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Wife in hospital..stroke

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Xmann
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Xmann » Fri Jan 04, 2019 12:23 am

The more I'm thinking about it the more this is really bothering me.

I hope I didn't say anything to you Brian to lead you to think everything would turn out all right. I'm worried I said something I should or shouldn't have said. I was trying to be a friend and lend you some advice based on what I knew was happening with Donna.

I feel utterly awful for you and wish I could do something for you.

Please accept my deepest condolences

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Jolor » Fri Jan 04, 2019 12:28 am

My deepest condolences.

I'm sure you feel rudderless right now. I am heartened by so many in this community offering help and guidance. Please continue to lean on us; we'll be here.
So sayeth the wise Alaundo.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by sgoldj » Fri Jan 04, 2019 1:44 am

I know full well there are no words for this, but you have people here who care and you have gotten words of wisdom for at least the practical end of what you will have to go through.

At least know that you are in thoughts and can call on any here, I believe, for comfort or just to vent, even me although we have not talked personally.

I am very sorry for your loss. I do know that you were there for Donna the whole way. I hope you take some comfort in knowing that you were and had no control over the end.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Blackhawk » Fri Jan 04, 2019 1:54 am

Daehawk wrote:
Thu Jan 03, 2019 8:19 pm
I have this weird problem where non moving things look moving to me..I mean in a big moving way. But they arent.
That, Sir, would be exhaustion coupled with stress. You have time now. Slow down a little and get some rest. You may not want it. You may fear it. You need it, though, and you need to let it happen.
[This space left intentionally blank.]

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Blackhawk » Fri Jan 04, 2019 1:54 am

Carpet_pissr wrote:
Fri Jan 04, 2019 12:03 am
At least a silver lining with that letter - what a great spouse to do that! Reading that will prompt me to write a similar letter tonight. All info, in one place, in case of untimely death.
+1
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by GungHo » Fri Jan 04, 2019 1:55 am

I am so sorry Daehawk.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:01 am

Dont any of you feel bad a bit. You all did so much to help me and then help Donna. You made her smile and cry face from happiness. She was so happy you guys cared and so am I . It did go well and she was doing great.

From what I recall and re reading my post for that evening when I came back....something had happened. They let stuff beep until I called them sometimes. Donna would pop her stats monitor off and have it stuck to her finger when she was still comatose and it was not until an hour or so they'd notice and fix it. they say I wonder why that didn't ring my phone. Her bed also only beeped but not ring their phone if she moved near the edge.
Its why I was there. I didn't like leaving but had to at times. Last time she even said it was ok.

But I knew something was off. I felt it. I asked but I didn't push it. I should have pushed it. Instead I sat and ate a sandwich thinking she was doing great. Then I went to bed. I hate myself.

I can still see her face . Her sitting there with her eyes a little out of focusing looking at me and smiling saying I love you. She knew she was doing good. She was happy. Then gone. All I had next was her on a bed with a gown and sheet and cold. She was still warm under her neck and shoulders. SO damn wrong.

I can talk to my sister on the phone some. I cant waste many minutes or I run out or buy some. But Im sitting at home. Im on the bed in her spot. The little dog is nuzzled to me. He has no idea. I feel sorry for him too. I had a hell of a day and emotions.

Im watching tv. Battleship. I saw some Star Trek Beyond. I HATE MYSELF! I never watch tv. Not in many years. Even if she asked I didn't damnit!! Im not crying. I call out and yell to please take me but nothing. I just want to go on. I dont want to be here. I wont harm myself because I want to be in heaven with her for eternity I just dont want to wait like this. I dont like it here. Nothing is right. It wont be. I hate it. I want to be with my soulmate. Poor little dog cant figure out whats up then he falls asleep cuddled against me. With me home at night he thinks its ok or something.

But you guys did so much good for both of us. Her smiling is both killing me and relaxing me. I just want her home. Me having to learn all this stuff and then do all this stuff is not fair. I should have time. But I could still lose all our stuff. Between the bankruptcy and what bills come due to us to pay I dont see how I can float on 1 small check. Never mind she was my payee. Not sure if I can use my own check . Im trying to hold off on them. I plan to be at social security when they open to ask tomorrow.

