internet etiquette question?

[em2nought]

Seems like lots of bad news around here lately which puts me in a wee quandary. Would you rather a universally disliked forum personality say nothing in your thread, or would you appreciate their acknowledgement of your loss or situation? My inclination is to say something, but if it's not wanted that's completely understandable. I guess I'd have to go based on percentage?

[gameoverman]

If I dislike you and you know it why would you think I want to hear from you on any topic? That's my view. Of course this does not mean if you do not post in my thread that you dislike me or that you think I dislike you. There could be any number of reasons you're not posting. However, if the dislike is known, then what would be your purpose in posting? "I feel for you man" okay but why would I care about that if I don't like you and you know it?

[Biyobi]

I'm in favor of posting your condolences or sympathy. You and I are vastly different on where we sit on political views, but we're all still people. We eat, we sleep, and we hurt. Frankly, your desire to actually reach out and express empathy to those who may dislike you means a hell of a lot in these times.

[em2nought]

However, if the dislike is known

Personally, I don't hold dislike for anyone here, but it's kind of hard to keep track of feeling from the other side. So I think that it's probably best for me not to post in bad news threads? I think that's your answer?

[em2nought]

Frankly, your desire to actually reach out and express empathy to those who may dislike you means a hell of a lot in these times.

So it's going 50/50 so far I think, thanks for the input.

[Isgrimnur]

Anything you do that actually shows human emotions and some semblance of care for your fellow humans would be welcome.

[Z-Corn]

Just be sincere. Things are rough for everybody.

[Unagi]

No, I think gameoverman had it right....

But I will say that you asking this question is nice and thoughtful of you.
While I am sure we would all like to see you display some semblance of care for your fellow humans, speaking personally, I don't think I'd like to have you try and earn that credit upon my personal hardship. The "care for fellow humans" that I'd like to see from you, You coming to my thread to tell me you care about me, would be a slap in my face in regard to the compassion I've seen absent in you (and yours). If that makes sense to you. I think it does.


Also, don't expect an honest answer from someone in the middle of a severe situation. Most people are not up for a battle when they are knocked down and will not protest anyone being kind.
But that's me. If Issy has a problem he shares with us, feel free to shower him with your compassion. Leave gameoverman and me alone. I actually can't stand the things you post and I would be unsettled receiving warm-fuzzies from you.

That being said, by thinking to ask that question - my opinion of you has gone up a fraction of fraction.

[Unagi]

let me say it another way... When someone I feel has shown they lack compassion in a broad, chronic, and consistent manner... It irks me when they finally try and earn 'I care' credit only when it would be dreadful not to.

[The Meal]

universally disliked forum personality

Maybe lose the persecution complex.

~*~*~

Some folks are going to write you off for your views.

Some folks are going to write you off for how you communicate.

Some folks are going to write you off for your woe-is-me attitude.

Some folks are going to write you off for inauthenticity.

Some folks is going to write you off for subject/verb disagreement.

Some folks aren't going to care.

Some folks aren't paying particularly close attention.

~*~*~

We're all just posters on an internet board, sharing our experiences. Focus on "what's real," and folks will respond. Talk about your experiences as a small business owner or playing internet games or living in humid climates or whatever means something to you. If you don't want to be seen as just a caricature then don't waste your time trying to get someone's goat on a web forum (unless one of dbt's has escaped). If you enjoy bustin' chops or being sarcastic, know that the medium isn't very friendly in conveying a "just for the laughs" sort of attitude without you being a bit over the top explaining yourself (and likely losing the humor effect in the process).

Good luck.

[MHS]

Some folks aren't paying particularly close attention.

I must be one of those, I was unaware we had any universally disliked people. I thought they'd been banned or gave up years ago.

[gameoverman]

However, if the dislike is known

Personally, I don't hold dislike for anyone here, but it's kind of hard to keep track of feeling from the other side. So I think that it's probably best for me not to post in bad news threads? I think that's your answer?

