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Wife in hospital..stroke

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Unagi
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Unagi » Thu Jan 31, 2019 8:52 pm

It's good, man.
As you said, she would like it. Let her help you heal a bit here. She would want you to be who you are and who you were.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Thu Jan 31, 2019 9:36 pm

I worried about Donna. With this leg clot a lot..turned out to be true...but with her sick stomach I worried. I always had a low level worry for Donna that would jump up during problems. And no offense to little Buster our chihuahua now asleep in my lap...but I thought he'd die long before Donna when we got him. I had no idea she would. I figured him at 7 supposedly maybe 7 more years. That would have made Donna from 2015 to then 67. Im sure she never thought about it. Her going first though never entered me head. Now Im hoping he stays with me a good long while. A piece of her will go with him. She'll be waiting on him on that day to hug him in her arms. Unless its me first.

Must really be nice seeing and hugging her mom and dad and little timmy and jojoe our passed dogs and her cousins ralph and harry and all of everything. My imagination just cannot work on a heaven level. Im betting its all we hear from religions and so much more you cant understand until you are part of it. She must be so happy. I think she watches over me and hears me...but sometimes I think she must be too busy...too distracted to have a care for behind her....but most times I hear her laugh at me when Im super upset to calm me..to guide me when Im lost...or to simply agree or disagree when I need it....somehow.....I dont think its all in my head so to speak

I see that ending to the movie Ghost. The part she so loved. Where he is going to heaven and says something like "Its amazing Molly..the love, you take it with you"...thats what I think of a lot
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Feb 01, 2019 12:19 am

Ive not thought much on the hospital until just now. It was happy because she got so much better but then she died and I haven't thought of it much.

But I got her there Friday night. Sat and Sun not much change. Out of it. But Monday she woke up on her own. Got maybe 1 good hour and 1 sleepy hour. Then Tuesday I woke her up and she talked better and more. Full sentences. Again 1 good hour and 1 sleepy'ish hour. As I recall. She also ate some.

But Wednesday morning was amazing. She woke up and told me "I love you". She was amazing all morning. Awake all morning until after noon time. I fed her and she ate well. Talked all morning. She was doing amazing. She was so much better. Then I leave for 3 hours and return and all had changed. Yet I was told all was fine. I didn't push it harder because I had no idea she was in such a dire way. Im mad about that.

But she was SO much better. Its so unfair. I miss her. I MISS HER! :( She was so much better. Then gone. I have to go forward in life. Im not allowed to go back and change it. That smile that morning is in my mind forever. So beautiful. Then gone and that is seared in too. Tough to come to grips with a smiling laughing talking sweetheart then gone and cold. Yet still warm under her shoulders. HORRIBLE. I have both an amazing memory of that day and a horrible one. I have the other days in my mind too.

Neither of us knew what was going to happen.

Its not fair. I miss her .
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Paingod » Fri Feb 01, 2019 8:40 am

Don't know what to say that can help, but I'm here with you and reading every post.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Feb 01, 2019 11:40 am

Its good knowing people care and are here even if no one can say perfect words.

That end of life rally. We saw that on an ep of Greys Anatomy once :) . My sister keeps trying that on me. I dont think it was that . I know it wasn't. She was actually getting better. It was just another stroke I think that did her in. Another clot let loose. But I think this one went to her lungs. I also think the hospital was incompetent in allowing her to lay there 12 hours or so like that.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Grifman » Fri Feb 01, 2019 12:24 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Thu Jan 31, 2019 3:30 pm
I just found out as the bankruptcy lawyer place got a new phone number for the original credit life place.