Looking at all this stuff I dont know how Donna had time to eat. Its overwhelming. Yet she seemed to have time in the world to enjoy our life and fun stuff.

But support..no. Nothing from the hospital and Im here alone cept for Buster dog. My power bill is double it seems. Would have been able to float it but now argh. Plus the subsidy we got approved for to pay some on it has'nt kicked in . No idea.

I dont want to deal with this shit. I want my wife back.

Sorry guys Im not a conversationist these days. I dont mean to sound stupid or whiny. Im just lost and scared and really alone.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Xmann » Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:07 am

Brian, I want you to know that your wife has inspired me to write a letter to my wife as well.

My father had done this for my mom and when he unexpectedly passed 16 years ago, it meant so much to my family he did this final act of love.

Your wife was an incredible woman and you should take comfort in knowing that her love for you was relentless and unending. I hope somehow you'll find peace in knowing you truly had 31 years of love many people will never get to experience.

Take care of yourself my friend. We are here for you.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Xmann » Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:16 am

Daehawk wrote:Dont any of you feel bad a bit. You all did so much to help me and then help Donna. You made her smile and cry face from happiness. She was so happy you guys cared and so am I . It did go well and she was doing great.

From what I recall and re reading my post for that evening when I came back....something had happened. They let stuff beep until I called them sometimes. Donna would pop her stats monitor off and have it stuck to her finger when she was still comatose and it was not until an hour or so they'd notice and fix it. they say I wonder why that didn't ring my phone. Her bed also only beeped but not ring their phone if she moved near the edge.
Its why I was there. I didn't like leaving but had to at times. Last time she even said it was ok.

But I knew something was off. I felt it. I asked but I didn't push it. I should have pushed it. Instead I sat and ate a sandwich thinking she was doing great. Then I went to bed. I hate myself.

I can still see her face . Her sitting there with her eyes a little out of focusing looking at me and smiling saying I love you. She knew she was doing good. She was happy. Then gone. All I had next was her on a bed with a gown and sheet and cold. She was still warm under her neck and shoulders. SO damn wrong.

I can talk to my sister on the phone some. I cant waste many minutes or I run out or buy some. But Im sitting at home. Im on the bed in her spot. The little dog is nuzzled to me. He has no idea. I feel sorry for him too. I had a hell of a day and emotions.

Im watching tv. Battleship. I saw some Star Trek Beyond. I HATE MYSELF! I never watch tv. Not in many years. Even if she asked I didn't damnit!! Im not crying. I call out and yell to please take me but nothing. I just want to go on. I dont want to be here. I wont harm myself because I want to be in heaven with her for eternity I just dont want to wait like this. I dont like it here. Nothing is right. It wont be. I hate it. I want to be with my soulmate. Poor little dog cant figure out whats up then he falls asleep cuddled against me. With me home at night he thinks its ok or something.

But you guys did so much good for both of us. Her smiling is both killing me and relaxing me. I just want her home. Me having to learn all this stuff and then do all this stuff is not fair. I should have time. But I could still lose all our stuff. Between the bankruptcy and what bills come due to us to pay I dont see how I can float on 1 small check. Never mind she was my payee. Not sure if I can use my own check . Im trying to hold off on them. I plan to be at social security when they open to ask tomorrow.

Looking at all this stuff I dont know how Donna had time to eat. Its overwhelming. Yet she seemed to have time in the world to enjoy our life and fun stuff.

But support..no. Nothing from the hospital and Im here alone cept for Buster dog. My power bill is double it seems. Would have been able to float it but now argh. Plus the subsidy we got approved for to pay some on it has'nt kicked in . No idea.

I dont want to deal with this shit. I want my wife back.

Sorry guys Im not a conversationist these days. I dont mean to sound stupid or whiny. Im just lost and scared and really alone.
Have you spoken to the hospital chaplain? They should be able to provide some guidance on grief counseling and services to help you.

