Date Night - WTF do (married) people do?

[coopasonic]

We'll be celebrating our 20th anniversary this summer. Going out together without the kids is basically limited to work functions that may happen twice a year. We both feel like we should try to do more together but I am at a loss on what to actually do. We don't have much in the way of interests in common that we are aware of. My interests tend to be seen as childish (video games, board games, RC cars). Hers appear to be wine and dog sports. I don't drink and I am allergic to dogs.

For Christmas she got me a groupon for a date night at the local gun range. By all accounts it is a really nice place. I have no interest in shooting, but technically I'm a man so apparently I should. Looking at the groupon it looks like it is not really for newbies to the gun range. I can't remember off hand but it has wording around being experienced and comfortable at the range. I have never been to an official range. I have only fired pistols twice in my life (totally maybe 40 rounds - the revolver that fired .410 shotgun rounds was kind of cool). I've probably shot tens of thousands of rounds from rifles ranging from a bolt action .22 to a fully automatic 7.62.

Anyway, I am not really interested in handguns and don't own handguns, so I want to suggest another option. Dance lessons were a consideration, but I am never going out dancing. Cooking lessons are another thought that might serve us a little better but babysitting could be a problem for a recurring event. Her mom is our babysitter and the in-laws have incredibly busy schedules for retired folk.

Ideas?

[El Guapo]

Dinner and drinks, mostly. Getting out of the house + good food + good drinks is like 90% of what I'm looking for, personally.

[stessier]

I'll let you know in about 5 years. We don't have money for baby sitters and I figure it's about 5 years before we can leave the kids hoe alone at night for a few hours.

[Jaymann]

Lan party!

[LordMortis]

I am not about to tell you what you should and should not like but beginner swing dance lessons can be a whole lot of fun and at least around here, there are several where you don't commit a larger session but you drop in and drop out as desired for a nominal cost, with no expectations that you come prepared with any sort of background on such things. All it takes is a bit of google or meetup or whatever and options can be found. All that is required is an ability to step and count to 8 again and again and again.... and the desperation to make your steps coincide. Fortunately for the man, at beginner levels he can mess up *a lot* and not hurt the dancing.

The question is what do you want out of date night? A share experience? Shared time? Time out of the house? What you want out of it out to guide what you do. Dinner and movie is a great night out. It's not time together. It's not a share experience. A concert is a shared experience but it's not share time. Classes in x are (usually) shared time. The gym can be shared time but there is no shared experience.... etc....

[coopasonic]

Dinner and drinks, mostly. Getting out of the house + good food + good drinks is like 90% of what I'm looking for, personally.

But then you have nothing to occupy your mind so all you can do is talk. My idea of a good drink is cold, clean water.

For the record, I am just being... well I was going to say a jerk, or obstinate, but really what I mean to say is I am just being me. Thanks for the thought though.

[coopasonic]

The question is what do you want out of date night? A share experience? Shared time? Time out of the house? What you want out of it out to guide what you do.

Excellent question...

I expect she wants time I am focused on her and not on video games. I want to play video games (or board games). I have no interest in getting out of the house. This may highlight the conundrum.

[El Guapo]

Dinner and drinks, mostly. Getting out of the house + good food + good drinks is like 90% of what I'm looking for, personally.

But then you have nothing to occupy your mind so all you can do is talk. My idea of a good drink is cold, clean water.

For the record, I am just being... well I was going to say a jerk, or obstinate, but really what I mean to say is I am just being me. Thanks for the thought though.

Ah, I missed the "I don't drink part". But yeah, a lot of this depends upon how much you enjoy talking to your spouse. There's also dinner and a movie, I suppose.

Or laser tag.

[stessier]

Dinner and drinks, mostly. Getting out of the house + good food + good drinks is like 90% of what I'm looking for, personally.

But then you have nothing to occupy your mind so all you can do is talk. My idea of a good drink is cold, clean water.

For the record, I am just being... well I was going to say a jerk, or obstinate, but really what I mean to say is I am just being me. Thanks for the thought though.

Ah, I missed the "I don't drink part". But yeah, a lot of this depends upon how much you enjoy talking to your spouse. There's also dinner and a movie, I suppose.