And I did not know I could ask for that from Bayview.
A phone number doesn't mean anything. That's not evidence. You need to show that you were paying on a credit life policy. So far, you haven't done that. But a phone number to call is better than nothing.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Feb 01, 2019 12:51 pm

Donna got more spam snailmail from United of Omaha. She had gotten them off and on for years. I couldn't help but laugh at the line in it saying Get the full benefit when YOU turn 100 years old. Lol. I thought in my head..."Donna has left the building"
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Feb 01, 2019 1:25 pm

That annoying heaviness is trying to seep in ...Im not doing anything but watching videos and passing time....my mind knows Donna is missing and its upset...I cant help it..I dont want that feeling...trying to keep busy...doesn't help all that much at times
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Feb 01, 2019 2:55 pm

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK217848/

Only the first section 'Death of a spouse' was relevant to me but maybe someone can get some good from the articles.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Alefroth » Fri Feb 01, 2019 4:22 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 12:51 pm
Donna got more spam snailmail from United of Omaha. She had gotten them off and on for years. I couldn't help but laugh at the line in it saying Get the full benefit when YOU turn 100 years old. Lol. I thought in my head..."Donna has left the building"
I'm using USPS Informed Delivery to get pictures of coming mail in my email. My mom died last September and she's getting the Mutual of Omaha thing today too. And something where the envelope says Time Waits for No One.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Fri Feb 01, 2019 6:44 pm

Caught myself being stupid. I was thinking about how I dripped the water in the 16 degree weather and kept the pipes from bursting. I was proud of myself. Then knew I was being silly. Ive done it before when Donna felt bad. Its water. But it is important. The reason I was proud is because Donna did it. When I do anything Donna did and succeed I do feel proud. Donna was amazing at anything and everything. even simple water dripping lolz. I laughed at myself. Im sure Donna was shaking her head at me.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Feb 02, 2019 12:51 pm

I decided last night to take a small break from posting but ya it aint happening. It helps I think to post my inane ramblings.

All I have right now is Im not sure how long this will go on or how much I can go through. Im tired. Im in pain mentally and physically. I feel like its crushing me at times. Others I feel Im ignoring it all and Donna. I cant play any games I cant listen to any music. I watch a little tv, I mess around on the PC all day. I wake up and Donna is on my mind and not here. I go to bed after talking to her ghost for half an hour. I see changes. I think its changing...maybe a bit better? But I also am being crushed by emotions and loss. I still dont want to be here. Im tired of it all. Yet some part of me wonders whats in life for me. But the bigger part doesn't care.

Ill leave it with two little sayings I found...

A little flower, lent not given, to bud on Earth but bloom in Heaven.

A thousand words cant bring you back, I know because I tried. And neither can a million tears, I know because I cried.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Feb 02, 2019 1:11 pm

I have started to wonder if the Donna voice in my head is simply my mind choosing the one I want. They are all Donna's words. Her guidance over the decades to me. I know her and have all that with me. But say Im hurting and need to do something. She would always tell me wait until I felt better or dont worry with it now it will still be there to do. But now I wonder if thats just my subconscious or even conscious picking that advice from her . Im not sure suddenly. Im on my own in everything now.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Feb 02, 2019 2:15 pm

Aaaaand another bad day..or moment. Donna is not in the hospital and will come home this time .She is never coming home. All that we did over our lives together I can never make new memories like that with her. Im paying bills and doing the things she did. But she had me by her side then. Me getting the door for her or driving her. I can pay the bills but Im alone. I have nothing to look forward to after the bills. I am not living a life now. I cant play I cant listen to music. I have no interests.

Im going to try the Anthem demo. Try. I dont hold out hope for anything.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Feb 02, 2019 3:19 pm

Im posting this here and in the game thread so if someone reads only one or the other. Just a update on me really.

I played the first mission of the Anthem demo.

Im not good to depend on right now for opinions of a game....between being in bad pain from my back and side im also kinda emotionless with everything but sadness....but did finish the first mission with 2 or 3 others....was no way to chat and I heard no voice com.

The end had a 3 piece puzzle to activate and we just had to guess..saw no symbols on walls.

ok....
Its actually less Destiny than I figured. Its mroe something else but I cant put my finger on it yet...has some Mass Effect feel due to 3rd person and the jump jets....I ran out of ammo and had to guess how to get more....took about 45 min for the first mission. If everything in my life was normal Id like it I think. As is Im just coasting. No emotion really. Im nothing without my wife.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Feb 02, 2019 3:25 pm

Stupid me. The entire time I was playing I was thinking about Donna and sometimes apologizing for playing a game when she has died. Its bad sometimes for me ...sometimes more than others. She would want me to have fun. I both want and need some calm but then I feel bad for it. Going to be a long year ...or life.

