[Gushing Parents] Tell me your cute kid stories

[Paingod]

Those things are dangerous. My friend made sure to get ones that were actual gates that could be swung open and closed. Of course, these are hardware mounted to the walls, so not exactly an off-site babysitting solution.

Four years ago I made a horrible looking gate out of 2x4's and spare lumber. It had a simple hook latch on one side and swung in like a real gate using hinges affixed to a banister. I used a 1x6 block mounted on a stud in the wall as both the catch for the latch and brace to stop the gate from swinging the wrong way. It was designed to prevent infants and toddlers from falling down the stairs.

Over the years it has been modded a few times, including putting a shield around the latch so little hands can't easily reach over or under to get to it, and shoring up small gaps that little hands persisted in using to get to the latch. The finished product has yet to be breached by the Youngest (3) though the Eldest (5) can easily let himself down as needed.

We went through three "baby gates" that our kids just knocked over, ripped off the walls, or generally abused to death before I built this.

I find that the gate still serves a solid purpose in turning the upstairs into a "safe haven" for the cats if one of my wife's dogs gets loose, and does keep the 3 year old from going downstairs to raid the fruit bowl so he can bite everything twice and throw it away.

[coopasonic]

Those things are dangerous. My friend made sure to get ones that were actual gates that could be swung open and closed. Of course, these are hardware mounted to the walls, so not exactly an off-site babysitting solution.

We have one at the top of the stairs, thirteen steps straight down to hardwood on concrete, that swings open, but I step over it when it is closed because I don't want to make any noise and risk waking everyone. One of these days...

I have suggested taking it down as our yougest turns 5 in September and a baby gate seems silly at this point, but she thinks it still serves some purpose. I guess they can't fall down the stair when sleepwalking unless they sleep-open-the-gate. The dogs slide right under it and could jump over it if they couldn't get under so no help there either. Basically all it does is provide me with the change to kill myself in the middle of the night. I guess that's the purpose she is going for.

[stessier]

Those things are dangerous. My friend made sure to get ones that were actual gates that could be swung open and closed. Of course, these are hardware mounted to the walls, so not exactly an off-site babysitting solution.

We have one at the top of the stairs, thirteen steps straight down to hardwood on concrete, that swings open, but I step over it when it is closed because I don't want to make any noise and risk waking everyone. One of these days...

I have suggested taking it down as our yougest turns 5 in September and a baby gate seems silly at this point, but she thinks it still serves some purpose. I guess they can't fall down the stair when sleepwalking unless they sleep-open-the-gate. The dogs slide right under it and could jump over it if they couldn't get under so no help there either. Basically all it does is provide me with the change to kill myself in the middle of the night. I guess that's the purpose she is going for.

You still have a gate for a 5 year old!?! We got rid of ours when they hit 3. Darwinism!!!

[Paingod]

I guess they can't fall down the stair when sleepwalking unless they sleep-open-the-gate.

I always make sure I close and latch the gate for this very reason. I've caught the 3 yr old up before anyone else and downstairs playing with the front door. Last thing I want is to wake up and discover my toddler went downstairs and let himself out of the house to go play outside in the dark on a cold and frosty morning.

Dude has no fear.

[coopasonic]

He can open the gate easily. He still can't quite open the door knob covers on the exterior doors.

[Zarathud]

My kids could open or knock down the gate to their room or the one mounted at the top of the stairs, but they know the dire wrath they face. Sometimes the 4 year old tries to put the gate up after being sent to her room -- likely as protection from the wrath of mom.

[Skinypupy]

Those things are dangerous. My friend made sure to get ones that were actual gates that could be swung open and closed. Of course, these are hardware mounted to the walls, so not exactly an off-site babysitting solution.

We have one at the top of the stairs, thirteen steps straight down to hardwood on concrete, that swings open, but I step over it when it is closed because I don't want to make any noise and risk waking everyone. One of these days...

I have suggested taking it down as our yougest turns 5 in September and a baby gate seems silly at this point, but she thinks it still serves some purpose. I guess they can't fall down the stair when sleepwalking unless they sleep-open-the-gate. The dogs slide right under it and could jump over it if they couldn't get under so no help there either. Basically all it does is provide me with the change to kill myself in the middle of the night. I guess that's the purpose she is going for.

You still have a gate for a 5 year old!?! We got rid of ours when they hit 3. Darwinism!!!

