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So.....my dad died

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Remus West
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So.....my dad died

Post by Remus West » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:07 pm

He had been diagnosed a decade ago with Lewy Body Dementia and had been in decline ever since. At the end he was non-verbal and I got a call from my mother telling me I needed to come right away. My sister had a flight landing about an hour before mine and was going to rent a car and wait for me then we would have driven together. Unfortunately fog closed our destination airport and our flights were rerouted to different airports. I rented my own car though and drove through the fog to my mom and dad's house. He opened his eyes when I got there and hugged him. He seemed to be trying to speak but it just came out as a heavy breath. I had two days with him before he passed late on the 15th of December. I have been unsure each moment since then if that was the moment I would again erupt in tears. This is easily the most emotionally painful thing I have ever experienced. I feel lost most moments like a small child alone in the mall of the world. He was my hero and the greatest man I have ever known.

My father was born during the great depression. His father literally dug ditches along the Ohio interstates. Dad enlisted in the Marines and used the GI bill to go to college. The first person in our family to do so. He went on to earn a PhD in Tax Accounting and teach at the University of Michigan for 26 years. He worked for and against the IRS in multiple tax cases as an expert witness. He retired to Hawaii then returned to the mainland when his illness really took hold. He and my mother were married for 58 years and he doted on her for every one of them. He gave all his children every opportunity we could ever have asked for as well as doing the same for multiple family members both blood by marriage through the years. I am terrified of the world without my dad but determined that I will work to contribute in a manner he would have been proud of.

I waited to post this year and debated doing it at all because I have posted so much less recently but needed to write down some of my current struggle . OO has meant a lot to me socially (pretty ironic considering how few of you I have actually met in RL) over the years and for some reason I wanted you all to know.

I miss my dad.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Paingod » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:11 pm

I'm sorry for your loss. He sounds like a remarkable and great person, and the world is a little less bright for his passing.
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OO has meant a lot to me socially (pretty ironic considering how few of you I have actually met in RL) over the years and for some reason I wanted you all to know.
I'm in this boat. I have no social life outside of my home life - wife, kids, mother, sister - and OO is where everyone I care about outside that tiny shell lives now. I don't know where I'd be without this forum and the excellent people here.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by hepcat » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:13 pm

Ah man Remus, I'm so sorry. I hope the memory of the good times you had with your dad help you through this trying time. :(
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by McNutt » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:13 pm

I'm really sorry to hear this. Losing a parent is tough, but at least you had many years together and a life full of memories.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by El Guapo » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:16 pm

I'm so sorry.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Lassr » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:17 pm

So sorry to hear that. :cry:

My wife's mom also has Lewy Body Dementia, about 4 years into the diagnosis.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by ImLawBoy » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:20 pm

Sorry to hear, Remus. I'm not looking forward to the inevitable day for my folks.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Unagi » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:26 pm

Really sorry to hear this Remus.
I lost my dad back in 2002. Seems almost like yesterday in some ways, and also seem like a long time ago.

The lost child in a mall... You nailed it. I know exactly what you mean.
sigh...
Thinking of ya.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Default » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:31 pm

My dad is an asshole. There will be no tears for him when he dies, other than possible group effect tears. You are a fortunate man, and I envy you your relationship.

My sincerest condolences for his loss, and may the memories of your dad shine brighter through the years.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Kraken » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:39 pm

As I've said before, I'm not glad that my parents are dead, but I'm glad their deaths are behind me. Losing one's parents is heartbreaking, and you have my condolences.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by noxiousdog » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:47 pm

I am so sorry for your loss.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Daehawk » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:58 pm

Im so sorry Remus. Im not sure I should post or not. Im in a terrible place too so I can understand your thoughts and emotions. All that life ...so special...and then gone in a blink. Im very sorry. 2019 is horrible! I wish I could help you. All we want is for our lives and peoples and things to stay around and be as they have always been. We cant change it and I know it must bother you...its killing me. I wish you well and hope you have people close to be with and talk to. Ill pray for you and your family.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Zarathud » Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:16 pm

So very sorry for the news, Remus. My condolences for your loss. It is good to remember the strength and memories of our loved ones, so thanks for sharing.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Archinerd » Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:19 pm

Sorry Remus. :(

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Skinypupy » Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:21 pm

So sorry Remus. We lost my dad a little over a year ago, and I know how bad it can hurt.

Glad you got to see him before the end.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by funnygirl » Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:22 pm

I'm deeply sorry for your loss, while being envious of your obvious love and respect for your father. Like Default's, my own father was undeserving of respect. I often wonder what kind of person I would be had I had a more positive influence growing up, and I hope that despite a lack of role model, I have been a parent deserving of regard.