EDIT: Standing here asking "Its always been us......its always been us.....its always been us! How do 'I' Live?" ....and get no answer. Maybe in time.

EDIT2: I think to myself..."Plan the future things to do. Plan the bills, plan some fun, plan stuff. But plan them for Brian. .....I cannot take what has happened to our lives yet. I am trying some at times. But I also have myself telling me I cannot change it no matter how much I hate it. My future plans must be only for me because I can no longer plan for us.

And I hate it all. I will go see the third new Star Wars movie come Dec somehow. Maybe by then I can do it. Donna went with me to the other two even though they were not for her. Going alone and sitting alone to see the last one may be too much for me. And when I do think of seeing a movie or something that hurts too. Its only been a month.

Today 30 days ago Donna woke up and had a full good morning with me and I with her.The last one we will ever have here on Earth. Maybe thats why today is so damn hard.

EDIT3: Even our little Chihuahua Buster seemed to have a worse day today earlier. He was quiet and usually in my lap since Donna's death. I looked around and in bed where Donna always was he was laying there on our pillows. He was half on her's and half on mine with this sad little face like his whole life was ruined somehow. Not sure what was really going on with him but he wouldn't move to come to me and I left him alone. But of course my thought was he misses her more right then than normal .
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Feb 02, 2019 4:47 pm

Oh and Grif. I spoke to the manager at the one place. He says theres nothing there and I dont even owe anything to them. Which is a little weird as they ARE in th bankruptcy and being paid money. Sooooo shrug . But also I think they are part of the other big loan that is not the house that got dismissed from the bankruptcy and so is gone for good.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sat Feb 02, 2019 5:02 pm

Oh what a horrible day. 30 days today. Her last smiles and hugs. Her last talks with me and kisses. Her last nods. If it had been the other way she would have been home by now. Maybe even 2 weeks or so. Life would be life. She would be living so then would I.

I know Ill never be over her. Never get past her death and loss. But when will it ease up on me? Everyone is different I know. No answers.

Just typing out thoughts. Bad day.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Sun Feb 03, 2019 7:12 pm

Was typing at my sister. I have this weird urge to go bowling one day again. I told her and said Id need a sister to bowl with and asked if she knew one.

Said she'd look around.

Told her I haven't bowled since 1993 or so.

She said she hasn't bowled since 1980.

So I said we could embarrass ourselves together.

She said and call 911 for each other.

To which I replied I probably wont have any minutes.


And it hit me..this is me. Im a goof ball .Me and my sister even though she is 15 years older than me and weren't raised together are just about twins in personality. I said to her .."See? Im in here somewhere. Im just King of the Lost right now. Give me more time and we'll see"
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Mon Feb 04, 2019 1:13 am

Sometimes I am starting to wonder if Ill go insane before it gets better. I tried to keep it in more today and force myself to not be so sad or cry. Still had a couple smaller cries but then tonight I had a full on 20+ minute cry. So that may not be the best way to go.

I feel like when Donna died my heart broke and everything but my love for her and our dogs poured out.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Hyena » Mon Feb 04, 2019 1:26 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Sun Feb 03, 2019 7:12 pm
Was typing at my sister. I have this weird urge to go bowling one day again. I told her and said Id need a sister to bowl with and asked if she knew one.

Said she'd look around.

Told her I haven't bowled since 1993 or so.

She said she hasn't bowled since 1980.

So I said we could embarrass ourselves together.

She said and call 911 for each other.

To which I replied I probably wont have any minutes.


And it hit me..this is me. Im a goof ball .Me and my sister even though she is 15 years older than me and weren't raised together are just about twins in personality. I said to her .."See? Im in here somewhere. Im just King of the Lost right now. Give me more time and we'll see"
This is who you are. In your mind you have been defined by your love for Donna, and now that circumstances have changed (you haven't lost your love, but the target. The love is still there, and always will be), you are going to find who you are in this new world. Allow your "goofball" to take the wheel again, and he will steer you back on course. Your course has changed, but YOU are still behind the wheel. Go find your new destination. Donna will always be your passenger.