I have zero idea on how you are feeling or how I would even begin to deal with something like this. But I do know there are services out there for someone in an unimaginable position you've been thrust into.

You don't have to do this alone my friend.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:38 am

No they never showed. They basically let me stay with her as long as they could then gave me a small private room with a door on the other side to leave when I was ready. No docs or support except for one nurse who seemed to take pity on me and talked to me and walked me out. I then left and came home. That hospital is 25 miles away and Im not going back. Ill never get closure. I have all this to learn and do and change so dealing with her loss is going to be up to me and my head.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Anonymous Bosch » Fri Jan 04, 2019 3:03 am

Daehawk wrote:
Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:38 am
No they never showed. They basically let me stay with her as long as they could then gave me a small private room with a door on the other side to leave when I was ready. No docs or support except for one nurse who seemed to take pity on me and talked to me and walked me out. I then left and came home. That hospital is 25 miles away and Im not going back. Ill never get closure. I have all this to learn and do and change so dealing with her loss is going to be up to me and my head.
You don't have to go back to the hospital in person; use your phone. Call the hospital, and tell them you recently lost your wife and need to speak to someone about bereavement resources and services. The help and resources are there, you need only ask for them.

You're not in any position to cope with this alone, so please do NOT try to do so.
"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters." -- Daniel Webster

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Zarathud » Fri Jan 04, 2019 3:14 am

I can still see her face . Her sitting there with her eyes a little out of focusing looking at me and smiling saying I love you. She knew she was doing good. She was happy. Then gone.
This is what you should remember. She came back to you long enough to tell you that she loved you, she was happy, and things would be ok.

At some point, you said you would trade everything for that. And you got it -- at least for a little while. She even left you a letter.

Find a church (or other place of worship) and talk to someone there. You don't want to, but you need to.
"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts." - Albert Einstein
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Jan 04, 2019 3:30 am

My 8th post down on page 3 brings back warm memories . If only what almost was. What a day that improvement was. :(
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Hobopuppy » Fri Jan 04, 2019 5:26 am

Daehawk,

There is nothing I can say that the others haven't already said. I'm so sorry for your loss.

~Stacey
Freyland's better half

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by hitbyambulance » Fri Jan 04, 2019 5:50 am

really sad to hear this. listen to what others here have said, and act on it.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Jeff V » Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:30 am

My deepest sympathy. Try to find someone, even if it's going to a local senior center, to help you with the mundane things. A lifetime ago when I ran a restaurant, one of my regulars lost his wife, who similarly done everything for him. I had to show him how to write a check so he could pay his property tax. Like you, they had no kids and he persuaded a niece and nephew to help him learn the basics. I never did know what became of him, he stopped coming in right after that.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Chrisoc13 » Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:20 am

So sorry to read these updates Brian. I feel so terrible for your loss.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by geezer » Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:46 am

Xmann wrote:
Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:07 am
Brian, I want you to know that your wife has inspired me to write a letter to my wife as well.

Me too. Its something I should have done long ago. Donna's act of kindness and forethought has made a real, tangible difference in my life today. I thank her for that, and I thank Brian for sharing this with us and also making a positive difference in my life today.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by sgoldj » Fri Jan 04, 2019 12:41 pm

All I can say is from personal experience and everyone is different. There are somethings that never go completely away. It's just that we learn to live with them. Day by day it gets a little better until one day you just sort of notice it is not hurting as much. I will echo others, please find people around who will listen to you, that, I found, was the best thing. even when I thought I was to the point of just boring them.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by dbt1949 » Fri Jan 04, 2019 1:06 pm

Personally I've never been one who likes to share their grief.
So, just go with what makes you feel better.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by abr » Fri Jan 04, 2019 7:31 pm

Sorry for you loss, hang in there. :(

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Baroquen » Fri Jan 04, 2019 9:18 pm

I'm very sorry for your loss. :(

It's understandable that everything can seem very overwhelming now. But like many have said, there is help out there. Even if you don't want to, it's a really good idea to reach out and let someone help you through this difficult time. Good luck!

