Code: Select all
10/18 - 358.6 (+8.9 in last two weeks?!)
10/03 - 349.7 (-19.2 since 03/26!)
09/23 - 356.1
08/12 - 355.3
07/26 - 359.4
06/13 - 363.0
03/26 - 368.9
I saw myself on the recording of a stream of a concert I went to and it was just... so humiliating. I know how overweight I am, but I only see myself from the angles a mirror provides, and I'd felt so much better about myself after losing nearly 20 pounds and getting my hair cut. But seeing myself as others see me... I haven't seen that in a long time, and it was such a shock. I know it's a foreign experience to everyone, but I'm just so incredibly unhealthy and awkward. It certainly motivates me, but I'm afraid it deflates me even more. Now I feel even guiltier when I overeat, or even when I'm appropriately hungry.
Also, after posting a 19.2 loss in the past six months, I somehow picked up 8.9 pounds in the past two weeks. I know half of it's due to IBS and fluid retention flare-ups I've been experiencing the past few days, but I've also been eating and drinking like garbage half the time again. The munchies from the cannabis don't help, but I don't want to cut out the weed. Mostly it's the depression binges though, and choosing not to/being too unwell (it's a fine line) to cook. Exercise has also really fallen off with the coming of the cold weather, and the effects of S.A.D. beginning to manifest. I'm still doing better than before... I continue to drink a lot of sugarless beverages and I don't bring nearly as much junk food into the house.
I know I've just got to keep going, treating each day and even each hour as its own battle. Defeats and setbacks will happen. But I've got to get healthy (or at least healthier) before it's too late, and it's just so hard to change so much.