We have a full-on baby gate over the stairs. It doesn't do much to keep the 5 year old out at this point, but we'll need it once the Wonder Twins get more mobile. The other one we use is actually a portable dog kennel which has panels we can configure however we need. We set in up in a semi-circle around the couch...makes for a perfect enclosed playpen for the boys.

Due to this incident, the new rule has been established that no one gets to step over it while they have their hands full. I got scolded by Little B 5.3 yesterday because I stepped over the gate with a water bottle in my hand.

[IceBear]

Zack broke his arm when he was just over a year old. He decided to jump off the change table when the dog distracted my wife for a second. He landed on his left arm and broke his right....he reached back with his right to stop his fall and cracked his arm just below his elbow. We wrapped it in plastic bag when bathing him. Two weeks into the six weeks with the cast he managed to pull it off... Guess the swelling went down and he put it between the bars of his crib and managed to lever it off

[PLW]

You still have a gate for a 5 year old!?! We got rid of ours when they hit 3. Darwinism!!!

We still keep an unlocked gate at the top of the stairs with our 5.5 and 3 year olds. Its not to keep them up there, it's to keep them from accidentally falling down when they are running around/fighting on the landing upstairs.

[stessier]

You still have a gate for a 5 year old!?! We got rid of ours when they hit 3. Darwinism!!!

We still keep an unlocked gate at the top of the stairs with our 5.5 and 3 year olds. Its not to keep them up there, it's to keep them from accidentally falling down when they are running around/fighting on the landing upstairs.

Yeah, ours are 7.11 and 4.10 now and my wife still wishes we had the gate up for just the reason. To which I always reply "Darwinism!"

[coopasonic]

We still keep an unlocked gate at the top of the stairs with our 5.5 and 3 year olds. Its not to keep them up there, it's to keep them from accidentally falling down when they are running around/fighting on the landing upstairs.

We compromise by leaving the gate at the top of the stairs open all day.

[AWS260]

Things the 5.5-year-old says that we never taught him. I have no idea where he picked these up:

[2001 theme]"dun...dun...dun...DUN-DUN!"

"Ice ice baby"

"Get to the choppa"

[LawBeefaroni]

Sunday
Kiddo: "Mom, we had rutabagas in school and I really liked them. Can you make rutabagas?"
Mom (overjoyed):"Yes, of course!"

Monday
Mom: "I made rutabaga fries to go with dinner!"
Dad: "Huh?"
Mom: "She had them at school and loved them."
Kiddo: "I looove rutabagas!"
...
Kiddo (takes a big bite of a rutabaga fry, slow frown comes over her face, spits it out):"Yuuuk!"
Dad: "I thought you liked rutabaga."
Kiddo: "At school they tasted like chicken!"
Dad: "Are you sure they were rutabagas?"
Mom, looking defeated: "So you...don't like those?

Today:
Mom email: "BTW, she just confessed she never had rutabaga at school. She just really liked the color."

Is lying cute?
________

A few weeks ago we were trying to keep her entertained in the car coming back from dinner with the in-laws. I came up with this game where we'd do "Ok, Google, tell me..." but instead of asking google we'd ask her. It was "Ok, Tiks, tell me..." And we'd ask things like "Ok, Tiks, what is the best food in the world" or "Who is grandma?" And she'd answer in this robotic voice. It was insanely cute.

During a lull when I was trying to come up with a question she just did her own:
*robotic voice* "Ok, Tiks, how to you get to Kenny's house? You head southeast for 2 miles and then take a left up Uncle Kenny's buttcrack!" Totally out of the blue. I'd never even heard her say buttcrack before. I hurt myself laughing.

[ImLawBoy]

Not much of a story, but it leads to a cute picture. We skipped morning naps on Sunday to go to church. We discovered during lunch that the twins apparently still need their morning naps.

[El Guapo]

Sunday
Kiddo: "Mom, we had rutabagas in school and I really liked them. Can you make rutabagas?"
Mom (overjoyed):"Yes, of course!"

Monday
Mom: "I made rutabaga fries to go with dinner!"
Dad: "Huh?"
Mom: "She had them at school and loved them."
Kiddo: "I looove rutabagas!"
...
Kiddo (takes a big bite of a rutabaga fry, slow frown comes over her face, spits it out):"Yuuuk!"
Dad: "I thought you liked rutabaga."
Kiddo: "At school they tasted like chicken!"
Dad: "Are you sure they were rutabagas?"
Mom, looking defeated: "So you...don't like those?

Today:
Mom email: "BTW, she just confessed she never had rutabaga at school. She just really liked the color."

