Restaurant Madness: What would you do?

[Arcanis]

Just my $.02 but I think you should still apologize to the lady. Not because she necessarily deserves it, but for your own piece of mind. You need to know that you can assimilate cultural norms into your personality, and the first step is going through the motions of it even if you don't really mean it.

I don't know. Couldn't they call the freaking cops on him? He poured crap on the lady and smashed a cup in the store. I'd never even walk past the place again let alone go in.

I'm sure they could. What is the statute of limitations on what is arguably assault and disturbing the peace? I'd hope that the apology and likely some token amount of money to pay for the cup and possibly shoes would smooth things out. I'm just pointing out that it is one thing to acknowledge being wrong and another to internalize it by actually doing something about it.

[Zaxxon]

There is no such thing as normal, here or otherwise.

Of course there is; don't be obtuse.

Allow me to be verbose. There are social norms, socially acceptable, etc. There is no such thing as a normal person.

There are games that are judged to be good, are well-reviewed, etc. There is no such thing as a good game.

[Chesspieceface]

Just my $.02 but I think you should still apologize to the lady. Not because she necessarily deserves it, but for your own piece of mind. You need to know that you can assimilate cultural norms into your personality, and the first step is going through the motions of it even if you don't really mean it.

I don't know. Couldn't they call the freaking cops on him? He poured crap on the lady and smashed a cup in the store. I'd never even walk past the place again let alone go in.

I'm sure they could. What is the statute of limitations on what is arguably assault and disturbing the peace? I'd hope that the apology and likely some token amount of money to pay for the cup and possibly shoes would smooth things out. I'm just pointing out that it is one thing to acknowledge being wrong and another to internalize it by actually doing something about it.

I agree with you, I just know I can't do it. Not this week. I would like to go back at night and tell the lovely gay men who are so nice to us why I won't be showing up to tip them generously anymore. But I'll be decent and not do that either.

[Arcanis]

Just my $.02 but I think you should still apologize to the lady. Not because she necessarily deserves it, but for your own piece of mind. You need to know that you can assimilate cultural norms into your personality, and the first step is going through the motions of it even if you don't really mean it.

I don't know. Couldn't they call the freaking cops on him? He poured crap on the lady and smashed a cup in the store. I'd never even walk past the place again let alone go in.

I'm sure they could. What is the statute of limitations on what is arguably assault and disturbing the peace? I'd hope that the apology and likely some token amount of money to pay for the cup and possibly shoes would smooth things out. I'm just pointing out that it is one thing to acknowledge being wrong and another to internalize it by actually doing something about it.

I agree with you, I just know I can't do it. Not this week. I would like to go back at night and tell the lovely gay men who are so nice to us why I won't be showing up to tip them generously anymore. But I'll be decent and not do that either.

Its all your choice. I'm just another schmuck on the internet giving out advice for which I have no qualifications, just like the rest of us (unless someone here is a shrink and I didn't know it).

[wonderpug]

I think I may have skipped a page in the thread--how did gay men become relevant to the story?!

[Chesspieceface]

I think I may have skipped a page in the thread--how did gay men become relevant to the story?!

Not relevant except that this cafe is in the "Rainbow" part of town and most of the clientele and staff is gay and lesbian, although this woman is not as the pictures of her and her family would indicate. I will say that generally gay men are quite friendly to me as they appreciate assertive masculinity, lesbians not so much. Heh.

[WYBaugh]

I am sure that most of us, at one point in their life, has done something that can be viewed as an irrational, extreme response to a situation. In my highschool days I was a flat out prick to my gf at times when I was angry. I looked back on that period moving forward and I vowed that I would never do that to another person again and I haven't. With age comes wisdom and all that...

If CPF can take this and grow from it then at least some good can come from an unfortunate event for both parties. The shame will be if nothing is garnered then it's just an act waiting to happen again.

[Grundbegriff]

I'm very sorry for the world you live in. I hope someday you realize you don't have to live there and indeed most people don't.

Come to Southern California.

Dude, I'm a SoCal native....your world and mine dont mesh and i've seen plenty of kindness here. I dont recognize the world you suggest.

For the record, I'm also a SoCal native. So much for that theory.

@Fed: Nice

[Grundbegriff]

There is no such thing as normal, here or otherwise.

There's a statistical norm unless personalities and behaviors are distributed completely randomly. They're not.

[Grundbegriff]

There is no such thing as normal, here or otherwise.

Of course there is; don't be obtuse.

Allow me to be verbose. There are social norms, socially acceptable, etc. There is no such thing as a normal person.

Again-- mistaken.

[RuperT]

In hindsight, you can surely see how a bit of STFU would've netted you both the table you wanted and eggs Benedict.
I suspect you probably anticipated the royal treatment, particularly for your ailing girl, from one of your favorite places. When you didn't receive it, it wounded your pride and you lashed out.
You are your own worst enemy, as you know. Practice biting your tongue (count to ten, serenity now, etc). I would go apologize to the woman, even just as a personal challenge if you feel she doesn't warrant it. Do it to assert mastery over your own impulses. You're an aspiring actor, right? See if you can pull off "humble".

