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Wife in hospital..stroke

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WYBaugh
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by WYBaugh » Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:51 pm

Brian, I'm so sorry for everything. This is heartbreaking.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Jan 05, 2019 1:09 pm

Thanks all.

So sorry SIM. Losing loved ones is awful. My stepmom had a answering machine with my dad on it being silly and she lost it after a while. I used to call just to hear his voice.

Today being Sat not much I can do. Found 2 more insurance places to try. One is paid each month from the bank and is a life insurance place so hoping for good news. Not for blood money in the way people normally want money but hoping to do a better thing for Donna. Will be too late most likely. But is there is anything its what she did for us, her and me.

Anyways I went to both banks and got records going a few months back so I can try and figure out what comes out each month. One seems to be just for our bankruptcy and whats left we bought food and little things to get by with from . So that one is simply. But all other bills and foods and such seem to be the other bank. Its a messier looking thing. One bank said I didn't have to remove her from the account or her name. If not I wont. I want her there with me in a way.

I found both checkbooks but one has 1 check in it and the other has 5 or so. I want to keep them but I have no idea where anymore are. She would never allow them that low unless there are more here....someplace omg the thought of trying to find them exhausts me.

In one way Im glad its the weekend. I can get a little rest.

On the other hand Im alone by wife is dead and I cant get anything done until Monday so I sit and worry.

Thanks again for all the help and love. I wish she could see this and I could tell her. She loved Netflix so much. Im not a tv watcher but maybe it will help. I just wish she could enjoy it.....dang world.

And I STILL dont know what happened. May never. I felt something was off. I didn't push it. Fuck. Maybe its true she is better off. But I wish we'd gotten many more years. Might could have.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Jan 05, 2019 1:22 pm

Ive looked and looked for our new checks. She would never let them get down to one of two without having more somewhere. Oh Lord Im worried.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by TheMix » Sat Jan 05, 2019 1:29 pm

Don't worry about the checks. Pretty sure that happened to me. Just go in to the bank and tell them you need more checks. They should be able to order you more. They'll likely just jump them to a higher number. If they ever show up, just tear them up. I think my bank website puts an asterisk next to the first new one to let you know that they aren't sequential. But it shouldn't be a big deal.

Oh, and you probably should talk to one of the customer service reps, not one of the counter people.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by dfs » Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:04 pm

Skinypupy wrote:
Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:49 pm
Daehawk wrote:
Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:08 pm
A burial plot is $300 which I find damn cheap and good.
When my dad passed last year, he requested to be cremated. Mom decided to simply keep the urn in the house instead of buying a plot. He's got a great spot on the top of the piano that she plays every day. She initially found it a little weird, but told me over the holidays that she actually felt more comfortable "with him around".

Might be something to consider, but you do what's best for you.
My mother found solace in my dad's ashes for years.

My experience was the opening and closing fees cost as much as the plot.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Drazzil » Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:40 pm

So this nine hundred dollar bill from paypal means send Money Orders or prepaid cards from now on amirite?
Daehawk wrote:Thats Drazzil's chair damnit.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:59 pm

The bank..one of the two...said I could keep it as is and leave her on the account. I will if I can.

PayPal is not getting anything. Its supposed to be closed and dead. Ill ask the lawyer again 14th.

We always paid 3 bills online. One of those I cant get logged in to save my life. Its nothing I try and even when i ask for ID reset and use the email they use to bill me I dont get a reply. Donna used to tell me the name and pass on some of these and I never paid any mind...just typed and entered and moved on. We used to write this stuff down or I remembered them. Of course when I need them I cant work it lol. Ill have to remember to change them too.

Hoping that the winter heating help we got approved for cuts in. I don't think it will until next month. This one is hiiigh. I thought we were getting the help plus it was freezing cold some days. I ran the heaters too much :(

I need my wife as well and want and miss her. :(
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Jan 05, 2019 5:03 pm

Im off all medication. Have been since I took her in. Im in pain but I need to think. I stopped then because I had to drive back and forth each day. Now Im doing everything and cant F it up more than I will anyways. So I moved my doc appt but I think Ill cancel it. Might be the time to stop pain meds. If I can stand it. Usually if Im low Im very withdrawl'ish. Right now other than pain Im good from the rest of the symptoms I usually have. I feel bad because of how I had planned to quit after kidney surgery I was going to get this year. Me and Donna both thought it would be the best time if I wanted to do that. The pain meds kept me down all year and didn't do stuff with my wife I wanted to.

