Dwarf Fortress: Octopus OverLords

[The Bad Shepherd]

I do not know if it has a strong following here, but I am sure a fair few of you are aware of Dwarf Fortress, yes? I would like to start a community fortress.
Basically, I'd like you OO folks to post if you would enjoy reading a (I guess it would be an AAR?) of Dwarf Fortress as I meander through the seasons, making hideous mistakes. If you are interested, leave a post suggesting what kind of biome the fortress should be, whether there should be any ridiculous rules to make my life more difficult (but interesting!). This can be anything, from CONSTRUCT A GIANT SOAP STATUE OF SOAP MACTAVISH FROM COD LOL to not being allowed to make anything out of stone (oh my God, I should not have suggested that). And of course, you may ask for a dwarf to be named after you. If you're picky, you can even decide their gender and profession, otherwise it will be decided at random.
Be warned of two things: One, I am not a particularly experienced player, having only run a few fortresses, and I have absolutely NO clue as to how some of the game works.
Two, my computer's framerate will eventually slow to a labored crawl around Year 6 or so, so expect updates to become less frequent by then. Much less frequent.

Feel free to make ridiculous suggestions, even if the fortress lasts for two days, hey.

Losing is fun!

P.S. If no one takes any interest, I will quietly shelve this idea. I would love to write about the Madness and Sadness of Dwarf Fortress otherwise, though.
And yes, I will include pictures.

[Hipolito]

I'm interested and would like to be a male dwarf. (In the AAR, that is. OK, in real life, too.)

I tried playing Dwarf Fortress once, soon after it went 3-D. It seemed I was following hours of tutorials without getting comfortable with the game. I'll have to give it a more serious effort someday.

Looking forward to the AAR, but easy on the helmet spawn, hey?

[Archinerd]

I love reading about games of Dwarf Fortress more than actually playing them. I say go for it!
My only request is that you make a real effort to finish this if you start. It's frustrating to start reading an AAR that just ends halfway through snakemen eating all of your fish dwarves.

Name a dwarf after me if you wish, but be warned. "Archinerd" is a cursed name in that game.

[LordMortis]

I loved DF but it lost me in abstraction on a learning curve I couldn't pass when it introduced a third axis and gave you way too many choices of non mountiany stuff to begin your world.

I'd love a Mortis dwarf. I'll finish walls and floors, if you don't mind.

Maybe your AAR will inspire me try again.

[hentzau]

I think Hentzau would be an awesome name for a dwarf...

[AWS260]

I would love to be a dwarf! Especially one that eventually goes insane and starts killing other dwarves.

[Semaj]

Semaj would be a solid dwarf, preferably an important one who does all the badass stuff

[theohall]

theohall wouldn't mind having a Hall named after him. And, yes, there is a DF following here.

[The Bad Shepherd]

Looking at that thread, looks like I might get some help should I choose to go the route of the megaproject.

Any preference as to what the biome should be? I'll probably start tomorrow night.

[Hrnac]

Hrnac reporting for mining duty.

-Hrnac

[The Bad Shepherd]

This is the biome I chose. The Diamond Murk. There should be marble somewhere under the surface, if the neighboring biomes are to be any judge. We have water, plenty of wood, presumably plenty of food, overall looks like a pretty good place. Sound good?

[Vorret]

I really suck and I've never quite understood it, though, I LOVE to read AAR of Dwarf Fortress.

Feel free to include me... a rather crazy and absent minded dwarf who would most likely be killed by aciddent after stepping on something he shouldn't have.

[Lagom Lite]

Bork bork. Bork bork bork Swedish dwarf, reporting in bork bork.

[Shinjin]

I understand that there is a young dwarf named Shinjin wandering around. His inclinations lie toward crafting and hunting. Looking forward to reading about him going insane or getting devoured by his prey...