All I can say is how I feel about something like that. I never assume I'm disliked until such a time as someone makes it known. From that time forward I know I'm disliked by that person.

So there's zero chance that I'll post in one of their threads as if I didn't know that. If I'm posting in their thread there's a reason, beyond just to say "My sympathies". There's really nothing to keep track of. I mean, if you have had so many serious conflicts with different people that you can't remember them all without a spreadsheet, then you don't need to keep track of them since you can just assume it's a scorched Earth scenario.

[Jaymon]

We are all different people, in opposition on many things. Religion, politics, morality, breakfast tacos etc. We have a lot of lively and sometimes even hostile discussions about many things, and thats OK.

We also have some things in common. We are all members of the same internet forum, and we keep returning to read and post and discuss.

Eventually each of us is going to experience hardship or loss, its part of being human. Expressing condolence for another person should always be given and accepted as heartfelt and sincere. Its one of the few things that binds us together.

[Jaymann]

Disagreement on almost every important issue does not equate to universal dislike. If you make a valid point, you will likely not be instantly mocked (of course there is no guarantee). It's like Trump pulling the troops out of Afghanistan - his motives are completely impure, but I have to agree with bringing the troops home.

[Daehawk]

Hell Ive had off and ons with a few over these 24 years but Ill be damned if I cant really remember them or why.

If I really hated someone and they hated me and it was well known.....if they posted Id appreciate the thought yet wonder if it was just snark or if they meant it. Of course if they didn't Id know for sure they were asses

[Kraken]

Anything you do that actually shows human emotions and some semblance of care for your fellow humans would be welcome.

+1.

[Baroquen]

I was a little confused by this thread too, as most posters seem to coexist without too much drama these days. I'm guessing this is referencing R&P debates and since I don't venture in there, my perspective is off somewhat.

When I read these Real Life good news/bad news threads, I assume sincerity. I think we're all past the maturity point where we'd post for image points or "credit".

I usually struggle with posting in those threads, feeling as an outsider to the core group, where many of you know each other in real life. But I get over it, as I'm just happy for our collective successes and sincerely sad when life kicks us when we're down. So I'll echo what z-corn said - if someone's sincere, it'd be ok in my opinion.

[Skinypupy]

Given your demonstrated lack of empathy towards anyone or anything, I would find it hard to take any words of solace you provided seriously.

But go ahead and post away. No one will stop you.

[geezer]

I can't even begin to answer the OP's question, but I will say that a) I don't really have any standing antipathy toward the OP, but b) I'm sort of angered by making someone else's tragedy a referendum on oneself. This question really should have been left unasked. IMHO.

OP - do what you feel is honest and leave it there. third party opinion percentages are no way to decide whether you should offer empathy. Only you can decide if your offering is true.

[dbt1949]

If there's anybody here who's universally disliked I don't know of them.
Any body who's posting for sympathy or just wants to bitch usually gets the appropriate posts. We're a pretty sympathetic group around here and the survivors have have plenty of time to work out their serious differences.

[stimpy]

My thinking is if you have to ask, probably not.

[McNutt]

I've always thought of you as a troll. I don't really read your posts much now, so maybe that's changed. It was definitely your shtick for long enough to turn me away. This thread does not help as I only see you using the recent tragedy of some members to bring attention to yourself.

I had always kept that opinion to myself, but you seemed to ask for it.

[Grifman]

Anything you do that actually shows human emotions and some semblance of care for your fellow humans would be welcome.

+1.

I agree, I don't like a lot of the political stuff you post, but you're still a human being as we are all. We all face tragedy in our life, no one is immune from it. I would not object to hearing a note of care and sympathy from anyone on this forum - we are all more than the sum of our posts, which I suspect is just a small part of any of our lives.

[Kraken]

a human being as we are all.

...and now I suspect that Grifman is a bot.

[em2nought]

Thank you all for all of the feedback.