Or laser tag.

Bowling. Golf. Darts. Dave and Busters (or similar in your neck of the woods) - although that may be at odds with her purpose.

[Smoove_B]

If you enjoy someone's company generally speaking it doesn't matter what you do, IMHO. Except for dancing. Sane men don't dance.

Since having a kid and then agreeing to get a dog, the idea of "date night" has all but died. This was also complicated by my mom's recent illness and my parent's inability to function as a baby sitter since the Fall. That's starting to change, but all of our free time now is spent looking at houses. I hate crowds and waiting, so going out to dinner at a high volume time (Friday, Saturday nights) would be out of the question (unless they take reservations). Movies? GTFO. If we had the time and energy (which is usually the bigger issue), I could probably get into antiquing or visiting yard sales. I'd be down for an outdoor activity (like going on a hike I guess), but I doubt that scores high on the desirability scale. The best we do is try to watch a 30 minute TV show together each night. I don't drink wine and she doesn't drink beer so any trips or activities focused on visiting wineries or breweries (assuming they were local) isn't going to work. We've attended a half a dozen or so minor league baseball games over the last few years and that's actually been enjoyable (and I don't eve like sportsball).

It's tough out there when you're a misanthrope.

[LordMortis]

I expect she wants time I am focused on her

There we go. Dinner and drinks covers that but only if you make the point of dinner focusing on each other.

If you have tried introducing parlor games before and either she wants none of it or you're not getting same experience then that's that. It's not going to change.

Google says

https://liveboldandbloom.com/12/relatio ... ight-ideas

Cherry picked for things that seem conducive to spending effort focusing on each other

3. Go to a carnival and enjoy all of the rides and traditional carnival food.
7. Go to a bookstore and browse the travel section. Plan your dream vacation together, even if it is completely unrealistic. (though that might backfire)
9. Make a bonfire outside (with or without friends) and drink hot cocoa.
11. Go garage sale hopping around the city early on a Saturday morning to score the best deals.
12. Pick a room in your house to repaint. Get creative with a color that you wouldn't normally consider using.(again though that might backfire... Maybe this is saying more about why I eventually decided I'm better not being part of a we than it does about potential to backfire)
14. Get competitive and go bowling.
17. If you both love to read, go on an adventure and find a new library or bookstore in your city.
18. Cook dinner together and enjoy it at home by the fire or out on the patio if it is nice outside. Make one dish that each of you remembers from your childhood to share with the other person.
22. Play with the animals at your local animal shelter. This will help you give back to the community while also enjoying the company of a dog or cat. (unless this mean she'll want a dog)
26. Find the local historic markers in your area and learn about your city together. There is probably a lot of history there that you don't even know about!
28. Pretend you are in the PGA as you compete against each other in mini golf. Make sure that the loser buys ice cream when you're finished.
29. Do a selfie photoshoot and update all of the pictures in your house of the two of you.
30. Act like a tourist and explore a neighborhood in your city that you have never been to before. Look at the differences in the houses compared to where you are and the various things that the community has to offer those who live there.
31. Go for a treasure hunt by shopping in all of the local thrift stores to see what kind of neat things you can find.
32. Go for a hike in the woods and pack a picnic lunch to share. This will help you get some exercise and allow you to enjoy nature.
35. If you live near a beach, go for a walk on the beach and enjoy getting to know each other. Find some cool seashells to share and find a nice place to sit and watch the waves.
36. Go to a coffee shop to have a quiet, intimate conversation. If it is nice out, take your coffees to go and go for a walk around the neighborhood.
38. Go to a street fair or food festival. All of the people and activities around you will take the pressure off a little bit. Also, chances are that you will run into someone you know, so this could come in handy if your date is going south.
39. Grab some drinks and find a place to watch the sunset together. This will create a beautiful and peaceful setting to talk and get to know each o
44. Do a DIY food kit together, like a DIY chocolate covered pretzel kit or even a DIY fondue kit. See what interesting creations you can come up with at home.
45. Go to a pool hall so you get the benefits of having a bar and having an activity. If one of you is better than the other, offer some help to guide the player.
46. Go to the zoo to see all of the animals. You will be able to get some fresh air and it will give you a lot to talk about.
50. Start learning a new language together. Once you get good at it, you can consider taking a trip to a country where the language is spoken.
51. Take your spouse on a surprise trip. Tell them what to pack, but don't tell them where you are going. You can even blindfold your partner on the day of the trip if you need to.
56. Take a self-guided restaurant tour in your city by stopping into various restaurants for an appetizer or small plate so you can try out some new foods. Check out whatever is the most popular spot right now!
61. Test the limits of your marriage by going to an escape room. Work together to find your way out of the room!
62. Research each other's genealogy to see where you both have roots and if there are any commonalities.
66. Pretend like you're on the market for a house and go to all of the open houses. Get some design ideas while you are out and apply them to your own home.
67. Go people-watching in a highly-populated public place. Make up people's backstories and what they are doing right now.
68. Visit the botanical gardens in your city. Take a stroll while you drink iced tea or hot chocolate, depending upon the season.
Day Date Ideas
69. Reach out to a local organization that is meaningful to both of you and volunteer together. This will leave you both feeling great about yourselves.
70. Take a road trip to a popular destination that is within a few hours of your city and stay overnight. See what kind of attractions they have to offer.
72. Learn a new outdoor activity together like canoeing, kayaking, gardening, horseback riding, or boating.
78. Go to a farmers' market to support local businesses and get the freshest local produce available. Pick out what you can to make a healthy dinner.
80. Get creative and take a pottery class together. Paint your creations and display them in your home for a lasting memory.
82. Build a kite and learn how to fly it in the park. Who can build one that will fly the longest?
91. Teach each other how to do something that each person has never tried, like playing an instrument, a new card game, baking a pie, or juggling.
93. Learn a new dance together by watching YouTube videos. Master it so you can do it together next time you go out. You can try the Salsa, the Waltz, or even breakdancing– have fun with it!
94. Go to a museum — and, if possible, go to an interactive museum to really enjoy the day.
96. Watch TED talks together and then discuss what you learned. There are some really funny ones and really enlightening ones as well — just find what interests you.

