Wife in hospital..stroke

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Daehawk
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Thanks all. Yeah its beyond hard. Its insane at times. Others Im coasting. Then WHAM craziness and worry and sad beyond belief.

I cancelled her Amazon Prime..we were on the $12 a month plan. Im sitting here wondering if I did the right thing cancelling that. I mean $12 is $12 but it IS only $12. May turn that back on....not sure.

Im going to TRY and get cable down to BASIC service at $25 and keep the DVR for another $8 or so. And then get my net from 100 down to 30 and be charged $15 instead of $50. Every little bit will help.

I plan to apply for food stamps. Im not sure I can until I get death certificates.

I HATE ALL THIS! I feel awful doing all this stuff that she took care of. Im betraying her in my mind in some way. My normal smart side knows Im not. It knows what she would do in my place. But my mopey loving heartbroken side just hates it all and screams at me for what Im doing. Now Im crying. Shit. I keep saying "Im sorry honey." and that I dont want to.

I think she is looking over me some or Im lucky. I called to get more safelink phone minutes. Its a free phone because she was disabled. Each month she got 1000 free minutes. At the end of Dec she had 660 min left or so. It refilled Jan first with another 1000. I was down to 100 today. Thats just 8 days!! So I called Safelink for more and India answered lol. But I said I wanted 500 min and they said its $12 + tax. So I go ya ok....in the end it gave me 1550 min total and was only $14. I checked the bank to be sure. Donna taught me to check and recheck.

Ok off to do the cable dance with some asshat that will keep trying to upsale me. Ill threaten full cancel on tv...but Ill not be bluffing. Would hate it but may have to.

Today I was mad because so many couples get so much time. My wife's mom and dad both lived to 91 and only their last 2 years were tougher. They were married 65 years or so. Me and Donna...true soulmates and totally in love and happy...got only 31. Then I think 31 is a long time. Not near long enough but then again its more than many others might get. Still wanted another 31 years.
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Kraken
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Kraken »

Daehawk wrote: Tue Jan 08, 2019 11:07 am
You probably already know about IN's heating assistance program, but just in case....
Thanks for the thought but Im not in Indiana. Im in TN.
Sorry for misunderstanding. Who's in southern IN, then? Is that Blackhawk? I have a terrible memory for details like this.
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Captain Caveman
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Captain Caveman »

Been off OO for a while and just saw this. I'm so sorry, Daehawk. My deepest sympathies. :(
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by LawBeefaroni »

Daehawk wrote: Tue Jan 08, 2019 11:07 am This morning Im sitting here tearing myself up over having to get rid of my wife's cable tv lineup. She worked so hard on the phone one day to talk them down to these channels so it would be cheap and we could afford it. She got a custom thing with 10 channels of her own choice..I remember hearing her picking channels....and now I have to lose it all. I have no idea what she picked. I want to keep it the way it is. But the tv is like $70 and my internet is $45. And we could afford that together and that was damn cheap. Normal tv stuff and cable here totals over $200....maybe more now. Thats been years. So $133 a month was fine with us here. But alone I cant do it. Im going to have to get rid of what my little baby worked to get. But I know she's tell me to do it. I know that. So that will help. Im still waffling. But I cant wait but a hour or two. I might forget. I hope I can lower my internet to 30 megs. I can save if so. I HAVE to have net to do all this work Im doing so if I cant lower it I may lose tv totally.
You guys spent $70/month for her enjoyment. You don't need to keep it in her memory. I know it's tough but a cable bill is not her.

The memory of her working the system to get the rate, that's her and you'll have that whether you keep the TV sub or not.
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Daehawk
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

She dumped it before herself.

I spoke to them. They took off the tier 1 pack saving a whopping $12. Said speak to my local about getting that rate carded basic for $23. I also have to go by for that special rat $15 39 med cable net. For that you need proof of disability or something. Shall see. If I have to in a few days without help Ill cancel the tv. I need it but have netflix thanks to a OO'r and have hulu because at Xmas I talked Donna into it at .99 a month for a year. So good deal. I HAVE to have internet. Bills and in touch..you name it. Its $44 right now thanks to Donna and her talking to them. If I can get it to $15 I will. If not Ill be forced to keep it. But if Im forced to all out cancel tv they will go up on net....stupid damn place.

Im trying to do work on the well pump to keep it going. It let me though..its fighting me argh.

