Tomorrow is a big day i.e. Lee's not bitching about things this time

Asharak · Post by **Asharak** » Thu Oct 18, 2018 3:21 pm

Drazzil wrote: ↑Wed Oct 17, 2018 6:26 pm That is some cra-zay.

I'd just like to emphasize that this comment was made by Drazzil (no offence, man!). When even Drazzil thinks something is two-syllable crazy, you know it's so far off the deep end that it's through the bottom of the Marianas Trench and lodged somewhere firmly into the earth's crust.

Your ex-wife: crazier than Drazzil.

I'm sorry the situation is getting dragged out so much on you. I hope the judge does eventually rule in your favour!

- Ash

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Thu Oct 18, 2018 3:43 pm

Asharak wrote: ↑Thu Oct 18, 2018 3:21 pm
Drazzil wrote: ↑Wed Oct 17, 2018 6:26 pm That is some cra-zay.
I'd just like to emphasize that this comment was made by Drazzil (no offence, man!). When even Drazzil thinks something is two-syllable crazy, you know it's so far off the deep end that it's through the bottom of the Marianas Trench and lodged somewhere firmly into the earth's crust. Your ex-wife: crazier than Drazzil.

I'm sorry the situation is getting dragged out so much on you. I hope the judge does eventually rule in your favour!

- Ash

Eel Snave · Post by **Eel Snave** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:02 pm

By the way, day 3 was insane. I'm going back in about an hour for DAY 4.

DAY.

FUCKING.

FOUR.

OF.

A.

ONE.

DAY.

CASE.

Fortunately, this one should be only an hour or so.

Exodor · Post by **Exodor** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:14 pm

Pyperkub · Post by **Pyperkub** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:19 pm

Finally seeing this thread and hoping for the best Lee! For you and the kids.

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:20 pm

Godspeed.

At first my reaction was like "ugh, what a tease." But then I was like, "oh wait, this is a proceeding about his kids, not a show for me."

Anyway, good luck.

Eel Snave · Post by **Eel Snave** » Fri Nov 23, 2018 5:51 pm

Update: We're still waiting on a decision. I'll know on December 4th. I was advised not to divulge too much more until this is all over, so I'll reveal all at the end, assuming I'm not dead of exhaustion.

gbasden · Post by **gbasden** » Fri Nov 23, 2018 7:51 pm

We'll be waiting! I really hope all of this is on a good track for you.

Lassr · Post by **Lassr** » Fri Nov 23, 2018 10:50 pm

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Mon Nov 26, 2018 10:34 am

Eel Snave wrote: ↑Fri Nov 23, 2018 5:51 pm Update: We're still waiting on a decision. I'll know on December 4th. I was advised not to divulge too much more until this is all over, so I'll reveal all at the end, assuming I'm not dead of exhaustion.

Man, stupid lawyers always getting in the way.

But seriously - good luck.

coopasonic · Post by **coopasonic** » Mon Nov 26, 2018 11:27 am

El Guapo wrote: ↑Mon Nov 26, 2018 10:34 am
Eel Snave wrote: ↑Fri Nov 23, 2018 5:51 pm Update: We're still waiting on a decision. I'll know on December 4th. I was advised not to divulge too much more until this is all over, so I'll reveal all at the end, assuming I'm not dead of exhaustion.
Man, stupid lawyers always getting in the way.

But seriously - good luck.

I think it's the smart lawyers that get in the way. Stupid ones go on Fox... hmmm wrong forum.

em2nought · Post by **em2nought** » Wed Nov 28, 2018 2:59 am

Good luck, things could always be worse as in this story of an ex trying to turn a guy's son into a girl for revenge https://www.mrctv.org/blog/texas-mom-su ... -Y6XfPUdOM

Remus West · Post by **Remus West** » Wed Nov 28, 2018 1:44 pm

Just saw this thread and read the whole thing. WOW. Good luck. Hoping for great news for you.

Eel Snave · Post by **Eel Snave** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 4:30 pm

It's all over!

So, on day 3, here's what happened. It was a character assassination day. She went in HARD for six hours on how awful of a human being I was. She claimed (again) that I was a rapist. She claimed that I held her down and punched her in the legs (?). It went on and on for hours.