I feel shitty being off them now that she is dead. But I must have a clear head no matter what. Taking an aspirin and a tylenol at times.
Last edited by Daehawk on Sat Jan 05, 2019 10:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Jan 05, 2019 5:28 pm

Again I wish to thank you all so very much.

Ive been thinking about that reaction to those first donations. I told her and even though she looked asleep her face went into a big sad face. It was beautiful. She wasn't sad she was so very touched that you all cared about her. Makes me cry remembering it. SO close to her being here soon with me. Damn.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
---------------------------------------------
I am Dyslexic of Borg, prepare to have your ass laminated.
GroovAtroN, stop asking
I guess Ray Butts has ate his last pancake.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Chrisoc13 » Sat Jan 05, 2019 6:03 pm

Thanks for sharing those pictures. Very touching.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Z-Corn » Sat Jan 05, 2019 6:18 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Sat Jan 05, 2019 1:22 pm
Ive looked and looked for our new checks. She would never let them get down to one of two without having more somewhere. Oh Lord Im worried.
The bank I service will give customers 5 emergency checks free of charge while you wait for new checks to arrive, if need be. They print them right at the teller window. I'm sure that's a common practice. Don't sweat the checks, they are easy.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Holman » Sat Jan 05, 2019 10:01 pm

I am so sorry for your loss, Daehawk.

Your wife is at peace now. Please take care of yourself, even if it feels strange. The important part of grief is understanding life, and that especially includes your own.
Much prefer my Nazis Nuremberged.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by RuperT » Sun Jan 06, 2019 12:54 am

This is heartbreaking, man. It’s always been apparent any time you mentioned her just how much you loved her, and she you.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sun Jan 06, 2019 12:10 pm

I have no idea how D managed bills and kept everything straight. I spent 5 hours working on balancing the bank and figuring it out. I still have SO much to learn and do and change. She would take a time and sit in bed and watch tv and do all this in a hour or so. I had to look up how to write a check to make sure I remembered right. Ive not written one in 24 years or so. None. I still have to look up deposit slips sometime if I need to.

Read those two posts on page 3..the 8th and the next big one down on the 2nd right before her death that night. The morning was amazing and hopeful. Just re reading where she woke up and the first thing she did was say "I love you" makes me happy beyond belief and sad beyond belief.

I feel so useless and antsy just sitting here over the weekend not able to do anything to work her death out. Not even call a business because they are closed. We'd get bills but she waited to pay. Im not sure if it was just the way or she waited because she wanted to keep up with amounts or something. Like some are due the 14th and 19th. She'd wait and we'd pay them online around the 17 or 18th. Me Im scared Ill forget them totally so I want to pay them instantly and be done. And then Im finding notes on bills like "I paid via phone so'n'so date" and I wonder why did she do that and how would I ?

So maddening. Im worrying so much on bills and banks and whats in who's name that Im neglecting her it feels. I should be talking to her more and crying more and stuff yet Im stuck with bs to do.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sun Jan 06, 2019 12:19 pm

I mean just looking at the bank stuff we pay each month..only including things that have to be paid like insurances and power and such..no food or gas or anything....and leaving a few out Im sure as I know there is one $150 every 3 month one...it comes to at least $450. Then that $660 bankruptcy one that will have to come down needs added in. Maybe if Im lucky another $250. So possibly Im looking at $700 a month out of my $900 check.

When her parents were alive it was so easy we could enjoy life. They died and I used to ask her even recently.."Its just us now and we both draw disability. Why is it we have nothing and its so hard" She would say well with just 2 of us there less money even though you got disability. Well now its just the one of us so its going to be hell.

