Ex-wife is moving in. I'd like my eight dollars back, please.

[Blackhawk]

Reference to this thread 11 1/2 years ago.

So, I've hinted at it a few times, but my ex-wife and I have been seeing each other again more than a decade after our divorce. It wasn't a light decision, nor one that we went into blind. We both spent a decade dealing with our demons. She dealt with some major personal issues, started college, got her degree. I found out who I was. The kids were ~3 and 5, now they're 15 and 17. We've been taking it slow over the past ten months or so. We only told the kids a few months ago, and it still isn't public knowledge around here. Last Wednesday she moved in. We're still in the process of moving all of her stuff over, and it is coming from two different houses, one of which was her elderly mother's who's also moving into a different place across town (which, let's be honest, means about a mile around here.)

So the past week has been chaos. I'm an autistic person who needs routine to function. My routines are all kerput because of the changes, but the move is still 'in progress', so I haven't been able to establish new routines. I can't state how much of an impact this has on me. I haven't been able to get a damned thing done, as all of my productivity is built around the routines that don't exist. My mind keeps telling me, "this is for Thursday", the day when I don't have the kids. Or "It's Tuesday, it doesn't get done" - because Tuesday is the day that I'm the busiest with the kids, low on sleep, and exhausted. The thing is that I now have the kids every day. There is no more 'Thursday', and Tuesday is now no different than any other.

I know it sounds strange to people with normally wired brains, but without routines, I hit a wall. Reading is mornings while I have the house to myself. I no longer have that, so I can't seem to read. Cleaning is focused around the weeks when the kids are gone. Now the kids are never gone, and everything is dusty. I keep trying to get things done on days that don't exist, and it just doesn't work that way. I'll adjust (change is inevitable in life, and I know I'll adapt), but it's leaving me way off balance for now!

And then there's the issue of money. Her previous situation lasted ~6+ years, and saw her being completely supported such that she didn't need to work. The timing of going from that situation to this situation was sudden and unexpected for both of us. Since the decision was made, she's been working day and night trying to handle the move, and it hasn't been a simple one, mostly because of her mom's age and health. As soon as she isn't packing, unpacking, and filling out paperwork for twelve hours a day, she'll be looking for a job, but it may not be immediate (there isn't much around here, and she hasn't worked in six years), so we figure that there will be two or three months with no extra income. That means a slight increase in my utility bills, but doubling my food, household, and gas expenses. We're looking at an extra ~$600-$800 per month, all of which will have to go straight on to the credit card, to be paid off as soon as she finds work.

It's a great situation. I'm really happy with how things are turning out, and it is so, so nice to have a family again after more than a decade. But the transition phase has my stress levels through the roof!

[Isgrimnur]

Congratudolences.

[Paingod]

Congratulations, I'm so sorry!

[DD*]

I eagerly(?) look forward to the Midwest version of the Drazzil threads in the near future...

[stessier]

Wow - good luck! And Congrats!

[Isgrimnur]

I eagerly(?) look forward to the Midwest version of the Drazzil threads in the near future...

Impossible. Blackhawk is more self-aware than some of the more neurotypical members. He's certainly got Drazzil beat hands down.

[Blackhawk]

I eagerly(?) look forward to the Midwest version of the Drazzil threads in the near future...

If I didn't trust her, this wouldn't be happening. There's a reason we waited almost a year. I'm not going into detail on all of the circumstances, as it isn't my story to tell, but she's legit.

[El Guapo]

Congrats!

Are you willing to consider moving if the ex-wife finds work not in the immediate geographic area? Obviously that would mean more chaos, but the wider the geographic scope the greater her odds of success, and to some degree if there's going to be chaos you might as well get as much of it over as quickly as possible.

[ImLawBoy]

Good luck! FWIW, my sister and her husband divorced after about ten years and two kids, were apart for seven or eight years, and are married again for the last ten or so. Seems to be working out this second time.

[Jaymann]

My ex wife got remarried, then re-divorced, then would not move out of her second ex's house. She leeched off him for about five years until he finally had to sell the house and pay for her to move to Seattle where she can leech off her sister (because they apparently hate jobs there). Talk about dodging a bullet!

[Smoove_B]

It's a setup! She has you on a 11 year long-con!

But seriously, that's pretty cool and yeah, I'm sure routines are all over the place right now. I've seen my parents go through something similar back in March (not unusual). They had a routine for like 40 years that was suddenly disrupted when my dad was forced to retire. They're still adjusting so I'm sure you'll eventually get there yourself.

[Skinypupy]

So, I've hinted at it a few times, but my ex-wife and I have been seeing each other again more than a decade after our divorce.

I caught a few of those, but figured it wasn't my place to ask. Thanks for the update for us Nosy Nellies.

Glad to hear things are moving in such a (mostly) positive direction.

[DD*]

I eagerly(?) look forward to the Midwest version of the Drazzil threads in the near future...