[The Bad Shepherd]

Journey to Lidesabol (NUDE JUGGLERS)

Evaluating Mission Asset of Group known as: Ulingliruk (THE CRAZED VIOLENCE)

Mission Personnel - 7
Foreman Hrnac
Subforeman Hentzau
Carpenter Hipolito
Farmer Archinerd
AWS260*
Blacksmith Bad Shepherd
High Priest Mortis

*Suffers from Split Personality Disorder, role designated based on current personality

Mission Critical Personnel - 2
High Priest Mortis
Foreman Hrnac

Personnel Evaluation

Foreman Hrnac
Age:69
Gender: M.
Profile: Currently designated foreman and de-facto leader of Ulingliruk. Has a degree in Masonry and Technical Mining, and won honors in Armok's School of Basic Engineering. Possibly overqualified for designated role. Possible personality clash with High Priest Mortis due to iron will and lack of patience.

Subforeman Hentzau
Age: 56
Gender: M.
Profile: Undergraduate from Armok's School of Basic Engineering. Has practical experience with Masonry, but no degree. Possesses a degree in Mining. Was not given role of Foreman due to lack of degree in Masonry, and poor focus. Good personality match with Hrnac, but poor match with High Priest Mortis. Expendable.

Carpenter Hipolito
Age: 61
Gender: M.
Profile: Degree in Carpenting from Durwood. Has practical experience in Wood Cutting, having worked in two previous Fortresses as a freelancer. Volatile personality, but no skill in combat. Valuable asset during early Fortress construction, consider expendable once first three levels of Fortress are complete/personality causes severe issues.

Farmer Archinerd
Age: 87
Gender: M.
Profile: Farmer looking to settle down. Notable for attempting (and partially succeeding) of growing Plump Helmets using Troll feces as a fertilizer. After numerous lawsuits regarding food poisoning, he has decided to vanish. Valuable asset due to talent and stable personality, but eccentric farming methods may be problematic.

AWS/260
Age: 68/17
Gender: F./F.
Profile: Diagnosed split personality disorder, however both personalities are quiet and hardworking. Personnel are advised to ignore any strange/contradictory/inflammatory statements from either personality. AWS specializes in Mechanics, possessing a degree from Mammothiron, while 260 specializes in Brewery. Both can be considered valuable mission assets, and defense of the Fortress is currently being ceded to AWS. Cause of disorder unknown, neither personality forthcoming.

Bad Shepherd
Age: 86
Gender: F.
Profile: An old blacksmith, with degree in Armorsmithing from the Mithril Armory, and practical experience with Smelting and Wood Processing. Personality extremely amenable to deception, due to bad intuition and bad sense of empathy. Strong candidate for conversion, but unreliable mission asset. Out of all personnel, is to be considered most expendable.

High Priest Mortis
Age: 79
Gender: M.
Profile: CLASSIFIED.

[The Bad Shepherd]

And so it was, that the group known as Ulingliruk, arrived at Lidesabol. Laying down their provisions and unpacking the wagon, the dwarves gazed in wonder at their land, their home, their...mecca.

"'s too sodding wet." growled Hrnac, gazing closely at the cliff face.

"Clay is fine to work with. But not if I have to worry every second of the damn day that I'll flood the tunnels. What do you think Hentzau?"

"You're exactly right boss."

"Exactly. Let's pick somewhere else. It's undwarvenly to settle in a swamp, anyway."

"No." A low rumble from Mortis. The other dwarves cast glances at each other. He had been mostly silent the entire trip, and what words he had spoken had been "annoyingly cryptic" as Hipolito had put it. Nevertheless, he was technically the one in charge of the expedition, as whatever organization he represented had funded their journey. He stared at Hrnac.

"There is...good here." Mortis leaned over, and grabbed a chunk of rock from the ground. He presented the rock to Bad Shepherd, who licked it. Her eyes widened.

"Obsidian!" she cried. "There is Obsidian here!"

Hrnac and Hentzau looked at each other, and grinned.

"Magma..."

They tore off towards the mountainside, picks in hand. Mortis leaned against the wagon, looking placated, while Archinerd began searching for whatever animal droppings he could use as seasoning. Hipolito shrugged, and began disassembling the wagon. AWS looked uncomfortable.

