Octopus Overlords

So sorry to hear this.

I can put myself in your shoes, my wife and I have been married 29 years and together 30. I know this is hard. I can't imagine going through it. Try to stay strong and lean on other people whenever you need to.

Oh no, I'm so sorry Daehawk.

Please, please use whatever resources the hospital can provide in terms of grief counseling, social worker, etc. And don't hesitate to reach out to this OO family for support. None of us are experts by any means, but we always care about our own.

This is so sudden and heart-wrenching, Daehawk. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you can make it through this. You don't have to do it alone. Your state should have resources for getting through the legal issues and you've got all of us.

I still have my soulmate she is just far away. She can hear me but I cant her. Im ok one moment working like a crazy person to find info, talk to companies, look for stuff. The next Im bawling my eyes out cry out. My little dog wonders whats up. I have to go back to town in a min to try and get social security to talk with me. Then visit the cemetery. Plots were free once not $300. She was a tissue donor and such so that company has her. My mind wants to something think they are harming her somehow but we are both donors and she wanted to help others. No way Id say no. Then the funeral home will call me today or tomorrow. Im trying to pick her clothes out and get her jewelry ready. My sister thinks I should'nt bury her rings on her but she always wore her wedding band and her moms rings. I couldn't take that away from her.

I dont understand...Im tired too and Im also mad and Im lost to what happened and Ill never get info from a hospital.

being here alone is wrong. Her sleep gown is still where we changed her to leave for the ER. Out little xmas stockings with her name, my name, our dogs names are hanging on the bedroom door.

I dont know any bank passwords, or anything...nothing. I cant find any info on a life insurance policy. Funeral..the cheap place with no service and such is still $3000. Nuts. I need to find stuff. I found the bankruptcy stuff and stopped there. Found the lawyer for our wills. What I thought..I go she gets and she goes I get.

But I just want her or I want to go with her. Always have. We'd talk about and hoped but she would tell me no she'll go first. Here it is. Stupid world.

Sorry too guys. You've all been wonderful. I still see her closed eyed face burst into a cry face when I told her about you and the donations. She was so shocked and happy that you cared. She was getting better.

I just dont know what life is now.

Have you considered cremation? My mom wanted the bare minimum and that cost $600.

Alefroth wrote: ↑Thu Jan 03, 2019 3:02 pm Have you considered cremation? My mom wanted the bare minimum and that cost $600.

If you do go cremation, see if there is a crematorium you can go to rather than the funeral home. My Aunt had her husband cremated at the funeral home, and her brother had something set up with a cremation society that was MUCH cheaper than the funeral home doing it.

And make sure you get copies of the Certified Death Certificate! You will need that for most everything you need to do, including Social Security and Life Insurance (and other things you are probably not thinking of right now like if the utilities or anything were in her name).

So Sorry Daehawk.

Daehawk wrote: ↑Thu Jan 03, 2019 2:40 pm . Im trying to pick her clothes out and get her jewelry ready. My sister thinks I shouldn't bury her rings on her but she always wore her wedding band and her moms rings. I couldn't take that away from her.

For what it's worth, I agree with your sister - you should keep the rings. But I'm just a pseudo-stranger on the internet, you should do what you feel is right. This process is supposed to help you grieve and come to terms with your loss.

Im so sad to hear this. So sorry for your loss. Cant comprehend what you must be feeling.

Zenn7 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 03, 2019 3:10 pmAnd make sure you get copies of the Certified Death Certificate!

This is very good advice. I was involved a bit after my FIL passed, and you need A LOT of copies.

Sorry man. Not much else I can say.

Wow can't believe it. It sounded like she was on the road to recovery the last time I checked in. I'm very sorry to hear Brian.

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No words, Brian, other than to echo what everyone else has said...talk to someone. Get social services involved. You need help, don't try and do it all by yourself.

I’m so sorry for your loss.


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Wow, just wow. It feels like a punch in the gut and I'm some random internet person. I am so sorry Brian. We are with you here at OO.

Sorry for your loss.

Zenn7 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 03, 2019 3:10 pm And make sure you get copies of the Certified Death Certificate! You will need that for most everything you need to do, including Social Security and Life Insurance (and other things you are probably not thinking of right now like if the utilities or anything were in her name).

+1. Most places will accept a photocopy, but a few will want an embossed original. I think we needed three of those when my MIL died, and her estate was very simple.

If you do go through a funeral home, they notify SS as a matter of routine.

Damn, I am so sorry to hear your wife passed.

Daehawk, I am sorry for your loss. That said, I will be glad to assist and advise you about financial questions by phone if you are interested. I will PM you my number.

A few points - funerals can be very expensive. Given your financial situation, unless you had insurance to pay for this, cremation may be the best option.

Regarding Social Security, the funeral home should notify them of your spouse's passing. Once you have chose one, make sure that they are going to do this. And I'll echo, do not spend her January payment if you have already received it or if you do get it before SS is notified.

I know you are hurting right now, but do not lose sight of getting your financial ducks in a row. You could spiral very quickly into a financial hole that you cannot recover from if you don't take action in a reasonable time. Again, feel free to contact me if I can provide you with financial advise.

Zenn7 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 03, 2019 3:10 pm

Alefroth wrote: ↑Thu Jan 03, 2019 3:02 pm Have you considered cremation? My mom wanted the bare minimum and that cost $600.

If you do go cremation, see if there is a crematorium you can go to rather than the funeral home. My Aunt had her husband cremated at the funeral home, and her brother had something set up with a cremation society that was MUCH cheaper than the funeral home doing it.