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Default » Fri Jan 04, 2019 9:23 pm

I have no words that aren't feeble. I am sorry, Brian. You are fortunate to have had Donna love you so much, and she would want you to get help for yourself. Prayers said.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Lorini » Fri Jan 04, 2019 9:56 pm

After my mom died, I was devastated. I made some really poor decisions at that time that are still affecting me and that I still regret 13 years later. So go slow as you can until you really feel like yourself again.
Steer into the drift.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:08 pm

I wasn't sure I could post again in this thread. Even thought of making a new one. Or just going away. I felt though that everyone has been too kind helpful and caring for me to simply walk away from.

That said thank you all for being so damn amazing. Its still touching my heart guys. She would smile and tell me to thank you from both of us. I wish she could.

I guess I can do an update though you must be sick of sob story from me. I am. I dont want to bring people down and Donna would hate me talking about our personal stuff but Im not that way so much.

Im doing what I can to learn whats what and what to change and how. I feel bad removing my wife's name from anything. Its like taking another little piece of her away. A little of her bit by bit by bit. But I have got a few things done. Nothing major. Some have to have a death certificate. They ordered 4. At $15 each I really cant afford more but can get more later. If you are wondering about the donations Ill speak on that in a moment.

PayPal Credit sent a bill for $900 . Out of the blue. Not gotten one in years or a year. Not sure how long. They are not part of our bankrupstcy. It was supposed to be closed and something about it illegal to bill us because of the bankruptcy yet they now say its ok. Going to the bankruptcy lawyer on the 14th to discuss changing it and will ask about this PP BS then as well. We went through this once and they were told to go to hell.

Bankruptcy.....bill is $660 a month. I will have $900 a month. So will need to adjust it. It would have paid off 2020. Me and Donna were SO looking forward to being able to buy something if we wanted it. I mean so much dreaming went on. Damnit. Someone said to me they might get it down to $250. So that plus say $150 utilities, $35 car insurance (which may go up because its in her name..female), $20 garbage pickup, $60 internet and $80 tv (which may have to go, $134 home insurance every 3 months and some other things right now...is $729 and that still is no food, gas, things Im not even thinking.

Plus tags soon and property tax...that will be over $350 in a couple months. Together we could float it all barely. Or we could borrow a bit from our cousin like $150 or so and take 2 months to pay him back. She borrowed $175 just a week or so before this happened to us. I then got $31 more to get to drive back and forth. He says no worries but she always paid him back pronto. Its why he always let her borrow.Lets say Im worried.

Now for the donation and such I said. If you're saying just use it for bills..well I went to the funeral home. They are super nice and they are cheap. Used to be a pet cremation which me and D found cute. First Ill say I have found NO life insurance. None. The one I did think I found I called and it was closed in 2015. Not sure how or why. Ive found nothing else. So cant count on any. The cheap burial one was $3500 - $5000. 50% or 75% up front. No way I can do what I wanted.

So had to go el cheap. Cremation , stock contain, ..ummm yep thats it...$650. I dont feel good burning up my wife but if she were here and in my shoes I know she'd pick it too. She was so smart and made the decisions easy. Im opposite day :) My sister bought her an urn bless her too. A burial plot is $300 which I find damn cheap and good. And thats all I can afford..and without you amazing folks who made my worries easier and made my wife smile and feel happiness and relief in her final awful moments I wouldn't be able to even do that. I guess they'd dump her someplace. Damn death business. Not them..just in general. They are damn cheap. Just not to me and Donna's range of living.

So I can take care of her in a way I didn't want and over time I can pre pay to have the same as her for msyelf when that time comes. Plan to buy one plot and somehow sometime get a single headstone with both our names and such on it and when I die they put me in the same plot beside her in the same type urn after cremation. Wish it was now so I wouldn't have to miss her or fool with this world. But life is life.

Its the monthly I fear. I can get free food I think. I can lose Donna's tv..which Id HATE and have nothing to watch and I can keep all power off cept fridge and waterheater. Have done near that anyways. It will be damn cold next year and damn hot this summer. What else Im not sure.