Im just venting here and soliciting ideas guys. Im not posting this stuff in a way to beg for money. She'd say "They know that"...I still hear her words with me. But wanted you all to know. Id give it all up to have her back. Id throw this pc and all I own out a window. Id live in a ditch. Or Id go be with her right now. Either way as long as we could be together. But it seems neither are happening.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Suitably Ironic Moniker » Sun Jan 06, 2019 1:15 pm

Well, if she could send you a message now, I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to think about joining her just yet. As recovering addicts would tell you just take it one day at a time. It’s a cliché, but it’s true. If you’re getting frustrated with the finances, go do something else for a while, anything just to feel like you’re moving forward.
When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was. - Mitch Hedberg

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Blackhawk » Sun Jan 06, 2019 1:19 pm

The way she got it done was that she had a system. It probably developed from the day you moved in with just basic bills, with an extra added here and there, adjusted for changes in income and emergencies, and so forth. With time you will develop your own system. You'll be doing it in an hour in bed, too.

Think of it like a game. Perhaps a heavily modded Skyrim. She started out at level 1 and built a character. You are now jumping into someone else's level 40 character. You don't know their mods or their hotkeys, and you don't know what their skills do. But if you play for a while and get past the initial confusion of the first couple of sessions, you'll be humming along.

Until then, don't be afraid to lower the difficulty while you play (IE - ask for advice here, call and talk to companies and explain the situation, etc.)

One thing you should probably do is create a list of every bill, when it's due, and how much (approximately) it usually is.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Suitably Ironic Moniker » Sun Jan 06, 2019 1:32 pm

Considering Daehawk’s travail’s in modding Bethesda games, I don’t know if that’s the best analogy to make :P .
When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was. - Mitch Hedberg

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sun Jan 06, 2019 2:06 pm

The Skyrim mod made me chuckle. Thanks. If only I could find the life insurance. It would give me some peace to have time..a cushion...to work with for a while until I can be 100% on what is paid when and such. I worked it out as best I can for now. But having to shove it all into a month and get it changed too is going to be tough. I also need the checks and the dang state farm password. I don't want to change the account or make a new one..well other than making it in my name. But thats later anyways. I need to change the car title first. Some stuff I thought I was on like the car Im not I dont think and others I thought I wasn't on like the bank I am on.

She did have a system. It worked great for her and she was damn good at it. Like you said it evolved over time and Im just jumping into it. Right now her system looks to me like a tornado bomb went off. But I have my own system for my stuff and to her it would look the same.

Its just right now at her death is the DAMN SHITTIEST time to have to do this. I want to think on her and remember her and mourn her and try to get eased some about it all but Im not getting that time.

I know she went through this stuff with her parents and such but we had close family alive then. She had me. She had a masters degree and was a smart girl. Im a high school dropout. We worked together and lived life together. Im stumbling but making ground. I will get to that finish line but its going to be ugly. On the flip side Im sure there are people out there worse off than me. Ones in much worse shape. But its not making me feel better about the loss of my little soulmate. More than half of me is gone and its the better half. Ive lost my life.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Lassr » Sun Jan 06, 2019 2:27 pm

start with baby steps. First thing to do for your budget. Make a spreadsheet and list income coming in and when, then start listing bills to be paid and when.

I do this. I get paid every two weeks and I list what bills get paid with what check and if I need funds from one paycheck to carry over to the next to help out.

That is a good first step and just to get a clear picture of where you are with a glance. This frees your mind to concentrate of where you need to change things.

I'm not familiar with your disability or what the rules are but can you work any? One, that would get your mind focused on something else and two, provide a small bit of income.

I have a friend who lost her husband to a brain tumor 15+ years ago, she went through the same thing you are going through now. She struggled with finances, to this day she still misses him dearly but she finds things to make her happy. He would want that and Donna would too.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by LawBeefaroni » Sun Jan 06, 2019 2:49 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Sun Jan 06, 2019 2:06 pm
If only I could find the life insurance. It would give me some peace to have time..a cushion...to work with for a while until I can be 100% on what is paid when and such.
Do you know the insurance company? If so, try contacting them. There's also some helpful information and a insurance locator tool here.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Kraken » Sun Jan 06, 2019 3:00 pm

Lassr wrote:
Sun Jan 06, 2019 2:27 pm
start with baby steps. First thing to do for your budget. Make a spreadsheet and list income coming in and when, then start listing bills to be paid and when.