If I didn't trust her, this wouldn't be happening. There's a reason we waited almost a year. I'm not going into detail on all of the circumstances, as it isn't my story to tell, but she's legit.

But how does she feel about cats?

[AWS260]

That's really exciting, BH. Congratulations!

[NickAragua]

I'm pretty sure I'm not autistic, but I still need a routine to function. Otherwise, I default to staring at the computer screen or sleeping. Good luck, man.

[Blackhawk]

I eagerly(?) look forward to the Midwest version of the Drazzil threads in the near future...

Impossible. Blackhawk is more self-aware than some of the more neurotypical members. He's certainly got Drazzil beat hands down.

You drank my Kool-Aid, didn't you?

[Isgrimnur]

I eagerly(?) look forward to the Midwest version of the Drazzil threads in the near future...

Impossible. Blackhawk is more self-aware than some of the more neurotypical members. He's certainly got Drazzil beat hands down.

You drank my Kool-Aid, didn't you?

[Blackhawk]

Congrats!

Are you willing to consider moving if the ex-wife finds work not in the immediate geographic area? Obviously that would mean more chaos, but the wider the geographic scope the greater her odds of success, and to some degree if there's going to be chaos you might as well get as much of it over as quickly as possible.

I would love to. She would love to. There are two limiting factors: First, until we have money in pocket and a steady second income, we wouldn't be able to move if offered the greatest opportunity on Earth. We just don't have the resources to move (actual moving expenses, first-last-deposit on a place that would cost far more than what I have now, etc.) Second is that until my eldest finishes high school, we can't leave the general area. We've discussed moving closer to his school (which is about 20 miles away), but can't move away from it.

[Lorini]

Congrats! My ex lives with me but we aren't in a relationship. He lost the house I gave him after our divorce, and was going to be on the streets. Well I couldn't have my son visiting him on LA's infamous skid row so I let him move in with me. He's been here for 7 years now and at least for me it's been great. No more arguing because if he argues he leaves. He pays lessened rent with his Social Security and does stuff around the house, shops and cooks. It works out fine.

[Daehawk]

I hope it works out for you two BH.

But what happened with the

she no longer feels any sort of romantic attachment to men

?

[DD*]

I hope it works out for you two BH.

But what happened with the

she no longer feels any sort of romantic attachment to men

?

Now this has the potential to be much, MUCH better than Drazzil's cats...

(in all seriousness, good luck to you. My ex and I get along better since we've been divorced than we ever did when we were married )

[Blackhawk]

I hope it works out for you two BH.

But what happened with the

she no longer feels any sort of romantic attachment to men

?

The same thing that happened to 'she only feels romantic attachment to men': A decade happened. She explored that part of herself, was engaged to a woman for a while, and continued to change the same way all of us do. For example the Blackhawk that wrote that original post was a dedicated religious person (a pagan.) The Blackhawk now is a skeptic and disinterested atheist. A decade is along time, especially when you spend it overcoming your own problems and getting to know yourself.

[Isgrimnur]

Does she still have her half of the knot?

[Jeff V]

So...if we happen to get together next time I'm in Indy, it'll be like nothing ever happened? It doesn't seem possible that it was that long ago when you were an (ostensibly) happy couple and my nephews were just young kids (they are mid-20's now).

[Z-Corn]

I'm glad to hear the good news!

My parents divorced when I was around 4 years old. They remarried 9 months later and had three more kids over the next 20+ years. Then they divorced again when my youngest sister was about 16.

So...you know...all families are weird.

[em2nought]

So...you know...all families are weird.

My buddy married his ex-girlfriend's mother, and then adopted the ex-girlfriend's newborn infant who wasn't his.

[morlac]

This is pretty cool, congrats my man!


Where do we send the $8.00?

[Kraken]

Congrats!

Are you willing to consider moving if the ex-wife finds work not in the immediate geographic area? Obviously that would mean more chaos, but the wider the geographic scope the greater her odds of success, and to some degree if there's going to be chaos you might as well get as much of it over as quickly as possible.

I would love to. She would love to. There are two limiting factors: First, until we have money in pocket and a steady second income, we wouldn't be able to move if offered the greatest opportunity on Earth. We just don't have the resources to move (actual moving expenses, first-last-deposit on a place that would cost far more than what I have now, etc.) Second is that until my eldest finishes high school, we can't leave the general area. We've discussed moving closer to his school (which is about 20 miles away), but can't move away from it.

I have often thought that your isolation makes your problems more challenging, logistically speaking. Moving closer to civilization can only help. I hope that works out for you.

[Isgrimnur]

Congrats!

Are you willing to consider moving if the ex-wife finds work not in the immediate geographic area? Obviously that would mean more chaos, but the wider the geographic scope the greater her odds of success, and to some degree if there's going to be chaos you might as well get as much of it over as quickly as possible.

