Vin Diesel random fact generator

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Mon May 16, 2005 12:27 pm

http://www.4q.cc/vin

This is funny as hell. These are some of the things I came up with.

Vin Diesel invented the Accordion, but it was originally meant to be, solely, a murder weapon. It wasnt until 1913 that it began being used as an instrument. Vin has accepted this and has no bitter feelings towards the French.

Vin Diesel is, in fact, the real son of God. He didn't need the extra attention, so he found a drugged out hippie named Jesus to take his place. Thousands of years later, Vin found out about Jesus' crusifixion. He simply laughed

Vin Diesel removed the word victory from the French language after conquering France in 6 hours using only a salad fork. During the campaign, all French deodorant manufacturing plants were destroyed

Vin Diesel does not believe in ghosts. Ghosts believe in him.

Vin Diesel coined the term "silent but deadly" when one of his farts took physical form and assassinated key political figures in the 12th century

Vin Diesel has agreed to star in Britain's National Theatre's new production of Hamlet if they allow him to have sole creative control and cut through all "that whiny bullshit". His version will consist of one line of dialogue. While restraining uncle Claudius in a headlock, Hamlet growls, "You should have ghosted me when you had the chance, motherfucker!" He then disembowels all the male characters with his thumbs. In the next scene, he steals inside Gertrude's bedroom and skullfucks mother in her sleep. Finally, he fleshes out the rest of the play by giving Ophelia a four and a half hour orgasm that lasts till the end of Act V. The rest is silence.

Every time Vin Diesel kills god, a kitten masturbates.

There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Vin Diesel. They owe him $5.

When Vin Diesel begins work on a new film project, he bludgeons a hobo to death with a hammer for good luck. For even better luck, he devours the corpse. For the best luck possible, he throws the bones at school children during recess. [/url]

noxiousdog · Post by **noxiousdog** » Mon May 16, 2005 12:55 pm

I hope you get better responses than I did last time.

Two Sheds · Post by **Two Sheds** » Mon May 16, 2005 1:03 pm

That's some funny stuff.

And noxious, you didn't post a link, so I had no idea what you were talking about.

tgb · Post by **tgb** » Mon May 16, 2005 1:08 pm

I misread the subject as Vin Diesel random fart generator, which I thought was a pretty good description of his body of work.

gellar · Post by **gellar** » Mon May 16, 2005 1:08 pm

Two Sheds wrote:That's some funny stuff.

And noxious, you didn't post a link, so I had no idea what you were talking about.

Nox sucks at teh internets.

gellar

The Meal · Post by **The Meal** » Mon May 16, 2005 1:13 pm

Two Sheds wrote:And noxious, you didn't post a link, so I had no idea what you were talking about.

He did, it's just that he hid it a little too well. Click on any word in the quoted block...

~Neal

Caine · Post by **Caine** » Mon May 16, 2005 1:13 pm

that's great. love the line about the aliens avoiding him.

Two Sheds · Post by **Two Sheds** » Mon May 16, 2005 1:15 pm

Ah, I see. Well then, Nox, I was wrong.

noxiousdog · Post by **noxiousdog** » Mon May 16, 2005 1:42 pm

Two Sheds wrote:That's some funny stuff.

And noxious, you didn't post a link, so I had no idea what you were talking about.

The quote is a link, though, it could have been clearer.

Mr. Sparkle · Post by **Mr. Sparkle** » Mon May 16, 2005 1:44 pm

noxiousdog wrote:
Two Sheds wrote:That's some funny stuff.

And noxious, you didn't post a link, so I had no idea what you were talking about.
The quote is a link, though, it could have been clearer.

Apparently I suck at the internet, because I can't make it happen.

noxiousdog · Post by **noxiousdog** » Mon May 16, 2005 1:55 pm

Here.

Rincewind · Post by **Rincewind** » Mon May 16, 2005 4:47 pm

Some of that stuff is pure comedy gold.

deadzone · Post by **deadzone** » Mon May 16, 2005 5:07 pm

Heheh my first one...

"Vin Diesel is a famed yachtsman and privateer. What queen does he report to? The Sea."

Too funny!

deadzone · Post by **deadzone** » Mon May 16, 2005 5:08 pm

And now this one!

LOL, this is pretty funny stuff.

"Vin Diesel not only put the L in lesbian, but he put his penis in them as well. All of them."

deadzone · Post by **deadzone** » Mon May 16, 2005 5:09 pm

"Vin Diesel once drank a can of Red Bull. It gave him so many sets of wings that the universe hit it's character limit and crashed. He then had to push the master Ctrl-Alt-Delete keys to restart reality."

