivalent of trying to bite off a piece of Stretch Armstrong.

[El Guapo]

Have your bagels in whatever way makes you happy. But if you think untoasted bagels suck, you've probably never had a good bagel (as R-W notes, good bagels just aren't available in large swathes of the country).

If 90% of bagels in the country are bad bagels, then most bagels are bad.

I'm at a meeting downtown and they had bagels catered from Panera. I assume these are among the 90% of the bad.

Most of everything is bad. Most of the beer consumed in this country is from Budweiser or MillerCoors, to say nothing of Heineken and the like. That doesn't mean that beer is bad, it just means that most people consume cheap, shitty food and drink.

#NotAllBagels

[Ralph-Wiggum]

I'm at a meeting downtown and they had bagels catered from Panera. I assume these are among the 90% of the bad.

That is a correct assumption.

[LawBeefaroni]

Have your bagels in whatever way makes you happy. But if you think untoasted bagels suck, you've probably never had a good bagel (as R-W notes, good bagels just aren't available in large swathes of the country).

If 90% of bagels in the country are bad bagels, then most bagels are bad.

I'm at a meeting downtown and they had bagels catered from Panera. I assume these are among the 90% of the bad.

Most of everything is bad. Most of the beer consumed in this country is from Budweiser or MillerCoors, to say nothing of Heineken and the like. That doesn't mean that beer is bad, it just means that most people consume cheap, shitty food and drink.

#NotAllBagels

I'll drink 6 Busch Lights before I eat another untoasted bagel.

[Kraken]

I rarely eat them because one bagel has as many calories as approximately 14 Big Macs. But a pumpernickel bagel fresh from the oven with plain cream cheese is a treat. Just don't go putting crap in the cream cheese.

[El Guapo]

Have your bagels in whatever way makes you happy. But if you think untoasted bagels suck, you've probably never had a good bagel (as R-W notes, good bagels just aren't available in large swathes of the country).

If 90% of bagels in the country are bad bagels, then most bagels are bad.

I'm at a meeting downtown and they had bagels catered from Panera. I assume these are among the 90% of the bad.

Most of everything is bad. Most of the beer consumed in this country is from Budweiser or MillerCoors, to say nothing of Heineken and the like. That doesn't mean that beer is bad, it just means that most people consume cheap, shitty food and drink.

#NotAllBagels

I'll drink 6 Busch Lights before I eat another untoasted bagel.

Your opinion is incorrect. I would drink 6 cups of sewer water before drinking 6 busch lights. By contrast, even mediocre bagels are adequate, as long as they're not plain.

[GreenGoo]

Most of everything is lower quality.

ftfy.

That doesn't make everything bad. That just makes some things are not as good as they could be. Many things are perfectly tolerable in the average quality range.

[Smoove_B]

Toasting risks burning. There is nothing worse to consume than burned food, bread in particular. If you'd like to warm my bagel, that is ideal. Warm enough to melt the butter.

Lord do I miss bagels.

[GreenGoo]

I'll drink 6 Busch Lights before I eat another untoasted bagel.

Ouch. Someone get him a telephone hotline. He's clearly not himself.

[El Guapo]

Most of everything is lower quality.

ftfy.

That doesn't make everything bad. That just makes some things are not as good as they could be. Many things are perfectly tolerable in the average quality range.

I do find it interesting as to which foodstuffs people will refuse to consume the cheap stuff. Like, I'll happily drink cheap, shitty wine, but I never drink cheap, shitty beer.

[Daehawk]

We eat cheap all the time but not always shitty. In fact we've found many cheap brands taste better or much better than a name brand of the same item. There are exceptions...like mayo though.

[em2nought]

I thought eggs were in, and bagels are out? It's too confusing.

[AWS260]

I would like to share these excellent Yelp reviews of my favorite bagel place.

I'm sorry, but it's 2018, and you still don't toast your bagels? Toaster technology still hasn't penetrated this far into South Slope?

Another reason to hate the bagel hole. I was forced to stop here because I didn't have time to get to bagel delight. When asked to warm a bagel with butter, husband got a surly "we don't toast."

They don't toast the bagels

It's literally a small hole in the wall and they don't even toast their bagels. So that's pretty bad ass or arrogant.

It's dirty, they don't toast your bagel (and yes, sometimes it needs toasting), eggs are microwaved... I can go on.

No toasting. There is no bagel toasting. You get bagel and coffee. No more. No Less. Keep it moving.

[GreenGoo]

I've got a great business idea! I'll give the customer what I want, not what they want.

Can't fail!

[Jag]

Find a place in NY that bakes it's own bagels. Ask for the ones that just came out of the oven. Jackpot if it is an everything bagel. Soft and smooth, yet firm and crunchy. Pure joy.

You sir, have not been to a proper bagel place. I'm sure it's similar to the terrible pizza they serve in the Chicago area as well.

[GreenGoo]

You sir, have not been to a proper bagel place. I'm sure it's similar to the terrible pizza they serve in the Chicago area as well.

I like fish too but I'm not eating it raw unless it's a decent quality sushi place. That doesn't mean the best fish is raw fish.

[Kraken]

Find a place in NY that bakes it's own bagels. Ask for the ones that just came out of the oven. Jackpot if it is an everything bagel. Soft and smooth, yet firm and crunchy. Pure joy.

You sir, have not been to a proper bagel place. I'm sure it's similar to the terrible pizza they serve in the Chicago area as well.

Einstein Bros. or Brueger Bagels will do just fine as well. Go during the morning rush so you don't get one that's been sitting around for hours. If you don't like a fresh bagel from one of those places, then a genuine Jewish bakery isn't going to change your mind.

I thought I didn't like bagels because I'd only had the frozen Lenders until I went to college, where Bagel Fragel was across the main street. Besides having fresh, authentic bagels, they also sold fragels -- deep-fried bagels dusted with sugar and cinnamon. I'm not big on sweets, but OMG those were good.

The intertubes tell me that Bagel Fragel went under c. 2002 after a Brueger moved in two doors down. So it goes.