And make sure you get copies of the Certified Death Certificate! You will need that for most everything you need to do, including Social Security and Life Insurance (and other things you are probably not thinking of right now like if the utilities or anything were in her name).

The funeral home will notify Social Security. In both cases with us that is what happened. But yes, everyone you deal with will want a copy of the Death Certificate. The funeral home can obtain those for you as well.

Damn! What a Shock!
Here in my naivety I thought she was getting better.
I'm so sorry for you loss and my inability to come up with some proper words.
I wish you peace and remembrance.

My heart goes out to you Brian. We’re here for you when you need to vent/cry/laugh/whatever. Take the advice to find someone local for grief counseling, and take care of yourself and your little dog that just lost mom.

So sorry to hear this sad news. I missed the beginning of the thread but have been following the last few pages after getting caught up. Again, so sorry for the unexpected turn and your immense loss.

Daehawk wrote: ↑Thu Jan 03, 2019 2:40 pm I dont understand...Im tired too and Im also mad and Im lost to what happened and Ill never get info from a hospital.

They're going to be tight-lipped even if they did nothing won't but you have every right to that information.

Oh man. Take the time to grieve her, knowing that even though we can't fill that sudden hole you have in your life we as a community can at least keep you company. I'm hoping for the day when your good memories outweigh the grief you're feeling.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine how painful this must be.

I'm so sorry, Brian. As most of us I thought this will have a happy end of some sort. I have no clue of your law-system, but I already see other OO'ers who had to suffer through similar situations give their best of information. I think that is the best we can do now, and being here. We might be distributed all around the globe, but today we are just with you.

I’m so sorry Brian. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling now but please know even though you don’t see us, we are here. I had a hard time reading your posts to kkblue. We both are thinking about you and you are in our thoughts.

Oh man. I'm just getting caught up after my own hospital issues. I'm really, really sorry you are having to go through this. Let us know what we can do to help.

So sorry to hear this news.

OO can be a great source of strength and support - don't hesitate to reach out when you need to.

Thanks all. Its ok one moment and then something makes me flip over to the other side.

Ive gotten her jewelry ready. She wore 2 earrings in each ear...a gold ball on the bottom and a zircon above it. I took the biggest of each to wear myself and will give her the other unmatching set back. But Ill make up for it by putting her favorite earrings in her lower lobes. I got her a pair of puffed heart earring on I think QVC decades ago. She wore them once and put then away to simply handle and fawn on all the time. She was afraid she'd lose such nice earrings. Now she will have them forever.

I washed and am drying the clothing set she will wear. Turtleneck, leggings, and her furry leather boots. I hated to wash it all. Smell like her perfume.

I looked all day for the life insurance...hate doing it....to no avail. I kept having this urge and memory of the couch cushions. Yup found it all sorta. The wills were there and I picked mine up. A letter fell out. It was from Donna. Hand written saying like Brian this is the address and number for my life insurance. In the event of my death contact them to get the check !!. And another lady and number for local help. I called the 800 number and its no longer in service. The local place closed. But its Citifinalcial so should be ok.

But it just fell out. Her own letter to me. Still looking out for me. Im so touched right now at her. I have lost it all...easy to see how great she was.

Ive got some stuff animals to put with her.

I know some hate putting rings and such in a coffin to 'waste' but I want her stuff with her. I couldnt use it and Id likely lose it or if I die then its not with her body.

I have this weird problem where non moving things look moving to me..I mean in a big moving way. But they arent.

Just saw today's update. So sorry, man. Let us know if there is anything we can do for you.

So sorry to hear about your loss. My condolences.

I'm terribly sorry. You have my deepest condolences. As I recall, you have family in the area? If so, please let them help. A death is a time to come together and forget past arguments for a while. If any of them belong to a church or service organization, they might be able to help. Many provide meals and someone to talk to. Regardless of your personal beliefs, most pastors have dealt with death and grieving many times before. Let people be around you whenever possible. Sometimes just sitting with someone is more comforting than any words. You are still in our prayers.

ouch. So sorry to read this. Take all the help you can get.

Just to reiterate, have the hospital put you in touch with grief and bereavement counseling and support services in your area; they will have resources to help you. Do NOT try to cope with this alone.

Daehawk wrote: ↑Thu Jan 03, 2019 8:19 pm
I know some hate putting rings and such in a coffin to 'waste' but I want her stuff with her. I couldnt use it and Id likely lose it or if I die then its not with her body.

If these things bring you comfort, nobody has any right to criticize.

I'm sorry Brian, I'm at a loss for words. I've been busy the past couple days and was looking forward to hearing how she was doing. I just can't tell you how sorry I am.

I don't know what or if there is anything I can do to help. Please call me if I can comfort you in any way.

Kraken wrote: ↑Thu Jan 03, 2019 11:12 pm

Daehawk wrote: ↑Thu Jan 03, 2019 8:19 pm
I know some hate putting rings and such in a coffin to 'waste' but I want her stuff with her. I couldnt use it and Id likely lose it or if I die then its not with her body.

If these things bring you comfort, nobody has any right to criticize.

It's not a waste and it's not unusual. Many people are buried with such items that were of value to them and no one thinks nothing of it.

So sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Our heartfelt condolences to you from our family and prayers as well.

XO You are doing very well. Proud of you. - I don't even know what to write that is of any more comfort than all of your other friends have written. Please know you are cared for.

God, just catching up on the thread. Was expecting a better outcome, and I am so, so very sorry for you right now.

At least a silver lining with that letter - what a great spouse to do that! Reading that will prompt me to write a similar letter tonight. All info, in one place, in case of untimely death.

Again, just so saddened to hear this outcome when I thought (and foolishly congratulated you!) she was improving.