Exodor · Post by **Exodor** » Mon May 16, 2005 5:11 pm

Vin Diesel will never write an autobiography, since he's worried it would knock The Bible off the bestseller list, then he'd have to go up to heaven and console God, who'd probably be really upset with the whole affair, and he'd have to tell him it was just a good year for autobiographies, and that people still like The Bible, but want to wait for the holiday sales.

noxiousdog · Post by **noxiousdog** » Mon May 16, 2005 7:15 pm

In Soviet Russia, Vin Diesel is you.

Drazzil · Post by **Drazzil** » Mon May 16, 2005 7:52 pm

I wish I had copy pasted the one about Vin Deisel creating the universe and the bible being created by god as a giant love letter.

tgb · Post by **tgb** » Mon May 16, 2005 8:01 pm

Vin Diesel invented the Internet

Teh Winner.

koanicriddle · Post by **koanicriddle** » Mon May 16, 2005 9:42 pm

Great site!

Vin Diesel knows that the solution to Social Security reform involves a goat, 3 pixie sticks, and a 1988 Donruss rookie card of Henry 'Bam Bam' Muellens. The rest is self-explanatory.

Vin Diesel pokes badgers with spoons.

Maybe my fav so far...

H.P. Lovecraft used to stare into a picture of Vin Diesel's left eyebrow before writing his eldritch fictions.

Kagath · Post by **Kagath** » Mon May 16, 2005 11:42 pm

For every Vin Diesel there is an opposite Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel heard about this and promptly destroyed his opposite self. This created a paradox that unraveled the space-time continuum. Consequently, we are currently living inside Vin Diesel's imagination.

In space, Vin Diesel can hear you scream.

Reading about Vin Diesel is more addictive than heroine-filled cigarettes.

Vin Diesel is the sound of one handed clapping.

Elenkis · Post by **Elenkis** » Tue May 17, 2005 12:08 am

Vin Diesel has submitted most of the facts you've read.

CeeKay · Post by **CeeKay** » Tue May 17, 2005 12:27 am

In 1663, Vin Diesel beat a notorious pirate captain at cards in the basement of a London pub. When the captain accused him of cheating, Vin Diesel promptly killed him by shooting a stream of fire from his mouth. The resulting blaze destroyed most of London, as Vin remained in his seat. When the police attempted to arrest him, he punched the nearest policeman hard enough to catapult his skull out of the back of his head, which leveled the nearby orphanage it struck.

Vin Diesel was present at the fail of the Berlin wall as a roadie for David Hasslehoff.

In 1972, a crack commando was sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. He promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, he survives as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no-one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire Vin Diesel.

Vin Diesel created rainbows to distract people before he punches them in the teeth. According to him, it worked on Mother Theresa.

Vin Diesel actually spoke the line "You had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up" to Buddha YEARS before Stanley Kubrick was born.

The angels still say that when Vin Diesel invented time, God was so touched that he wrote the Bible as a love letter.

Rincewind · Post by **Rincewind** » Tue May 17, 2005 12:52 am

I am actually physically incapable of not hitting the refresh button on this page. It is perhaps the most funny, disturbed website ever constructed. Ever. Anywhere.

Vin Diesel invented the game of chess in the year 400 B.C. as a way of training his army of attack monkeys in the subtleties of war. Suffice to say, monkeys are stupid.

Rincewind · Post by **Rincewind** » Tue May 17, 2005 1:00 am

Vin Diesel is actually five men, all of whom share the same soul. If any one of them ever comes face to face with another, they are required by the laws of fate to totally rock the fuck out. The last time this cosmic event occurred, Atlantis sank beneath the sea forever. It was worth it.

Ray Charles once looked at Vin Diesel...and never saw another thing again.

Created Halo, GTA-Vice City, GTA San Andreas, Doom3, and Fable in the span of a fortnight. During the creation of Doom3 and Fable, he was simutaneously fighting off hordes of zombie ninjas. Hence, the reason why both games did not live up to their original hype.

If one attempts to calculate the awesomeness factor of Vin Diesel, cubed by the awesomeness of a badger divided by the awesomeness of ninja-pirates, one has the basis for the weapon that destroys the universe.

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Tue May 17, 2005 1:15 am

Babies aren't delivered by the stork. They're actually fired into people's homes by a cannon operated by Vin Diesel.

Vin Diesel once ate 30 hardboiled eggs with no problem, then made love to 20 virgins.

Vin Diesel has no umbilical cord as he has never depended on anyone other than himself

Vin Diesel once drank an entire keg of lemonade with his penis. Just to prove he could do it.

D.A.Lewis · Post by **D.A.Lewis** » Tue May 17, 2005 2:22 am

Vin Diesel's willpower is solid matter with a melting point equal to the temperature at the center of the sun. Portions of his willpower has been sold to several solar systems with dying suns, so that the extraterrestrial beings living there could start over "and make a proper go of it this time." The proceeds from these sales were used to build Vin a fortress of solitude in the ice caps at the north pole, where he now goes to practice speed-eating railroad spikes.