[RuperT]

There is no such thing as normal, here or otherwise.

There's a statistical norm unless personalities and behaviors are distributed completely randomly. They're not.

Sure, by definition of 'norm', top down. But is psychiatry complete enough to realistically produce such statistics of useful precision?

[noxiousdog]

I think I may have skipped a page in the thread--how did gay men become relevant to the story?!

Not relevant except that this cafe is in the "Rainbow" part of town and most of the clientele and staff is gay and lesbian, although this woman is not as the pictures of her and her family would indicate. I will say that generally gay men are quite friendly to me as they appreciate assertive masculinity, lesbians not so much. Heh.

...

[Rip]

I think I may have skipped a page in the thread--how did gay men become relevant to the story?!

Not relevant except that this cafe is in the "Rainbow" part of town and most of the clientele and staff is gay and lesbian, although this woman is not as the pictures of her and her family would indicate. I will say that generally gay men are quite friendly to me as they appreciate assertive masculinity, lesbians not so much. Heh.

You stud!

[Chesspieceface]

The best part about this thread have been the PM's telling me what a douchebag triggercut is from people too intimidated to stand up to him. Heh.

[Octavious]

The best part about this thread have been the PM's telling me what a douchebag triggercut is from people too intimidated to stand up to him. Heh.

He hasn't even made a comment in two pages.

[Rip]

Trig, really? I mean every time I read his name I think it is Triggercunt. Not once have I thought of him as an intimidator.

[Skinypupy]

Triggercut, you're a meanie!!

[Mr. Fed]

Triggercut bullied Tareeq, Grundbegriff and me and made us turn Popehat into an emo music review site.

[Chesspieceface]

Triggercut bullied Tareeq, Grundbegriff and me and made us turn Popehat into an emo music review site.

Was that before or after it became a blog for elitist assholes?

[Octavious]

Serenity now......

[Rip]

Triggercut bullied Tareeq, Grundbegriff and me and made us turn Popehat into an emo music review site.

Was that before or after it became a blog for elitist assholes?

Wait. Anderson Cooper blogs at Popehat?

[Alefroth]

Maybe she wasn't being rude at all. Maybe she has a psychiatric disorder that makes her seem that way.

Ale

[Grundbegriff]

Triggercut bullied Tareeq, Grundbegriff and me and made us turn Popehat into an emo music review site.

Was that before or after it became a blog for elitist assholes?

Wait. Anderson Cooper blogs at Popehat?

Pseudonymously, yes. But he reportedly remains impressed with cpf's assertive masculinity.

[stessier]

Triggercut bullied Tareeq, Grundbegriff and me and made us turn Popehat into an emo music review site.

Was that before or after it became a blog for elitist assholes?

Charles Carreon, is that you?

[pr0ner]

Triggercut bullied Tareeq, Grundbegriff and me and made us turn Popehat into an emo music review site.

Was that before or after it became a blog for elitist assholes?

Charles Carreon, is that you?

[RuperT]

OK, but at least they're the elite of the elitist assholes!

[Scuzz]

Maybe she wasn't being rude at all. Maybe she has a psychiatric disorder that makes her seem that way.

Ale

[Chesspieceface]

Maybe she wasn't being rude at all. Maybe she has a psychiatric disorder that makes her seem that way.

Ale

I can entirely accept that. In which case she should certainly not be interacting with customers in a service capacity, especially when her own livelihood is at stake. I assume she is mentally ill, doesn't change the fact that she was an abysmally bad host and didn't care one bit if I was displeased but would have taken my money anyway.

[KKBlue]

... I like most of you more than you like me, that's for certain.

I like your avatar.

[FishPants]

You're right, your response was way out of line to the situation. Maybe next time ask the person if they're having a hard day/in the weeds and so on, maybe you know, build a relationship with this new person who doesn't kiss your ass?

Your response by your own admission was crazy (batshit IMHO), what I don't understand is are you hear as a form a repentance or were you actually expecting support in this level of behavior?

At any rate I'd personally (not as staff) appreciate if everyone could step up the level of maturity a bit and use some decorum - I haven't seen this level of crap since the last time I stepped in the R&P forum a number of years ago.

[triggercut]

The best part about this thread have been the PM's telling me what a douchebag triggercut is from people too intimidated to stand up to him. Heh.

Since when have my RL friends signed up for OO accounts?

[Jaddison]

CPF

Do you follow any spiritual tradition? Anything along the lines of "do unto others"? Golden Rule or anything?

We all have bad days and the restaurant owner may have been having one.......you always get to vote with your feet and your wallet.

I have read your story and understand that it is difficult for you to respond with restraint but I guess what I don't really hear is that you want to act with restraint. Do you?

I am also wondering if you realize that the woman only said something to you......words....you get to chose the power you let those words have over you. The great zen movie of all time Road House "What if someone calls my momma a whore?" "Well is she?" we get to chose. We get to chose self responsibility or not. Recommend reading Mans Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl not long but it is powerful.