I think that's about all the cheesy cliches I have...I'll let you know if think of any more. :mrgreen:
Keeping you in my thoughts, internet friend.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Zarathud » Mon Feb 04, 2019 1:47 pm

Get thee to therapy.

Someone needs to keep telling you this because it's the right thing to do.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by naednek » Mon Feb 04, 2019 2:44 pm

Zarathud wrote:
Mon Feb 04, 2019 1:47 pm
Get thee to therapy.

Someone needs to keep telling you this because it's the right thing to do.
yes i was about to post this. It's not healthy. Yes it's part of the process, but it seems you really need to talk with someone and get some help with dealing with all the emotions.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Mon Feb 04, 2019 4:03 pm

I cant talk to a paid stranger. Easier to talk to unpaid ones online :) But seriously I cant see myself person to person with a strange.

I had to go the bank, Walmart, UPS and Hardees today.

The bank didn't make a copy of the death certificate last trip and I didn't take one so nothing happened there.

Walmart cannot repair a 10 year old leaking tire. So no help there.

Hardees I got a chocolate malt and a mushroom swiss melt thickburger. Least my mouth and receipt say that...what I got was a chocolate shake no malt and a regular hamburger.

UPS isn't open until 4. So all in all..failures. But Walmart did me in seeing all the Valentines stuff. Saw stuff she would have loved and I would have gotten her or talked her into. I had to leave the store. Made it home and got the 8x10 enlargements of a couple photos of us put into a pair of $1 Dollar Tree frames before breaking down. We the old one with us in the photo booth when we were young and the high school reunion one at the table with her hand on my leg.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by stimpy » Mon Feb 04, 2019 4:18 pm

Not to sound cold or uncaring, but this thread is taking on a Drazzil vibe, where all the advice given is ignored or excuses are made of why they cant or won't work.
Pull it together man.
We know you think it's helpful to pour this shit out to internet strangers, but in the long run you aint doing yourself any favors if you don't seek real world answers to your problems. They are not going to go away on their own, no matter how many sunrises and candy bars remind you of Donna.
If you don't want our advise or help, just say so. We're doing it for you because for some strange reason we've all come to the same little corner of the Internet. I'm sure we'll all continue to read your posts either way.
It makes my dookie twinkle.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Kraken » Mon Feb 04, 2019 4:44 pm

stimpy wrote:
Mon Feb 04, 2019 4:18 pm
Not to sound cold or uncaring, but this thread is taking on a Drazzil vibe, where all the advice given is ignored or excuses are made of why they cant or won't work.
Pull it together man.
We know you think it's helpful to pour this shit out to internet strangers, but in the long run you aint doing yourself any favors if you don't seek real world answers to your problems. They are not going to go away on their own, no matter how many sunrises and candy bars remind you of Donna.
If you don't want our advise or help, just say so. We're doing it for you because for some strange reason we've all come to the same little corner of the Internet. I'm sure we'll all continue to read your posts either way.
Well said.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Jaymann » Mon Feb 04, 2019 4:44 pm

stimpy wrote:
Mon Feb 04, 2019 4:18 pm
Pull it together man.
This. I'm glad someone said this, because I have been thinking it for weeks. And I am not unsympathetic, hell I even donated to help you get back on your feet, and I have never done that before.

But there comes a time when you must stop wallowing in despair and be a man. From what I've read you allowed your self to become utterly dependent on your wife. For a grown man to claim he has no idea how to write checks or pay bills is ludicrous. Suck it up and start taking responsibility for your own life. Yes it hurts, but as painful as it is you need to get on with your life. Do you realize how many homeless people would kill to be in your situation.

One thing I can suggest is have your relatives go completely through your house and find every scrap of legal paper and organize them into categorized folders. Maintain a diary of things you need to accomplish and keep at it until they are done. Of course it won't be easy - life seldom is. But dude, life is fucking precious and you need to treasure what you still have.