I do this. I get paid every two weeks and I list what bills get paid with what check and if I need funds from one paycheck to carry over to the next to help out.
Yup. Wife gets paid on the 15th and the last day of each month, so I pay bills on those days. The budget looks pretty much the same every month, and most bills (electric, internet/cable, car payment, HELOC, phone) are automated -- I just need to be sure to transfer money around to cover them. Everything else except taxes is set up for online payment...just fill in the amount and date and click Pay. I only write eight checks a year -- four each for property taxes and federal estimated payments.

My B&B (budget and bills) process has grown up over 30 years to involve two checking accounts and a savings account. It makes sense to me because that's just how I do it, but it would be opaque to anybody else. If Wife had to take it over, I'd advise her to sweep it away and start fresh.

I think all long-term couples assume that they will have time to prepare and explain transitions like this. You just kind of figure that you're going to get a few weeks or months of notice before you die or become incompetent. Daehawk got a terrible gut-punch by losing out on that.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sun Jan 06, 2019 3:41 pm

No I cant work. In fact back in 2008 my wife got a job at McDonalds to help get us through until I could get my disability. I hated it and it was hard on her but she was so strong and she was determined we would make it. I got my disability in 2010 and she quit. I cannot believe that was a short simple 8 years ago.

The only bills I knew completely about were cable, car insurance, and power. I pay those online when she would tell me. She knows the passes. I think Im ok with power and cable..its state farm car I cant remember. But I can still pay it by account # or going up...Ill go up sometime and talk with them anyways about it and the car and such. I bet they charge me more than they did her. Of course.

Other stuff I know is electronic.

But theres a few things like house insurance and a couple others Im not clear on. I see them listed and know when and how much sorta but I have found more than one house ins paper bills where she wrote on the outside 'paid via phone on certain date due next certain date' ins name and what its for. But I dont know if thats special or if she pays on phone each time or what. Maybe. Looks like she probably paid it Dec 9. I have no idea how she did that. Ill learn I guess. It will be due in a couple day so tomorrow Ill have to call. I cant even find the bill. Ill use an old one.

Maddening stuff to deal with. Just want my wife .
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sun Jan 06, 2019 4:01 pm

Things are bothering me and upsetting me and naggin me. Things that shouldn't. Things Ive been told by her to not worry about it or its not my fault or I didn't know. I know all that yet Im me and it bothers me.

Worse is She was improving SO much and we were both so happy. Wednesday we had talked and laughed all morning until I headed home to feed the dogs at noon. I should have stayed longer. Then when I got back she was asleep. I thought she was better but at the same time I felt something was off. I didn't push it hard enough to have her checked better. They are the pros not me I figured.....sigh I figured wrong I think .I worry I did anyways. Worst of all I thought she was SO much better STILL I sat and ate a sandwich and some stuff right beside her while she was most likely in severe distress or dying. I was relieved she was better and I had not ate much of anything in 4 days. I wanted to be able to care for her. DAMNIT. Sorry.

Then theres those tires. Plz Im not being sobby here or worries...just something I think about......we had new tires put on front in like April. We could not afford back tires and since then her side back goes flat over night. I have a little air compressor here I fill it up with or we stop at the nearby station. $1.50 each time. But we didn't have the cash to spare for a set . When I told her of those first donations she said get both tires replaced. She was worried with me driving back and forth to her. Plus she thought she would come home and we'd need them plus have our checks. So we could spare it. Now Its taken almost everything to just do the cremation. Im not sure what to do about tires...lol I know I sound crazy. I feel it myself. I could always simply talk anything out with her. And she me. We depended on each other to be sane. Now Im relying on you guys online. Horrible isn't it. She wouldn't let me talk about anything personal. We did it ourselves and she was super private. But I need a wall to bounce off.

Theres the yard. Our bushes are huge and the door to under the porch needs fixing. We planned on those and I promised her Id do it. I am. No problem. I just hate she wont know it and be happy. Silly again yes I know.