My attorney gets to cross-examine her, and he just starts in on saying, "Hey, in your deposition, you said none of this right? Can you read this from the depo?" Nothing about abuse. He goes in on pointing out that I asked her multiple times for an overnight with my daughter and every time the answer was just, "No, she's not ready" with no explanation of what "ready" looked like.

The piece de resistance was one from November 4th. I had asked her for an overnight with Emma for Thanksgiving, and without prompting, she said, "No, Emma's not ready." Nothing else. No claim of violence, no claim of ANYTHING.

The GAL went in on her, and she did a hit piece on me as well. She doubled down on claiming I was a rapist and a monster and sobbed about how she never turned me in because she "stupidly cared for me" and everything. I want to stress, none of this was true.

But the most telling piece is towards the end of the day when my attorney asks her, "So, you want every Easter break with the kids, right?"

"Yes."

"And you want a random week throughout the year in case you want to go to Mexico too, right?"

"Yes."

"So that's two weeks of vacation. Are you willing to offer Lee any vacation?"

"Well... I would be willing to NEGOTIATE-"

The judge cuts her off. "This is not a negotiation, this is a trial. Answer the question."

He was done.

We reach the end of day 3 and it's clear that her attorney is losing the judge. Instead of a clear, concise case, they are throwing EVERY document at him, no matter its relevance. They have messages that don't make any sense, like ones where I'm saying that we have to work together as a team, to prove that I'm manipulative...? They have stuff that makes Ruth look bad to prove that I'm the bad one. It's dragged on now through a THIRD DAY.

The judge says, "OK, I want to get this finished up. Do you guys think if we came back this week for an hour or two we could wrap up testimony?" They do. So we move on to day FOUR. Of a ONE-DAY TRIAL.

Eel Snave · Post by **Eel Snave** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 4:35 pm

So day four.

She's still going in hard on me. She's now on 8 hours of testimony about what a piece of shit I am. But something happened. My attorney finally got her to explain what "ready" means with my daughter.

She says, "Well, I'm worried that when I leave my daughter won't know that I'm coming back." Fine. Weird, but fine.

So after her testimony wraps up, the judge goes, "I've got a question. So, are Ethan and Emma close?"

"Oh, yes, very close."

"So when Ethan goes with his dad and Emma doesn't, is she upset?"

"Yes."

"Is she upset because she misses him or because he's not coming back?"

"Oh, no, she misses him."

"So she knows he's coming back."

"Oh, yes, she does."

"OK, thanks."

She doesn't realize what she's done. She just shot her own case RIGHT in the foot. Emma has object permanence and she just admitted it.

At this point, the judge says, "Let's come back and do closing arguments and then I'll have my decision then too." It was set for today.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 4:38 pm

Was set for today?

Asharak · Post by **Asharak** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 4:43 pm

Isgrimnur wrote: ↑Tue Dec 04, 2018 4:38 pm Was set for today?

I think he's still typing. Those last two posts are just a few minutes apart. I mean, Lee's wife would probably have had a better case if she'd tried to convince the judge that he's a drama king, because he clearly likes to keep us all in suspense!

- Ash

Carpet_pissr · Post by **Carpet_pissr** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 4:58 pm

Asharak wrote: ↑Tue Dec 04, 2018 4:43 pm
Isgrimnur wrote: ↑Tue Dec 04, 2018 4:38 pm Was set for today?
I think he's still typing. Those last two posts are just a few minutes apart. I mean, Lee's wife would probably have had a better case if she'd tried to convince the judge that he's a drama king, because he clearly likes to keep us all in suspense!

- Ash

No, shit! COME ON LEE, CAN'T LEAVE IT LIKE THAT MAN!!!

(and a way-too-early congrats for what I suspect is coming next)

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 5:07 pm

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 5:26 pm

He's on vacation in Mexico with the kids.

Eel Snave · Post by **Eel Snave** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:37 pm

THE CONCLUSION!

So here we are. Decision day. I could barely sleep last night.

We start out and the GAL gives her opinion. She reiterates that she thinks I need anger management, and that I'm a spousal batterer, and that I'm manipulative and controlling. She reiterates that all she recommends is that I have every other weekend with the kids, Friday and Saturday night, and then a meal with the kids on Wednesday and that's it. She wants me to wait to have Emma overnight for months.