"Obsidian may be indicative of near surface magma. Is no one else worried we may be sitting atop an active volcano?"

Hipolito paused, grunted and returned to work.

"Don't tell the elves."

[The Bad Shepherd]

Journal of Hrnac, Nude Juggler Foreman

28th Felsite

Spring has come and gone, and we haven't even gotten a place to sleep yet.What we have so far is simply a hollow tube, with some space cut out on either side. AWS set up a Mechanic's Workshop and was about to churn out some mechanisms when she had one of her bad turns. 260 then set up a still and started screaming at us to make barrels. But of course that bastard Hipolito is "too busy" to set up his carpenter's workshop. Instead, he has decided to chop down EVERY SINGLE TREE in the area. No, really. He's lost count. And I think he is just doing it to piss me off. No wonder he doesn't have any friends.



Hentzau's good fun. We've taken to playing cards in our free time, and discussing how we're going to develop the Fortress. Good head on his shoulders.
The rest of the crew seem pretty run of the mill. Archinerd's a weirdo, but he's harmless once you specify what is, and is not, allowed to be used in food making. Mortis is a strange one, but he's pretty quiet, and he's voiced his approval a couple of times about how the Fortress is developing. I guess he's okay.

Dunno what Bad Shepherd is up to. Seems to just do heavy lifting. See if I can't get her to set up some forges and begin working on all the wood we have lying around.

Going well enough so far I guess. Just need to get Hipolito in line.

[Hipolito]

Journal of Hrnac, Nude Juggler Foreman

But of course that bastard Hipolito is "too busy" to set up his carpenter's workshop. Instead, he has decided to chop down EVERY SINGLE TREE in the area. No, really. He's lost count. And I think he is just doing it to piss me off. No wonder he doesn't have any friends.

The trees have it in for us, laddie! 'Tis either us or them!

[Semaj]

Poor Semaj, left at home... again

[The Bad Shepherd]

Journal of Foreman Hrnac

21st Malachite

MIGRANTS.



SIX OF THEM.

Mortis went ahead and interviewed them, I watched, but we'll get to that in a minute. We're digging a second level, priority right now is to establish some kind of irrigation system for Archinerd to work with. I'll dig under the water, put down a floodgate, get AWS to set up some mechanisms, and soon we'll have farmland. Er, we can farm on clay right? Archinerd says we can, but he also believes that clay itself is edible. Thank Armok he's not our brewer, or he'd probably feed us all turpentine.
Still no bedrooms. Second priority to food, though there is some whinging going on. Tough schist. If you have a problem with living rough, go ahead and trek back to the mountain home.



I was present during Mortis' psych evaluations of the newcomers. And they're all completely dysfunctional. Brilliant.
Lagom Lite
Age: 61
Gender: M.
From what I can tell, he came here to make me look bad. Not only does he put my masonry to shame, he's a fantastic engraver as well. And a decent cheese maker for some reason. Worst of all is that accent, and that weird verbal tic of his. You want an example? First thing he says when he walks in is "Ja, I hear you vant some good doors made, bork, bork?" And then he just rushed over to the Mason's Workshop, and crafted one of the best doors I've ever seen. Better than all the ones I've churned out, and the whole while he just keeps saying, over and over, "Is good vork, ja? Some of my best, bork, bork." Complete nutcase. But he knows what he's doing, and he checks out okay psychologically, according to Mortis. Now if we could just get him to shut up...



Private Donally
Age: 68
Gender: F.
Apparently spent some time in the military, but is familiar with farming and furnace operation. Her body looks it. I mean...she's not bad looking. Y'know. Ahem. Sorting her into our newly formed local military forces. Psych evaluation checks out okay. She might be the only sane dwarf among them.

Sergeant Semaj
Age: 83
Gender: M.
Don't get me started on this guy. Currently head of the defense forces, as he has actual training in crossbow combat. Bastard. He comes strolling in, puts on this gravelly voice, and starts trying to impress on Mortis on how hardened and dangerous he is. He also wears an eyepatch. Whatever. So long as he keeps the alligators at bay, I won't complain.