Worse is the back yard area. Its grown up into the top of the trees. I have let it go 8 years because of one thing or another. I have a great chance to fix it this spring and I may give it a huge go. But I kinda hate doing it too because I never got to it with her here. Ill feel Im someone doing something wrong.

All crazy thoughts in my head. Maybe its normal. Ive got you guys to tell me Im crazy or normal. So how am I doing? More crazy scale? Thats my thought :)
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by LawBeefaroni » Sun Jan 06, 2019 4:39 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Sat Jan 05, 2019 5:03 pm
Im off all medication. Have been since I took her in. Im in pain but I need to think. I stopped then because I had to drive back and forth each day. Now Im doing everything and cant F it up more than I will anyways. So I moved my doc appt but I think Ill cancel it. Might be the time to stop pain meds. If I can stand it.
Keep your appointment and contact your doctor ASAP about quitting the meds. Usually it's not recommended to quit cold turkey. I know you're going through a lot right now but you have to take care of yourself.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sun Jan 06, 2019 4:43 pm

I quit cigs cold in 92. I think it is affecting me but I also am done. They would help with my grief and mood most likely as they calmed me and made me a zombie. But I need to think clear.

Cousins called and are bringing food. They want to help. I didn't ask for anything. I dont. Even when Im out of something and need it badly I would never ask for anything.

One item is supposed to be a ham. A HAM! I love ham but I tried hard to get me and Donna one for Christmas. I tried and tried and finally found a place for cheap ham. I got there and none of the cheap ones. So we had no Christmas food at all. She had half a sandwich on white bread of chicken salad and me vienna or something. I HATE that we had nothing. But again at that time that was ok. She said we had each other. And she is right. I didn't care. It hurts now but she was right. And here Ill have a ham. I dont know what to do. Ill say thank you. But eating it will be a different story.

When my sister found out Friday she coulda killed me. Said all I had to of done was call her and she would have brought a car load of leftovers. But me and Donna were private and yes ashamed. I still am. So much wrong with our house and yard and I wont ask for help.....even if I knew who to ask. Even though I haven't been able to do anything I wont let others know. Doesn't seem that way the way Im typing on here. But I am not asking for anything....other than time and opinions.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sun Jan 06, 2019 5:46 pm

Cousins brought me some food. ive not been eating. Dont care but they insist. I weighed 199 lbs Dec 15th. Friday I weighed at the docs and was 190 lbs.

green bean casserole, potato salad, ham, slaw,. I love ham but not being able to get it for me and Donna Christmas and having ti now hurts. I am eating. that sucks too.

I wish bank records were more clear. Theres no way to tell what is edebit, check card or what. It sucks.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by hitbyambulance » Sun Jan 06, 2019 7:34 pm

creating and working towards some life goals may be a big help for your life happiness, in the near future.
Daehawk wrote:
Sun Jan 06, 2019 2:06 pm
She had a masters degree and was a smart girl. Im a high school dropout.
one thought: have you ever thought about going to get a GED?

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sun Jan 06, 2019 7:59 pm

Wouldn't make me smarter and cant work so waste of time money effort pain.

Sitting here passing time. If I talk to someone it goes better. But when I feel better or watch a show and forget or I smile I feel like shit and sad and mad at myself for that moment. I should be a total wreck not a 90% wreck. WTF .

Looking online I should qualify for $190 in food stamps. I want my wife not food stamps. Plus I dont eat much..not even before all this. I dont need food stamps I need to be rich ..hah. But food stamps would help since intentionally starving myself is suicide and suicide means no heaven and never seeing my wife. Never cared for rules.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sun Jan 06, 2019 10:58 pm

I feel a little bad. The cousin that brought food said they had called each day to her hospital room with no answer and they weren't sure if she got better and changed rooms or went to rehab or what. Wasn't mad or upset they just meant they tried to call and talk to get news and comfort me. But I was gone 12 noon to 5pm each day so I wasn't there. I didn't even know they called. I feel bad. I bet they do too. Argh stupid circumstances.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Scuzz » Sun Jan 06, 2019 11:32 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Sat Jan 05, 2019 1:09 pm
Thanks all.

