[Dave Barry] Can't we all just get along

Jag · Post by **Jag** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 6:19 pm

I love Dave Barry, just thought I would share some of his latest column.

By DAVE BARRY

I thought that, in today's column, I would heal the nation.

The nation suffered a wound during the recent presidential election as a result of the rift between the red states -- defined as 'states where 'foreign cuisine' pretty much means Pizza Hut'' -- and the blue states, defined as ''states that believe they are smarter than the red states, despite the fact that it takes the average blue-state resident 15 minutes to order a single cup of coffee.''

Some blue-state residents are so upset about the election that they're talking about moving to Canada, which is technically a foreign nation. In my view, this would be a mistake: Canada is not the paradise it is often made out to be.

FACT: Every year, 43 percent of all Canadians -- a total of eight Canadians -- are eaten by polar bears.

Besides, running away is never the answer, unless you are a teenage boy who has just blown up a mailbox. As Americans, we need to stay here in America and work things out, because regardless of what color or hue of state we live in, we are all, deep down inside our undershorts, Americans. And as Americans, we must ask ourselves: Are we really so different? Must we stereotype those who disagree with us? Do we truly believe that ALL red-state residents are ignorant racist fascist knuckle-dragging NASCAR-obsessed cousin-marrying roadkill-eating tobacco-juice-dribbling gun-fondling religious fanatic rednecks; or that ALL blue-state residents are godless unpatriotic pierced-nose Volvo-driving France-loving left-wing communist latte-sucking tofu-chomping holistic-wacko neurotic vegan weenie perverts?

Yes. This is called ''diversity,'' and it is why we are such a great nation -- a nation that has given the world both nuclear weapons AND SpongeBob Squarepants.
[SNIP]

continued here

Default · Post by **Default** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:52 am

I could steal half that article for sigs, nuclear weapons AND Spongebob? LOLi

jpinard · Post by **jpinard** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 5:41 am

That si great!

Two Sheds · Post by **Two Sheds** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 10:05 am

Great stuff, thanks for the laugh.

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:06 pm

But that doesn't mean we have nothing in common. We must always remember that, as Americans, we all have a common enemy -- an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government.

Maybe when Dave says it, it will ring true to more people.

Peacedog · Post by **Peacedog** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 12:31 am

FWIW, it's better to not cut and paste the whole article. It's a copyright violation. But I also think it's kind of rude. Not a big deal, but for future reference.

Giles Habibula · Post by **Giles Habibula** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 12:50 am

This reminds me: I miss Bill Harris' Night Call column.

And shit. I just built this new PC and don't have any of my old bookmarks. Time for Google, but I can't even remember the name of his blog now...

Giles Habibula · Post by **Giles Habibula** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 12:53 am

Peacedog wrote:FWIW, it's better to not cut and paste the whole article. It's a copyright violation. But I also think it's kind of rude. Not a big deal, but for future reference.

You're probably correct, but I guess it never really bothered me much as long as the original author is credited. Though I can see the ethical and legal problem in a case where the author would lose income by such a practice.

Two Sheds · Post by **Two Sheds** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 1:03 am

Giles Habibula wrote:This reminds me: I miss Bill Harris' Night Call column.

And shit. I just built this new PC and don't have any of my old bookmarks. Time for Google, but I can't even remember the name of his blog now...

Dubious Quality

Giles Habibula · Post by **Giles Habibula** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 1:05 am

Thanks, Two Sheds.

Two Sheds · Post by **Two Sheds** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 2:46 am

Sure thing. It's one of my favorite bookmarks, so I know it well.

Jag · Post by **Jag** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 9:13 am

Peacedog wrote:FWIW, it's better to not cut and paste the whole article. It's a copyright violation. But I also think it's kind of rude. Not a big deal, but for future reference.

You're correct. But I did credit it and it does grant a limited license to distribute the story to friends via electronic means. Personally, I don't think it's rude (more like fanboism), but i'll snip the storyto make peace with the dog.

Odin · Post by **Odin** » Fri Dec 17, 2004 10:37 am

Glad I got to read it before it got peacedogged.