We all fall, we all fail it is what we chose to do afterwards that tells us who we are.

[$iljanus]

At any rate I'd personally (not as staff) appreciate if everyone could step up the level of maturity a bit and use some decorum - I haven't seen this level of crap since the last time I stepped in the R&P forum a number of years ago.

Hey, I we run a respectable establishment over at R&P.

YOU HAVE AWOKEN THE DRAGON!

[Chesspieceface]

Your response by your own admission was crazy (batshit IMHO), what I don't understand is are you hear as a form a repentance or were you actually expecting support in this level of behavior?

Of course I wasn't expecting support for it, that's why I withheld it. I wrote this for the stated reason, and I think that's obvious. The problem is these omnipotent geniuses who know why I do things better than I do, and also have a total lack of respect for the fact that I am sharing my life in the most sincere way that I can.

Writing this and letting myself get railed on is clearly my way of punishing myself. I'm just shocked that as the years go by and I grow and change, the cool kids are every bit as shitty as they were ten years ago.

[FishPants]

Your response by your own admission was crazy (batshit IMHO), what I don't understand is are you hear as a form a repentance or were you actually expecting support in this level of behavior?

Of course I wasn't expecting support for it, that's why I withheld it. I wrote this for the stated reason, and I think that's obvious. The problem is these omnipotent geniuses who know why I do things better than I do, and also have a total lack of respect for the fact that I am sharing my life in the most sincere way that I can.

Writing this and letting myself get railed on is clearly my way of punishing myself. I'm just shocked that as the years go by and I grow and change, the cool kids are every bit as shitty as they were ten years ago.

Well I'm sure someone has a full time job sorting out that kind of a pattern, but I don't have those initials behind my name.

You knew it was not a normal response, and post it here knowing people are going to voice that, and then get defensive and lash out.

I'm now pointing out the obvious and will just reiterate my request (for all involved) to go have a tic tac and stop the drama. Start a blog or something, or sue Mr Fed, that seems to be the norm these days.

[Chesspieceface]

You knew it was not a normal response, and post it here knowing people are going to voice that, and then get defensive and lash out.

I don't see how I've been defensive except in response to direct asshat commentary and thinly veiled personal attacks. I have not defended my actions in the story even once. Did I say I liked it here? I must need more therapy.

[geezer]

Your response by your own admission was crazy (batshit IMHO), what I don't understand is are you hear as a form a repentance or were you actually expecting support in this level of behavior?

Of course I wasn't expecting support for it, that's why I withheld it. I wrote this for the stated reason, and I think that's obvious. The problem is these omnipotent geniuses who know why I do things better than I do, and also have a total lack of respect for the fact that I am sharing my life in the most sincere way that I can.

I doubt anyone knows exactly why you did what you did - I certainly don't. Rather, I think the problem is that despite your expression of intellectually understanding that your actions are unacceptable, your tone and your verbiage don't mesh with that, and in fact, seem to express a pride and/or justification for your actions. It's like a child that knows he/she has been "bad" but is struggling to keep from giggling about it. As annoying as that behavior is in a kid, it's sorta hosed up coming from a grown adult. Also, if you were making a scene in Crest Cafe, feel, that's just not cool. The folks there are good people.

[Mr. Fed]

Triggercut bullied Tareeq, Grundbegriff and me and made us turn Popehat into an emo music review site.

Was that before or after it became a blog for elitist assholes?

That really doesn't seem fair at all. We're not assholes and hardly elitist.

The problem is these omnipotent geniuses who know why I do things better than I do,

I beg your pardon, but I do believe you mean omniscient, yes?

[Chesspieceface]

Your response by your own admission was crazy (batshit IMHO), what I don't understand is are you hear as a form a repentance or were you actually expecting support in this level of behavior?

Of course I wasn't expecting support for it, that's why I withheld it. I wrote this for the stated reason, and I think that's obvious. The problem is these omnipotent geniuses who know why I do things better than I do, and also have a total lack of respect for the fact that I am sharing my life in the most sincere way that I can.

I doubt anyone knows exactly why you did what you did - I certainly don't. Rather, I think the problem is that despite your expression of intellectually understanding that your actions are unacceptable, your tone and your verbiage don't mesh with that, and in fact, seem to express a pride and/or justification for your actions. It's like a child that knows he/she has been "bad" but is struggling to keep from giggling about it. As annoying as that behavior is in a kid, it's sorta hosed up coming from a grown adult. Also, if you were making a scene in Crest Cafe, feel, that's just not cool. The folks there are good people.

Typing on the internet has no tone. If I seem bemused by this all its because I have no choice... I can't get more depressed. I can't be responsible for the attitudes that people wish to project on me, I can only be responsible for how I actually feel about things. And given the total lack of sensitivity I've received here historically, wearing my heart on my sleeve seems like a terrible idea for my sanity.

And no... I've never heard of that place.