In a rut, need to get out.

[DD*]

Synopsis:

• Divorced 2 years now
• Overweight
• Lonely
• Hate my job
• Financially unsecure (but getting better - slowly)
• Generally unhappy

Any motivational reading/advice/activities? I coach both of my kids in softball/baseball but have no real hobbies other than that. I feel a general need to do *something* but am having a very hard time getting motivated to do anything.

Ugh.

[Rip]

I would suggest pick one and spend an immense amount of energy in correcting it or making major progress. It looks like many off them feed to each other so improving one should improve the others.

What do you feel more like doing?

Major Diet?
Focus on new employment?
I am sure Matrix could help work on the lonely, get you going out with a purpose instead of just hanging out.

Happiness is fleeting and relative so I have no idea how you could address it specifically. I know riding my ZX-10R can charge my happiness up but it won't last long if I have those other issues.

[silverjon]

Ezra Bayda - Saying Yes to Life (Even the Hard Parts)

[Hrnac]

You might want to keep an eye on your situation to make sure that you do not slip into depression.

[DD*]

I have plans this weekend to finish up a BUNCH of projects around the house, which should brighten things up a bit, I think.

I'll look into the book, thanks!

[dbt1949]

Get a puppy.

[msduncan]

Actually this sounds silly, but exercise. More specifically exercise with an attainable goal.

I highly recomment Couch to 5K.

http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

I was able to do this going from zero exercise to running 25 minutes without a break and it was ultra easy. The first night you think you are going to die after almost NO exercise at all. Within days your body is asking you to do more.

Benefit to exercise like this?

1. releases endorphins that improve your mood
2. You lose weight -- solving one of your problems
3. The loss of weight makes you feel better, and also improves mood.


This will work. Do it.

[tgb]

Move in with some roommates. I hear these guys have an open bed:

[rshetts2]

Not sure if Dbt's suggestion was serious or not, but its not a bad idea. Dogs can be awesome companions. The right dog can be very theraputic in many ways. Walking the dog can be great exercise and can also open you up socially. They also help with stress and its been documented that single people who own pets live longer, than single people who don't. I can also state from experience that golden retriever puppies are major babe magnets. They are the cutest creatures on earth and it seems that pretty much all women succumb to the power of a golden puppy.
Last but not least, if you take the time with a dog, they will be you friend for life. Dogs rock.

[silverjon]

Dogs, or pets in general can be great, and taking care of one can be a motivating factor when the motivation to take care of yourself isn't there, since your pet is depending on you. The counter to that is that if you're not capable of caring for an animal, or are likely to become incapable, it's not fair to bring one into your home.

It's not a decision to make lightly, because it will change your life.

[gbasden]

Actually this sounds silly, but exercise. More specifically exercise with an attainable goal.

I highly recomment Couch to 5K.

I normally get my exercise by walking on the treadmill and lifting weights. I'm pretty much a lumbering lardbutt.

I know you said it was easy for you to get into it, but how much were you like me? Do you have a runner's build? How long did it take you to lose the "I'm going to die" feeling?

[Holman]

I'm with msd. Jog before dog.

Getting yourself physically active has too many benefits to list. Besides the obvious health improvement, you'll find that you really think differently during and after an exercise session.

I'm very prone to depression (I've had the prescriptions to prove it), but I *always* feel better after exercising. A regular routine is great medicine.

[silverjon]

That remind me of another book, Walking Your Blues Away by Thom Hartmann. The gist of it combines exercise and meditation into a form of personal therapy.

[Rip]

Not sure if Dbt's suggestion was serious or not, but its not a bad idea. Dogs can be awesome companions. The right dog can be very theraputic in many ways. Walking the dog can be great exercise and can also open you up socially. They also help with stress and its been documented that single people who own pets live longer, than single people who don't. I can also state from experience that golden retriever puppies are major babe magnets. They are the cutest creatures on earth and it seems that pretty much all women succumb to the power of a golden puppy.
Last but not least, if you take the time with a dog, they will be you friend for life. Dogs rock.

+1000

I have a few and life would be much less entertaining without them.