[GreenGoo]

I don't think you quite understand the exercise.

Coop is looking for something that he can throw money at, that the spouse will find acceptable, and that requires little to no effort on Coop's part.

[Jeff V]

For Christmas she got me a groupon for a date night at the local gun range. By all accounts it is a really nice place. I have no interest in shooting,

Do you play a lot of shooters? If not, this is perhaps the most bizarre gift I've ever heard of!

The couple of times we've managed any sort of "date night" over the past few years have not exactly been epic. Typically, we'll go to a restaurant that DOESN'T have a kids menu, make a token attempt to do something afterward (like go to a bar or club) and then wind up home, in bed, by 10 pm thoroughly exhausted. The most successful of our date nights included seeing a musical starring the now-retired Hentzau. BTW, if you are going with the "dinner and show" type thing, make sure you do a live show. It'll be more memorable than seeing a movie (which is actually a terrible date night idea).

Our anniversary is coming up in a month and my wife informed me the kids will be staying at a friend's house for the night. But (1) it's on a Monday and (2) I have to attend our company's IT Town Hall meeting at a hotel 7:30 Tuesday morning. So....in bed by 10.

[LordMortis]

I don't think you quite understand the exercise.

Coop is looking for something that he can throw money at, that the spouse will find acceptable, and that requires little to no effort on Coop's part.

If that's what he truly wants and knows she requires effort on his part then he's not really asking, he's venting. That was not clear to me. I am under the impression he's trying to find a way to put in the effort in a way that is agreeable to both people, as if she liked to play board game and play them in the same spirit he does. That he is looking for a way to rediscover who he is married to but the roadmap he sees make him question if he really wants to take the trip. It wouldn't be the first time I'm wrong.

[Kraken]

Dinner and drinks, mostly. Getting out of the house + good food + good drinks is like 90% of what I'm looking for, personally.

That's us. Once a week, every week. Sometimes twice, if she pays. (She makes 90% of our income but spends all of it, so she's always broke; I make 10% and spend half of that, so I always have at least a little cash.)

Other than that, we occasionally go to movies, museums, and plays. These outings always end with discussing what we saw over dinner and drinks.