Rincewind · Post by **Rincewind** » Tue May 17, 2005 2:32 am

D.A.Lewis wrote:
Vin Diesel's willpower is solid matter with a melting point equal to the temperature at the center of the sun. Portions of his willpower has been sold to several solar systems with dying suns, so that the extraterrestrial beings living there could start over "and make a proper go of it this time." The proceeds from these sales were used to build Vin a fortress of solitude in the ice caps at the north pole, where he now goes to practice speed-eating railroad spikes.

Oh really? Well try this:

Vin Diesel has written several Star Trek scripts to the producers of the show. Reportedly, Gene Roddenbury's favorite episode was written by Vin Diesel and filmed, but never aired due to Spock's gratuitous use of the phrase 'To the Xtreme!!'

Not enough? Fear Vin:

Vin Diesel was the acting Grim Reaper for 7 months in 1974. When asked why he did this, he responded simply, "Bros before Hoes".

Rincewind · Post by **Rincewind** » Tue May 17, 2005 2:36 am

OH NOES!!!

Vin Diesel is Rick James, bitch.

he seventh and last Harry Potter book will be called Vin Diesel and Harry Potter. JK Rowlings at first tried to convince him not to break the continuity and call it Harry Potter and Vin Diesel, or perhaps Harry Potter and the Vin Diesel, but Vin said he "didnt want none of that shit". Hermione dies at the hands of Vin at the beginning of the book, and much of the rest is spent celebrating at Hogwarts with him.

Hell's Taco · Post by **Hell's Taco** » Tue May 17, 2005 3:02 am

Vin Diesel wrote every "yo mama so fat..." joke you have ever heard, except "Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she sits around the house." If you recite that one in his presence, Vin Diesel will punch you in the face.

James Nasmith invented the game of basketball after witnessing Vin Diesel perform his legendary attack "The Flying Testicle Slam" against a group of 150 peach farmers. Nasmith was the only survivor.

Vin Diesel secretes 98 full size Viagra pills from his pores every time he has sex. Originally to be called Vinagra, the name was changed after a "truth in advertising" lawsuit determined that no mortal penis could ever match Vin Deisel's member.

Kelric · Post by **Kelric** » Tue May 17, 2005 4:04 am

Vin Diesel is the sole surviving Spartan of Thermopylae

Vine Diesel came before the chicken AND the egg.

The Mexican Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) originated when Vin Diesel was served an unsatisfactory dinner in Guadelajara.

Vin Diesel once stole an X-Wing fighter jet from Luke Skywalker, flew to Earth, and said to Ashlee Simpson, quote: "STFU, before you make a total ass of yourself and your career is over!" Ashlee ignored Vin and three weeks later was caught lip synching on SNL.

WTF?

Edit - This one might actually be true:

Vin Diesel's only live action appearance on film was in The Iron Giant. All his other appearances have been simulated by cutting edge computer graphics.

Peacedog · Post by **Peacedog** » Tue May 17, 2005 8:41 am

Vin Diesel was recently discovered to be an additional step in the process of precipitation.

Austin · Post by **Austin** » Tue May 17, 2005 8:47 am

Vin Diesel owns a chain of fast food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but pork rinds and Hot Pockets. A giant plastic Vin Diesel head spins around on a pole outside the franchises, shooting fireballs at passerby.

Rincewind · Post by **Rincewind** » Tue May 17, 2005 2:16 pm

George Lucas wrote the Star Wars trilogy to be a one man show starring Vin Diesel, but Vin declined, saying it brought back terrible memories of his teenage years.

Peacedog · Post by **Peacedog** » Tue May 17, 2005 2:22 pm

The only language he can not speak is English. All his voice work is over dubbed by James Earl Jones, but heavily modified by software to be unrecognizable. His lip movements are synched up via hand manipulation of the source film.

deadzone · Post by **deadzone** » Tue May 17, 2005 2:23 pm

Upon seeing Vin Diesel's groin, one is transported to 16th century Prussia.

deadzone · Post by **deadzone** » Tue May 17, 2005 2:24 pm

Vin Diesel actually shot the sheriff and the deputy, he just let Eric Clapton take the blame.

Austin · Post by **Austin** » Tue May 17, 2005 2:28 pm

Vin Diesel feels your pain, all pain in fact, at all times, and so he travels the world in search of a way to end man's pain

Austin · Post by **Austin** » Tue May 17, 2005 2:30 pm

In a recent press conference, Vin Diesel confirmed rumors that he was going to allow Arnold Schwarzenegger to enter his urethra so that he could be reborn at a later date and be eligible for the United States presidency.

tgb · Post by **tgb** » Tue May 17, 2005 2:37 pm

What you choose to call hell, Vin Diesel calls home