Im just a give out sad mess and angry and scared that has never made decisions easy or at all really. I shouldn't even be typing this here but I am. She would kill me. I wish she was here to do just that. Maybe my health will. Between a pain in my head, seeing that weird animated sight that isn't really animated, and having a blood pressure of 147/106 I just might be done for soon. Had to go to the doc today for a letter to remove the payee status on my disability. It either got it removed or made me my own payee. Wife was my payee. And that way I might not get my monthly check. Of course the deductible had reset so they wanted like $80. I paid $50 before knowing what I now know about other bills.

But I do get to keep both our checks this month. So one blessing.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by geezer » Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:27 pm

Hey...

I don't know anything at all about this except for the basics (and I'm pretty shaky on those - sorry), but my understanding is that there are certain survivor benefits that you can claim related to her social security as early as 50 years old if you are officially disabled. Maybe something look into?

https://www.ssa.gov/planners/survivors/ifyou.html

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Skinypupy » Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:49 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:08 pm
A burial plot is $300 which I find damn cheap and good.
When my dad passed last year, he requested to be cremated. Mom decided to simply keep the urn in the house instead of buying a plot. He's got a great spot on the top of the piano that she plays every day. She initially found it a little weird, but told me over the holidays that she actually felt more comfortable "with him around".

Might be something to consider, but you do what's best for you.
“Don’t tickle the wall clown.” - MST3K

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:07 pm

My sister suggested the keeping part. I cant see it but it might grow on me. Never had a choice before. She did it with her guy.

The funeral home told me about the death benefit. I was at Social Security twice today for that payee thing and they never mentioned it. Guess they dont like free money to people :). But the funeral guy said its like $250. Better than nothing. Also Im just 49. Be 50 in May. I was dreading it before. Now I dont care.

I told my sister today our bill for power this month was $224. Its usually around the $150 mark. We have a fridge, a water heater, electric blanket that works on one side and....space heaters. 3. 2 run more than 3 and most times just 1 runs . We try to keep stuff off. Some lighting is on. I cant understand it. Im locked in the bedroom as we did a lot in winter. The rest of the house is cold.

My sister had a new heatpump put in and she said her bill is $100..??? I always heard those things drank money.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:17 pm

Have you spoken to the hospital chaplain? They should be able to provide some guidance on grief counseling and services to help you.
One of the cousins Donna grew up with called me today and asked if it would be ok to set me up a time to talk with her preacher. I agreed. Not sure if it will do any good but you never know. If it kills me all the better.....bad joke. But I do wish I could go be with her.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by funnygirl » Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:22 pm

Skinypupy wrote:
Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:49 pm
Daehawk wrote:
Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:08 pm
A burial plot is $300 which I find damn cheap and good.
When my dad passed last year, he requested to be cremated. Mom decided to simply keep the urn in the house instead of buying a plot. He's got a great spot on the top of the piano that she plays every day. She initially found it a little weird, but told me over the holidays that she actually felt more comfortable "with him around".

Might be something to consider, but you do what's best for you.
I expect that by now you are finding out that a plot is the least of the expense. Caskets run to thousands, there is a large fee for opening and closing the grave. In the state where my parents are buried it is required to have concrete over the grave, don't think that is required in all states but I recall that being expensive when I buried my mother (she wanted to be buried next to my father and brother, so I did not consider cremation at all).

As others have said, do what is best for you and makes you most comfortable. Possibly Donna did not want to be cremated and you need to feel you have done your best to comply with her wishes. If you are considering, however, here is a suggestion. My husband wanted to be cremated and that is what I had done. I have his ashes at home. They are on my nightstand as is my favorite photo of him. When I pass, my kids know that I am to be cremated and my ashes mixed with his. After that I don't really care. They can do with them as they wish, or if they can't decide, they can have them interred at the National cemetery here as he was an AF retiree. I suspect that is likely what will be done, but as I said, I don't really care, so long as we are together.

Whatever you decide, I hope it brings you some peace.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:45 pm

You've all been so wonderful. I thank you. And Id like to share something with all of you.

