Wife in hospital..stroke

Everything else!

Moderators: Bakhtosh, EvilHomer3k

Post Reply
User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 63530
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

May one day Smoove.
Just a thought: The last time you got a driver's license did you have to go through all the produce these documents and receipts to prove you're who you say you are and actually live where you say you live?
The letter says just my letter, my license and fees...which it doesn't state. Im guessing $20. Ill take my checkbook. When it was big or important Donna wrote a check for it. Im doing the same.Taxes, tags, license....haha even the garbage man gets a check. Bought the only checks a year she or I will now write.
--------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk
"Has high IQ. Refuses to apply it"
User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 63530
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Compared to my life and days when Donna was with me...when we were us...Jan blew by and I dont remember much...and this month of Feb is dragging slooooow. I think I was in shock all of Jan and now Im in despair. My sister said it would be like this. I have to go through the steps it seems. Time and more time. Sadness, anger, pleadings....stuck in life and not moving and nowhere to move to. Its a slow path to mending.

I dont know. Im still not seeking a counselor. Hoping to get by without one. I dont want to speak or be with strangers. Me and Donna talked anything out together. We knew what each other were thinking. Even a look was enough to know what the other thought. I would never ever get that with anyone else ever again. It would be frustrating I think. So hanging in on my own. I cry myself out each day off and on. But Im still here. I never know if the next day will be the better day. I just wait and see.
--------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk
"Has high IQ. Refuses to apply it"
User avatar
stessier
Posts: 29819
Joined: Tue Dec 21, 2004 12:30 pm
Location: SC

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by stessier »

You can lead a horse to water...
I require a reminder as to why raining arcane destruction is not an appropriate response to all of life's indignities. - Vaarsuvius
Global Steam Wishmaslist Tracking
Running____2014: 1300.55 miles____2015: 2036.13 miles____2016: 1012.75 miles____2017: 1105.82 miles____2018: 1318.91 miles__2019: 2000.00 miles
User avatar
Smoove_B
Posts: 54567
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 12:58 am
Location: Kaer Morhen

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Smoove_B »

Daehawk wrote: Fri Feb 22, 2019 5:59 pmHoping to get by without one.
Maybe next year, maybe no go
User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 63530
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

I swear..just seeing the living room and the lamp on makes me feel 'off'...before the world and life just felt normal..nothing..it was life...now it feels like Im displaced ..in the wrong world.

That really is it..its like its not my world. Its like I was taken from mine and placed in a weird one without Donna. Stuff is right but it isn't right
--------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk
"Has high IQ. Refuses to apply it"
User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 63530
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Was ok today..sorta. Then I decided to take her clothes out of the bag Id used to take them to the funeral home. Its what she wore a lot. What she had on to the hospital..what I washed for her to be buried in if we'd done that. Seeing 'Patient Belongings' on that bag reminded me of getting her to the hospital and them putting her clothes in it and handing it to me while they tried to help her in the ER....totally tore me apart when I saw that. I wish Id not washed them now. Oh God the last thing she wore :(

I took them out and put them where she always kept them. She wouldn't leave them in a plastic bag like that so I wouldn't either. It took me this long to do it though. I took her little boots out too and sat them where she kept them.
--------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk
"Has high IQ. Refuses to apply it"
User avatar
FishPants
Server WhOOre
Posts: 4659
Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2004 1:38 pm
Location: Canada

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by FishPants »

Honestly Daehawk, you are in a pity circle of despair -- you keep wounding yourself and flat out ignore that you clearly need help.

I can't fathom the pain and stress (I almost lost my wife to a very aggressive cancer -- and the thought of it was absolutely horrifying). But the one thing I figured out quickly? Couldn't deal with it on my own -- I had a lot of outlets locally, friends that had been through similar instances, social workers at the hospital that would pop in and check on both of us (Cancer patient's families are often overlooked.. The whole family gets cancer, not just the one person).

You need some tools to cope with the grief, your wife wouldn't want to see you sitting around wallowing in your self pity party. Pull your socks up, make a call and go talk to someone -- watching you slowly unravel online is a bit disconcerting. You deserve an outlet, you need an outlet, you need to break this cycle and put your big boy pants on. Shit isn't going to be easy, but without help you're already well on your way to crazy town.