[Odin]

The key to losing weight for me (for as much as I've lost, anyway. I could stand to lose some more) was to find something I enjoyed doing. All the prior workouts had either been stuff I hated or stuff I didn't mind but which wasn't all that effective (20 minutes on a treadmill pretty much canceled out one of my daily snacks. Big whoop). It wasn't until I found a form of exercise I really enjoyed to the point that it didn't feel like exercise that I was able to do it, stick with it, and see results. In my case it was martial arts, but YMMV. Once I started to see results from that, it motivated me to change my diet, and I ended up losing 40 pounds (30-35 of which is still off 8+ months later).

Anyway, that would address one of your issues. Good luck!

[Kraken]

Another vote for exercise. Eight years ago I started taking a morning walk because I was fat and unemployed and depressed. I started at less than a mile a day and gradually worked up to four.

Now my body needs that hour of exercise every morning to feel good. I feel lethargic when the weather prevents me from walking for a few days.

Walking might or might not be right for you; it worked for me. I like making the rounds of the neighborhood, and all I need is a new pair of walking shoes once a year. But I can guarantee that you will feel better if you can work some regular exercise into your life.

[DD*]

I've seriously considered the dog thing - my kids have been on me for a while now, since our big boy passed away a few years back. But then I look at my schedule - work 5 days, and last week was Monday - home, Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday/Friday/Saturday was either softball, baseball, or hockey - or all three! Hard to justify a pooch if I can devote the time to him. Might still do that, though, as I miss my old buddy terribly.

[Grundbegriff]

I'm with msd. Jog before dog.

Getting yourself physically active has too many benefits to list. Besides the obvious health improvement, you'll find that you really think differently during and after an exercise session.

I endorse this reasoning.

Exercising in a significant way can significantly alter your outlook, and the benefits have tentacles.

[Remus West]

Are there adult leagues you can get into for sports? You coach softball, so maybe a rec league softball team that needs a player? Softball is not exactly great exercise but it would get you meeting new people. I know that here you can give your name and contact information to the woman who runs the adult sports leagues and she will pass it on to the area captains in case they need to pick up a player. My volleyball team added a guy that way and he has become a good friend and has even been assisting me with the youth team I coach.

[The Meal]

Couch to 5k was my thought from reading the subject line. But whatever it is you decide to do, it's got to come from inside you. My big motivation for exercise was to get a set of wireless speakers and pump the jams (and rediscover some of the older music in my collection) while exercising. It makes me completely asocial when exercising, but I wasn't trying to motivate anyone else to get out there and do it. The upsides were many, not the least of which was sleeping better at night. Dropping the pounds certainly helped with a bit of an ego boost as well.

Best luck, man. Nobody deserves to be stuck in their own head when life's not heading in the right direction.

[msduncan]

Actually this sounds silly, but exercise. More specifically exercise with an attainable goal.

I highly recomment Couch to 5K.

I normally get my exercise by walking on the treadmill and lifting weights. I'm pretty much a lumbering lardbutt.

I know you said it was easy for you to get into it, but how much were you like me? Do you have a runner's build? How long did it take you to lose the "I'm going to die" feeling?

I don't have a runner's build. I was a lard butt that does nothing but soft corporate sitting at my desk and then playing computer games at night. Couch to 5K was the real deal and worked.

It took literally 1 to 2 sessions to get over the I want to die feeling. The first session you walk a LOT more than you run. It eases you into it. If I could do it, you can do it!

[tgb]

Develop a heroin habit. Not only will you feel better, but you'll have plenty to do throughout the day, jiving, boosting, and figuring out how you're going to score.

[Freezer-TPF-]

Exercise all the way.

[KKBlue]

DD* can you walk anywhere? Example, every now and then I don't take the car and walk to the grocery store. Used to return movies then return by foot but Blockbuster is gone. Agree that excerssize is the thing to do. Even if it's parking in the last space and walking 50 extra paces, every bit helps.

[Smutly]

Actually this sounds silly, but exercise. More specifically exercise with an attainable goal.

I highly recomment Couch to 5K.