Is lying cute?
________

As the retained counsel for Ms. Kiddo, I would like to push back on the unfounded accusation that she was "lying." As you admit, she stated that "we had rutabagas in school and I really liked them." In fact "we" - that is, the students at my client's school - did in fact have rutabagas. Moreover my client did in fact like them - specifically, liked the color of them. At no point did my client state that she liked the taste or flavor of the rutabagas - that was merely an assumption by yourself and your wife.

At this point we would like to request a full apology, and mental and emotional damages.

[coopasonic]

At this point we would like to request a full apology, and mental and emotional damages.

Or real fries.

[El Guapo]

At this point we would like to request a full apology, and mental and emotional damages.

Or real fries.

That too. My client also insists on fries. And also ice cream.

[LawBeefaroni]

I think that it's fairly reasonable to expect that when someone says they "like" a certain food, they mean they like to eat it, not look at it.

But nevertheless, I'm in charge of dinner tonight and as a gesture of goodwill I'll apologize with some waffle fries, noodle soup, and ice cream.

As for the request for mental and emotional damage, she wants to watch Deathly Hallows Part 2 so I got that covered as well.




FWIW, your client just called to tell me that she cried 3 times today:

• When the library didn't have Toy Story 2 on Blu Ray
• Because she missed her friend from Canada
• When her seat was "all sweaty"

I expect you'll be busy the next few days.

[Skinypupy]

Not much of a story, but it leads to a cute picture. We skipped morning naps on Sunday to go to church. We discovered during lunch that the twins apparently still need their morning naps.

Love it. I've actually never had my Wonder Twins fall asleep in their highchairs. If they're tired, they typically just get mad and start throwing their food around.

[El Guapo]

I think that it's fairly reasonable to expect that when someone says they "like" a certain food, they mean they like to eat it, not look at it.

But nevertheless, I'm in charge of dinner tonight and as a gesture of goodwill I'll apologize with some waffle fries, noodle soup, and ice cream.

As for the request for mental and emotional damage, she wants to watch Deathly Hallows Part 2 so I got that covered as well.




FWIW, your client just called to tell me that she cried 3 times today:

• When the library didn't have Toy Story 2 on Blu Ray
• Because she missed her friend from Canada
• When her seat was "all sweaty"

I expect you'll be busy the next few days.

All totally normal reactions to terrible injustices!

We took my daughter to a AAA game (Pawtucket Red Sox) on Sunday. They lost 3-1 (damn you, Syracuse Chiefs!). My daughter was literally crying on my shoulder for a minute after they lost, since she is a lifelong PawSox fan.

And by "lifelong" I mean that she became aware that they existed that day.

[paulbaxter]

My kids are always amazing me.

Recently they informed me that dragons have to hold in their farts so they have enough methane to breathe fire.

My middle son (9) attended a film making camp this summer. They managed to snag the theater in downtown Chapel Hill for the premier. There were three levels of film camp by ages, and his was the youngest group, but I thought it was wonderful. There's a short trailer on youtube which includes bits from all three films. My son is the first one who appears. It was just a silly little film, but I had very little idea how much joy there was in seeing your kids accomplish things.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBt8J-hWNE8

[LawBeefaroni]

Not much of a story, but it leads to a cute picture. We skipped morning naps on Sunday to go to church. We discovered during lunch that the twins apparently still need their morning naps.

Hilarious. You couldn't even pose it better if you wanted to.

[IceBear]

So my 4 year old son just looked at me and said "When you die I'll be the only daddy in the house". I guess we should have named him Oedipus

[Zarathud]

My 6 year old announced this morning that she and her 8 year old sister were the "good guys" but "you and mama are the evil side". Thanks, kiddo.

[Jeff V]

My 6 year old announced this morning that she and her 8 year old sister were the "good guys" but "you and mama are the evil side". Thanks, kiddo.

Just goes to show -- the evil are perpetually in denial when it comes to understanding who they are.

[LawBeefaroni]

To preface, my kid is pretty smart. I feel I have to get that out there first because these two incidents...don't reflect that.



Walking back from class yesterday, it was rainy and the streets were wet. There was a particular stretch that had a sulfur smell, like the sewer was a bit backed up or something. Happens when it rains. Anyway, it happened to be right in front of a crowded Starbuck's. Kiddo said, "Hey, daddy, it smells like hard boiled eggs. Yummmmmmy! I love hard boiled eggs! Mmmmm!" People did their best not to laugh.