Booooooozie
Age: 80
Gender: M.
Walks in, says his name is Booooooozie, with seven o's. He's a brewer. I guess the fumes must really get to the dwarfs in that profession, because damn! First AWS/260 and now Booooooozie. He's not as good as 260 in the brewing department, but he doesn't seem to have any real attitude problems. Just gets angry if you don't get all of the o's in the name. Or worse. Put TOO many in. Nutcase. Mortis shouldn'ta let him in.

Vorret
Age: 71
Gender: M.
This guy is smoking something. And it must be really good, because he is the most relaxed dwarf I have ever met. I want some, whatever it is. He's a decent stone crafter, so I'll get him to set up a workstation and start making Obsidian Shortswords. We can sell 'em in the Fall. I don't trust our "military" to train with them just yet. Wait until someone properly competent shows up.

Verde Pantalones
Age: 79
Gender: M.
What. The. Fuck.



No, no. It gets, BETTER.



Was this asshole born in a friggin' testube? He has practically no muscles, no immune system, and no skills. He walked in, and handed us a slip of paper that said: "My name is Verde Pantalones, and I make good leader." The fact that the psych evaluation says he has excellent language skills amuses me, because insofar as I can tell, he CANNOT SPEAK. Urgh. Well, at least he can move things around okay, if somewhat slowly.

What a sorry bunch of dwarfs we are.

[LordMortis]

This game has changed a lot in the last four or more years.

[The Bad Shepherd]

Erm, let me know if you like what I'm doing. This is my first time doing this, so if I could do anything better/different let me know.
Like, if the in character stuff of Foreman Hrnac irritates you, and you would rather just have me discuss the fortress, let me know.
But tell me if I do anything right/tell me what you like!

Also, if you are reading this and have not yet done so, please submit your name to be dwarfed! Include whatever specifications you feel like, but please, submit a name! Every dwarf will get a nickname, and the less I have to make up, the better.

[The Bad Shepherd]

Journal of Hrnac, Foreman of Nude Juggler

Alright, time to report on Operation Get That Bloody Farmland Done So Archinerd Stops Bloody Whinging At Me. The idea was to set up a narrow tunnel, set up a floodgate at one end, link it to a lever, and then send...someone to dig out a hole in the water real quick and make some muddy clay.
Being a skilled foreman, I naturally decided this would be an excellent time to delegate the task of digging the hole and outrunning the water to someone less important, younger, fitter, and far more in need of the exercise than I.
So I sent Subforeman Hentzau. Here are the results.

Run Hentzau, RUN!

Yes, yes-!

Almost-! Someone get that lever pulled, we should have enough mud now.

Done. Fantastic job Hentzau, and I believe Booooooozie pulled the lever. Pretty promptly too. Excellent job everyone!

In other news, living quarters have been set up. Next up will be a surface level barracks and archery range. We'll also see if we can get Bad Shepherd to start on Iron production, we have enough Hematite. A caravan should arrive soon.

[Archinerd]

. Er, we can farm on clay right? Archinerd says we can, but he also believes that clay itself is edible.

Believe it or not, this is not the first time I've made this claim.
At a long past Octocon while playing Agricola (the board game) my family ate nothing but clay!Maybe not the tastiest meal, but no one starved.

[The Bad Shepherd]

Done for the first night. Currently in mid-autumn. Mild food shortage, but Archinerd just got started on the farms. PLEASE, PLEASE post your names, we just had another migrant wave.

And believe me, you want to be named after some of these dwarfs...

To Be Continued...

[Lagom Lite]

So not only am I an IKEA designer, I'm also a chef?

It's a great read, keep it up!

/makes moar cheese

[LordMortis]

I say you just start using forum names at random.

[Cortilian]

Plug me in. I prefer white beards, a large hammer, armor and priestly duties. Command is ever so much more fun than the grunt work.

[Shinjin]

Good stuff. The personality/character bits add lots of flavor - keep it.