None of this is to make fun, poke fun, or publicly shame you -- we all want you to learn the skills you desperately need to unfuck yourself enough for the family you have around you, and to cope with the enormous amounts of stress you are under. Stand up and make a phone call to one of the services in your area to handle grief, go a few times -- if it's not for you, it's not for you. You have nothing to lose, everything to gain here.
No.
User avatar
Smoove_B
Posts: 54567
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 12:58 am
Location: Kaer Morhen

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Smoove_B »

Yes. So much yes.
Maybe next year, maybe no go
User avatar
Anonymous Bosch
Posts: 10512
Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2004 6:09 pm
Location: Northern California [originally from the UK]

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Anonymous Bosch »

FishPants wrote: Sun Feb 24, 2019 2:55 pm Honestly Daehawk, you are in a pity circle of despair -- you keep wounding yourself and flat out ignore that you clearly need help.

I can't fathom the pain and stress (I almost lost my wife to a very aggressive cancer -- and the thought of it was absolutely horrifying). But the one thing I figured out quickly? Couldn't deal with it on my own -- I had a lot of outlets locally, friends that had been through similar instances, social workers at the hospital that would pop in and check on both of us (Cancer patient's families are often overlooked.. The whole family gets cancer, not just the one person).

You need some tools to cope with the grief, your wife wouldn't want to see you sitting around wallowing in your self pity party. Pull your socks up, make a call and go talk to someone -- watching you slowly unravel online is a bit disconcerting. You deserve an outlet, you need an outlet, you need to break this cycle and put your big boy pants on. Shit isn't going to be easy, but without help you're already well on your way to crazy town.

None of this is to make fun, poke fun, or publicly shame you -- we all want you to learn the skills you desperately need to unfuck yourself enough for the family you have around you, and to cope with the enormous amounts of stress you are under. Stand up and make a phone call to one of the services in your area to handle grief, go a few times -- if it's not for you, it's not for you. You have nothing to lose, everything to gain here.
Well said.
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." — P. J. O'Rourke
User avatar
Xmann
Posts: 3458
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2005 8:36 pm

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Xmann »

Daehawk, I don't get why you won't see a counselor. The, "I'll try to get by without one" thought process hasn't worked. You are stuck in this cycle and you can't do it without help and frankly, that's ok.

You know good and damn well this would be breaking Donna's heart knowing you are flat out refusing help from others.

When my dad suddenly died of a heart attack, my mom practically did the same things you are doing. I literally made appointments with a counselor for her, drove her there, and went to a support group with her. My mom and dad were married 30+ years and their relationships sounds like you and Donna's, totally dependent on each other. But after some therapy sessions and a support group, she learned how to manage the pain/hurt better and function on a daily basis. She was raised to "tough it out" and she was going to managed it all on her own, similar to you. But guess what, practically no one is able to do it on their own, including you. I watched my devastated mother eventually get back to living life and 15 years later, she's a happy person. She hurts every single day and that will never go away. But with help from OTHERS, she understands how to handle it.

Swallow some pride man and get some help. You need it, regardless of what you think you can or can't do. You aren't the only person ever put into an unimaginable position. That's what therapists and support groups are for, they are for YOU!

We are here for you and speaking for myself, you still have my sympathies because I can't imagine being in a similar situation. However, you need tough love right now because reading the same posts regularly from you screams HELP. Get help man, you need to save your own life.
gf.me/u/zhnmhs
User avatar
Kraken
Posts: 43690
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 11:59 pm
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Contact:

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Kraken »

Xmann wrote: Sun Feb 24, 2019 4:21 pm Daehawk, I don't get why you won't see a counselor.
I kind of do, because I'm a misanthrope with no nearby friends or family. If Wife dies before I do, I'll be completely isolated...and I'd always rather be alone than in the company of strangers. It is not in the nature of depressed people to seek help on their own, without a firm push.