[Jeff V]

I don't think you quite understand the exercise.

Coop is looking for something that he can throw money at, that the spouse will find acceptable, and that requires little to no effort on Coop's part.

Not sure if Mortis was being serious...there's a lot of bad ideas on that list (although they are comparable with going to a gun range for people who have no interest in guns...)

[LordMortis]

I don't think you quite understand the exercise.

Coop is looking for something that he can throw money at, that the spouse will find acceptable, and that requires little to no effort on Coop's part.

Not sure if Mortis was being serious...there's a lot of bad ideas on that list (although they are comparable with going to a gun range for people who have no interest in guns...)

I absolutely was serious. I don't think any of the ideas are inherently bad. I removed the ideas I think were inherently bad as per what coop said his wife wanted. The scattergun approach is to find out where to begin, coop then take the nonstarters away... such as "I don't drink" "I'm not interested dogs" but I have no way of knowing what is truly a nonstarter. OTOH, even a non starter might spark something, maybe they don't do an animal shelter but they find an analog that allows to both actively do something while still maintaining a focus on each other.

(I also rather the approach of "guess where we're going tonight" and then taking her there)

[Scuzz]

Dinner and drinks, mostly. Getting out of the house + good food + good drinks is like 90% of what I'm looking for, personally.

That pretty much covered our last anniversary, and most of what would be a "date" night.

[Archinerd]

Sometimes after getting a screaming two year old back to sleep we ask each other, "Is this a date?".
Depending on how the rest of the week has been going, it sometimes counts.

Seriously though, our "dates" are usually pretty simple.
Top 3 are dinner, hike or coffee shop... or some combination of those depending on how much time we have.
If we plan something in advance it's usually a museum or a concert.

[ImLawBoy]

Dinner out is our go-to date night, but due to logistical complexity we don't get to go-to it very often. I think it works well because you get plenty of time to talk, whether it's about the kids or work or the weird group of people at the corner table. I like a nicer place that doesn't rush you so that we can really relax.

If we had more time, we'd do a show or a movie. Don't listen to sourpuss Jeff - movies are fine. They're short (usually), and they give plenty of fodder for discussion after the movie while you're eating.

Cooking lessons are another thought that might serve us a little better but babysitting could be a problem for a recurring event.

Cooking lessons can be quite fun, and they're often one-time events. My wife and I did a candy making class that a local restaurant held. We never actually made any of the stuff again, but we had a good time while we were there. If you have one near you, Sur La Table typically has a calendar full of cooking classes that are one-night events.

[Scuzz]

We know at least two couples that go to a restaurant or bar that does a "painting and wine" night.

[coopasonic]

I was seriously looking for suggestions. I wasn't venting about the gun range thing, just talking the way I talk.

For Christmas she got me a groupon for a date night at the local gun range. By all accounts it is a really nice place. I have no interest in shooting,

Do you play a lot of shooters? If not, this is perhaps the most bizarre gift I've ever heard of!

Does it help if I tell you I live in Texas and was in the Army Reserves. I can tell she was trying to be imaginative and not just buy off the wish list and if I were anyone but me it would probably be great.

I need something to suggest when I tell her I really don't want to go shooting.

I don't think you quite understand the exercise.

Coop is looking for something that he can throw money at, that the spouse will find acceptable, and that requires little to no effort on Coop's part.

Actually I found Mortis' list pretty interesting. I mean yeah a lot of it would make me want to kill myself, but there are some gems in there that might spark something. The key is she will know if I am not engaged or just going through the motions. One thing Coop can't do is act.

[LawBeefaroni]

For Christmas she got me a groupon for a date night at the local gun range....

Anyway, I am not really interested in handguns and don't own handguns, so I want to suggest another option.

Don't poo-poo her idea. She may have put some thought into it and shooting it down (no pun intended) might not be your best move. And I'm not just saying that because I think it's a cool gift. If it were dance lessons or yoga classes or Jay-Z tickets I'd have the same advice.

Specific to the shooting thing, maybe go to or call the range by yourself, tell them the story and ask if you need 30 mins of lessons or what the deal is. Most of the time they'll want you to watch a short video and demonstrate that you can operate the basics of whatever you're shooting.


