Dating as an oldster

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noxiousdog
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Re: Dating as an oldster

Post by noxiousdog »

Buatha wrote: Sun Feb 10, 2019 1:18 am Frankly, I've been coming to the conclusion that most (not all) women are schizophrenic in some form or fashion. I guess I'm just too goddamn naive to think women actually understand what they want.
Of course people don't know what they want. If one did, we'd shop for a partner off Amazon and you could just hop into an eternal relationship.

It is interesting that you limit it to women. I guarantee women are telling the same story about men. I've heard it. A lot.
Black Lives Matter

"To wield Grond, the mighty hammer of the Federal Government, is to be intoxicated with power beyond what you and I can reckon (though I figure we can ball park it pretty good with computers and maths). Need to tunnel through a mountain? Grond. Kill a mighty ogre? Grond. Hangnail? Grond. Spider? Grond (actually, that's a legit use, moreso than the rest)." - Peacedog
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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noxiousdog wrote: Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:01 pm
Buatha wrote: Sun Feb 10, 2019 1:18 am Frankly, I've been coming to the conclusion that most (not all) women are schizophrenic in some form or fashion. I guess I'm just too goddamn naive to think women actually understand what they want.
Of course people don't know what they want. If one did, we'd shop for a partner off Amazon and you could just hop into an eternal relationship.

It is interesting that you limit it to women. I guarantee women are telling the same story about men. I've heard it. A lot.
+1 Was going to say the exact same thing.
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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Buatha wrote: Sun Feb 10, 2019 3:26 pm I'm not ready to jump right back into long-term relationship party, but I don't know how to enjoy the single life without getting guilted into a relationship.
My other reply was a bit harsh. My apologies.

The key to understand is your relationship needs are YOUR relationship needs. Your partner's needs are your partner's. They are going to be individual desires because you are individual people.

Be honest. Communicate. Ask for what you want; don't feel obligated to have them fulfilled. As you do/don't get your wants/needs fulfilled, then reevaluate the level of relationship. If you don't want a long term committed relationship, then don't get into one, but don't misrepresent that as your long term goals.

It's always going to be fluid because people are fluid. They change both from external and internal forces.
Black Lives Matter

"To wield Grond, the mighty hammer of the Federal Government, is to be intoxicated with power beyond what you and I can reckon (though I figure we can ball park it pretty good with computers and maths). Need to tunnel through a mountain? Grond. Kill a mighty ogre? Grond. Hangnail? Grond. Spider? Grond (actually, that's a legit use, moreso than the rest)." - Peacedog
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Paingod
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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Buatha wrote: Sun Feb 10, 2019 1:18 am Frankly, I've been coming to the conclusion that most (not all) women are schizophrenic in some form or fashion. I guess I'm just too goddamn naive to think women actually understand what they want.
They know exactly what they want, and each day that changes.

Last night I got home from school around 10:30 to find my wife awake in bed. We talked for a very brief time and I left her so I could wind down for a while. I told her good night, rest well, I'll come to bed in a while after I unwind from the caffeine and long drive. She's generally asleep by 7:30, so I figured she'd be very tired and letting her get back to sleep was the right move. When I came to bed at midnight, she was livid that I hadn't come to bed - she claims to have just laid there for 90 minutes in silence, waiting for me. Today she's sulking and not speaking to me.

I still don't know what I did wrong, except that I didn't read her mind to know she wanted to stay up with me.

I sometimes wonder how being single would treat me, and I'm sure it'd be miserable. I've never "dated" - I've only ever gone out with people I knew one way or another and a relationship formed on top of an existing dynamic.
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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Paingod wrote: Tue Feb 12, 2019 12:30 pm I sometimes wonder how being single would treat me, and I'm sure it'd be miserable.
Being single makes you miserable only if you let it make you be miserable.
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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Paingod wrote: Tue Feb 12, 2019 12:30 pm
Buatha wrote: Sun Feb 10, 2019 1:18 am Frankly, I've been coming to the conclusion that most (not all) women are schizophrenic in some form or fashion. I guess I'm just too goddamn naive to think women actually understand what they want.
They know exactly what they want, and each day that changes.

Last night I got home from school around 10:30 to find my wife awake in bed. We talked for a very brief time and I left her so I could wind down for a while. I told her good night, rest well, I'll come to bed in a while after I unwind from the caffeine and long drive. She's generally asleep by 7:30, so I figured she'd be very tired and letting her get back to sleep was the right move. When I came to bed at midnight, she was livid that I hadn't come to bed - she claims to have just laid there for 90 minutes in silence, waiting for me.
And on top of that, if you say, "Just tell me what you want," you are likely to get, "Nothing, I'm fine!"
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Buatha
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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Paingod wrote: Tue Feb 12, 2019 12:30 pm I've never "dated" - I've only ever gone out with people I knew one way or another and a relationship formed on top of an existing dynamic.
Yes, this is part of my problem.