I hope that your pain and sorrow are soon lessened by wonderful memories.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by stessier » Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:27 pm

I'm sorry for your loss Remus. I wish I had other/better words.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by TheMix » Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:49 pm

Like a couple of others have mentioned, I never had a relationship with my father. My parents divorced when I was ~8 years old. I haven't seen him since I was ~11. And only spoke briefly once after that. While I won't miss my father, just from your description, I feel like I miss your father. He sounds like a wonderful person and a terrific father. I am definitely a little envious. Of course, that just makes your loss that much deeper and more difficult to handle. I'm glad that you were able to spend some time at the end with him. Four of five siblings were in the hospital when my mom passed. I often wonder if it bothers my brother that he wasn't there. I hope that it brings you some comfort to have been there. I'm sorry for your loss.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Isgrimnur » Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:50 pm

My condolences, Remus.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by The Meal » Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:51 pm

I'm so very sorry.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by dbt1949 » Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:58 pm

It is so great that you had a good relationship with your dad. It must be really tough on you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Smoove_B » Tue Jan 08, 2019 2:00 pm

I so very sorry to hear about your loss. My mom has been quite sick over the last year, and although her prognosis is excellent it's definitely changed the way I see my parents.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your story and I do hope you find strength and comfort in the memories.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by AWS260 » Tue Jan 08, 2019 2:02 pm

I'm so sorry, Remus. He sounds like a wonderful man.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Lorini » Tue Jan 08, 2019 2:03 pm

Sorry to hear of this.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Kraken » Tue Jan 08, 2019 2:05 pm

funnygirl wrote:
Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:22 pm
I'm deeply sorry for your loss, while being envious of your obvious love and respect for your father. Like Default's, my own father was undeserving of respect. I often wonder what kind of person I would be had I had a more positive influence growing up,
Sometimes a negative role model is as valuable as a positive one. Wife spent much of her life striving to be the opposite of her mother, and it made her an awesome person. Although she never loved her mother beyond grudging filial obligation, she did shed some tears when my MIL died -- not so much for who she had been, but for who she could have been but never became (if that makes sense). Even a bad parent can be a good influence.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Captain Caveman » Tue Jan 08, 2019 2:10 pm

Oh man, my condolences. So sorry Remus.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by GreenGoo » Tue Jan 08, 2019 2:31 pm

Terrible way to go.

My condolences to you and your family.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Z-Corn » Tue Jan 08, 2019 3:58 pm

Sorry to hear this man. This is place is sad these days.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Scuzz » Tue Jan 08, 2019 4:12 pm

I am sorry to hear about your loss. Dementia is a tough thing to deal with.

My dad was pretty much dementia free until his final two months. He broke a hip and after the surgery really was never the same mentally.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Hrothgar » Tue Jan 08, 2019 5:14 pm

You have my condolences. My wife's aunt is fading away from the same illness. It's a tough way to go, but, at least, there are moments of near normality and joy, and a chance to say goodbye.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Grifman » Tue Jan 08, 2019 6:05 pm

Remus, sorry for you loss, I lost my father about 1 1/2 years ago so I can empathize. Your dad and mine sound very similar I they looked out for and aided family members. I'm glad you got to spend some time with him at the end. You and your family have my prayers.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Newcastle » Tue Jan 08, 2019 6:16 pm

Remus, I really wish you the best man. I lost my dad 11 months ago, and the pain is still there each day. I am still mindfucked over it. I miss him each and every day. I think about issues I wish I could talk about him, bounce ideas off of, and get guidance in general and that voice is gone. Best I can do is honor is memory and trudge forward. I wont say it gets easy, but you get use to it. One of the neighbors I spoke with nailed it in that "its a wound that will never heal". Youre a smart guy, am sure you'll figure it out. But if i can help in any way, drop me a PM.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by MHS » Tue Jan 08, 2019 7:48 pm

I'm so sorry, my friend. I still can't talk about my dad without tearing up and he died 18 years ago next month (wow, I can't believe it's been that long). I hope for you that the happy memories tide you over through the grieving. Sending love and strength.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Hipolito » Tue Jan 08, 2019 9:34 pm

My condolences, Remus.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Daehawk » Tue Jan 08, 2019 10:21 pm

As I told me sister on the phone tonight as we talked about dad. Im usually ok and then some night Ill think of dad and fishing or something and Im sitting crying then for a small spurt. Dad died in 2002. Hugs buddy.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Madmarcus » Tue Jan 08, 2019 10:41 pm

Thank you for sharing. In some ways my dad is similar to yours (similar age and early life) and your post makes me even more conscious of how lucky I am to still have him in my life (as do the other comments about fathers who were absent or negative). I'm sorry for your loss.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Baroquen » Tue Jan 08, 2019 11:06 pm

Very sorry for your loss, Remus. :(

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Moat_Man » Wed Jan 09, 2019 1:34 am

I'm very sorry for your loss, Remus.
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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Xmann » Wed Jan 09, 2019 1:48 am

Very sorry for your loss.

When my dad passed unexpectedly 17 years ago (can't believe it's been that long), my hero died as well. I idolized my dad and all I ever wanted was to be like him.

The pain doesn't go away, you just seem to tolerate and handle it better on a daily basis. Looking back now, I have such a deeper respect for my dad and the life he led and the example he set for me and my brother.

Your father to you sounds like what my dad was and is to me. You have my condolences my friend.

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Re: So.....my dad died

Post by Buatha » Wed Jan 09, 2019 2:51 am

I'm sorry, man.

I just went through a divorce of 17 years and I don't think I could have made it without the support of my dad.
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