Spiders in Politics: The case of the Brown Recluse and the Tarantula
Tree Sloth: I can't believe that anybody would think that our world is not safer now that the Tarantula is gone! I think that if Senator Horse had his way, that Tarantula would still be in power.
Horse: But Mr. Sloth, by focusing on capturing that Tarantula we had to relocate troops from our main objective that was the Brown Recluse.
Tree Sloth: I don't think you can differentiate between these spiders. They both want to kill us.
Horse: But you insisted that the Tarantula had poison, which after we captured him it turns out he did not. This is a major mistake.
Tree Sloth: He had intent to begin producing poison.
Horse: But the Spider Convention's sanctions effectively prevented him from producing poison, as he could not find any poisonous spiders to deal with him.
Tree Sloth: Ah, but he was bribing the other Spiders and taking money away from the Fly for Webbing funding! We had to remove him because of this!
Horse: There are many other spiders in the world who do similar things. Why do we not go after them!
Tree Sloth: They did not have poison.
Horse: But we already have found that he did not have poison. And besides, since you have come into power, we have discovered that the Red Legged Spider now has poison! What if he bites us?
Tree Sloth: But just look at him! He looks evil!
Horse: Now, we know that the Tarantula is ugly, and many people think that he was involved in the tragic biting and poisoning of several hundred people that the Brown Recluse orchestrated, but the fact is simply that he had nothing to do with it. Every arachnaphobia committee we've had study this has said the same thing, there was no webbing between these two spiders.
Tree Sloth: But they are in the same yard. Geographically, we have struck at the heart of the spider infestation.
Horse: Buwhaaaa? We may as well blame the Dutch spiders for the problems that the drunken Irish spiders have given us.
Tree Sloth: I eat spiders for breakfast.
Horse: ...
Tree Sloth: And furthermore, it is dangerous to let someone who doesn't LIKE eating spiders to be in charge of the spider killing! That is dangerous and irresponsible!
Horse: Just because I do not eat spiders does not mean that I would not kill one who was trying to bite me. I just don't think we should be killing the ones that aren't even poisonous.
Tree Sloth: Talk to the waffle.
Horse: No, it is not that simple! You can't just kill every spider who you think *may* be poisonous! If we did that we'd be at war with the world!
Tree Sloth: Waffffllllesss I sayyyyy.
Horse: Whatever you say Mr. Sloth.
Tree Sloth: Besides that, you voted against funding for our spider-killiing teams! Blasphemy!
Horse: I simply felt that you were having a givaway for the Anteater corporation. The bill that was passed effectively gave them a blank check.
Tree Sloth: At least they are PATRIOTIC. Unlike some horses I know.
Horse: At least horses will go to war for their country.
Tree Sloth: Hey, I had a dangerous job. Those fighters were so dangerous I could've died at any moment!
Horse: As dangerous as say... a pretzel sir?
Tree Sloth: Pretzels are like spiders. And as I already have told the American public, I eat them for breakfast.
Horse: Moving on, let us discuss the economy. You have presided over one of the worst, if not the worst, economy in Animaltopia's hostory. You have gotten us in debt with the panda nation, among others.
Tree Sloth: It was my predecessor's, President Wienerdog's, fault.
Horse: But our snake analysssts have said that the recession occured during your presidency. And you had a huge surplus of molds coming into this presidency.
Tree Sloth: But we had the trifecta. We were struck by spiders, hit with a Animaltopia wide recession and had a national emergency. You try to handle all of that without losing mold!
Horse: Now you are using a story that you stole from previous Vice President Robot. Besides, that does not explain why you decided to give out two tax cuts, in which the top 20% recieved 71% of the benefits? If you really wanted economic growth, you should have redistributed that money to the lower classes. Not the animals who produce more than 200,000 molds a year.
Tree Sloth: That's stupid! Everybody see the waffles?
Tree Sloth: See? See the waffles?
Horse: You are dodging the issue. Besides, these tax cuts make up the majority of the our deficit of mold.
Tree Sloth: Not true, the economic recession did that. Did you also forget about the EVIL SPIDERS? You want to allow them to kill us!
Horse: That isn't what we are discussing now. The point is, your mold cuts caused 41% of our loss of revenue. That is more than any of the other factors.
Tree Sloth: Ladidah, sloths don't do math, and math is just scientist lies that are trying to destroy our Slothic Faith. Behold he who is our savior, he who supports me! Remember, voting for horses is a sin!
To be continued when I come up with more ideas...