So sorry SIM. Losing loved ones is awful. My stepmom had a answering machine with my dad on it being silly and she lost it after a while. I used to call just to hear his voice.
When my dad died I could still call his empty house and hear him on the recording. I waited quit a while before taking that offline.


My aunt died about three years ago. She had suddered a massive stroke in about 2000. She almost died and then kind of leveled off. She could never really talk again, couldn't eat food and spent the rest of her life in a nursing home. I always wondered if she would have preferred to have just died ouright from the stroke. But there were times when she seemed happy. She could understand you, she just couldn't reply to you.

I have a basic dislike for nusing homes in general as it seems like that for much of my life, probably 40 years, I had a relative in a local nursing home.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Mon Jan 07, 2019 2:43 am

My wife in a nursing home was a NO GO in my mind and a fear. I didn't realize what was coming. I would have taken care of her no matter my own cost in life left. I would have died to care for her.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Blackhawk » Mon Jan 07, 2019 3:21 am

Daehawk wrote:
Sun Jan 06, 2019 7:59 pm
Sitting here passing time. If I talk to someone it goes better. But when I feel better or watch a show and forget or I smile I feel like shit and sad and mad at myself for that moment. I should be a total wreck not a 90% wreck. WTF .
Emotions don't work that way. Get ten people in a similar tragedy, and each of them will respond in a different way. Some keep busy and productive through it as a way of coping. Some go numb and feel nothing. Some can't function at all. Be you.
Daehawk wrote:
Sun Jan 06, 2019 7:59 pm
Looking online I should qualify for $190 in food stamps. I want my wife not food stamps. Plus I dont eat much..not even before all this. I dont need food stamps I need to be rich ..hah. But food stamps would help since intentionally starving myself is suicide and suicide means no heaven and never seeing my wife. Never cared for rules.
FWIW, that's a little more than what I have to feed myself each month. It's plenty for one person to eat fairly well.
Now Im relying on you guys online.
These guys online were my sounding board for a very long time.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Enough » Mon Jan 07, 2019 6:06 pm

Oh my goodness, I have been out of EBG over the holidays and missed the updates. I am so sorry for your loss Daehawk and feel bad about the late reply. Please feel free to message me if I can do anything to help. Huge hugs to you and please do not feel weird about getting help if you need it. I liked hibyambulance's idea of creating and working towards some life goals being a good path to move forward on.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:09 am

Thank you all. I thought it was time for an update. I wont post everything or the post would be a page long .Will be big enough as is. Be warned theres not much wife stuff just me being sad, me seeming insane over losing her, and money worries. I am not soliciting just want to vent. I have no vent . Im alone here and you guys offered :) So if you dont want a Debbie Downer post read then walk away. Im just going to be totally open. My wife was private but she is gone and Im struggling big time. I honestly feel like my mind is sharper yet moving to the insane side of this all.

Some of this stuff is repeat info. Just gonna do it anyways to be more complete...and Ill still leave out stuff and forget stuff. Today I forgot something and realized I had it the entire time.

The good: Thanks to your donations I can pay for a plot and her cremation. My sister paid for her a copper urn which is nice. Heard nothing back from the funeral home yet. Either they or the hospital put a free little obit blurb in the local paper. If you'd like to view it it is HERE right now on page 4. Seeing that drove home the finality of it. Its not helping.

Ive paid most of the bills that need paying. Theres a few more to see about. Going to be close. After bills in one bank I may have $100 - $150 for food , gas, needs like that. In the other bank Im looking at around $300 free. So together thats my life for the month. Food, gas, emergencies, supplies, everything.

Cousins brought food and my sister gave me bags of dry goods. Donna would have loved some of this stuff and Im sad she is missing it all and cant share with me. Im sad again when I eat it without her here knowing all that. I hate eating. I have to eat though. I cant intentionally hurt myself. Makes me damn mad at times. Theres part of that insanity I mentioned.

I got my payee status changed so Im my own now.

Im on both bank accounts so that was lucky.