As for other ideas, that's tough. We're kind of the same, date nights have pretty much exclusively been charity or work things (I'm beginning to see the reason why there are so many charity galas). An overnight at a nice place downtown is usually good if you can get the child care. Set her up with time at the spa, you can hit the bar or local sights, and then go to dinner.

I guess the main thing, don't crap on her gift, that way lies sorrow and despair!

[A nonny mouse]

we can leave the kids hoe alone at night for a few hours.

If'n they got they own hoe, then nuthin' worry'n them. let her take care of them.



Regarding the date night, I can't help. We love doing things as a family and couldn't care less about dinners, etc. we have our alone time talking or movie when the kid (now 8) goes to bed.

Do you think your wife wants fancy sit down dinner type, or something like those "adult" game and drinking places - dave and busters or some-such.

She can drink and you both can play games - or is she not at all into games?

Do you two converse outside of taking about the kids?

The wife and I spent our 20th on a hike with the kid - a place where we all like going. Romance is were you both enjoy it.

edit: just saw Stessier mentioned dave and busters.

[dbt1949]

My wife's idea of date night was to go out and play bingo. Later replaced by casinos.
It was expensive. Bet you didn't know you can spend hundreds of dollars a night playing bingo.

[GreenGoo]

Actually I found Mortis' list pretty interesting. I mean yeah a lot of it would make me want to kill myself

Is this "interesting" in the Chinese proverb sort of way? (edit: Interestingly, "may you live in interesting times" is not Chinese in origin. It's possibly English)

For the record I would probably really enjoy some lessons and time at a gun range, but I struggle to see it being a date for us though.

[Z-Corn]

Man up and renew your vows!

[Jeff V]

Time to break out some smart-ass comments (it's raining out so I can't go for a walk like I would normally do for lunch):

Keep in mind the comments are through the lens of my own perspective and in consideration of our late-April date Monday evening date. YMMV.

3. So...spin and barf or barf and spin? Carnival food is pure awful but the spinny rides will help ensure you don't digest it all.
7. How archaic. Of the 105 books I read last year, 2 were made of dead trees. That's two more than the approximately zero books my wife read last year. I actually Googled to find if there was any bookstores remaining in my area and the closes hit was something called "Party Gals by Erica." Hmm. The nearest recognizable bookstore is 15 miles away. Travel budget from now until years after my death is already committed to family visits to the Philippines or visiting friends here wherever they may be.
9. Wife stopped drinking hot cocoa because she said it gives her acid reflux. Weather late-April is typically wet, possibly cold and wet. We have bonfires all summer long, but she almost never participates.
11. You lost me at Saturday morning. We're talking Monday evening. And garage sale season doesn't really get under way until after the beginning of summer holiday, a month later.
12. Are you shitting me? We have to paint a room that she wants to steal from the kids (their playroom) and turn it into her studio for producing You Tube videos. Painting the damned room is something to be dreaded, and certainly not a date.
14. Trigger finger on the ring finger of my dominant hand. I can scarcely hold a bowling ball, let alone control it. Tried anyway about a year ago, it was an excruciating experience cut short by unruly kids that had to be removed from the premises.
17. See #7
18. OK, assuming the weather cooperates, this is already something we do several times per week.
22. Last thing I need is another dog that she won't take care of. She wants another dog. No thanks!
26. There is an old jail in town that some folks apparently want to save. Nobody is interested in paying to do something with it, so it's going to be bulldozed. Other than that, how much history can a town of strip malls and subdivisions claim?
28. See #14. There is such a place nearby but I am unable to grasp a putter.
29. Ugh. Her YouTube hobby already has her taking movies of everything and she maxed out her 64 GB memory card in her phone with such pictures. Anything like that in the house would require we clean it first (whether it needs it or not) and leave us both too exhausted to do anything but sleep.
30. Wandering suburban subdivisions at night is a good way to run afoul of Neighborhood Watch.
31. Thank you for asking just what sort of videos my wife posts on YouTube. It's this.
32. Just about all of the woods within 100 miles are affiliated with parks - municipal, county or state and close at dusk.
35. That's not shells, that's broken glass! Beach is about 90 minutes away and is a good place to get mugged at night.
36. She doesn't drink coffee and evening coffee keeps me up all night and it's already going to suck getting up at 5:30 am.
38. Not festival season.
39. Sunset? I'm not supposed to get rain in my eye!
44. We already do our own food and it's none of those things.
45. We played pool once in the Philippines. I don't think there are pool halls here any more, just bars and bowling alleys with pool tables. Neither presents an environment she enjoys.
46. Zoo closes at 5.
50. She's pissed because I won't learn her language...chances are approximately 0% that either of us would enjoy this. Are you trying poke a raw nerve? Revisiting this old argument is not a good subject for a date.
51. A trip is not a date.
56. We've been to all of the restaurants in town that she cares to try. None are "small plates" - type places and appetizer menus tend to all be the same selection of nachos, wings, squid, etc.
61. There can be only one! No, seriously, this would end with only one of us still standing.
62. Considering her parents didn't even have birth certificates, this would go nowhere. Commonality? Not a chance.
66. We settled for the house we're in because she was absolutely sick of doing this sort of thing.
68. No such thing in our city, but this weekend we are going to Chicago Botanical Gardens, approximately 90 minutes away. And they are not open in the evenings.
69. We would be so into this if we win the lottery tonight. Until then, we've neither the time nor the energy.
70. Great, so then I'd have to get up at 3:30 am just to be at the meeting by 7:30.
72. Approximately none of these are practical at night.
78. See #11. Same applies to Farmers Markets, which are also typically on weekends and not Monday evenings.
80. I did this once and came away with an ugly-ass ashtray. Nobody needs an ashtray, much less an ugly-ass one these days.
82. And which one will run into a tree trying launch a kite in the dark (possibly with eyes closed from staring into the rain?)
91. We have a piano. Neither of us knows how to play so how are we to teach each other? The only juggling we're good at is our schedules, I am forbidden to eat pie, and she hates games.
94. Museums are not open in the evening.
96. Woo...I don't think we can stand the adrenaline rush from this. She would much prefer an action movie. And then fall asleep 5 minutes into it like she always does.