My attorney starts his arguments and clearly and methodically explains that everything they brought out a) has no proof, b) is categorically denied by me and c) happened before the divorce judgement, which means that we've wasted everyone's time.

Her attorney starts in with his arguments and it's... strange. He goes all-in on some weird analogy about a football team, that there's a goal and everyone has to work together and if they don't you can fire a coach like they just did with Mike McCarthy because him and Aaron Rodgers weren't getting along and that with a football team you can fire staff but in a divorce situation you can't fire anyone and you still have to work together and I don't know what the fuck he was talking about.

Then he starts in on how I'm the difficult one. I don't take no for an answer. There's a playbook and I refuse to follow it. I'm pushy and rude, etc. etc.

Then the GAL starts in AGAIN. She says, flat-out, that I'm a rapist and abusive and that the only reason I'm not still raping her is because I haven't had the opportunity. She says that my son told her that he doesn't want less time with Mommy. She is coming after me.

My attorney gets to respond and he shuts it down. He says that the rape accusations are just that, accusations. There is nothing proven. He objects to my characterization as a rapist because it's not true.

So now the judge gives his decision.

He starts by pointing at both of us and saying that we BOTH need to behave. We need to stop poking at each other. We need to work together as a team, that the kids are the only important thing. I totally agree, we need to be better at this.

He goes into the allegations and says that while the allegations are concerning, there's no proof of anything. There is no there there. For example, she claims that I beat her up and that she ran to my mom's house, but my mom didn't even testify via phone. It's just her word versus mine.

He says that everything that she's claiming happened before the divorce judgment, and that it's not really relevant to the case in front of us today. I'm sitting there listening to this and I'm starting to cry, because I know now that he's not going to rule against me.

So then he reveals his plan: I have the kids every other weekend from Friday night through until Monday morning. I'll have the kids every Wednesday night overnight. I'll also have a meal on my off weekends on Mondays. I'll get 10 days of vacation with my kids per year, too. The kicker: In the summer, I'm going to get MORE time.

I knew I wasn't going to get 50/50. It was a bridge too far this soon, but this is about the best result I could have possibly gotten.

He ends by saying that both of us need to stop poking at each other, and if we come back and we're still doing the same thing, he's going to be upset. At that, we were done.

So, I leave the courtroom and go to a conference room with my attorney where we discuss next steps. On the way out, there's my ex's attorney and the GAL. I shake my ex's attorney's hand, like a "good game" gesture. I go to shake the GAL's hand, and she refuses.

Fair enough. It's over.

pr0ner · Post by **pr0ner** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:49 pm

It doesn't sound like this ordeal is totally over, but at least you got some kind of positive resolution out of the mess.

The GAL sounds like a real winner, too.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:57 pm

Yeah, it sounds pretty horrific overall and I do hope things get better. My wife's mother and father divorced when she was 6 and she and her sister had arrangements with him similar to what you've described (alternating weekends, holidays, etc...) for a good 8 years or so. Eventually though her father moved away to TX and while it wasn't great initially, in hindsight my wife has actually said it was probably a better arrangement for them as she was getting resentful being shipped off every other weekend, away from her friends or being rushed out the door on Xmas morning to get to his house. Her parents were also nothing but civil with one another, but I've seen extended family have really strained relationships with their ex and it ends up doing a number on their kids. They play games with custody, holding them until the last possible minute, being totally inflexible when the child has sportsball practice or a birthday party...just a mess everywhere.

Anyway, I hope you have solid footing to move forward on and I truly wish you and your kids the best.

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:17 pm

Congrats! Sounds like as much of a win as you could have hoped for.

msduncan · Post by **msduncan** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:47 pm

After she refused my hand shake, I would have given the GAL a huge smile and a nice, big, hearty WINK. Maybe even a slight head nod with that wink for emphasis.

Let her stew on that shit for a day or two.

Scuzz · Post by **Scuzz** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:56 pm

Sounds like you did about as good as you could have hoped. I am happy for you, especially after everything you went thru.

I hope the ex stays to her part of the agreement.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 8:35 pm

pr0ner wrote:It doesn't sound like this ordeal is totally over, but at least you got some kind of positive resolution out of the mess.