So much crap. I want my wife back...just for her..not to do all this shit.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by hitbyambulance »

tv cable bill really should be the first thing to go. use the saved money to get a roof-mount TV antenna to make up for poor reception in your area. check the Chatanooga, TN OTA DTV thread for help: https://www.avsforum.com/forum/45-local ... st56785756

as for phone, you could get Obi (or MagicJack or whatever) + Google Voice and have phone over VoIP for $5 to free per month.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Blackhawk »

Kraken wrote: Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:03 pm
Sorry for misunderstanding. Who's in southern IN, then? Is that Blackhawk? I have a terrible memory for details like this.
Yep.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Grifman »

Daehawk wrote: Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:52 pm I called to get more safelink phone minutes. Its a free phone because she was disabled. Each month she got 1000 free minutes. At the end of Dec she had 660 min left or so. It refilled Jan first with another 1000. I was down to 100 today. Thats just 8 days!! So I called Safelink for more and India answered lol. But I said I wanted 500 min and they said its $12 + tax. So I go ya ok....in the end it gave me 1550 min total and was only $14. I checked the bank to be sure. Donna taught me to check and recheck.
You need to be careful with that. That phone is for her, not you. Now that she has passed, you probably can't really be using it. You don't want to be hit with a huge bill for the phone in a couple of months.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by MHS »

Paingod wrote: Tue Jan 08, 2019 11:15 am I will say that living without TV isn't hard - at all - as long as you've got a Smart TV or a computer you don't mind sitting at. Even if you don't have a Smart TV, you can get a Smart DVD or BluRay player for less than one month of your current cable bill to make whatever TV you have internet-capable.

With internet on the TV, we can watch NetFlix ($11/mo), YouTube (free), and Amazon Prime ($90/yr). Between those things, we have access to a LOT of changing content each month. I do not miss paying $100+ per month so I could be bombarded with ads every 7 minutes. With basic internet service and a computer, you can access most network stations' websites and watch a lot of their shows a week or two behind when they air for free. The only thing I can't speak for is sports events, which I never watch.

If my money was as tight as yours is, cancelling cable would be an instant no-regrets kind of decision. We dumped it a decade ago and have never missed it.

Still thinking of you and Donna, and it's made me spend a lot of time thinking about me and my situation with my wife and the life we share. Writing that letter is a damn good idea, making sure she knows where everything I have is a good idea. The only thing I think I'm missing is a buddy system here so if I pass away, someone from here can find out and let you guys know.
I'll second this. We dropped cable when we moved and haven't missed it much, if at all. Neal misses hockey but fortunately can stream most games we care about. Seems a good place to start paring down expenses.
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Daehawk
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Im sitting here going through the bank stuff to see what has to be paid each month to show bankruptcy tomorrow.

I saw a $25 one for Steam on Dec 24. Thats just 4 days before I rushed her to the hospital. Of which I never will see her in the car again or help her in or out :(.....but I couldn't figure out the charge until I looked it up on Steam. Donna gave me $25 to add so I could do the wishmaslist. She knew I enjoyed it and even gave me $5 extra to grab me something if I found one. We really couldn't afford it but figured we'd be ok until Jan 3 .. Im so sad and yet happy. She was so special.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by em2nought »

Grifman wrote: Tue Jan 08, 2019 6:09 pm You need to be careful with that. That phone is for her, not you.
He might be able to drop cable &internet, then port her number and get a cell phone with unlimited data(is that still a thing?), then he could hotspot his internet off the phone. It works well for just forum posting & surfing. Not sure how well it would work for watching shows and gaming. Most of the paying bills and banking probably work better over the phone than they do over the computer now.
Technically, he shouldn't be here.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

These free phones dont have any features. They are not Apples or whatever the other stuff is. Just old small screen phones with a button numpad.

Ill call them and ask about it after Ive used up the minutes I bought. If they turn it off now then I have NO phone and I have a lot to deal with on my broken plate.

Speaking of dealing....thank you for the donation. That is really going to be more helpful than anything right now other than the words and thoughts and advice. I dont really eat on normal days so food is not a huge deal....it is keeping me going though while I run around. The donations are very helpful too. Im dealing guys. I cry and scream and smaile and go go go. Wish I wasn't here.

