Bagels suck

[Z-Corn]

I ate two shitty Meijer Asiago bagels over the weekend and they were shitty bagels and I LOVED THEM.

[ImLawBoy]

But did you toast them?

[Z-Corn]

But did you toast them?

Butter believe it!

[Exodor]

One of my favorite snacks is a toasted plain Lenders bagel with butter and two slices of sharp cheddar cheese.

[Jag]

One of my favorite snacks is a toasted plain Lenders bagel with butter and two slices of sharp cheddar cheese.

Oh. My.

[Carpet_pissr]

One of my favorite snacks is a toasted plain Lenders bagel with butter and two slices of sharp cheddar cheese.

Jesus save us.

[LawBeefaroni]

A toasted Lenders fresh out the freezer is better than any untoasted bagel ever.

[GreenGoo]

Every time I read this thread title I immediately hear Peter Griffin saying "Jets suck, Yankees suck, knicks suck"

[GreenGoo]

A toasted Lenders fresh out the freezer is better than any untoasted bagel ever.

Come on now. Hey now. Come on. Settle down there.

[AWS260]

A toasted Lenders fresh out the freezer is better than any untoasted bagel ever.

Why, you...

[LordMortis]

A toasted Lenders fresh out the freezer is better than any untoasted bagel ever.

A Lender''s bagel direct from the freezer, fried in bacon lard with a fried egg and runny yolk and cheese in the middle is at the top of breakfast mountain.

Also if the bar for acceptable when it comes to bagel snobbery is Einstein's then nothing makes sense. Einstien's is the absolute worst of the bagel joints. As with everything else bagel, their fine enough if they are in front of me and a toaster is nearby but they're not edible without toasting. They are as rubbery, if not more so than every other generic bagel joint.

Bruegger's

I would rate Bruegger's as good as a chain gets around here but I'm not going out of my way for them. Hell, I'm not even going out of my way for a place like the Detroit Institute of Bagels, which is theoretically some sort of bagel eating experience among bagel snobs.

If I'm looking for a non toasted bagel like experience of not rubbery encased hot bread and I'm willing to go out of my way for it, I'd go to the mall and get a pretzel.

Otherwise my main bagel consumption is the $2 Tim Horton's bacon, egg, and cheese on a plain bagel, which is a fine fine fine $2 breakfast sandwich, and yep the bagel is toasted. I must confess, I wish Tim Horton's would off ham instead of bacon though. A slice of ham is a lot more substance for breakfast, than are two slices of bacon.

[GreenGoo]

McDonald's is schilling bagels now. What's the forum's opinion on those?

Satisfactory I assume.

[Jeff V]

Satisfactory I assume.

You are assuming it is the best thing McDonald's ever produced? That's an odd supposition.

[GreenGoo]

Unconveyed in his internet postings was the wry smile that accompanied nearly everything he wrote.

[Jeff V]

I ordered a McDonald's bagel once. All of their toasters were broken, so was cold (like refrigerator cold) and chewy like dried bubblegum stuck under the table. Satisfactory is not an adjective I would have granted them that day. This was along the Ohio Turnpike, limited options few and far between (we tried to stop at the only non-McDonalds, a Hardees, but it was clogged with a busload of geezers and at the rate they were being served we'd have been in line for hours).

[LawBeefaroni]

All of their toasters were broken, so was cold (like refrigerator cold) and chewy like dried bubblegum stuck under the table.

No toasters? That's felony bagel provision.

[Ralph-Wiggum]

I used to value the opinion of most posters on this forum. And then I read this thread.

[Z-Corn]

Unconveyed in his internet postings was the wry smile that accompanied nearly everything he wrote.

It hurts to be misunderstood, doesn't it?

[LordMortis]

I used to value the opinion of most posters on this forum. And then I read this thread.

This just invalidates everything about your values

Einstein’s is acceptable in a pinch; their bagels are certainly better than anything you can get in the store. The one exception is if your store carries New York Bagels in the frozen section; they’re a decent substitute. But I can’t even find those in the Midwest. This barren bagel country.

Einsteins are the single worst chain around this part of the midwest and we have tons of bagel shops that aren't chains. How am I to trust your east coast palette if you can't get the bad things right and ask you to trust what is good. Panera has a better bagel than Einsteins and if I get stuck at Panera, I'd end up with a danish wheel instead of bagels. Einsteins is a place you stop because it's your job to get bagels and it's on the way. That their entire raison d'etre.

[GreenGoo]

It hurts to be misunderstood, doesn't it?

Nah. Well, sometimes. Just not this time.

[Jeff V]

I used to value the opinion of most posters on this forum. And then I read this thread.

This just invalidates everything about your values

Einstein’s is acceptable in a pinch; their bagels are certainly better than anything you can get in the store. The one exception is if your store carries New York Bagels in the frozen section; they’re a decent substitute. But I can’t even find those in the Midwest. This barren bagel country.

Einsteins are the single worst chain around this part of the midwest and we have tons of bagel shops that aren't chains. How am I to trust your east coast palette if you can't get the bad things right and ask you to trust what is good. Panera has a better bagel than Einsteins and if I get stuck at Panera, I'd end up with a danish wheel instead of bagels. Einsteins is a place you stop because it's your job to get bagels and it's on the way. That their entire raison d'etre.