Sincere best of luck with the challenges that lie ahead.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by stimpy » Mon Feb 04, 2019 4:56 pm

And please don't take what's being said as negative.
I think I can say we pretty much all want to see you start posting some forward progress in your life.
The few times you have showed that you're capable of finding yourself, without losing sight of what Donna brought to your life, have been wonderful to read about. You can, and will, do more of that. I think we're just suggesting it's time to start turning your focus towards the here and now and doing positive things to improve your own quality of life.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Mon Feb 04, 2019 5:05 pm

Oh Im doing the bills and day to day. So far Ive taught myself checks and deposits and banking. But no nit been on my own ever. As I said I was a kid then turned 18 and met Donna 4 months later. She did it all. I did have a checking account when I was like 24 but kept messing it up so I just turned it over to her. Its nothing wives haven't done in the past or husbands too now. One will take care of it all while the other...me...takes care of home, cooks, and such. Im doing ok in that area.

Its just the missing Donna being here and just talking with me and stuff Im not taking . Being together 24/7 to nothing is killing me that way mentally. And my physical health is shot too at the moment. Ive been in pretty agonizing pain from my back and right hip / back for a week or two now. Today I can barely lift that leg. I could barely drive the car with gas and brake. I would fall into the car and then had to pull myself out.

I actually considered going to the doc or the chiropractor its so bad. Im not sure I can stand it. But because of bills yet to do and money I cant until I find something that would actually do something and take my medicare / QMB.

I can handle day to day....I just cant handle Donna not here with me. I do have my moments and they are more often. I go longer without a crack up. But seeing all that Valentines stuff in Walmart today was too much. First one without her. I saw stuff that I said "Donna would love that" or "Id normally get that for her". It was too much. Its only been a month. I doubt this side of it will be well in 6 months or a year.

Not ignoring advice but I have no use for a counselor and for voip phone I don't see the hassle being worth it. Stuff is just going to take a lot more time with me. Im not a macho kick ass guy wipe dirt on it and be over it person. Ive always been shy and sensitive and Ill get there more slowly than others Im sure...if ever. It will never heal up all the way. It will never be the same. I still cry each day. Less than before but Im still at it.

A bit ago I stopped my rant and prayed for Donna. Hoping she gets all the wishes she missed on Earth and forgiven of anything that would stop that. But I dont mind stopping posting. I know it wears thin. I knew it would. And no one has to read this whiny stuff from this kid at heart. Its all ok. I do thank you all and appreciate all the wishes and prayers and time and info you've given. Its ok to stop now. Im not holding anyone to this thread. Really. This is like a daily blog/vent thread to me. The things Im doing to try and get on stuff.

EDIT: I did get the first of whats sure to be many bills from her hospital today. Not sure how Im going to handle it. Ill try and work something out with them. I mean if I dont have enough for bills and my bankruptcy lawyer says to skip a few payments to it and the home then I dont see what they can expect of me.
Last edited by Daehawk on Mon Feb 04, 2019 6:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Alefroth » Mon Feb 04, 2019 5:21 pm

Her hospital bills should be coming out of her estate, which is why it's probably a more complicated probate than just having the house signed over to you.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Daehawk » Mon Feb 04, 2019 7:19 pm

I think we're just suggesting it's time to start turning your focus towards the here and now and doing positive things to improve your own quality of life.
Its way too soon. I see no quality of life for me anytime soon. Someone may get over this in a week and sell all their spouses possessions and buy a hooker. Others may never get over it and die grieving. Im towards the later not the first. I see improvements but no great leaps. It just wont happen with me guys. Grief of not Im not that person. Never have been.

My sister is pushing some too. She's been through it recently too after 29 years herself. But she is not me and they were not us.