The GAL sounds like a real winner, too.

It’s never over until the kids are of adult age and responsible for their own medical insurance.

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:06 pm

You're a better person than me to try and shake hands.

Lemme tell you of me just a little so maybe you'll have an idea of your kids feelings.

My parents divorced when I was 9 months old. My dad cheated. I was raised by my grandmother and grandfather on my moms side. My mom had to work so she let her mom take care of me. But then suddenly my grandmom...her mom...wanted me full time. Understand my granny was a PUSHY bossy lady who could not be turned down. She could be loving too but it was her way only. Mom gave in. Dad wanted me really bad but the courts were against him. Until I was about 8 he only got me on Sunday evenings. My granny HATED him and tried to turn me against him. Didn't work. He kept trying and never gave up..

When I was 8 he got a new court and the time changed from Sunday evening only to Friday after school to Sunday night. I would have lived with him but when I was in that court speaking to the judge at 8 years old I said Id just stay with granny because I felt sorry for her. Ive always been too damn nice and I was being nice and honest. I wanted to live with dad but felt bad for granny who was about 70 by then. My grandad had died when I was 8 so and that the reason of the new court session.

I finally moved in fully with dad when I was 16 because by then my grannys mind was shot.

So all that out there now on the net. Know I loved every bit of time I had with my dad. All of it. He was a great man. It felt like I had more time with him than I did. Of all those weekends he only missed 2. One when I was so sick I couldn't get out of bed and he came by and brought me some roast duck. Only time I ever had any and I found it amazing. Another when I asked to stay home because me and my best friend made plans. See I was always gone on the weekend so my best bud and me were either at school or I was gone. So I asked to stay once. Looking back I guess this gave him and my stepmom a break. Im still sad I never considered that as a kid.

Anyways just know I loved my dad. It was just my life and I loved it all. I miss my dad the most now that everyone is gone. I love him so much still. So never think your kids will feel any less of you for not having them all the time or that your ex can harm your relationship with them no matter how hard they try. Kids can feel their own way.

Oh lastly..what is a GAL? I lost that somewhere through the story.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:30 pm

Eel Snave wrote:guardian ad litem.

em2nought · Post by **em2nought** » Tue Dec 04, 2018 10:14 pm

Glad things worked out as well as the did for you. I think I'd still get the damn body camera.

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Wed Dec 05, 2018 8:19 am

Congrats on the (good?) outcome!

Now you've just got to rely on a psychotic Ex and hope she'll abide by the judges ruling without constantly trying to screw with you.

Eel Snave · Post by **Eel Snave** » Wed Dec 05, 2018 9:11 am

Well, if she does try shit, the judge is going to be none too pleased.

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Wed Dec 05, 2018 9:18 am

Oh, I get it - but I've seen crazy do crazy, and it doesn't cure itself. If she's bananas now, she'll be bananas later - or maybe even a whole fruit salad ... I've seen people like that just ruin things because they can, even if it means destroying themselves in the process. Crazy doesn't have to make sense. That's why it's crazy!

Be sure to enjoy the time you've got with the kids.

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:09 am

I want to say congrats but I don't understand the GAL. If the GAL is a court appointed independent attorney with no agenda assigned to the children's best interests, why did the she seem to be working with your ex's attorney? Why do they believe you are abusive without evidence? Why would she agree to leave a child with you at all as some sort of arbitration for abuse? Why would they even put that on the table? I'm way on the outside and so glad I've never been tossed around in the environment. I'm sorry you and yours are going through this because it sounds like it's going to be a long process even after arbitration and a supposed independent arbiter is behaving like a prosecutor and that you are going to forced to live with a stigma she has attached to you at least until your children come of age. Good luck. May you have more energy to work for the better of your family than I'll ever have. (This of course assumes you are not abusive and we aren't just lost in your narration...)

pr0ner · Post by **pr0ner** » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:40 am

I think, historically, the court tends to side with women more often than not in divorce/custody hearings.

Isgrimnur can probably correct me if I'm wrong.

MonkeyFinger · Post by **MonkeyFinger** » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:41 am

Isgrimnur wrote: ↑Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:30 pm
Eel Snave wrote:guardian ad litem.