For 3 days I have had a pain run through the right top of my head. Here's hoping its quick :)...I kinda joke..kinda not. More not than joke. Ya Im in a sad state. If Donna was here her crazy great brain would be fine to deal all this. But her physical was waaay bad this last half of the year. I doubt she could get to the kitchen without extreme difficulty or pain. Driving would be out. I doubt she could care for herself that way. Me though I can get to the kitchen unfortunately and eat something. Its the mental side with me. Im also damn smart. She even said so....ok who chuckled?>? :)....but smart as I am in tech and life I have never had to deal with stuff like this and Im only a goof off and a kid inside. In my head Im 20 / 25. A goofball. A gamer. I can learn I hope. Doing well everyone says. Shall see. My ADD isn't helping. Some stuff just passes through me as if I wasn't listening.

We always said Donna was my brain. She took over most stuff because I simply let it slide too much. I got to where I couldn't or still cant remember anything. Id go to the kitchen and come back without what it was. Happened a LOT. I hope this is making me improve.

Damnit this is not fair. I dont want to be here. I want to be with her. I cant figure out if Im being punished or that my sensible mind is correct when it says this is life. I keep yelling to let me have her back or go to be with her. I know neither are happening right now...the first one never.

Thanks again all. One day I might post something happier. I sorta hope not but I know it can get there. Thanks again for the time, caring, words of advice, love, and donations.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Ohhh no. I just realized we never watched Lord of the Rings trilogy together. I read the books years ago and watched the first movie when it came on tv. But I waited on the others .Donna said she'd watch them with me. We never did. I think I said they were nearly 3 hours each and I wanted to do them on a better day sometime. I just now remembered. That was a few months back. Damn.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

So Charter Spectrum has 30 meg internet for hardship cases. But disability doesn't count. School lunches free does. What kinda moronic thing is that? I cant dump my internet . It appears Im stuck with $45 a month net. If they refuse to give me the $23 tv Ill dump it totally. Then most likely they'll raise my net to $65.

No news from funeral home yet. Im hoping they will make me around 30 of those little picture and info on deceased pamphlets for me and family and hope they dont charge much.

It costs so damn much to die it seems. I got married waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay cheaper. Hell I was most likely born cheaper in 69. Poor Donna. I feel bad for her yet I know she is better off. She'd tell me the same.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Something popped into my head.

Back when my wife had her heart surgery they scanned her neck vessels and said they were great. They did them again because of the stroke and said they were almost great..just small buildup. So Im still in the dark as to what happened.

My only guess is they took her off the Heparin drip and the Kepra drip that morning on Wednesday. All day she had a single pill and that night they put the Kepra drip back but that was after I returned to find her changed. So my guess it being removed from those allowed another clot of stroke.

They will never tell me. Ive heard nothing from them or the 'caring' doctor that promised he would call me in a couple days. Which was a week ago.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

IOk this post is about me and my financials and not the wife. I thought about starting another thread but to keep it clean and find it one day Ill do it here. Still nothing from the funeral home. Will post about it soon as something is known.

Not found any life insurance. Lawyer saw none on the house loan or anything. I know Donna had some. And I know she would not NOT have some.

I spoke to our bankruptcy lawyer and the wills/estate lawyer. It is not looking good at all.

Ok total for my monthly check.....$968. When Donna was alive we would have had $1820.

Bankruptcy payment is $670 per month.
Of that $447 is the house loan or mortgage payment. It MUST be paid.

My bankruptcy lawyer cant do much until I get the house and land in my name. It is only in my wife's right now....as far as I can tell. And him too. He is talking about refinancing the loan and get the payment smaller but that will add many years. The bankruptcy would have paid off in about 7 months and the house load in another 4 years. But I cant pay $670 a month. Even the house payment alone is too much once I add in the rest of the stuff. See below.

Car insurance - $34
House insurance - $88 ....every 6 months or so its a double payment so $150 at times
my life insurance - $25

Ok so far that auto deduct total is $147 unless its that double payment insurance and then its $235.

Ok $235 add in bankruptcy as is now...$905.00....out of my $968...which leaves me $63.

Then I HAVE to pay power...it averages $150...it is $224 this month. So lets say $190. Im in the hole $227.

Then internet. I have to have that .......least..IF I can swing them into it which they dont want..is $20. If not its $65........- negative $290 in the negative.

Garbage pickup..which I could let rot and pile up in my yard.....$20 a month.

Im missing something I think.

Now the bankruptcy lawyer cant do anything until the estate lawyer gets it transferred to me..the house and land....that is $800. I can pay that monthly. So thats added to me.


