A Mostly Good Update

[Binktopia]

Hi all,

Hope life is treating you all well.

I am writing because I am a selfish bastard and need some advice. But first the good news!

I have been working! I got a job at a large warehouse company you all shop in. I work in the front end, mostly loading carts with member's items, but sometimes I cashier, other times I push carts in the parking lot. Then after closing I stock items. I have gotten in pretty decent shape, getting those 10,000 steps. I was named employee of the month last October!

Anyway, I do have a work issue that I am thinking of talking to my supervisor about, but wanted some help with. One of my co-workers is a jerk. He talks down to people, loves bossing people around, and in general a lot of my co-workers have issues with him. He is now a forklift driver, and as his importance grows, so does his attitude. I usually let it slide as some people's personality just rubs people wrong. Unfortunately, I have to work with this individual and he continues to talk down to me, even talking to me in ways that I don't think he would appreciate. He loves to correct me, even when I didn't do anything wrong (I have concrete examples of this). He is stressful to work around as I never know what he will do the next time I see him.

So, I was thinking of talking to a supervisor about my issues, even offer to talk to the individual with my supervisor to work on our issues. There are other more experienced forklift drivers that I have no drama with. But this newer forklift driver LOVES to boss me around and talk to me like I am a child. He is incredibly disrespectful but requires that I respect him. He was like this before he was above me in job title (Forklift drivers make a little more money than stockers).

Other than that things are awesome. I love most of my co-workers, I enjoy my work and will continue to do the best I can.

[LawBeefaroni]

If someone is just being an asshole it's extremely difficult articulate, in a way that will be actionable for HR, what the problem is. Since you're otherwise happy, I would recommend dealing with it as long as it isn't taking a major toll on your sanity.

If you can get like-minded co-workers to join you, maybe then take it to management but until then it will just look like a personality conflict.


Glad to hear you're doing well and found a good spot. Congrats on EotM!

[Smoove_B]

Yeah, what Lawbeef said. From what you describe, he's a workplace bully so the last thing you should do is get yourself in a position where you're going back and forth with him over something. He likely "feeds" on that type of interaction and actively seeks out conflict with others. Instead, try killing him with kindness. I learned this trick early on during my stint in the public sector and it was 100% effective.

[LordMortis]

I don't have suggestions for you. But over my time breaking rocks to pay the bills, I've mostly come to peace with the fact that I don't get along with everyone and not everyone has the same work arrangement as I do. If the other is not management and they interfere with my work expectations then I inform my manager of the interference and continue doing my job. I try not to vent about the person, only explain the expectation. I don't play politics when I don't get along in that in that I've (mostly) learned to not care what peter is doing and it's lightened my load.

That's me and I personally used to have a high internal emotional response to what others were doing and how they treat and are treated differently. I had to learn to internalize that different people have different arrangements and it's a fact of life. I have to want to change my arrangement or be at peace with what I have. If I want the former then I go about the effort of "managing expectations" of others.

[Isgrimnur]

Even better if you can kill him with kindness and still manage to push his button when management is watching.

[Jeff V]

Just the other day I was wondering what became of you...

Your personality is more suited to a passive-aggressive approach. Watch for opportunities to influence workflow or events so that they make him look bad, or at least create some inconvenience. Unfortunately, simply being an asshole isn't an actionable thing as far as HR is concerned, no matter what sort of cancer he is to the team. Companies prefer terminating people for cause -- it keeps their UI rates low.

A group talk with the supervisor could help get him reassigned, but it's more likely to result in an uncomfortable conversations resulting in revenge-like behavior that make matters worse.

[Zarathud]

I have found such people easier to deal with after regularly reminding myself it's not me, they're just an asshole who does this to everyone. They then blend into the background bullshit of work.

[rittchard]

Tell him you have a crush on him and it totally turns you on when he talks down to you. When he talks to you like a child, talk back to him in baby talk and flirt with him. That should shut him up quick!