This bit had me laughing:

Subforeman Hentzau
[stuff]
Expendable.

[hentzau]

Good stuff. The personality/character bits add lots of flavor - keep it.

This bit had me laughing:

Subforeman Hentzau
[stuff]
Expendable.

Yeah, me too. Amazing how he managed to capture my real worth.

[Unagi]

. Er, we can farm on clay right? Archinerd says we can, but he also believes that clay itself is edible.

Believe it or not, this is not the first time I've made this claim.
At a long past Octocon while playing Agricola (the board game) my family ate nothing but clay!Maybe not the tastiest meal, but no one starved.

Holy Awesome.

yes. Archinerd feeds his family loaves of clay, I've seen it!!

[Unagi]

Oh, and Sign Me Up.

Brewer

[docD]

After some trouble with the law, (it was a misunderstanding, I'm completely innocent mind you) I feel the need to take an extended vacation to somewhere remote. Therefore I offer my services! While I have many skills, I excell at recovering things people have lost, hence the misunderstanding above.

[Hrnac]

Excellent AAR so far!

-Hrnac

[Cylus Maxii]

Sign me up too!

[The Bad Shepherd]

Thanks for all the comments and names.
docD, I have someone PERFECT for you. XD

[abr]

Great read, loving the character bits! Sign me up please to join the fortress. Preferably working with stone, as that calms abr down, but anything else would also be fine.

[The Bad Shepherd]

Journal of Foreman Hrnac of Nude Juggler

2nd Timber

We have beds, and the farm is being set up. But the fact remains, we have no food. People are complaining of being hungry, and we have nothing to give them. This is not totally unexpected, and certainly not the end of the Fortress, but we've encountered a problem.

MIGRANTS.

SIX OF THEM AGAIN.

And the first thing we have to tell them when they get here is that we have no food. Good riddance, this lot looks shifty.

Arrrrgh. Psych evaluations again. Normally I'd say they were useless, but what with the food shortage, and the shady appearance of some of these dwarves, I'd say it'd be worth seeing who will be a liability.



Cylus Maxii
Age: 72
Gender: F.

Her psych evaluation says she has an inferiority complex, and feels constantly depressed. A real pity she's currently our only wound dresser. Worryingly, she also has experience in leatherworking, and claims the two businesses are not at all as unrelated as we would like to believe. Seemed to take the food shortage well, immediately blaming herself and running out of the Fortress crying. Oh yeah. She's gonna be a real asset.

Dr. Bad Idea
Age: 65
Gender: F.
"What are you trained in?" Mortis leaned nonchalantly against the Obsidian of the entrance hall, glaring at the new migrant over his clipboard.
"I'm a surgeon."
"How would you rate your own skills?"
"...Adequate."
"Beautiful. Welcome to Nudejugglers...New Head Surgeon."
If we ever have any real injuries, we are SO going to regret that decision.

Laxworth
Age: 71
Gender: M.
Former Bowyer for the Tendersteel Armory. He's quite good, and setting up a workshop now. He'll be responsible for making Sergeant Semaj a crossbow. And then making a bunch of other crossbows for us to sell. He's also a "Novice Persuader". I asked him how he came to that conclusion, and he persuaded me that I didn't want to know. Remarkable.

docD
Age: 69
Gender: M.
And then there's this guy.