But for the bankruptcy lawyer to lower my house payment it means refinancing which means long pay at lower monthly cost but it will need a brand new mortgage or loan or whatever which means inspection and fees...I cant do this.

He himself told me before the bankruptcy payment comes out next month to take ALL money but a few bucks out of that bank and just let them pay the house payment of $47 through their office for me to the trustee so that it gets paid at least.

Im gonan die Im gonna die Im gonna die. Im fucked good. My disability wont allow working AFAIK. Its why I got it...not able. Im afraid if I do anything like try to earn some money the ywill dump me..ill lose all my medical coverage and $968 a month. Im STUCK as is. I have to make this work somehow.

Any ideas guys? Im asking everyone and family for info. HELP

Brian

God I wish Donna was here. It would all be fine and Id be fine. Id have her and life would continue. I cannot lose our home. Its all I got left. Ive been here 31 years and she 63. her parents were here 20+ years before that.

Its not worth much of anything but its home and it holds all out stuff and memories. Oh God. What am I going to do??
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by gilraen »

You absolutely have to get your bankruptcy payment lowered - you cannot have it go from 38% to 69% of your total income.

I understand that you don't want to increase the term of your loan or your bankruptcy repayment but you can't maintain the current repayment schedule.

You can also ditch the life insurance, although with it only being $25, won't make much of a dent.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

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Daehawk wrote: Wed Jan 09, 2019 6:23 pm My disability wont allow working AFAIK. Its why I got it...not able. Im afraid if I do anything like try to earn some money the ywill dump me..ill lose all my medical coverage and $968 a month. Im STUCK as is. I have to make this work somehow.

Any ideas guys? Im asking everyone and family for info. HELP
If you're on SSI, your disability does allow you to work. It's explained in greater detail here on the Social Security Administration web site:
SSA wrote:WHAT ARE WORK INCENTIVES?

One of our highest priorities is to help people with disabilities achieve independence by helping them take advantage of employment opportunities. Work incentive employment supports help disabled and blind SSI recipients go to work by minimizing the risk of losing their SSI or Medicaid benefits.

Some incentives allow us to not count some of your income or resources.

Other incentives let you continue to receive Medicaid coverage even though you are not receiving SSI cash benefits.

You may be entitled to take advantage of more than one work incentive program. Depending on the types of income you receive, it will change the amount we do not count and the SSI benefit amount.

For more information about work incentives, visit our website at www.ssa.gov/disabilityresearch/workincentives.htm and www.ssa.gov/redbook.
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Daehawk
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Im on Social Security Disability not SSI. Also Im a DAC. A Disabled Adult Child. Ive had this disability since I was 14. Its worse.

Even with out it my kidney that needs surgery wont allow me to move without pain to holy shit im almost crying pain. I should have gotten that surgery in 2015 but thought I had time.

I cancelled what I can..amazon and cable tv. I had to keep the net but its $65. Saved $65 . Also I do not qualify for hardship net thats just 30 megs because it wants ssi or school lunch free to get it and Im simply SSD disabled. So stupid.

Origin, Xbox, and some other service is already dead. It all expired.

We were SOOOOoo close to paying this stuff off. I think a total 7 or so more payments and all that would be left is house mortgage/loan whatever it is. I haven't found out yet. And it is only a few years to go. But it might as well be 1 million years away at the price. Hoping to find out I can lower that payment. If not I wont be able to pay some insurance or power bill. And Im not talking months away...Im talking next month.

I will check SS and see what they tell me too. I just am so damn scared of it all and worried right now. Tonight and tomorrow its going to be 25 degrees. That means water dripping running the pump, 4 heaters going too...one under kitchen sink, one at pump under porch, one in bathroom for water pipe in closet , and finally one in closed door bedroom so me and little dog dont freeze. That kinda shit costs.

Jokingly Id sell myself but Id end up paying them. ..haha theres my nervous joke for the night that Donna would roll her eyes at. She actually did at one to the nurse in the hospital when I did one. OMG I miss her.! I just want her and all this stuff is driving me crazy. Knowing my luck Ill either do all I can and fail or Ill do all I can...save it..then die.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Smoove_B »

As the site's health dude, I cannot recommend skipping your $20 garbage bill and simply allowing it to rot on your property. I've written too many tickets and spent too many hours in a courtroom dealing with similar scenarios to let that one slide by. I was going to say cut the cable to pay that bill, but it seems that you already did that.