I would love to. She would love to. There are two limiting factors: First, until we have money in pocket and a steady second income, we wouldn't be able to move if offered the greatest opportunity on Earth. We just don't have the resources to move (actual moving expenses, first-last-deposit on a place that would cost far more than what I have now, etc.) Second is that until my eldest finishes high school, we can't leave the general area. We've discussed moving closer to his school (which is about 20 miles away), but can't move away from it.

I have often thought that your isolation makes your problems more challenging, logistically speaking. Moving closer to civilization can only help. I hope that works out for you.

I'm sure rush hour traffic in Evansville is very soothing.

[ImLawBoy]

Congrats!

Are you willing to consider moving if the ex-wife finds work not in the immediate geographic area? Obviously that would mean more chaos, but the wider the geographic scope the greater her odds of success, and to some degree if there's going to be chaos you might as well get as much of it over as quickly as possible.

I would love to. She would love to. There are two limiting factors: First, until we have money in pocket and a steady second income, we wouldn't be able to move if offered the greatest opportunity on Earth. We just don't have the resources to move (actual moving expenses, first-last-deposit on a place that would cost far more than what I have now, etc.) Second is that until my eldest finishes high school, we can't leave the general area. We've discussed moving closer to his school (which is about 20 miles away), but can't move away from it.

I have often thought that your isolation makes your problems more challenging, logistically speaking. Moving closer to civilization can only help. I hope that works out for you.

I'm sure rush hour traffic in Evansville is very soothing.

I've driven in "rush hour" traffic in Indy. The city's too spread out to build up any good traffic jams.

[edit]Damn your quick edit![/edit]

[Isgrimnur]

[Blackhawk]

Indy's traffic is pretty mild compared to some places I've lived and driven. Both Michelle and I want out of Indiana. Badly. We stayed here because of family. Michelle's mother is losing her sight now, quickly enough that she won't be able to drive within the next few months. Her new place is a block away, and we're the only ones really looking out for her. Ian is autistic enough that changing schools after 11 years in the same school complex would probably be really risky. Our rent on a two bedroom duplex is $400 a month, a fraction of what it would be anywhere else.

We really, really want out. I was born in San Bernardino, and in addition to Indiana, I grew up in Fresno, Reno, and Denver. I'm not a small-town person. It just isn't really possible to leave until several aspects of our situation (her mother, Ian, our finances) all change drastically. In a few years we really hope to be gone. Hell, even Terre Haute would be a step up.

So...if we happen to get together next time I'm in Indy, it'll be like nothing ever happened? It doesn't seem possible that it was that long ago when you were an (ostensibly) happy couple and my nephews were just young kids (they are mid-20's now).

I dug up the pictures. August 19, 2005. A little over 13 years.

[TheMix]

Grats, BH.

[Lorini]

No traffic can be as bad as LA traffic, bet I'd hardly notice in Indy.

[Default]

Congratz, and best of luck to everyone!



Since my divorce, I've become a lesbian. <whoosh> I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders! ( Noo, seriously, I wish much success on go #2)

[Paingod]

Since my divorce, I've become a lesbian.

Given how much my wife hates men, if we were to ever divorce I swear this is the way she'd go... but she insists she has zero romantic inclination towards women.

Still, a serious post and well wishes for Blackhawk are in order. I hope it sticks this time around, and I hope your routine comes back into focus quickly.

[The Meal]

Sounds like wonderful changes are afoot. Congratulations!

Sounds like significant changes abound. Good luck!

[Asharak]

Congrats!

I'm pretty sure I'm not autistic, but I still need a routine to function. Otherwise, I default to staring at the computer screen or sleeping. Good luck, man.

As I resemble this remark, I also hope that you get some semblance of routine back soon!

- Ash

[Carpet_pissr]

So the past week has been chaos. I'm an autistic person who needs routine to function. My routines are all kerput because of the changes, but the move is still 'in progress', so I haven't been able to establish new routines. I can't state how much of an impact this has on me. I haven't been able to get a damned thing done, as all of my productivity is built around the routines that don't exist. My mind keeps telling me, "this is for Thursday", the day when I don't have the kids. Or "It's Tuesday, it doesn't get done" - because Tuesday is the day that I'm the busiest with the kids, low on sleep, and exhausted. The thing is that I now have the kids every day. There is no more 'Thursday', and Tuesday is now no different than any other.

I know it sounds strange to people with normally wired brains, but without routines, I hit a wall. Reading is mornings while I have the house to myself. I no longer have that, so I can't seem to read. Cleaning is focused around the weeks when the kids are gone. Now the kids are never gone, and everything is dusty. I keep trying to get things done on days that don't exist, and it just doesn't work that way. I'll adjust (change is inevitable in life, and I know I'll adapt), but it's leaving me way off balance for now!

I wonder if those behavioral responses are also typical for someone with ADD tendencies? Sounds awfully familiar...

[Carpet_pissr]

Double post. Apparently can’t delete posts in Tapatalk.

Edit: Actually, I’ll use this space to ask if at any point during the past decade, did you agree to board her fucking Pomeranian, man?