Also yesterday, there was a news report on TV about protesters protesting some national police conference at McCormick place downtown. It showed passive protesters being arrested for blocking Cermack avenue. The kiddo said, "I don't want to be arrested! Why are they arresting those people?" She was very concerned about being arrested. The wife and I tried to explain and said she didn't have to worry about it. After 5 minutes of the wife and I trying to rectify our slightly differing political opinions, I just let the wife take over. She asked, "Do you remember who Martin Luther King is? You learned about him in school?" The kiddo thought about it for a few seconds and then the lightbulb went off. She said loudly and proudly, "Yes! He's the man who took the sword out of the stone!"

[Blackhawk]

She asked, "Do you remember who Martin Luther King is? You learned about him in school?" The kiddo thought about it for a few seconds and then the lightbulb went off. She said loudly and proudly, "Yes! He's the man who took the sword out of the stone!"

...which he then used to nail his theses to a church door.

[Skinypupy]

Little B 6.8 stayed in her room for longer than usual this morning. When I finally went in to get her, she was coloring a "card" that she had made. When I asked who it was for, she said "It's a card for the janitor at our school. She always looks sad, and I don't think anyone ever tells her she does a good job. I thought this might make her happy."

Then her room suddenly got very dusty.

[GreenGoo]

Holy crap.

Well done skiny.

[Jeff V]

Last night, we were having dinner at a friend's sushi restaurant. We look at the menu for something to order for my son, I note they have octopus sashimi and sushi. When the waitress comes, the boy says "I want okopus!" So we order him the sashimi, since it would be somewhat more recognizable than the sushi.

4 slices are served, one with the tip of a tentacle intact. I start to give to the boy, he opens his mouth then suddenly grabs my wrist and pushes it away..."Ewwww daddy!" Hmmm. So I get an order of rice, which he eats in copious amounts and without question. I start embedding pieces of octopus inside balls of rice, and he doesn't notice. He has now completed the Overlord's communion.

[Skinypupy]

Took the kids to the farm for a family outing today. There is a display of "How do you milk a cow?", which is a fake plastic cow with a few plastic udders underneath. The kids can pull on the udders and water comes out. The Wonder Twins 3.10 were over playing with it while we waited in line to ride the ponies.

We were up next, so we called them back in line. When I asked what they were doing, Wonder Twin A tells me (at full volume, of course), "We were milking the cow...BY PULLING ON HIS PENIS!!" Wonder Twin B then adds, "But dad, I don't think that cows have squirtums (their word for scrotum)."

Mrs. Skinypupy was mortified, as was the grandma in front of us in line. Everyone else thought it was hilarious.

[Mr. Fed]

The kid in my profile, this week.

The time, it goes by.

[AWS260]

But seriously, congratulations, Fed. He looks remarkably well-put-together for that age!

[GreenGoo]

Did you tell him that male pattern baldness runs in the family? And it's contagious?

[Unagi]

That's amazing, and he looks like a great 'kid'.

In both shots.

[Daveman]

After school I had to pick up a square from home Depot, one of these:



My 8 year old daughter is with me and asks what it is. I explain it's to make sure you have nice straight lines and it's called a square.

Brief pause, then she says, as if speaking to a crazy person, "Dad, I'm pretty sure that's a triangle."

[Zarathud]

My 9 year old daughter after the first week of school: "Mom, all of a sudden the boys stink."

[Jeff V]

My 5 year old had his first day of dance class yesterday. I was fearing a breakdown like he had when he tried soccer earlier this year -- then he just sat in the middle of the field and started screaming. He was not in a good mood when went to the dance class. After watching him follow instructions for the entire 30 minute class, he tells my wife, "mommy, this is my thing."

[LawBeefaroni]

The kid in my profile, this week.

The time, it goes by.

Oh crap, it does fly. Great photo though. Nice work.




I dropped off the boy (26 months) at his first day of pre-school. He ran straight into the room, found a kid and started telling him about his new "indoor shoes" (they make the kids bring a different pair for inside the classroom). I said goodbye to the teacher and left. That was that.

You can tell he's a second kid. I'm pretty sure with the girl the wife and I both went, said goodbye a dozen times, and I even stopped by for lunch.

[LawBeefaroni]

Did you tell him that male pattern baldness runs in the family? And it's contagious?

It's all in your head. I had a ton of thick hair until I saw a photo of my bald birth-maternal-grandfather for the first time in my life. A month later I was balding.