At the risk of sounding cold and heartless (and truly, I'm not trying to be), you seem very much tied to this house - understandably since it was your wife's family's house before it became yours. However, long before this thread started, you have repeatedly related quite a few issues you've been living with - heat and property maintenance are the ones that jump out.

Is there anything preventing you from relocating to live with family (even temporarily) and figuring out what to do with the house? You've mentioned a cousin a few times, is this someone that would be willing to take you in? Not free, of course - you'd be contributing based on the income you receive. Mentally I'm sure being in the house right now is doubly stressful, and I'm just throwing it out there in case it's not something you'd thought of or you thought might be crazy to consider (it isn't). Again, maybe I'm not understanding completely all the details, but (to me) it would seem that unloading the house would address the general stress associated with your bankruptcy situation as well as remove the stress associated with trying to figure out how to maintain it (which invariably costs more money). I'm sure it might seem like a lot to process and I'm also sure you're thinking it's a reminder of your wife to live there, but if it's slowly killing you to do so I can't imagine that's what she would want based on what you've shared about here here over the years. For better or worse, the two of you seemed to make that living situation work in your own way. Without your partner, does living in that house still make sense? I can tell you if something happened to my wife, I'd relocate in a heartbeat and I've told her if something happens to me, just sell the house. Even on great days, there's always something to deal with (like my currently leaking roof) and just taking care of routine maintenance is a part-time job (that I should be fired from).

Again, feel free to completely disregard all that I've written, I'm just trying to offer up my thoughts as a random impartial observer.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by geezer »

I mentioned a few pages back that you might be able to collect some of her social security as a survivor benefit. I do t know much about it but I believe surviving spouses are eligible...
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Daehawk
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Nah thoughts are great. Im reading everything. These cousins are all ones Donna grew up with and are all women and some married. Im a grown man...I don't know them enough..just through Donna and seeing them at funerals. But they are doing what they can...not that though. Same with my sister. Has her own stuff to worry with.

But Im determined to stay and keep it all somehow. Im hoping the lawyer can work something out. If only I could lower the house payment without a re-inspection or a new finance. Just want to keep it all as is yet pay a little less.

All I need is time or less payment...or more money. Trouble is time is killing me. It takes time to get anything done. No matter what it is. I may try gofundme but that really went nowhere when we desperately needed well pump repaired. It helped but was not able to get it fixed until someone noticed what it was. Maybe my niece or someone could start one. But I cant count on anything from that.

If I could only pay the bankruptcy and have enough to the have to pay bills over that. lemme think ..ill total those that HAVE to be paid over bankruptcy. Ill round up to the nearest buck and also if like power theres an average and a high Ill put the high so Ill cover my bases.

car ins $35
house ins anywhere from $88 to $150. Payments are all over. Like July10 $150.....;..Sept 10 $88.....Oct 10 $88...nothing since....looking at bank records not D's checkbook. So cant tell when or how much it will be. Will call tomorrow and hope they speak to me.
my ins $25
power $190
internet $65 (lowest I can get...this or nothing and I need it

Ok thats $465. Sometimes it would be perhaps $100 lower.

Id still need gas and such small things. I should be able to get food stamps to cover food or free food at a shelter. I have to pay those insurances, power, and cable. Thats bad enough. But bankruptcy is $670. Just the house payment alone is $447.

Im so close. Lawyer showed me only 7 months left..maybe 8. The house is 5 years more I think.

So total worst payments plus same old full bankruptcy would be $1135.00. Thats just $167 more than I have. If I paid off the BR then it would total $897. That would leave me $70 a month for gas. Sometimes Id have a little more. Might have a little less at times.

Going to speak to Social Security Monday or so to see what I can do about making any money. I wish I knew someone who just payed in cash. Im desperate.. Im SO close on SO much. Unfair.

I will post on the wife anyways. God I MISS her and love her! Im still having a hell of a tough time. Between begging to die and be with her to wanting her back. Sometimes Im ok and working away. Others Im bawling. My soulmate was and is my life. I feel empty. Its so 'off' or 'strange here. I can smell her clothes or her pillow. That smell will be lost one day. Her bottles or her glass cant sit here forever and Ill lose that part of her. When she was alive and here with me it was all normal fun and love.. I cant do much of anything without moping or crying as I am now. My sister wants me to make a real obit for the paper and she will buy it. 45 cent a word. Can you believe that crap?? I dont feel life will ever be right again. It cant be. Time time time I know but we were so close I just cant see it.