"Good evening gentlemen, nice Fortress you've got here." The dwarf was wearing a hooded pig tail jacket, and twirling his goatee. He was grinning madly, and Hrnac thought he caught a glimpse of a monocle.
"He's a beardless, sir." Hrnac whispered to Mortis. "I'd kick him out."
Mortis stood up straighter and walked up to the dwarf.
"Name?"
"Duke Francis Crumplebottom the Third." he said in an imperious voice, only deigning to barely nod his head in Mortis' direction. Hrnac started. Royalty! Beardless royalty!
"Profession?"
"Duke."
"Forgive me my lord," began Hrnac, "it is highly unusual for a duke to arrive at such a time in a fortress' development. If you would like me to prepare accommodations I would be hap-"
"You are a liar and a scoundrel." snapped Mortis. The new migrant deflated. "And we have no use for the likes of you. Get out, before I have Sergeant Semaj escort you out." He turned away. Hrnac spat at the migrant's feet.
"Get lost."
Hrnac strolled off. The migrant stood there for a second, dazed. Then he yelled, "Wait!"
Hrnac turned. The migrant dashed over to the nearby furnace. "Watch this!"
He grabbed a log of wood. And then it was charcoal.
"Mother of-"
He did it again. And again. Every six seconds, another piece of charcoal. The migrant's eyes were aflame. He did not turn from the furnace as he said quietly,
"Let me remain in this fortress, and I will build you enough charcoal to piss off four nation's worth of Elves."
A dwarf at heart then. I let him stay.

Honest McGee
Age: 77
Gender: M.

"Hello fellow dwarfs!" the dwarf positively bounced into the Fortress, all beaming eyes and toothy smiles.
"And dare I say, you all look absolutely FABULOUS today!" Hrnac was touched. Most migrants were covered in filth and exhausted from their long journey. This one was positively exuberant.
"My name's Honest McGee, and you're all so special!" he hugged Mortis, leaving him temporarily speechless.
"Look at those muscles! And you," he turned to Hrnac and began shaking his hand vigorously. "You must be the one in charge, I can tell from the intelligent expression on your face and that incredible aura of command that you-"
He stopped. The spell was broken. Mortis' face had gone beet red, and Hrnac jerked his hand free.
"Ah. Bollocks. I overdid it, didn't I?" he straightened. "My name's Honest McGee, and I'm a fisherman. I'll get right to work. Nice meeting all of you." He shook hands once with Mortis, handed him his resume and strolled into the sunshine, heading in the direction of Sergeant Semaj's favorite fishing spot.
Mortis shook his head.
"Keep an eye on him Hrnac. He's a tricky one, but he's worth keeping around. Better than that docD person you insist on keeping here at any rate."
He's setting up a fishery right now. In this fortress, it seems that the more skilled the dwarf, the less sane he will be. Myself excluded.

Commander Cortilian
Age: 55
Gender: F.
When we reached the last migrant, she was standing at the entrance looking incredibly embarrassed. Sergeant Semaj and Private Donnally stood stiff as boards before her, their hands plastered to their foreheads in what was an obvious salute. When she noticed Mortis approaching her with a clipboard. She walked to him and shook his hand.
"Fisherman Cortilian, looking forward to liv-"
"LIES!" screamed Semaj, staring straight ahead, still stiff, still saluting. "Before you is Officer Cortilian of the United Fortress Defense Network, responsible for commanding at least three squads in four different major battles defending the Mountainhome against the goblin hordes!" Semaj went slightly cross-eyed."WE ARE STANDING IN THE PRESENCE OF A HERO, SIR!"
Silence followed this proclamation. Cortilian's shoulders slumped. Mortis crossed over to Semaj and looked him in the eye.
"Are you saying we could use her in the military?"
"I'm just a fisherdwarf!" cried Cortilian.
"The war stuff was years ago, I just fish now!"

"Fish in your spare time, Commander." Mortis turned to her. "As of right now, you are in charge of this Fortress' defenses. Congratulations Commander, I expect to see an immediate improvement in overall Fortress security. See docD and Bad Shepherd about arming your men. I recommend that you spend some time fishing with Semaj however," Mortis said, heading back into the fortress. "There is a bit of a food shortage right now."

OOC: That's the migrants taken care of! Despite being a High Master Fisherdwarf, Commander Cortilian has a worrying amount of military oriented skills. While it is difficult to write for characters with skills such as "Professional Liar" and "High Master Wood Burner", they definitely lend a bit of life and personality to the Fortress. I don't think the lying will do much in the way of the food shortage, though.

[Archinerd]

This just keeps getting better.

[miltonite]

You are doing everything right IMO except for not adding my name into it. This needs to be fixed in short order.