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Let's tell some jokes

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McNutt
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Let's tell some jokes

Post by McNutt »

Why can't you hear a psychic in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.

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Smoove_B
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Smoove_B »

An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender says “can I get you a drink?”
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo”
“How about something to eat?”
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo”
“What about some peanuts?”
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo”

Frazzled, the bartender says “What’s with the long no’s”?
Anteater replies “I was born with it”.

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YellowKing
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by YellowKing »

This is one of my favorites:

You ask someone what a pirate's favorite letter is.

They will most likely roll their eyes and reply, "Rrrrrrrrrrr"

Then you counter with (in a pirate voice):

"Aye ye would think that, but the C (sea) be his first love!"

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Eel Snave
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Eel Snave »

A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, "I think I'm a typo."
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by The Meal »

A hole was discovered in the fence that surrounded the nudist camp. Authorities are looking into it.

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Let's tell some jokes

Post by Isgrimnur »

YellowKing wrote:This is one of my favorites:

You ask someone what a pirate's favorite letter is.

They will most likely roll their eyes and reply, "Rrrrrrrrrrr"

Then you counter with (in a pirate voice):

"Aye ye would think that, but the C (sea) be his first love!"
What be a pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant?

stimpy
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by stimpy »

RrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrBssssssssssss
Black Lives Matter

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Isgrimnur
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Isgrimnur »

Ye'd be thinking that, but no. It be Long John Silver's.

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stessier
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by stessier »

Eel Snave wrote:
Fri Aug 28, 2020 11:54 am
A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, "I think I'm a typo."
:lol: I'm stealing this one.
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Brian
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Brian »

Death came for me last night but told me that if I bested him in a contest, I could remain on the mortal plane.
I challenged him to a pillow fight.
I was not prepared for the Reaper Cushions.
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coopasonic
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by coopasonic »

stessier wrote:
Fri Aug 28, 2020 1:25 pm
Eel Snave wrote:
Fri Aug 28, 2020 11:54 am
A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, "I think I'm a typo."
:lol: I'm stealing this one.
Alternative punchline: Rabbit: "I think I'm here because of autocorrect"
-Coop
Black Lives Matter

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Jaymann
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Jaymann »

Immanuel Kant walks into a bar. He sees a Scotsman just getting up from the bar to leave. The bartender looks down to see the Scotsman did not leave a tip. "You bastard!" he shouts. So Kant shoots the Scotsman.
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Trent Steel
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Trent Steel »

What did the pirate say when he got his balls stuck in the wheel of the ship?

"Arrrrrrrr, it be drivin' me nuts!"
18-1™ & 2-0

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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Lassr »

Comic Sans and Times New Roman walk into a bar

“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

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Re: Let's tell some jokes

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Anonymous Bosch
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Anonymous Bosch »

If memory serves, this one's courtesy of Bill Murray…

"Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope, and no Jobs. Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die."
"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters." -- Daniel Webster

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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by EvaaWill89 »

A man walks into a police station and announces, “My wife’s gone missing.”
- The police officer says, “OK sir, we’ll help you. Since when has your wife been missing?”
- The man replies, “Since about a month ago.”
- The police officer is shocked,
“What? A month?! Why on Earth are you coming only now?!”
- “Well… I’ve no clothes to put on anymore.”

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Unagi
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Unagi »

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.

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YellowKing
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by YellowKing »

I went down the YouTube rabbit hole for jokes yesterday:

Three couples decide they want to join the clergy at their local church. The first couple is elderly and retired, the second couple is middle-aged, and the third couple are young newlyweds.

The pastor informs them that in order to join the clergy, they'd first have to pass a test to see if they could abstain from sex. He tells each of them to go home and abstain from sex for three weeks. Then he'd meet back up with them and find out how they fared.

Three weeks pass, and the couples all show up. The pastor asks the retired elderly couple how they did. "Why that was easy, no problem at all," they reply. The middle-aged couple says, "Well it was pretty tough the first week, but we managed to resist and made it through all three weeks." The young newlywed husband hangs his head and says, "Well I can't lie Father. We didn't make it but a couple of days. You see, my wife dropped a can of paint."

"A can of paint?" the priest replies. "Whatever does that have to do with you unable to abstain from sex?"

"Well," says the young man. "My wife dropped a can of paint and when she bent over to pick it up, I just couldn't help myself! I had to have her right then and there!"

The priest shakes his head in disappointment and says, "Well then I'm sorry to inform you that you're no longer welcome in our church."

The young man says, "That's OK Father, we're no longer welcome in the hardware store either."

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Jaymann
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Jaymann »

:lol:
Jaymann
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Jaymon
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Jaymon »

How can you tell if you are drinking cheap wine?



Check under the cap to see if you've won a free bottle.
Bunnies like beer because its made from hops.

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Jaymon
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Jaymon »

Some people wear foil hats, in order to prevent alien mind probes.

Personally, I wear foil underwear...
Bunnies like beer because its made from hops.

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hepcat
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by hepcat »

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

...

A fish.
I beat a camel to death with a monkey. Can I do that?
-Mr Bismarck

You have to whack a few rabbits before you are ready to punch a camel.
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Pyperkub »

Q: Name the site Chewbacca created to give out Empire secrets.

A: Wookieeleaks
There are three ways to not tell the truth: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

Freyland
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by Freyland »

Child: Dad, what's a forklift?


Dad: Food, usually.
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YellowKing
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by YellowKing »

Q: What does a pirate say when he turns 80?

A: Aye Matey!

:lol:

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dbt1949
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Re: Let's tell some jokes

Post by dbt1949 »

I did not!
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aka dbt1949

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