Im on the car title. And our insurance place is SO damn nice. It was in Donna's name because she got it there as a teenager on her Dad's insurance. She also has great discounts thanks to things like 10 year no accidents and stuff. But I was driving! hahaha I found it funny. The owners / agents wife said she is going to make sure our rates stay as they are. I hope so. I told her what I pay for garbage ....$20 a month but I have to pay $60 for 3 months ahead and this is the $60 month. She said she gives me permission to bring my bags and put them in their dumpster. Wow. So sweet! I have a 18 year old Mustang with no trunk space so a no go unfortunately.

Have appointment with bankruptcy Wednesday. Found out that though it is a 5 year deal it appears ......if D had not died....that I could get it paid off in a few months! DAMNIT TO HELL. So close for me and D to have been able to have a life. Some fun. So close. Now it will take me longer.

I remembered our wedding day songs.....At Last by Etta James and the other is When a Man Loves a Woman by Percy Sledge. Might should have not played those but did have a super good cry and scream session.

BAD STUFF:

I feel like shit. I am SO stressed. Im SO sad and mad and saaaaad. My soulmate is not here to be with me or talk to me. Im such a baby. I cry, I chuckle, I remember stuff, I cry again. Im lost guys. I am so sorry for being such a loser it feels . I am lost without her. But you all said to talk to ya and asked to help. Here I am.

As I posted that above about the bank I still have a $224 power bill. We about froze last month ( or was it the previous??) and had 3 heaters going to keep us going and stop any busting pipes. Which I need to do again this week it appears. That bill plus another which I cant find right now are going to take a chunk of my ability to live money.

See each Oct my wife sets up an appointment with a help place. We go and they see our disabled stuff and a proof of income (which I got a copy today) ....and we get either $300 in kerosene or $300 in power bill paid. Usually we get approved by early Dec and we get power help or kero vouchers come Jan or so. BUT since luck is not on my side it didn't kick in yet for the Jan bill. So that $224 is out of bank expense not covered under that $300 help voucher thing. Its $100 more than a normal bill...of course.

I cannot afford those two back tires after all. I tried. I worked and worked on numbers. I still remember Donna's face go instant cry face of happiness when I told her of your donations. We have had bad tires all year on the back. In April we were able to buy the two fronts and they were worse off. I looked at the receipt today $255 for all of it. Great deal. So down there with Donna I discussed it with her when she had woken up from her stroke enough. She said get the backs put on. But she was better and going to come home. If that had happened I could have np but now I cant afford it..again. I have to air one of them up each day I go someplace. Each day it loses 10 lb or so. They wont patch it because the tires are old and rotted or some crap. So theres that expense.

Worst is loss of Donna.....second is NO life insurance. I haven't found help. 3 places said nothing. One when I call says theres a policy connected with her cell number but then tell me nothing is there. Citifinancial who it was originally through...I speak of the life insurance that pays off her loan on death....says that because we joined bankruptcy in 2015 they cancelled her life insurance on it. Ive been told to call the insurance commission on them and stuff.


Im just going to stop here for tonight. Im getting sad and depressed and upset and the post is a heartache and a crap read Im sure. Sorry. Thats me in a handful right there in those words.

To sum up.......some good stuff has happened. Also Ive got most bills accounted for. I have a appt at the bankruptcy lawyer Wed and hope he can help with stuff. I cant afford tires and I am worried on other money fronts.

Lastly that damn well pump that died earlier in the year....was it this year?.....is making a LOT of noise. Last time even with a GoFundMe we couldn't afford to fix it and went waterless for 1 month. If it dies Im screwed. Im going to try and drain the water tank on it tomorrow.

Also cant find any checks..its maddening. I hate getting more for how little would be used. But I may have to.

If only my mind would let me stop worrying. She didn't worry all the time. I rush to do stuff that could wait because Im scared.

I want my little soulmate back or to be with her. Thats all I ask or want. Until then I seem destined to worry, cry, scream, yell, and wonder what the hell is wrong with me when Im not doing those things.

Again Ill say we thank you. We love ya. You've all been beyond amazing to a guy and gal you only know online for 15 years. Ill leave it as 'we' because I know she is here. Otherwise Id have f'd our life up much more by now. I hear her when I cant decide something or I do something. I remember her words repeated many times in 31 years. Still just want her.