I don't really get the Einstein's hate - I find them to be on par with Panera and even some grocery store bagels (especially in the morning when they are reasonably freshly made). I'd prefer a small container of cream cheese on the side (ala Panera) than already applied to make a cream cheese sandwich (I eat my bagels one half at a time with cream cheese applied evenly), but the flavor and variety is just fine. I only ever stop at Einsteins when (1) traveling for work and it's the most convenient place to get a bite + coffee on the way to work (and I hardly travel for work anymore) or (2) twice a year after stopping at the vampire. Maybe the 14 hours of fasting makes them taste better than they are, but the main reason I get them is I started boycotting the crapeteria at work last year when they downsized the bagels 20% but upsized the price by the same percent and I do like having one for breakfast on occasion.

[Ralph-Wiggum]

The Einstein’s I have been to are fine; better than Panera IMO. Those two are the only chain bagel places I’ve seen in St. Louis and I have yet to find, at least near me, a non chain bagel place. Worse, the grocery stores here only have sham bagels (see: Linder’s). But the terribleness of Midwest grocery stores is another topic altogether.

[LordMortis]

I don't really get the Einstein's hate

It's not hate. It's 'meh'. They are a treat, in that all bagels are a treat. I'd much rather see someone stopped at Einstein's and left them in the kitchen than eat my morning oatmeal. Einstein's are just the worst of all the bagel chains. So the idea that they are the only thing acceptable in a sea of midwestern bagel garbage unworthy of the name doesn't sit with me.

[LordMortis]

the terribleness of Midwest grocery stores is another topic altogether.

From Meijer to boutique to local farms to... I... you... uh...

The very first thing we show someone from Europe when they come to US is Meijer.

New York Met Short Stop now Tiger Manager

https://www.blessyouboys.com/2018/4/18/ ... range-soda

[Isgrimnur]

the terribleness of Midwest grocery stores is another topic altogether.

From Meijer to boutique to local farms to... I... you... uh...

He's new. And in St. Louis.

[Jeff V]

Einstein's does have the most variety, and do the most specialty things (like sandwiches - but I've never tried those). There's not a whole lot of choice here...I know of one Big Apple Bagels still in the area, and rarely is it convenient to visit (they have the best value considering size and amount of cream cheese). Panera and Einstein's are a tossup, but Panera is far more prevalent. I actually had another Drunkin' Donuts bagel the other day when my son wanted to go there...same strange chemical taste. Meijer and Jewel are ok, but aren't full-service places -- I have to bring them home and toast them and apply cream cheese I have to remember to buy. There used to be some Jewish deli's that made their own which were pretty good but those evaporated long ago.

[Z-Corn]

the terribleness of Midwest grocery stores is another topic altogether.

From Meijer to boutique to local farms to... I... you... uh...

And, dude, we don't live in The Midwest. We live in Michigan. That's waaaay better.

[LordMortis]

[Z-Corn]

Big Apple Bagels

I was on the road last month and had to stop at one of these on my way out of town.

The cashier was making a point to tell everyone as they left, "Have a blessed day!"

The whole time they were toasting my bagel I had fantasies of spitting back to her when she said it to me, "The fuck you just say to me?"

But I didn't. Instead I said, "And also with you." I heard people say that at a church once.

[Z-Corn]

Hey man, it's your right to self-identify however you are comfortable. Just don't ask your Mother and I to condone it.

[tjg_marantz]

Blessed be the day.
Under his eye.

Either works.

[ImLawBoy]

But I didn't. Instead I said, "And also with you." I heard people say that at a church once.

We say "And with your spirit" now.

Hey man, it's your right to self-identify however you are comfortable. Just don't ask your Mother and I to condone it.

Michigan is totally Midwestern. It's always a shame when people try to deny their heritage or pass for something they're not.

[LordMortis]

Hey man, it's your right to self-identify however you are comfortable. Just don't ask your Mother and I to condone it.

I self identify as Great Lakes, but I was raised as Midwest. I don't think they started using Great Lakes until I was in high school. I hopped on board right away but I've never been able give up Midwest either. I also accept rustbelt and flyover.

[Z-Corn]

But I didn't. Instead I said, "And also with you." I heard people say that at a church once.

We say "And with your spirit" now.

Hey man, it's your right to self-identify however you are comfortable. Just don't ask your Mother and I to condone it.

Michigan is totally Midwestern. It's always a shame when people try to deny their heritage or pass for something they're not.

We can't be The Midwest. We have moose.

[LawBeefaroni]

Big Apple Bagels

I was on the road last month and had to stop at one of these on my way out of town.

The cashier was making a point to tell everyone as they left, "Have a blessed day!"

That's always a weird one because to me "blessed" is like a polite substitute for "bloody" or "damned." Like, "Curse this blessed spanner, it's always slipping!" Or, "There wasn't a blessed thing to be done about it.


So "Have a blessed day" always stikes me as kind of a mixed...blessing.

[LordMortis]

We can't be The Midwest. We have moose.

The only Moose in the wild I've seen was in Montana so now I'm really confused.

[gameoverman]

An outsider, in California, I never thought of Michigan as Midwest. It's a northern most state, how can it be 'mid' anything? Ohio, sure. And I don't just mean northern most in terms of being on the border with Canada, it is physically northern in a way that Ohio, for example, is not. Behold, gameoverman's map of the Midwest:

[tjg_marantz]

You drunk man.

[ImLawBoy]

An outsider, in California, I never thought of Michigan as Midwest. It's a northern most state, how can it be 'mid' anything? Ohio, sure. And I don't just mean northern most in terms of being on the border with Canada, it is physically northern in a way that Ohio, for example, is not. Behold, gameoverman's map of the Midwest:

That's lovely, but your West Coast misunderstanding of Midwestern geography is not binding.

[LawBeefaroni]

Michigan. Midwest.

Michigan. Champions of the West.

Childhood was confusing.