This worrying about the financials and running all the time and writing stuff to do is wearing me down. I have eaten and Ive slept but Im feeling more and more tired. I have that same pain in my head every day. Same spot. Im guessing stress and worry. Im still lost. I need her for her but the organization stuff would be a nice help. Still I just want her. Oh God how I miss that little 4'8" soulmate of an angel.

Im sure I forgot to post something. My mind is becoming scattered. I sat the bank papers at my keyboard and 2 minutes later wondered what they were. I then sat them by my mouse. Less than 1 minute and I picked them up thinking they were a copy . Shakes head.

Plan to post up a gofundme. I dont hold any hope for it but plan to make it and try. I have to. Will most likely post it in the obit at the end. I cant post my email for paypal in a paper. Well I could but Im sure Id regret that one fast and badly.

Night all. End annual sob story post. I guess you guys are dropping out on reading. Im not sure how far to take these updates. Not a lot happening and me just being sad . Let me know.

Brian / Dae
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

geezer wrote: Wed Jan 09, 2019 8:57 pm I mentioned a few pages back that you might be able to collect some of her social security as a survivor benefit. I do t know much about it but I believe surviving spouses are eligible...

Sorry forgot.....I signed up and was approved for her death benefit. Its so horrible to me to type that...oh man.......its $250 and I dont have it yet. No idea when.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Zaxxon »

Daehawk wrote:
geezer wrote: Wed Jan 09, 2019 8:57 pm I mentioned a few pages back that you might be able to collect some of her social security as a survivor benefit. I do t know much about it but I believe surviving spouses are eligible...

Sorry forgot.....I signed up and was approved for her death benefit. Its so horrible to me to type that...oh man.......its $250 and I dont have it yet. No idea when.
Not just the death benefit, but some portion of her SS payments indefinitely. It's complicated, but worth looking into.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

I asked but no. I drew more than her. And I cant get anything more from anywhere they said.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Kraken »

TN does not appear to be particularly generous with state benefits, but have you explored everything they have? This site seems concise and complete.

Click the "Work from Home" tab, too. Your last budget summary put you encouragingly close to zero, which is most of the battle. Once all of your living expenses are covered, you don't need a whole lot more. Maybe you can make a couple hundred bucks a month sitting at your computer for a few hours a day, a few days a week.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by TheMix »

A couple thoughts...

As noted above, get rid of the life insurance. Who is it for? You said more than once that it was really just the two of you. It made sense before... If something happened to you, she'd have some money to help. Who's your beneficiary now? Let it go. Another thing that was bugging me, didn't you mention that she was paying a life insurance premium out of her bank account? Log into the bank online (or go see someone there) and find out. If premiums were being paid, there is information on who they were paid to.

About the house, you mention that it's close to being paid off. But you've also said that you hope you aren't around forever. So why the need to pay it off? Find out if you can get a no-cost refinance, and whether you have equity you can take out. Even a thousand dollars would at least let you keep up with bills until the bankruptcy is paid off. If you can lower the amount you pay, it will be worth it. If you don't think it's likely that you'll live another 30 years, then why worry about paying it off? If you can lower the payment and get some additional money out, then you definitely need to consider doing that.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

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Thanks for the link Kraken Ill look it over tomorrow.

Life insurance turned out to be mine as far as I can tell. the other is house insurance.

The house will be left to our niece. ...and everything in it. I may live another 25 years. Dont want to but never know.

I can dump my life insurance I suppose..but only if I can somehow pay for myself. Otherwise its left to my niece and I dont want that on her, ..not after me and this. I need to see if it pays off soon or if I pay on it a long time.

Ive started a go fund me to beg. It will help with plot, obit assorted stupid things they charge for and to help with keeping this home. its not a house its our home. Its special to me and everything in it is too. It was to D too. If you wish to view it or spread it along or help Im posting the link. Of course you dont have to even look guys. I know Im nothing but a blathering baby right now and Im sorry Ive posted nothing but sadness and need. But thats me and will be a long time I think and worry. Lost my soulmate. My life.

https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died

With some help I can get it done..or some of it.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Grifman »

geezer wrote: Wed Jan 09, 2019 8:57 pm I mentioned a few pages back that you might be able to collect some of her social security as a survivor benefit. I do t know much about it but I believe surviving spouses are eligible...
Per SS site:
The death of a spouse can be both emotionally and financially devastating. When a person receiving Social Security Disability benefits dies, the surviving spouse will likely have many questions about whether they qualify to receive survivor benefits, known as Widow/Widower Benefits.