NoxiousDog: No offense taken! I guess I feel like I know myself better than others, but then again, maybe I'm just as opaque. I try to be transparent as possible since I don't want anyone hurt.

Jaymann: Yes, nothing is more irritating that being direct and asking what's the problem and getting a "Nothing" even though you know damn well something is wrong.

Right now, if I had to be honest with myself, I'd like a FWB. I'm still trying to get my new, little house in order, adjusting to having my kids on/off each week, and adjusting to my new reality. I need to be a little self-centered right now to prioritize. Unfortunately, it seems to make me look like a "typical male".
"Some people say never...I just say no"
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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Buatha wrote: Tue Feb 12, 2019 3:20 pm Right now, if I had to be honest with myself, I'd like a FWB. I'm still trying to get my new, little house in order, adjusting to having my kids on/off each week, and adjusting to my new reality. I need to be a little self-centered right now to prioritize. Unfortunately, it seems to make me look like a "typical male".
"Typical males" (and by that I'm talking about the dating site stories I've heard) are hypocritical, demanding, and obnoxious. If you are honest, listen, and voice your desires in return, you are not a "typical male" regardless of your relationship desires.

But if you want to be a "typical male," that's ok. If that's what you want, then that's what you want.

Regarding casual relationships... many women won't be cool with that. Some will. If you are open and honest about it you'll be surprised how many women would be interested. There are a lot of people who got married young, have divorced, and want to be casual for a while before settling down again (if ever).
Black Lives Matter

"To wield Grond, the mighty hammer of the Federal Government, is to be intoxicated with power beyond what you and I can reckon (though I figure we can ball park it pretty good with computers and maths). Need to tunnel through a mountain? Grond. Kill a mighty ogre? Grond. Hangnail? Grond. Spider? Grond (actually, that's a legit use, moreso than the rest)." - Peacedog
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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noxiousdog wrote: Tue Feb 12, 2019 4:08 pm Regarding casual relationships... many women won't be cool with that. Some will. If you are open and honest about it you'll be surprised how many women would be interested. There are a lot of people who got married young, have divorced, and want to be casual for a while before settling down again (if ever).
This is true. You'll get told no a lot by those who are looking exclusively for a relationship, but sometimes honesty about that can pay off with someone who really is open to just having some fun.
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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Oh, I have no doubt about being told 'No' most of the time.

I was wanting to experiment with a profile that was simply stating the situation and see how long it would take for any woman to respond and what they would be like.

Hmmm, maybe I should create a new thread and get all of y'all to create a profile for me (after the requisite funny ones).
"Some people say never...I just say no"
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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Buatha wrote: Tue Feb 12, 2019 5:44 pm Oh, I have no doubt about being told 'No' most of the time.

I was wanting to experiment with a profile that was simply stating the situation and see how long it would take for any woman to respond and what they would be like.

Hmmm, maybe I should create a new thread and get all of y'all to create a profile for me (after the requisite funny ones).
It's actually a great idea if you have a female friend to help review your profile.

Also note, that you will still have to engage. They won't come to you.
Black Lives Matter

"To wield Grond, the mighty hammer of the Federal Government, is to be intoxicated with power beyond what you and I can reckon (though I figure we can ball park it pretty good with computers and maths). Need to tunnel through a mountain? Grond. Kill a mighty ogre? Grond. Hangnail? Grond. Spider? Grond (actually, that's a legit use, moreso than the rest)." - Peacedog
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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From the sidelines, I would just like to say that this conversation has done an admirable job of convincing me that I am fine where I am. If I were to go through with a divorce I am pretty sure I would never look for anyone else. I'm not saying there wouldn't be anyone else, I just wouldn't actively seek it out and I am pretty sure I would be fine living out the rest my life without a companion or sex partner.
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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Don't have a cow, man
Tinder-style app for cows tries to help the meat market
Black Lives definitely Matter Lorini!

Also: There are three ways to not tell the truth: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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Are these really olde cows?
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Buatha
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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coopasonic wrote: Tue Feb 12, 2019 6:05 pm From the sidelines, I would just like to say that this conversation has done an admirable job of convincing me that I am fine where I am. If I were to go through with a divorce I am pretty sure I would never look for anyone else. I'm not saying there wouldn't be anyone else, I just wouldn't actively seek it out and I am pretty sure I would be fine living out the rest my life without a companion or sex partner.
I don't need a constant companion...which is part of the problem...since women seem to want the constant part. I have my kids every other week and someone is going to have to be okay with me not being available half the month (or, not able to just drop things and go do something). I might be okay if it wasn't for the fact that friends and family don't seem to like seeing me alone.

