Let's tell some jokes
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- McNutt
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Let's tell some jokes
Why can't you hear a psychic in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Because the P is silent.
- Smoove_B
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender says “can I get you a drink?”
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo”
“How about something to eat?”
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo”
“What about some peanuts?”
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo”
Frazzled, the bartender says “What’s with the long no’s”?
Anteater replies “I was born with it”.
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo”
“How about something to eat?”
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo”
“What about some peanuts?”
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo”
Frazzled, the bartender says “What’s with the long no’s”?
Anteater replies “I was born with it”.
Maybe next year, maybe no go
- YellowKing
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
This is one of my favorites:
You ask someone what a pirate's favorite letter is.
They will most likely roll their eyes and reply, "Rrrrrrrrrrr"
Then you counter with (in a pirate voice):
"Aye ye would think that, but the C (sea) be his first love!"
You ask someone what a pirate's favorite letter is.
They will most likely roll their eyes and reply, "Rrrrrrrrrrr"
Then you counter with (in a pirate voice):
"Aye ye would think that, but the C (sea) be his first love!"
- Eel Snave
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, "I think I'm a typo."
Downwards Compatible
We're playing every NES game alphabetically! Even the crappy ones! Send help!
We're playing every NES game alphabetically! Even the crappy ones! Send help!
- The Meal
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
A hole was discovered in the fence that surrounded the nudist camp. Authorities are looking into it.
"Better to talk to people than communicate via tweet." — Elontra
- Isgrimnur
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Let's tell some jokes
What be a pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant?YellowKing wrote:This is one of my favorites:
You ask someone what a pirate's favorite letter is.
They will most likely roll their eyes and reply, "Rrrrrrrrrrr"
Then you counter with (in a pirate voice):
"Aye ye would think that, but the C (sea) be his first love!"
It's almost as if people are the problem.
- stimpy
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- Isgrimnur
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Ye'd be thinking that, but no. It be Long John Silver's.
It's almost as if people are the problem.
- stessier
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
I'm stealing this one.
I require a reminder as to why raining arcane destruction is not an appropriate response to all of life's indignities. - Vaarsuvius
Global Steam Wishmaslist Tracking
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- Brian
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Death came for me last night but told me that if I bested him in a contest, I could remain on the mortal plane.
I challenged him to a pillow fight.
I was not prepared for the Reaper Cushions.
I challenged him to a pillow fight.
I was not prepared for the Reaper Cushions.
"Don't believe everything you read on the internet." - Abraham Lincoln
- coopasonic
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Alternative punchline: Rabbit: "I think I'm here because of autocorrect"
-Coop
Black Lives Matter
Black Lives Matter
- Jaymann
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Immanuel Kant walks into a bar. He sees a Scotsman just getting up from the bar to leave. The bartender looks down to see the Scotsman did not leave a tip. "You bastard!" he shouts. So Kant shoots the Scotsman.
Jaymann
]==(:::::::::::::>
Black Lives Matter
]==(:::::::::::::>
Black Lives Matter
- Trent Steel
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
What did the pirate say when he got his balls stuck in the wheel of the ship?
"Arrrrrrrr, it be drivin' me nuts!"
"Arrrrrrrr, it be drivin' me nuts!"
18-1™ & 2-0
- Lassr
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Comic Sans and Times New Roman walk into a bar
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
Black Lives Matter
Black Lives Matter
- Kraken
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- Anonymous Bosch
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
If memory serves, this one's courtesy of Bill Murray…
"Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope, and no Jobs. Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die."
"Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope, and no Jobs. Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die."
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." — P. J. O'Rourke
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
A man walks into a police station and announces, “My wife’s gone missing.”
- The police officer says, “OK sir, we’ll help you. Since when has your wife been missing?”
- The man replies, “Since about a month ago.”
- The police officer is shocked,
“What? A month?! Why on Earth are you coming only now?!”
- “Well… I’ve no clothes to put on anymore.”
- The police officer says, “OK sir, we’ll help you. Since when has your wife been missing?”
- The man replies, “Since about a month ago.”
- The police officer is shocked,
“What? A month?! Why on Earth are you coming only now?!”
- “Well… I’ve no clothes to put on anymore.”
- Unagi
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
She looked surprised.
- YellowKing
- Posts: 30126
- Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 2:02 pm
Re: Let's tell some jokes
I went down the YouTube rabbit hole for jokes yesterday:
Three couples decide they want to join the clergy at their local church. The first couple is elderly and retired, the second couple is middle-aged, and the third couple are young newlyweds.
The pastor informs them that in order to join the clergy, they'd first have to pass a test to see if they could abstain from sex. He tells each of them to go home and abstain from sex for three weeks. Then he'd meet back up with them and find out how they fared.
Three weeks pass, and the couples all show up. The pastor asks the retired elderly couple how they did. "Why that was easy, no problem at all," they reply. The middle-aged couple says, "Well it was pretty tough the first week, but we managed to resist and made it through all three weeks." The young newlywed husband hangs his head and says, "Well I can't lie Father. We didn't make it but a couple of days. You see, my wife dropped a can of paint."