When a person receiving regular Social Security Disability or regular Social Security benefits passes away, the surviving spouse, if over the age of 60, is eligible to receive their spouse’s benefits. If the surviving spouse is disabled, the eligibility age to receive Widow/Widower Benefits is lowered to age 50.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Grifman »

You should also check with a local food bank, you can probably get some help there.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Sister can help with free food from a food place she said if I need it. But it appears I qualify for food stamps again. Ironic and maddening in a way. Can apply once I get a death certificate. Still dont have those.

I saw all that benefit stuff. I wont be 50 until May but they told me since I drew more than her I cant get anything from her but the death benefit...no extra drawing :(
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Kraken »

Daehawk wrote: Thu Jan 10, 2019 1:05 am
I can dump my life insurance I suppose..but only if I can somehow pay for myself. Otherwise its left to my niece and I dont want that on her, ..not after me and this. I need to see if it pays off soon or if I pay on it a long time.
Is it whole life or term life? Whole life has some cash value; you might be better off taking it now, or you might want to maintain it, depending on its value. Term life doesn't pay a dime until you die. You can drop it tomorrow without losing anything except the death benefit...which will be nice for your niece, I guess, but you kinda need the money yourself.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Must be whole cause when I asked them they said its a $10,000 policy but cash value is $200. My poor wife has paid in a lot ...not wasting it .
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Grifman »

Daehawk wrote: Wed Jan 09, 2019 6:23 pm My bankruptcy lawyer cant do much until I get the house and land in my name. It is only in my wife's right now....as far as I can tell.
Why isn't the house in your name also? And did you wife have a will? Unfortunately this just complicates things further. The house will now have to go through the probate process and that is not quick.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by geezer »

Grifman wrote: Thu Jan 10, 2019 1:43 am
geezer wrote: Wed Jan 09, 2019 8:57 pm I mentioned a few pages back that you might be able to collect some of her social security as a survivor benefit. I do t know much about it but I believe surviving spouses are eligible...
Per SS site:
The death of a spouse can be both emotionally and financially devastating. When a person receiving Social Security Disability benefits dies, the surviving spouse will likely have many questions about whether they qualify to receive survivor benefits, known as Widow/Widower Benefits.

When a person receiving regular Social Security Disability or regular Social Security benefits passes away, the surviving spouse, if over the age of 60, is eligible to receive their spouse’s benefits. If the surviving spouse is disabled, the eligibility age to receive Widow/Widower Benefits is lowered to age 50.
Right. That’s why I found as well. I read that as if Brian should be eligible for more than just a singular one time small death benefit.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

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From the pictures, it looked like you two were more-or-less the same age, but I'm gathering now that Donna was about 12 years older than you?
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

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I got the one time death benefit. They never mentioned anything else. Ill be 50 this May,

House was her parents where she grew up. When they got old and sick in the late 1990s or early 2000s they sold it all to Donna for cheap. We just left it all the same because changing stuff takes money and back then there was no point..

Our Will and Estate lawyer from 2008 said he can file a Muniment of Title and simply have it transferred into my name. Unless theres a problem then it will have to be opened. But he foresees no trouble and has done them before without issue. It looks simple he said. I die she got it all..she dies I get it all. If both die another entity got it...but I am here so I should have no trouble. I hope.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

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Unagi wrote: Thu Jan 10, 2019 9:39 am From the pictures, it looked like you two were more-or-less the same age, but I'm gathering now that Donna was about 12 years older than you?
14. I met her when I was 18. I thought she was 24. I didn't find out until a year later she was 32. Didn't matter to me. She looked and acted 24 and I loved older women. Always had. I found her perfect and she found me the same. True soulmates. I was SO proud of having her as mine. The 31 years went by in a blink. We were so happy. Never knew why others struggled with marriage or love. We were born for each other I was just a little lagged Id tell her.

Its why this is killing me.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

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Daehawk wrote: Wed Jan 09, 2019 10:50 pm Night all. End annual sob story post. I guess you guys are dropping out on reading. Im not sure how far to take these updates. Not a lot happening and me just being sad . Let me know.
Still reading, just don't know what to say or have any useful advice. Sorry.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk »

Its ok. I dont either. My soulmate who was beside me 31 years just instantly was gone. She is no longer in the car beside me telling me "its clear" to the right at stops. I dont help her into the car or out. I dont hold her hand as we go everywhere. She is not in bed behind me watching tv while I use the computer. I still say "I love ya" as I walk into the room but I dont hear that back. I dont see her here.