Just kidding, glad to hear you are doing well and happy in general with the new job. I kind of like the suggested "kill him with kindness" approach but it seems like it could be really difficult to pull off depending on your personality.

[Scuzz]

I have found such people easier to deal with after regularly reminding myself it's not me, they're just an asshole who does this to everyone. They then blend into the background bullshit of work.

I think anytime you work in a large environment there will be idiots. No employer can control all of them, especially when what they do is just innocent jerkery. You just have to not let them get to you.

[em2nought]

My business partner is like this, until this year I've just said to myself that his work ethic and knowledge make up for it. Apparently that argument doesn't hold sway with me once I'm owed a substantial sum, and also a cosigner for substantial debts. Alternately, It might be that I can only stomach this sort of thing for a decade or so.

[dbt1949]

Assassinate him.

[Archinerd]

I have found such people easier to deal with after regularly reminding myself it's not me, they're just an asshole who does this to everyone. They then blend into the background bullshit of work.

I think anytime you work in a large environment there will be idiots. No employer can control all of them, especially when what they do is just innocent jerkery. You just have to not let them get to you.

I have a relatively small work environment and we still have idiots here too.
My advice is ignore him if possible.

Would it be possible for you to become a forklift driver yourself? Outperforming him could be a good way of getting even. Plus you would get a pay bump.

[Archinerd]

Assassinate him.

Nevermind. I like this better.

[Anonymous Bosch]

Yeah, what Lawbeef said. From what you describe, he's a workplace bully so the last thing you should do is get yourself in a position where you're going back and forth with him over something. He likely "feeds" on that type of interaction and actively seeks out conflict with others. Instead, try killing him with kindness. I learned this trick early on during my stint in the public sector and it was 100% effective.

I'd suggest employing the techniques from a modern classic on rhetoric, Verbal Judo, by George J. Thompson, which goes hand-in-hand with Smoove's notion of "killing with kindness":



You can read a basic summary of some of the communication strategies from Verbal Judo in this PDF. But it'll make more sense when read in context within the book itself. Be warned though, the book does contain a fair amount of fluff from the author, but it's an entertaining read overall and the fundamental advice it contains is sound.

[Jeff V]

When I worked for a hospital, we interviewed a guy for an open Network Engineer position. I thought at the time he was not the hands-on person we were looking for, but that'd he probably be a good manager. The job was offered nevertheless, and he declined, concerned that he was no longer up for life in the trenches.

A year later, a Network Manager job came opened and he applied for that. The CIO (who wasn't there when the guy applied for the NE job) was going to turn him down on account of him refusing the engineer job a year earlier, but I convinced him I thought he had the temperament to be a manager. The CIO took into account what I said and hired him.

This guy, we'll call him Bob (because that was his real name) walked in the door the first day adorned with a full set of daggers, one of which he almost immediately plunged into my back. I can only assume that his background in banking was a hyper-competitive one, but for some reason he felt he needed to tear down everyone he came in contact with. At one point, I was asked to accompany one of his employees (a Cuban) and a peer (telecom director, black female) in launching a formal complaint with the CIO, the charges being racism and misogyny. Nobody could stand dealing with the guy, and I even lost it once when, an hour before a scheduled presentation with nursing leadership to show them what Sharepoint was capable of, he ordered one of his engineers to wipe the dev box running the application (that's just one example how assholish this guy could be).

That year, the CIO decided a bunch of us should go to Orlando for the annual healthcare IT convention (HIMSS). While we were all ostensibly responsible for our own travel arrangements, 5 of 6 of us collaborated on our arrangements (CIO went separately) and I rented a minivan to drive us to the hotel where all 6 of us were staying. Bob was not included. After checking in, we settled at the hotel bar for some drinks before heading to downtown Disney for the afternoon. After some discussion, we decided to take the high road and invite Bob (who still hadn't gotten there from the airport) to come along. It was nice day, and we spent some time at an outside bar having more drinks. Fortified, I told Bob the story about how he got hired. We didn't exactly become friends, but he never gave me shit again.