"A can of paint?" the priest replies. "Whatever does that have to do with you unable to abstain from sex?"
"Well," says the young man. "My wife dropped a can of paint and when she bent over to pick it up, I just couldn't help myself! I had to have her right then and there!"
The priest shakes his head in disappointment and says, "Well then I'm sorry to inform you that you're no longer welcome in our church."
The young man says, "That's OK Father, we're no longer welcome in the hardware store either."
Three couples decide they want to join the clergy at their local church. The first couple is elderly and retired, the second couple is middle-aged, and the third couple are young newlyweds.
The pastor informs them that in order to join the clergy, they'd first have to pass a test to see if they could abstain from sex. He tells each of them to go home and abstain from sex for three weeks. Then he'd meet back up with them and find out how they fared.
Three weeks pass, and the couples all show up. The pastor asks the retired elderly couple how they did. "Why that was easy, no problem at all," they reply. The middle-aged couple says, "Well it was pretty tough the first week, but we managed to resist and made it through all three weeks." The young newlywed husband hangs his head and says, "Well I can't lie Father. We didn't make it but a couple of days. You see, my wife dropped a can of paint."
"A can of paint?" the priest replies. "Whatever does that have to do with you unable to abstain from sex?"
"Well," says the young man. "My wife dropped a can of paint and when she bent over to pick it up, I just couldn't help myself! I had to have her right then and there!"
The priest shakes his head in disappointment and says, "Well then I'm sorry to inform you that you're no longer welcome in our church."
The young man says, "That's OK Father, we're no longer welcome in the hardware store either."
- Jaymann
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Jaymann
]==(:::::::::::::>
Black Lives Matter
]==(:::::::::::::>
Black Lives Matter
- Jaymon
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
How can you tell if you are drinking cheap wine?
Check under the cap to see if you've won a free bottle.
Check under the cap to see if you've won a free bottle.
Bunnies like beer because its made from hops.
- Jaymon
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Some people wear foil hats, in order to prevent alien mind probes.
Personally, I wear foil underwear...
Personally, I wear foil underwear...
Bunnies like beer because its made from hops.
- hepcat
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
...
A fish.
...
A fish.
Covfefe!
- Pyperkub
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Q: Name the site Chewbacca created to give out Empire secrets.
A: Wookieeleaks
A: Wookieeleaks
Black Lives definitely Matter Lorini!
Also: There are three ways to not tell the truth: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Also: There are three ways to not tell the truth: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
-
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Child: Dad, what's a forklift?
Dad: Food, usually.
Dad: Food, usually.
Sims 3 and signature unclear.
- YellowKing
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Q: What does a pirate say when he turns 80?
A: Aye Matey!
A: Aye Matey!
- dbt1949
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- Jaymann
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
MehGyver
@TheAndrewNadeau
INVENTOR OF GLUE: I bet if we melt that horse we could use it to stick stuff to other stuff.
TIM: Dude…is everything okay at home?
@TheAndrewNadeau
INVENTOR OF GLUE: I bet if we melt that horse we could use it to stick stuff to other stuff.
TIM: Dude…is everything okay at home?
Jaymann
]==(:::::::::::::>
Black Lives Matter
]==(:::::::::::::>
Black Lives Matter
- Alefroth
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?
- Jaymon
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Life is like a cup of coffee.
It smells great, but it tastes bitter and makes you poop.
It smells great, but it tastes bitter and makes you poop.
Bunnies like beer because its made from hops.
- Hyena
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
(For the band musicians on here)
How can you tell if you're kissing a French horn player?
They stuff their hand up your ass.
How can you tell if you're kissing a French horn player?
They stuff their hand up your ass.
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because you're all the same." ~Jonathan Davis
"The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives." ~Robert M. Hutchins
"The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives." ~Robert M. Hutchins
- Jaymann
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Don't get the joke, but you definitely deserve a hand.
Jaymann
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Black Lives Matter
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Black Lives Matter
- Isgrimnur
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- Jaymann
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Jaymann
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Black Lives Matter
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Black Lives Matter
- Alefroth
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Huh, I see.
- Hyena
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because you're all the same." ~Jonathan Davis
"The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives." ~Robert M. Hutchins
"The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives." ~Robert M. Hutchins
- Blackhawk
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
(˙pǝsɹǝʌǝɹ uǝǝq sɐɥ ʎʇıʌɐɹƃ ʃɐuosɹǝd ʎW)
- ImLawBoy
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- Jaymann
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Re: Let's tell some jokes
Someone tweeted that they had just baked some synonym buns.
I replied, "Just like the ones grammar used to make?"
I replied, "Just like the ones grammar used to make?"
Jaymann
]==(:::::::::::::>
Black Lives Matter
]==(:::::::::::::>
Black Lives Matter