BUT the isolation is not working for Dae. He has no experience with self-sufficiency. I've refrained from saying much because I don't want to be some random judgey internet know-it-all. Yet day after day I see him (you) living in a mausoleum, building shrines, wallowing in despair and clinging to the past, and swatting down well-intentioned advice. I'm still going to hold back my advice, because what I would do isn't necessarily right for you. But I must agree with everyone here that you need to talk to people who understand what you're going through, because what you're doing now isn't helping. This is the firmest push we can give you.

If it feels better to scream into the OO void, then by all means, scream away. But realize that that's never going to be enough.
User avatar
Z-Corn
Posts: 4894
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 4:16 pm

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Z-Corn »

It's really very simple. He has survivor's remorse and doesn't think he deserves to feel better. He's not unique but he won't listen to anything anybody says because he doesn't want to be taught how to heal. Textbook example.

All of this will fall on deaf ears.

And believe me, I am sympathetic. I've known my wife since Grade 7 and we got married in 1989.
User avatar
Kraken
Posts: 43690
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 11:59 pm
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Contact:

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Kraken »

Piker. We're coming up on our 36th anniversary, and we were together for four years before that. After 40 years I've grown accustomed to her.

I don't really know anything about psychology, but "survivor's remorse" sounds about right.
User avatar
Z-Corn
Posts: 4894
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 4:16 pm

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Z-Corn »

Kraken wrote: Sun Feb 24, 2019 7:28 pm Piker. We're coming up on our 36th anniversary, and we were together for four years before that. After 40 years I've grown accustomed to her.

I don't really know anything about psychology, but "survivor's remorse" sounds about right.
Your wife is a saint to deal with all that. When you catch them young it's easy to fool them into sticking around.
User avatar
hitbyambulance
Posts: 10233
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 3:51 am
Location: Map Ref 47.6°N 122.35°W
Contact:

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by hitbyambulance »

see a counselor for PTSD, at least.
User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 63530
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Worked on the hedges today. Got a little over half of them done. I promised Donna Id get to them and now I am. Part of me disliked it because they were the way Donna had seen them last...I know stupid......but I promised and they looked bad and I ALWAYS did them each year except last year. I trimemd them a little in the spring but not the fall. So now Im doing them. I promised ya sweetheart.

Ill get the rest tomorrow.
--------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk
"Has high IQ. Refuses to apply it"
User avatar
em2nought
Posts: 5309
Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2004 5:48 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by em2nought »

I think you should listen to all the good advice these guys have given you. I understand that being the most miserable that you can be feels like a way of showing how devoted you were. I understand that because my mom has done the same thing over my father and brother. I also know that some people think that kind of help is only for crazy people. Again because my mother feels that way, but it's not true. Give it some thought at least. Wish you the best, even if you don't want the best for yourself at the moment.
Technically, he shouldn't be here.
User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 63530
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Having trouble typing. Fell twice today. One my leg just gave out under me but the 2nd time I was on top of a gate helping a neighbor and lost my balance and fell head first into a hard gravel driveway. Dont think I broke my hand but I think its sprained or something. Its swollen and hurts like the dickens ....however much that hurts.

Anyways I went to The Caring Place today and signed up. Saw a social worker. She gave me some place for grief support groups and a place for single Councillor support. They also gave me some food and I can get some clothes if I need some.

I then went to my doctor and he gave me my muscle relaxers I used to get at my pain doctor and prescribed Cymbalta for my mind. Ive not taken it yet...just got inside. Im worried because it can cause a number of problems one being suicide or suicidal thoughts. Dont need that. He says my brains chemicals are just messed up from the loss of my wife, the sudden quitting of my pain meds after 8 years, and the pain Im in. He also prescribes 800mg ibuprofen and I got 90 for $3 at the pharmacy so win win.