[dbt1949]

No good deed ever goes unpunished.

[Drazzil]

No good deed ever goes unpunished.

Right?

[Scuzz]

Assassinate him.

[em2nought]

No good deed ever goes unpunished.

Right?

I think so.

[Z-Corn]

Buncha fuckin' snowflakes in this thread. Except dbt, I like the way that guy thinks.

This is an easy solution. Plant drugs on him and call the cops.

[gilraen]

This would probably not be a totally acceptable response...

Spoiler:

[Lorini]

Here is an article on how to deal with jerks. Work on defusing and deflecting the behavior.

[mori]

You work with an asshole. Chances are you have at least one coworker that think you are an asshole. No one can please everyone (in my workplace I am a prick and I know it). The forklift driver might otherwise be an outstanding employee besides rubbing you the wrong way so your complaint may seem childish.

[Kraken]

Can't you just pretend you're deaf?

[Binktopia]

I have a relatively small work environment and we still have idiots here too.
My advice is ignore him if possible.

Would it be possible for you to become a forklift driver yourself? Outperforming him could be a good way of getting even. Plus you would get a pay bump.

I cannot become a forklift driver as my hearing would pose a risk. I did ask and the manager confirmed with regional corporate about the policy. I would love to learn fork-lift, not only would it be easier on my body (stocking is hard work yo), I would get paid a little more. But, that isn't going to happen. So no use pining for it.

You work with an asshole. Chances are you have at least one coworker that think you are an asshole. No one can please everyone (in my workplace I am a prick and I know it). The forklift driver might otherwise be an outstanding employee besides rubbing you the wrong way so your complaint may seem childish.

While I understand your POV, he rubs a LOT of people the wrong way, unfortunately. I have decided to just continue to work the best I can.


Thanks everyone, I am glad to have gotten some perspectives.

My next thing is to take the time on this job to learn and show I am a good worker, and either movie up the chain or try to find a way to a career that isn't so physically demanding. I sometimes feel like I have fought a battle after work. I would love to become a Training and Development Professional. No walkie talkies, no forklifts to dodge, lots of research and learning and teaching. But the company I work for is huge, and might have more positions like that too, if I can get off the floor so to speak.

[hepcat]

Nobody could stand dealing with the guy, and I even lost it once when, an hour before a scheduled presentation with nursing leadership to show them what Sharepoint was capable of, he ordered one of his engineers to wipe the dev box running the application (that's just one example how assholish this guy could be).

Why in God's name would anyone try to present a demo from a Dev box in that kind of environment? I could understand if you were a very small department, but that doesn't sound like the case.

[Skinypupy]

Can't you just pretend you're deaf?

Um...

[Binktopia]

Can't you just pretend you're deaf?

Um...

Kraken knows I am deaf.

[Skinypupy]

Can't you just pretend you're deaf?

Um...

Kraken knows I am deaf.

OK, whew.

Carry on then.

[Kraken]

Can't you just pretend you're deaf?

Um...

Kraken knows I am deaf.

OK, whew.

Carry on then.

I made a funny. At least, I thought I did.

[dbt1949]

I do that a lot.

[Paingod]

The absolute worst co-worker I ever had was a guy who bullied everyone around him - but was an excellent worker otherwise. A few guys seemed to be on his "good side" though, and I asked one of them one day why that was. "He only respects people who'll stand up to him. Tell him to go f**k himself he next time he's rude to you, and you'll be all set."

So, the next time he was rude to me I brought it to his manager's attention, told him I wasn't going to keep supporting someone who shit on me all the time (I was a one-man IT department), and a couple days later I didn't have anymore problems with him. He glared daggers at me all the time, but kept his yap shut.

I'm not interested in playing schoolyard games in a professional environment.