The first picture is me and Donna about 7 months after we met. We met Sept 1987 and this is sometime mid 1988. We took it in one of those mall cart pic things. She was sitting on my lap. She is so small even then she is not the same level. We think its a great pic. In fact she had many copies made and had a key chain made too. She was carrying it in her purse when I took her to the hospital even. I found it there :( She so loved it and me. It has the text "I love" on it.

The second pic is us again but at her high school reunion. Its 2013....5 years ago and 27 years later. My little dog had died just less than 2 weeks before and I wasn't sure I could go but it was an amazing time for both of us and she had great fun re-meeting her old classmates. She was so healthy and happy. So was I. I am bent at the knees. She was 4'8" and I was 6' so her head came to my arm pit height :) I squatted to be closer to my soulmate for the pics. It was made in a larger version of one of those picture cubicals just like that original pic..just larger and standing up. I still have her class group photo of that day.

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EDIT: I just noticed in that last pic her hand is on my heart and she is showing her wedding ring. Wow.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Blackhawk » Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:09 am

Daehawk wrote:
Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:08 pm
$60 internet and $80 tv (which may have to go, $134 home insurance every 3 months and some other things right now...is $729 and that still is no food, gas, things Im not even thinking.
...
I can lose Donna's tv..which Id HATE and have nothing to watch
Netflix or Hulu are ~$12 per month. Try one of those until you're back on your feet. You may find that you don't miss the $80 TV bill.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Kraken » Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:55 am

Both of my parents were cremated. Neither wanted funerals or any of that rigamarole, so I scattered their ashes at places that they loved. My mom wanted her husband scattered at the boat launch where they often went fishing. My sister wanted my mom scattered at Grand Haven Pier. Me and Wife have the same understanding, although she wants a memorial of some kind and I don't care about that for myself; whatever comforts her is what matters. I won't be aware of it anyway, having ceased to exist. The one thing we agree upon is that the thought of going into the ground gives us the willies.

Even though it's not our primary concern, cremation + scattering has the advantage of being the cheapest way out.

(Pro tip: If you ever scatter a loved one's remains, be sure the wind is blowing AWAY from you.)

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Blackhawk » Sat Jan 05, 2019 3:54 am

Just a thought, but it may be time to reapply for food stamps. You said before that you were denied because your total income was just over the limit. Your income has now changed.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by AWS260 » Sat Jan 05, 2019 9:35 am

Thank you for sharing those beautiful pictures.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Suitably Ironic Moniker » Sat Jan 05, 2019 9:36 am

I’m late to the thread, but I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. You have been on my mind since I read the news earlier this morning. I have no advice, practical or otherwise to offer that hasn’t already been posted, but I just wanted to let you know I’m rooting for you.
When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was. - Mitch Hedberg

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Jan 05, 2019 10:28 am

AWS260 wrote:
Sat Jan 05, 2019 9:35 am
Thank you for sharing those beautiful pictures.
Very welcome. Hard to express just how much those mean to me but that girl in them is my life. Not sure how to live without her . Just want her back or to be with her. So many wonderful years.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Zaxxon » Sat Jan 05, 2019 10:51 am

First off, great photos. Thank you for sharing them with us.
Daehawk wrote:I feel bad removing my wife's name from anything. Its like taking another little piece of her away. A little of her bit by bit by bit.
Totally normal. My Dad passed away over six years ago now. He's still in my phone contacts and I have no plans to remove him.

I won't pretend to tell you that I understand what you're going through. I will just say to take it one day at a time. Focus on one thing you want to accomplish each day and try to avoid dwelling on the totality of the situation.

And as others here have said, keep sharing here in whatever way helps you. We've got your back.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Suitably Ironic Moniker » Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:18 pm

My dad passed at the end of last March, and I’m the same way, Zaxxon. I also have a voicemail from him asking me a stupid question about electric shavers, just so I can still hear his voice.
When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was. - Mitch Hedberg

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Zaxxon » Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:19 pm


Suitably Ironic Moniker wrote:My dad passed at the end of last March
Condolences.

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