[Zarathud]

Sharing an honest and sincere opinion with compassion has meaning regardless of how it is taken. Many times the bereaved can't really accept condolences, but the human thing is to offer anyway.

Do or do not. There is no try.

[Pyperkub]

I tend to leave R&P at the border of that corner of our home, and I hope others can too.

We're all people, and thus messed up on some level and need other people to lean on. Offering a shoulder for that Is always a good thing, and part of why we have this corner of the internet.

Well, that and games. Mostly games .

[Jeff V]

Just be sincere. Things are rough for everybody.

This. And through my experience of meeting many people on this (and other forums) in real life indicates that no matter the rhetorical differences we have here, we'd almost certainly get along over a beer.

[Cylus Maxii]

I think support is always a good thing and that most folks would think of it as an olive branch. I would welcome it, even if it comes from an unexpected quarter or from a source that I would normally read with some apprehension of disagreement. We are all grownups here when the chips are down.

[Bakhtosh]

I personally think if you're an adult, you should be able to accept a word of condolence from someone you don't like. I can think of a few people whose words of condolences I would accept, but it certainly wouldn't change my opinion of them.

I'd like to think a personal tragedy can be an eye-opening experience...sortof a recognition of our common mortality and human frailty. But that's step 1...there are many steps to reconciling a history of past hurts. Still, it's a moment to step and realize - I may not like you, but we are alike in that none of us will make it out of here alive. During World Wars, both sides might call a cease fire for Christmas and go back to killing each other the next day.

[Alefroth]

a human being as we are all.

...and now I suspect that Grifman is a bot.

It takes a bot to catch that.

[Unagi]

In 'real life' I would generally agree with most peoples replies that one should reach out even to someone they've classically bumped heads with, to communicate sincere condolences... or receive such a communication... when it comes to internet trolls, it doesn't feel the same.

/shrug.

[LordMortis]

I tend to leave R&P at the border of that corner of our home, and I hope others can too.

I try. I don't always succeed. I try and I'm fairly good about it.

I don't have any input for the original question as I don't know how I feel. I'd have to be personally offended (meaning hurt physically, emotionally, financially whatever) by someone to feel something negative about them offering condolences and not just have them on a mental pay no mind zone but that's me and I'm a horse of a different feather than most. I have been in social situations where I am in the same room with others who raise my bile both for occasions of joy and occasions of sorrow. I choke on my bile because those occasions aren't for me. In a giant written world of writing, the gastric juices need to be pretty extreme to get my bile up against one person and at rare times it happens, I know that I've been at the keyboard too much and I walk away and I will <plonk> them well before I let them really get to me.

(That and internet etiquette would have seen me voluntarily check out a long time ago. My writing is atrocious and I can't see it. I shouldn't subject others to my inability to proofread)

[dbt1949]

There were some people in the past I had no use for but they've been gone many moons.

[ImLawBoy]

There were some people in the past I had no use for but they've been gone many moons.

No, I'm still here.

[Jeff V]

There were some people in the past I had no use for but they've been gone many moons.

No, I'm still here.

I think he's talking about those who attempted inappropriate relations with his goats. I'm pretty sure he shot them all.

[Skinypupy]

I tend to leave R&P at the border of that corner of our home, and I hope others can too.

As mature adults, I think we can all leave political opinions at the border and still have respect for someone. Some of the other...let's just be nice and call it deplorable behavior is a little less easy to separate from the person, IMHO.

But no one is stopping anyone from commenting on any particular thread.

[Pyperkub]

There were some people in the past I had no use for but they've been gone many moons.

U2k, FTW!

[Isgrimnur]

There is a noticeable dearth of posts about baby ducks these days.

[Paingod]

There were some people in the past I had no use for but they've been gone many moons.

No, I'm still here.

I think he's talking about those who attempted inappropriate relations with his goats. I'm pretty sure he shot them all.

Which reminds me that we haven't heard anything lately about the step-son and his friends.