PS: I should qualify for food stamps. PISSES ME off...not only did we need those when Lil'D was alive badly but now I dont need them like I need cash to use. I barely eat. Sigh.

PSS: Donna gets 1000 minutes on a free cell phone each month. At the end of Dec when I used it in the hospital I noticed it still had 660 min or so left. In just 7 days when it refilled to 1000 I have used all but 128 min. And Im going to need a lot more .So theres more money in the hole of life. I am shaking my head btw.

Nite all. Thank you.

Brian & Donna / Dae
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Kraken » Tue Jan 08, 2019 2:59 am

Daehawk wrote:
Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:09 am
I wont post everything or the post would be a page long .
A whole PAGE?!?! Mods, please raise Dae's subscription plan to Silver.
Daehawk wrote:
Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:09 am
BAD STUFF:
That was the good stuff?

You've been hit by an emotion tornado. Please keep venting here. We're reading.

You probably already know about IN's heating assistance program, but just in case....

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by hitbyambulance » Tue Jan 08, 2019 4:33 am

keep posting here, as often as you need/want. also, there's always someone who has an idea or two to apply towards any issue you bring up.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Tue Jan 08, 2019 11:07 am

You probably already know about IN's heating assistance program, but just in case....
Thanks for the thought but Im not in Indiana. Im in TN. D signs us up each year. We go and sit and talk in Oct and by Dec - Jan we have help..either $300 in kerosene vouchers for a local place or $300 in power bill help. We got approved for power this year because last year the place had no kero all winter and our power bill was awful.

But though we were approved it hasn't kicked in by now and the bill is $224...thats over the normal $150 or so for us. Its hurt this month. Ive not paid it yet as Im so worried on it. I mean I cant skip it though. I called the help place and they cant say when it will kick in but did say it should be by Feb. geez. I needed it THIS month! :(
keep posting here, as often as you need/want. also, there's always someone who has an idea or two to apply towards any issue you bring up.
I sure hope so because Im running out and mine suck anyways.

This morning Im sitting here tearing myself up over having to get rid of my wife's cable tv lineup. She worked so hard on the phone one day to talk them down to these channels so it would be cheap and we could afford it. She got a custom thing with 10 channels of her own choice..I remember hearing her picking channels....and now I have to lose it all. I have no idea what she picked. I want to keep it the way it is. But the tv is like $70 and my internet is $45. And we could afford that together and that was damn cheap. Normal tv stuff and cable here totals over $200....maybe more now. Thats been years. So $133 a month was fine with us here. But alone I cant do it. Im going to have to get rid of what my little baby worked to get. But I know she's tell me to do it. I know that. So that will help. Im still waffling. But I cant wait but a hour or two. I might forget. I hope I can lower my internet to 30 megs. I can save if so. I HAVE to have net to do all this work Im doing so if I cant lower it I may lose tv totally.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 3 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Paingod » Tue Jan 08, 2019 11:15 am

I will say that living without TV isn't hard - at all - as long as you've got a Smart TV or a computer you don't mind sitting at. Even if you don't have a Smart TV, you can get a Smart DVD or BluRay player for less than one month of your current cable bill to make whatever TV you have internet-capable.

With internet on the TV, we can watch NetFlix ($11/mo), YouTube (free), and Amazon Prime ($90/yr). Between those things, we have access to a LOT of changing content each month. I do not miss paying $100+ per month so I could be bombarded with ads every 7 minutes. With basic internet service and a computer, you can access most network stations' websites and watch a lot of their shows a week or two behind when they air for free. The only thing I can't speak for is sports events, which I never watch.

If my money was as tight as yours is, cancelling cable would be an instant no-regrets kind of decision. We dumped it a decade ago and have never missed it.

Still thinking of you and Donna, and it's made me spend a lot of time thinking about me and my situation with my wife and the life we share. Writing that letter is a damn good idea, making sure she knows where everything I have is a good idea. The only thing I think I'm missing is a buddy system here so if I pass away, someone from here can find out and let you guys know.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Sepiche » Tue Jan 08, 2019 11:25 am

Only just getting caught up on this now and I'm so very sorry to hear about your wife Daehawk. Condolences seems hardly a sufficient word. :(

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