I normally get my exercise by walking on the treadmill and lifting weights. I'm pretty much a lumbering lardbutt.

I know you said it was easy for you to get into it, but how much were you like me? Do you have a runner's build? How long did it take you to lose the "I'm going to die" feeling?

I don't have a runner's build. I was a lard butt that does nothing but soft corporate sitting at my desk and then playing computer games at night. Couch to 5K was the real deal and worked.

It took literally 1 to 2 sessions to get over the I want to die feeling. The first session you walk a LOT more than you run. It eases you into it. If I could do it, you can do it!

Ditto. I did Couch to 5K and it is *the* program I recommend to a lot of people.

[Holman]

I can't run anymore. After doing four miles/day in my 20's, I eventually developed the ruined knees that are the curse of my ancestors.

Biking, though, is perfect for me. Plus it's cooler and zippier than running.

[GreenGoo]

DIABLO!

Ok, I got nothing.

[GreenGoo]

I'm with msd. Jog before dog.

Getting yourself physically active has too many benefits to list. Besides the obvious health improvement, you'll find that you really think differently during and after an exercise session.

I endorse this reasoning.

Exercising in a significant way can significantly alter your outlook, and the benefits have tentacles.

Having run my first 5k last year, and then several more after that, improving my health and losing weight was absolutely outlook altering.

[Mr. Fed]

1. Choose one attainable thing you'd like to improve about yourself, and start working on it.

2. Choose one attainable thing you'd like to learn -- maybe the same thing you want to improve -- and find a way to learn about it, preferably in a community like a adult education course or book club or something. A cooking class? A language class? Etc.

3. The last one is a bit out of the box. Do you have a crawlspace?

[KKBlue]

2. Choose one attainable thing you'd like to learn...

How about borrowing a different language CD from your library and listening to it while walking around your neighborhood?

[rshetts2]

Ill just throw out there that having a dog as a companion doesnt cancel out exercise, it in fact can enhance exercise. Go jogging with your dog, its great for both of you and gives you even more incentive to take that jog.

So instead of "jog before dog", how about jog with a dog?

I do agree with Silverjon, that dog ownership shouldnt be taken lightly but as you have had a dog already, you likely know that.
Ill just add that I went through some rough times myself and three things helped me immensely. Counseling ( never overlook the benefits of getting things off your chest ), weight loss ( I lost 50 lbs ) and last but definitely not least was the companionship of my dog. He was great at helping me through my blues. My life has turned around from deep depression and Chewie was a big part of that.
Theres a lot you can do to turn things around but remember its important to not get to caught up in all the choices and just do something, anything to improve your life. Once you get started, you'll find that the positive forward motion will open the way to other positive changes, you just have to get the ball rolling. So as mentioned, find one thing and just do it!

[Jaddison]

Having had several cycles of fat and unmotivated I'll share what has worked for me

-first, change what you watch and listen to if you do watch tV/movies. skip things that are depressing and/of full of violence. I know this sounds silly but the start of one of my comebacks was fueled by 7th Heaven and The Gilmore Girls.....I had read about how what we watch/listen/read can affect us (there is a study that showed that post operative patients recovered better when they could not watch TV news or violent/depressing shows). i am not religious per se and had never watched 7th Heaven ever, nor GG. However the positive message of both rubbed off on me. There are upbeat shows and books that will help you see that there are better times possible.

-exercise, I started body for life and after 7 days I was hooked. it changed how I slept and definitely affected my attitude. Whatever you try start slow so that you don't overdo it and hurt yourself or get so sore you can't exercise.

- Drink a lot of water

- if you had more time I would recommend rescuing a dog but your schedule would make taking care of it and you don't want to pile on guilt about not giving the dog enough time

-Highly recommend reading The Art of Racing in the Rain

- this has always helped me, face your demons head on, admit to yourself your worst moments, your worst actions, own them and then forgive yourself.....admitting them out loud to yourself takes a lot of their power away. In order to move forward you have to own your life, all the bad times all the good times, no excuses because all that stuff is behind you, your life is in front of you, don't let your past own you.