I was planning to do this closer to the release of Fallout 3 but, with the 75-day outage of our water chip forcing us to wander the wastes or live in other vaults, I hope starting this now will help lure my fellow OOers back home.
This thread will be an After Action Report of a play-through of Fallout 2. I've played the game once before, but this will be a new experience for me (and many of you) for two reasons:
- My character will be of low intelligence, which reportedly makes the game a uniquely amusing challenge.
- I will be using Killap's Fallout 2 Restoration Project (version 1.2.2), which fixes many bugs that the game makers didn't fix and unlocks some content that didn't make it into the official version of the game. (Update: I'm also using some patches for the Project that Killap has written, see below for details.) We'll probably notice the effects of this patch here and there, but I will denote the major ones (such as new areas) with the word *KILLAP* in the chapter title.
This AAR will feature less Photoshopping and plot repurposing than my Ultima IV and Alpha Centauri compositions. In fact, aside from my (admittedly reprehensible) treatment of the main character, I will present the game pretty much as it is. Since Fallout 2 is already a self-parody, there's not much need for embellishment. Does this mean that this AAR will be less enjoyable? You'd better believe it!
I am naming my character Carlos Vargas in honor of a real-life idiot that I loathe. Here is his character sheet:
Here are explanations of the character design choices I made:
- Primary Statistics
- Strength 8: Carlos smash!
- Perception 2: Poor Carlos would end up hurting only himself with a firearm (coz he dumb), so Perception is not necessary.
- Endurance 8: Carlos takes a kicking, keeps on licking. Coz he dumb.
- Charisma 8: Something about a dumb guy's innocence makes him affable. Plus, with muscles like Carlos's, everyone will want to be on his good side.
- Intelligence 2: Carlos's defining virtue. Coz he dumb.
- Agility 9: Carlos may not know the shortest distance between two points, but he can cover it like Speedy Gonzales.
- Luck 10: This rating will give Carlos lots weird encounters in the desert, and he could use a lot of "dumb luck." Coz he dumb.
- Jinxed: The bad guys will be so distracted by Carlos's dumb stare that they'll mess up. Carlos, thanks to dumb luck, won't mess up as often.
- Gifted: Carlos's teachers called him "special," which means the same thing as "gifted" to me.
- Tag Skills: Unarmed and Melee Weapons will be Carlos's bread and butter since he won't use guns. The Speech skill will allow him to grunt convincingly.
A warning to any wasteland virgins out there: this AAR will feature major spoilers for Fallout and Fallout 2.
Chapter 1: Comes the Chosen One
Parts of this story will be taken from the pages of the journal of Carlos Vargas (at least the pages that weren't stained by asado juice and yerba mate). Please note that Hipolito Hankies offers Carlos's journal as a courtesy to readers and does not consider Mr. Vargas to be a reliable source of information regarding his own experiences in the wasteland. Coz he dumb.
From the journal of Carlos Vargas, Wanderer, 25 July 2241, near Arroyo:
"Hola. Yo me llamo Carlos. I very smart, but my English is not good, so the people think I am stupid guy. You no believe the chart, OK? My Intellihence should not say 'Bad.' It should say, 'Carlos is a very, very good intellihent!'
"How to begin story? Bueno, I was working all day, like every day, cooking fajitas and skinning gatos, when the Elder call me over. She wanted me to go clean the Temple of Trials. Gringos are very messy, no? She give me a spear and I went to the Temple.
"But before I goed into Temple, I think, 'Oye, spear is not good cleaning tool!' I saw my friend Klint and try to ask for mop.
"So I go in with spear, which was good because I had to fight some cucarachas inside Temple. Cucarachas hurt me many times, but I found bag of marijuana that make me feel better.
"I finish cleaning and get ready to leave. Near exit door, I met friend Cameron. He said something in English, but I not understand, so I smile and try to leave. He then hit me and say I have to hit back if I wanna leave. Carlos prefers to live like Gandhi, but I try to hit back without hurting friend.
"Uh ohhh! I hit friend too hard, and now friend dead. Carlos not know own strength! I loss 10 karma points.
"Hoping that mistake not get me deported, I went to see the Elder again.
"Oh no, I get deported to Klamath! But if I find this Harden of Eden Creation Kit, or HECK, maybe la Abuela will let me back in and make me hardener. That is best yob. At least she give me shiny bottle with numero 13 on it, just like on my new work uniform.
"I say goodbye to friends and leave Arroyo, but soon meet very angry man.
"What just happening? Was Kaga friend with Cameron? Not know. Will write again later. Until then, I am Carlos Vargas, Virgin of the Wastes."