I do still have that strange as hell urge to go bowling. Sister has promised to go with me in a few months.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-di ... -wife-died ....Help for me to take care of stuff . Wife died Jan 9 2019 after 31 years. My soulmate.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by stimpy » Mon Feb 04, 2019 8:15 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Mon Feb 04, 2019 7:19 pm
I think we're just suggesting it's time to start turning your focus towards the here and now and doing positive things to improve your own quality of life.
Its way too soon. I see no quality of life for me anytime soon.
Well....at least you got that planned out......
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Anonymous Bosch » Mon Feb 04, 2019 8:20 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Mon Feb 04, 2019 7:19 pm
I think we're just suggesting it's time to start turning your focus towards the here and now and doing positive things to improve your own quality of life.
Its way too soon. I see no quality of life for me anytime soon. Someone may get over this in a week and sell all their spouses possessions and buy a hooker. Others may never get over it and die grieving. Im towards the later not the first. I see improvements but no great leaps. It just wont happen with me guys. Grief of not Im not that person. Never have been.
That's an absurdly false dichotomy, as those are hardly the only possibilities for coping with grief and bereavement. The fact that you're deluding yourself into thinking those are your choices only reinforces the importance of seeking experienced, professional guidance to help you heal. Keep in mind, it's not a matter of "getting over" the grief you're experiencing, as that's unlikely to ever occur. It's more a matter of being able to go through it without coming apart at the seams.

Handling your grief alone (but for your sister and the posts you make here) isn't doing you any favours, as you yourself have observed on multiple occasions. Get some proper help. It needn't cost you anything, if that's your concern -- find out what grief and bereavement groups and resources are available in your area (i.e. call a local hospital or hospice, and have them point you in the right direction) and just show up. Make the effort. Because realistically, how much worse could it be than struggling to cope with your crippling grief and pain completely isolated and alone?
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Steron » Tue Feb 05, 2019 2:23 pm

I'm going to glom on to what others are saying about counseling. I am an addict (pain pills). Have been clean for 3 years. I went to AA and NA. I also started seeing a counselor. I cannot stress enough how helpful it is for me to talk to a neutral somebody that only has my interests in mind. They give you coping mechanisms and help you to see things about yourself or situation that you might have overlooked. I fully believe that everyone could benefit from seeing a counselor.

Keep plugging away, man.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Blackhawk » Tue Feb 05, 2019 4:16 pm

Daehawk, you and I are a lot alike. We're both poor. We're both disabled. We face some of the same challenges. I also was in a situation where I became dependent on someone and lost most of my life skills. For the last ten years, I was as isolated from friends and family as you are now. I see a lot of me in you, and vice-versa.

So let me be blunt, as someone who has a pretty good understanding of you:

You're making a terrible mistake.

I never would have gotten out of the hole I was in - the hole you're now in - if I hadn't had help. You can do the work yourself, but you need someone with an understanding of such things to show you what work needs done. You need a therapist. Really, truly. I've seen several. They saved me. And they aren't as hard to talk to as you'd think.

You are at the point of making a decision. You've already said that you're going to go on living, whether you want to or not. That means you have years ahead of you. Here's your decision:

Spend those years happy and content

or

Spend those years feeling the way you are right now.

You can't choose both. If you do nothing, if you don't follow some of the advice from the smart and intelligent people in this thread (plus me), you're choosing the second option.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Asharak » Tue Feb 05, 2019 4:31 pm

Blackhawk wrote:
Tue Feb 05, 2019 4:16 pm
Wisdom
You know, it's probably a good thing that we don't give out Thread Winner trophies around here. For one, I'm not sure we could afford them, now that Amazon has whacked our affiliate account. For two, where would you put them all?

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by stessier » Tue Feb 05, 2019 4:33 pm

Daehawk wrote:
Mon Feb 04, 2019 5:05 pm
Not ignoring advice but I have no use for a counselor
I'm not sure if one more ethereal opinion will make the difference, but you are the poster child for someone who would benefit from a counselor.
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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Zaxxon » Tue Feb 05, 2019 4:55 pm

Yes, very much that.

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Re: Wife in hospital..stroke

Post by Isgrimnur » Tue Feb 05, 2019 5:17 pm

See a therapist. I’ve seen one, and what Blackhawk says is true. There’s nothing better than being able to let everything out about what’s in your head without having to self-censor. A therapist wants to help. You don’t have a personal relationship with them to ruin. You aren’t going to be judged or pitied by a therapist. They are there to help you as you are.
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