I just don't have the spark to dedicate myself like I did before. I don't know if I'm broken or still emotionally numb from the divorce, but I know I wouldn't be good for someone wanting a serious relationship...at least for the foreseeable future.
"Some people say never...I just say no"
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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Buatha wrote: Wed Feb 13, 2019 12:28 am I just don't have the spark to dedicate myself like I did before. I don't know if I'm broken or still emotionally numb from the divorce, but I know I wouldn't be good for someone wanting a serious relationship...at least for the foreseeable future.
Just wanted to throw out there that feelings can change in quite unpredictable ways when you are actually dealing with a person and you start feeling something towards them. I've met some people where I was only modestly interested, some where interest developed slowly over time, and then recently with Dream Girl, found myself wondering if I sold all my possessions and renounced everything I ever believed in if she would consent to dating me for a while. Not saying that last reaction was healthy, just mentioning that feelings can change in odd ways.
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Re: Dating as an oldster

Post by paulbaxter »

Somehow at my advanced age I just had my very first cute-but-pretty-drunk-girl-at-a-bar-wants-to-make-out-with-me experience last night.

We traded numbers and I asked her to text me if she made it home safely (which she did), but can't imagine that going anywhere. Still, another new experience for me. I guess it's just a random benefit of going to a bar alone on Valentine's Day.
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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Black Lives Matter

"To wield Grond, the mighty hammer of the Federal Government, is to be intoxicated with power beyond what you and I can reckon (though I figure we can ball park it pretty good with computers and maths). Need to tunnel through a mountain? Grond. Kill a mighty ogre? Grond. Hangnail? Grond. Spider? Grond (actually, that's a legit use, moreso than the rest)." - Peacedog
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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paulbaxter wrote: Fri Feb 15, 2019 12:38 pm Somehow at my advanced age I just had my very first cute-but-pretty-drunk-girl-at-a-bar-wants-to-make-out-with-me experience last night.
If it wasn't for this very scenario, I'd probably still be a virgin.
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Buatha
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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paulbaxter wrote: Fri Feb 15, 2019 12:38 pm Somehow at my advanced age I just had my very first cute-but-pretty-drunk-girl-at-a-bar-wants-to-make-out-with-me experience last night.

We traded numbers and I asked her to text me if she made it home safely (which she did), but can't imagine that going anywhere. Still, another new experience for me. I guess it's just a random benefit of going to a bar alone on Valentine's Day.
My first ever post-divorce date ended with the woman asking me for a kiss. I was...stunned.
"Some people say never...I just say no"
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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My ex wife won't let me date my ex daughter in law.
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Re: Dating as an oldster

Post by paulbaxter »

Just started dating this woman who I've known and liked pretty well for over a year, and holy cow did things heat up in a hurry. It's been a VERY nice last few days.
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Re: Dating as an oldster

Post by noxiousdog »

paulbaxter wrote: Fri Mar 29, 2019 12:44 am Just started dating this woman who I've known and liked pretty well for over a year, and holy cow did things heat up in a hurry. It's been a VERY nice last few days.
:horse:
Black Lives Matter

"To wield Grond, the mighty hammer of the Federal Government, is to be intoxicated with power beyond what you and I can reckon (though I figure we can ball park it pretty good with computers and maths). Need to tunnel through a mountain? Grond. Kill a mighty ogre? Grond. Hangnail? Grond. Spider? Grond (actually, that's a legit use, moreso than the rest)." - Peacedog
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Re: Dating as an oldster

Post by paulbaxter »

It's been a little over a month now and my young lady friend and I are still totally crazy for each other. What a wild trip this year has been. Unfortunately she'll be leaving the country later this year for a year long stint, so we'll see how this goes, but everything so far has been pointing toward her being a real keeper. It's crazy being med life and again being excited about meeting someone and sharing tons of interests and activities with them and just enjoying being in love again.
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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Good luck!
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Re: Dating as an oldster

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That's awesome! Congrats!
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Re: Dating as an oldster

Post by Hamlet3145 »

paulbaxter wrote: Mon Apr 29, 2019 9:01 pm It's crazy being med life and again being excited about meeting someone and sharing tons of interests and activities with them and just enjoying being in love again.
You, Sir, are the herald of hope. Enjoy it. :clap:
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Unagi
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Re: Dating as an oldster

Post by Unagi »

paulbaxter wrote: Mon Apr 29, 2019 9:01 pm . It's crazy being med life and
somewhere after mid-life, but before the end.... you are in "med" life.

:D


grats!, by the way.
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