[Jeff V]

I was seriously looking for suggestions. I wasn't venting about the gun range thing, just talking the way I talk.

That's why I found it so odd. Guns are a pretty polarizing thing - you know someone is really into them when they want to shoot you in the face; and for the rest of us, interest ranges from ambivalence to downright hostility. It would seem to be a gift for someone decidedly into guns.

Is she perhaps into guns? Has she threatened to shoot you in the face recently? You did say the Groupon was for a "date night" so it's for 2? Maybe it's one of those things she really wants to do and thought this gift would get you to bring her someplace she might not be comfortable going alone.

[Holman]

Wow--that's an easy hundred items for Jeff's list!!

[Jaymann]

I expect she wants time I am focused on her

9. Make a bonfire outside (with or without friends) and drink hot cocoa.

Probably more effective if you use your enemies.

[LordMortis]

I expect she wants time I am focused on her

9. Make a bonfire outside (with or without friends) and drink hot cocoa.

Probably more effective if you use your enemies.

I suppose that might depend who your friends are and what your real relationship but I'm pickin up what you're laying down.

38. Not festival season.

I can't speak for everyone but I can speak for every serious relationship I was ever in before opting out. Your want to know your making an effort, whether it's required or not. Unless you're co-dependence is such that you bond over shared cynnicism coming up with a reason to shut down every effort, well, it's your life and you seem to enjoy it... But this I can't remember going to Chicago and not running in to a festival. Looking at local event there are festivals every week and we're way smaller than you. On a personal note, I have done the spontaneous festivals in the past with dates and have had crazy good times. I can remember when David Bryne cancelled a show and we happened by the old Phoenix Ampitheatre and an African heritage festival was going on. As two embarrassingly white white people, we had no business being there heritage wise. The only Caucasians of probably 2000 people or more and we had a fantastic time. I even discovered that peanut butter coated shiskepbob thingies were awesome. I still remember them nearly 30 years later.

[Isgrimnur]

I was seriously looking for suggestions. I wasn't venting about the gun range thing, just talking the way I talk.