Had to look that up too although I suspected what it was... Global Address List is what I see it as.

Damn, quite the story! Best of luck with whatever comes next.

Asharak · Post by **Asharak** » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:57 am

Eel Snave wrote: ↑Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:37 pm I knew I wasn't going to get 50/50. It was a bridge too far this soon, but this is about the best result I could have possibly gotten.

Congrats! I'm glad things worked out so well for you, despite the mountain-load of crap you had to go through to get there. Hopefully it will get easier from here.

- Ash

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:58 am

pr0ner wrote: ↑Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:40 am I think, historically, the court tends to side with women more often than not in divorce/custody hearings.

Isgrimnur can probably correct me if I'm wrong.

Erlich Legal has an infographic from a lawyer marketing firm:

In just over 51% of custody decisions, both parents agree that the mother should become the custodial parent. In roughly 29% of custody decisions, this is made without any assistance from the court or from a mediator. 11% are determined with the assistance of a mediator, and 5% are determined following a custody evaluation. By comparison, only 4% of custody cases require going to trial before primary custody is decided. Overall, 91% of custody decisions do not require the family court to decide.

HuffPo

In custody decisions, mothers are more likely to receive primary residential custody than fathers. Although in the past decade there has been an increase in equal residential custody, mothers are still much more likely to be awarded primary residential care. Across a wide range of jurisdictions the estimates are that mothers receive primary custody 68-88% of the time, fathers receive primary custody 8-14%, and equal residential custody is awarded in only 2-6% of the cases.

Eel Snave · Post by **Eel Snave** » Wed Dec 05, 2018 6:45 pm

Also, my ex wife sounds REALLY convincing until you start poking at her stories a little bit. She can cry on demand. (She used to do it to me to freak me out and keep me off my game.) She can switch moods quickly. She's a petite, professional-looking Hispanic woman who looks like she couldn't hurt anyone.

So, if this person comes into your office and you are NOT prepared for her AND you are pre-disposed to believe battered women (the GAL used to work for Legal Action, which helps battered women find attorneys) it's easy to see why she would be believed.

Like, every effort I would make to be deprecating or conciliatory to the GAL came off as manipulative. For example, I invited her into my home to observe us, and she spent hours with us. I brought in videos of the kids and I playing. I got specific with the GAL over incidents where my ex was the aggressor, like trying to trade child support money for placement.

But, if I'm a horrible monster, then every fight that my ex had ever had with me suddenly becomes justified, you know? Is my ex refusing to agree to give me more time with the kids in an informal setting? She's not being difficult, she's PROTECTING them. Is my ex arguing with me about how much school photos cost and writing "Do you need me to teach you how to add????" then doing a post-it note of addition? She's at her wit's end with a HORRIBLE monster.

This has been incredibly eye-opening for me as a father, you know?

Default · Post by **Default** » Wed Dec 05, 2018 7:52 pm

Eel Snave wrote: ↑Wed Dec 05, 2018 6:45 pm Also, my ex wife sounds REALLY convincing until you start poking at her stories a little bit. She can cry on demand. (She used to do it to me to freak me out and keep me off my game.) She can switch moods quickly. She's a petite, professional-looking Hispanic woman who looks like she couldn't hurt anyone.

So, if this person comes into your office and you are NOT prepared for her AND you are pre-disposed to believe battered women (the GAL used to work for Legal Action, which helps battered women find attorneys) it's easy to see why she would be believed.

Like, every effort I would make to be deprecating or conciliatory to the GAL came off as manipulative. For example, I invited her into my home to observe us, and she spent hours with us. I brought in videos of the kids and I playing. I got specific with the GAL over incidents where my ex was the aggressor, like trying to trade child support money for placement.

But, if I'm a horrible monster, then every fight that my ex had ever had with me suddenly becomes justified, you know? Is my ex refusing to agree to give me more time with the kids in an informal setting? She's not being difficult, she's PROTECTING them. Is my ex arguing with me about how much school photos cost and writing "Do you need me to teach you how to add????" then doing a post-it note of addition? She's at her wit's end with a HORRIBLE monster.

This has been incredibly eye-opening for me as a father, you know?

Be the best dad you can be. The kids will see it, and they're the ones who matter in the end. Good on ya for fighting the good fight!