Also because I am was given QMB to go with my medicare I can no longer see those doctors..They dont take QMB so Medicare wont pay for my visits. And I have no idea who to see or how to find a QMB taking place. Thats another reason Im waiting to try the Cymbalta.
--------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk
"Has high IQ. Refuses to apply it"
User avatar
Asharak
Posts: 7907
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 9:11 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada
Contact:

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Asharak »

Daehawk wrote: Tue Feb 26, 2019 8:05 pm Anyways I went to The Caring Place today and signed up. Saw a social worker. She gave me some place for grief support groups and a place for single Councillor support.
Good for you! It's a start. :)

- Ash
User avatar
Zaxxon
Forum Moderator
Posts: 28118
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 12:11 am
Location: Surrounded by Mountains

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Zaxxon »

Seconded.
User avatar
Paingod
Posts: 13132
Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:58 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Paingod »

Thirded.

I'm glad to see you taking some positive steps... just try not to land head-first on any more of them. :wink:
Black Lives Matter

2021-01-20: The first good night's sleep I had in 4 years.
User avatar
Smoove_B
Posts: 54567
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 12:58 am
Location: Kaer Morhen

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Smoove_B »

Good news man. Always forward!
Maybe next year, maybe no go
User avatar
FishPants
Server WhOOre
Posts: 4659
Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2004 1:38 pm
Location: Canada

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by FishPants »

I'm really happy to hear you are exploring this Daehawk. It's a great first step.

As for pain relief, not sure what the rules there are around medical marijuana in your state -- but I'm telling you, that shit works. My mother passed away from a brutal disease (I won't get into details, but the doctors indicated that they've had firefighters get it and say it was worse than when they had 3rd degree burns over their body) - Fentanyl would only dim it for an hour or so (She was on Fentanyl, Dilaudid etc). As a good son that couldn't stomach to watch my mother in agony, I went out and got some THC gummies (from a dispensary in Canada where I live.. While edibles aren't legal yet, pot is -- and frankly nobody seems to give too much of a shit in Canada on the edible front, it's readily available).

Anyhow long story short, is I gave her one twice a day -- and she was pain free for 5-6 hours and relaxed. The anxiety of her looming death eased, and she was able to see friends and family for a few weeks before she refused further dialysis treatment and allowed herself to pass without screaming out and she no longer experienced pain induced delirium. Yes I was my mother's dealer, and she was a hardcore anti-drug/conservative/bible thumper - she was a convert, and thankful for the help to ease her out of this life.

See if there's a dispensary within reach that sells edibles (also be careful, edibles can take some time to kick in and you may end up pretty stoned if you chase it and take more because 'the first one did nothing'). Plus the anxiety relief will probably be welcome. Look for something in the 10mg of THC per edible, start with 5mg and work your way up as needed -- but 5-10mg at a time was what my mom needed.
No.
User avatar
stimpy
Posts: 6102
Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2005 6:04 pm

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by stimpy »

FishPants wrote: Wed Feb 27, 2019 1:09 pm (also be careful, edibles can take some time to kick in and you may end up pretty stoned if you chase it and take more because 'the first one did nothing'). Plus the anxiety relief will probably be welcome. Look for something in the 10mg of THC per edible, start with 5mg and work your way up as needed -- but 5-10mg at a time was what my mom needed.
So much this. I fell into the trap of not waiting long enough before dosing again and let me tell you......it's not good.
If you decide to go this route, which I too recommend, take it sloooooow.
He/Him/His/Porcupine
User avatar
Blackhawk
Posts: 43501
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 9:48 pm
Location: Southwest Indiana

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Blackhawk »

Great news, Daehawk. Keep it going!
(˙pǝsɹǝʌǝɹ uǝǝq sɐɥ ʎʇıʌɐɹƃ ʃɐuosɹǝd ʎW)
User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 63530
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Marijuana is still totally illegal here afaik.

the group counselling number doesnt work...called the single couselor place...its near me by our walmart.....its monthly income based and they said with mine i qualify ...so should be free.

sorry cant type well 1 handed....went to doc and got xrays.....they think it will be ok....bad sprain and bent it backwards...THEY SENT THE XRAYS OVER PC TO A RADIOLOGIST...damn caps lock..not retyping
--------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk
"Has high IQ. Refuses to apply it"
User avatar
Daehawk
Posts: 63530
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 1:11 am

Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

2 months

or

8 weeks

:(
--------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/daehawk
"Has high IQ. Refuses to apply it"
Post Reply