That's why I found it so odd. Guns are a pretty polarizing thing - you know someone is really into them when they want to shoot you in the face; and for the rest of us, interest ranges from ambivalence to downright hostility. It would seem to be a gift for someone decidedly into guns.

It's Texas. It's not that polarizing here.

[Chrisoc13]

We try to get a babysitter every week if possible. Normally just for a few hours. We go to movies, local productions of musicals, out to eat where we can just enjoy a dinner, out for desserts, on nice long drives without a kid in the back. We go over to friends houses to play games. Honestly sometimes we do stupid things we're too old for like laser tag or an arcade. Bowling. A book store to browse books together. Just trying to do something different together. We've found it immensely good for our relationship.

[Zenn7]

I was seriously looking for suggestions. I wasn't venting about the gun range thing, just talking the way I talk.

That's why I found it so odd. Guns are a pretty polarizing thing - you know someone is really into them when they want to shoot you in the face; and for the rest of us, interest ranges from ambivalence to downright hostility. It would seem to be a gift for someone decidedly into guns.

It's Texas. It's not that polarizing here.

Either you are a happy gun-toting sort, or you pretend to be happy about guns and that there's some outside force preventing you from owning one or you would, because you're afraid to tell the truth - you are against guns or just don't care one way or the other for fear one of the happy gun-toting sorts will get offended and shoot you?

[Jaymon]

having a two person activity that also gives you time to talk and also allows for pauses as needed is important.
For me and the SO its cribbage. i think we are playing by the rules, mostly, but we always play by the same rules. We can do it basically anytime, and it gives us plenty do occupy our hands and brains if the conversation lulls.

But as for the original post, she went to the trouble to get you a thing you can do together, you should go and do that thing together.

[Anonymous Bosch]

Broaden your tabletop gaming horizons. Because I guarantee you, there's an abundance of outstanding boardgames available that offer an immensely enjoyable way for couples to spend quality time together on a date night (e.g. you can't go wrong with Jaipur, Morels, Patchwork, Codenames: Duet, or a solid gateway game like Splendor or Ticket to Ride: Europe).

If at all possible, try to start with games with a theme that you know will appeal to your wife's interests (e.g. if your wife enjoys reading or watching mystery or crime drama TV shows, start with Sherlock Holmes: Consulting Detective).

Additionally, it's helpful if you can find out about a game she has previously enjoyed playing, even if it's just something simple like Uno. Conversely, find out about games she hated playing. Talk to her about what she liked and disliked, then find games that focus on a mechanism she enjoys and avoid the mechanisms or elements she disliked.

Find out what her thoughts are about gaming. What are her preconceived notions? Is she intimidated by them, or by playing against you, etc. That may help you craft an environment that better appeals to her.

Find one or two games that you think she will enjoy, and focus on playing those repeatedly. While you likely enjoy the experience of getting new games and learning to play 'em, plenty of non-gamers are more content to stick with a couple of familiar games and play them over and over. So trying to throw new games at your wife every week may well create more resistance and reluctance on her part. It's a slow process to try to encourage interest in gaming in someone who isn't excited about it. So don't rush it.

Ultimately, realise that you may find yourself playing games that aren't necessarily your ideal games to be playing since you'll likely be playing games that appeal more to her. But that's just the reality. Stick with it, and hopefully you'll find some games that you both really enjoy playing together.

[em2nought]

I am not about to tell you what you should and should not like but beginner swing dance lessons can be a whole lot of fun

Take a walk on the wild side and take the wife to a swinger's club.

[Redfive]

Don't know how this thread got so long without the obvious answer:

[Buatha]

I don't mean to be a downer, but I suggest you find something you both like doing together soon. You described what was happening right before my wife decided she was no longer happy in our marriage and got divorced. Once a woman decides that, it doesn't seem to matter what you want to do afterwards. I'm obviously not saying this is going to happen, but I got the "it's too late to change". Please note that we didn't have a screaming/hateful marriage...it just fizzled since she felt that we had started leading two separate existences.

Personally, after asking around (as you are doing), I find that most married couples are quite different in their hobbies/activities/passions and I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It all comes down to each of you accepting those differences or not...and she didn't. She wanted someone who shared her passions and she can find them since she is Argentinian and their men are more dancing/active/cultural types and lack most geeky things in general.