I remember her everywhere I go because we went to all those places over the years. I smell her perfume on the clothes she changed out of to go to the hospital. They sit on the bed and I sleep on them because I wont move them and I sleep in her spot. I smell her scent on her little stuffed fox named Sly she held as she slept. I even took it to the hospital and she slept with it there. Wis h ihadn't brought it home that day. If so she would have had it with her when something happened. Im afraid to hold or touch stuff too much because Ill lose her scent. But that is going to happen over time anyways.

I just hate it all. Truly hate losing her and life and that Im still here. I dont hate her at all though. She could not help leaving me behind. I know if she had a choice she would have stayed. She tried. She almost made it. She was happy and smiling and laughing and crying. That in itself hurts knowing how happy she was and thinking she was going to come home. Those images of her smiling and joking..surprising me by saying "I love you" when she woke up Wednesday morning....they make me smile and cry both because she was gone that night. SO UNFAIR. That sweet kind happy little face....all gone. :( :(

I cant find a photo of her for the obit...not a good one. She hated photos. She'd put something in front of her or hold up her hands. Or just refuse. This Christmas I have pics of the dog and a video of him opening his gift. She was not a foot away in the bed too but wouldn't let me take a pic because she felt bad and had just got up. Her little arm is in one pic. Hardly any pics over the years and maybe 2 voice recordings. One on a video..I think. I haven't found it yet. I just want to hear her. And an old early 90s Valentines Day card that she recorded her voice in for me when it opens..."I love you Brian. Happy Valentines Day"...and I don't know where it is or if it works.

The best pic I have of her is our wedding day but I refuse to use that as the obit pic. I think Ive settled on her school reunion pic. Im in all pics with her no matter where so they will need to crop me out..or not. Not sure. It was a happy evening and fun...good memories. But the obit needs a pic. Its painful.

Damn world and loss. I hate this. I cant live like this...hopefully. But God I miss her and need her in my life. Not fair.

This is the obit Ive worked up. going to show it to my sister tomorrow. Donna's remains are back and her urn too. So Ill pick her up and bring her home a while until I can work out the plot. Thought Id get it paid but now its looking like money will come back to bite me again. Im going to try and find money. Like a under table part time job for a disabled person who cant life, barely do anything and is in terrible pain from it. Should be easy right? :) But like 3-4 days a week at 3-4 hours a day should let me keep it ALL the same as when she died. I could finish bankruptcy then keep the home payment. It would all work out great and Id just need to get stuff transferred. And I could pay the lawyer and such easy. But this is all if if if if ...i know no jobs, no one, no help. Shall see.

Anyways this prelim obit Ive wrote. :( hated doing it mostly..hurt. Still does. Wasn't sure I should post this on the web but what the heck..its for you guys. Let me know if I should spoiler it so the web doesn't grab the info easy.

Donna Giles Watson

Donna Trunah Giles Watson 63, beloved and treasured wife , passed away Jan 3 due to complications of a stroke. She was a resident of Cleveland TN.

A beautiful little light has been taken from our lives.

She is survived by her husband and soulmate of 31 years Brian Keith Watson who has lost his soulmate on Earth but will be reunited in Heaven. Also many cousins including Peggy, Richard, Joan, Sandy, Jean, and Sherry.

She is preceded in death by her parents William C. 'Dub' Giles & Dorothy 'Dot' Giles. Cousins who were like her brothers Ralph 'Kayo' Snyder & Harry Ledford. And many other family over the years.

She is a former special education teacher who loved working with and helping children. An amazing poet she had her own book published as a young adult titled Poems of My Heart. Throughout her life she wrote many wonderful poems. One of her best and a favorite of her husband and others is From the Manger to the Cross.

She will forever be Brian's little Punkin and he is forever her Booty. Soulmates for eternity.
She is dearly missed and loved by him.

A small family service will be held at a later date at Bethel Baptist Church Cemetery on Old Chattanooga Pike.. More info can be found soon on Companion Funeral Home's website.

In lieu of flowers the family asks that donations to help pay for the burial and with the home be directed to the GoFundMe at:

https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died
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