[Gushing Parents] Tell me your cute kid stories

AWS260 · Post by **AWS260** » Tue Sep 03, 2013 5:24 pm

stessier wrote:I think I accidentally water boarded my 4yo daughter. We have a shower head on a wand and I was giving here a bath and washing her hair. She hates water in her face, so I let her hold a face cloth over it while I wash her hair. As long as she looks toward the ceiling, it works great. If she dips her head down, though, she gets soaked.

So I was washing her hair and she was crying and I told her to look up. She looked down, soaked the facecloth, and then tried to inhale. The resulting water caused her to joke and almost vomit. I got her calmed down and finished. The next bath, the exact same thing happens. She was far from pleased.

Now she is terrified of baths. She literally tries to climb the wall to get away. On the one hand, I get it. On the other, she needs to bathe. The last two times there was no water torture, but the terrified crying continues. For the next one, I'm thinking of using a pool mask to help her out. Have to see how that goes.

My son has a similar hatred of getting his hair washed (maybe not quite as bad). We've found that he prefers (dislikes, but can live with it) to have his hair rinsed with a big cup of water, instead of the shower head. It's gentler, and easy to stop if he's fidgety. The only downside is that it probably doesn't rinse as well as the shower, but he spends most of his time stinking in general, so who's going to notice?

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Tue Sep 03, 2013 5:42 pm

We started with the cup method. She actually preferred us going to the shower head so she could be like the big kids who take baths (her sister). I asked if she wanted to go back to the cup, but she's just pretty much done.

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Tue Sep 03, 2013 9:01 pm

We found an awesome way to wash hair for my daughter. She simply leans back as if she's going to float on her back in the water. Hair gets completely wet, she sits up, I put shampoo in, she leans back and floats again and I rinse it. Takes all of two minutes. Of course, for this to work she has to be brave enough to "float" with only her face sticking up out of the water, but my daughter got used to that in the pool over the summer.

For my son (who's too young to understand how to lean his head back) I basically just use the "ask for forgiveness later" method. I just dump the whole thing of water on his head. He screams for a second, I wipe his face off with a washcloth, he gets over it.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Wed Sep 04, 2013 12:12 am

I threaten my youngest daughter that if she doesn't get in the bathtub right away, she's getting the dreaded shower. When she complains about getting soap in her eyes, I keep dumping water on her head "to help." She realizes that I'm tricking her then complains until I talk her into washing off her butt by sticking it up in the air, so I can dump water on it for her. I miss every other attempt, then make a big deal about hitting her rear with water. I'm pretty sure she's going to need therapy someday.

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Fri Sep 13, 2013 9:40 am

I went on a business trip starting last Friday. Originally I was supposed to fly home Monday, but it got extended to Thursday. The kids were missing me so when I found out about the extension, I sent flowers to each kid (and the wife) in their favorite colors. The 4 year old was excited when my wife told her I had sent her a surprise and she ran into the kitchen and said "why did he send me flowers? What do I do with those?"

I'm saving that for the dating years.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 11:38 am

Last night our 7 year old was singing AC/DC in the shower. From the hallway, I could hear, "I'm on the highway to Hell..." over and over again as she apparently doesn't know the rest of the words. I sort of feel that as a parent, I've succeeded.

Boudreaux · Post by **Boudreaux** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 12:38 pm

Our 4-year-old son has had a cold, and he hasn't quite got the hang of blowing his nose yet. My wife was trying to wipe his nose with a Kleenex, and trying to get him to blow it a little. He would do these little puffs, not really doing anything. He was getting frustrated because nothing was happening. Finally she gave up with one last wipe and said "Okay, you're fine for now."

He sniffs, nose still full of crud, and says "NO, MOM! You gotta do me a booger!"

Bakhtosh · Post by **Bakhtosh** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 1:11 pm

Last night, the girls were in the shower, and I've closed the curtain to help them stay warm while I round up washrags & towels. They're playing kitty.
Aubrey-5 says: Hello kitty. You look hungry. I'll get you some food. What do you like to eat?
Amelia-8: Humans like you, meow!

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 1:41 pm

We had dinner the other night with two other families who have kids that are my daughter's age (4). They all burst out into Life is a Highway all of the sudden, which was adorable.

Also - my daughter seems to have a poor view of superheroes. We've read a couple books about Superman, which she found very interesting. Only the other day she was pretending that she was in danger, and she cried out to Superman and Supergirl (who were her dolls). Unfortunately Superman and Supergirl said that they wouldn't help, because they "had to go to the superhero ball."

Priorities, Superman.

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 6:38 am

7 year old brought home an assignment that said "Finish this trompe l'eil box by drawing on the dotted lines. Put something inside your box. Write about why this is a trompe l'oeil. How does it fool your eye?

We talked about it and she told me what she was going to write which sounded right - and then this morning I read what she wrote and this is what it said:

It is like something that is painted. Or a triker. Maybe fireworks. Or a cube. Maybe a nice, nice, nice, very nice box. Or my own favorit mostly favorit peice of paper.

Note, the quote is an exact transcription. We are checking her now for signs of a stroke.

coopasonic · Post by **coopasonic** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 9:38 am

4 year old Z as we are driving on the highway: Daddy, what kind of truck is that?
Daddy: It's a tow truck.
Z: Where's the hook?
D: It's a flat-bed tow truck it doesn't have a hook like Mater's.
Z: Have you ever seen a flat bed tow truck cement truck?
D: Nope, I don't think I have.
Z: It's like a garbage truck.

At one point, he was asking me about the exhaust outlets at the back of our cars in the garage and why mine (G37) was so much bigger than mommy's (Odyssey) and I explained that my car had a bigger engine and was more powerful and whatever. Apparently somehow motor got thrown in the there. For a good year he has referred to exhaust tips as motors, asking why one car has 4 and another has 1 and some are bigger and some are smaller, round, square etc.

Last night I tried to correct that misconception and it was one seriously convoluted conversation, trying to put it in terms a 4 year old could understand. The lesson here, is don't let them think something for a year and then try to correct it. It's too late.

Vorret · Post by **Vorret** » Thu Sep 26, 2013 10:15 am

I can see him go to a dealer to buy his first car and tell the salesman he wants one with 2 motors

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Sat Sep 28, 2013 9:19 am

An example of how we teach our kids to game - Pat Rothfuss on Tabletop

http://youtu.be/mXWSkBp0z8Y?t=1m49s" target="_blank

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Sat Sep 28, 2013 10:04 am

Yesterday the kiddo did a crayon drawing at school. It's a bunch of circles and lines colored over in red with that "sideways crayon rubbing." She's still not at the level where her drawings are intelligible so I asked what it was.

Me: Hey, what's the drawing?
T: It's a map.
Me: Nice! A map of what?
T: People.
Me: A map of people? What are they doing?
T: They're all on fire.
Me (a bit concerned): On fire?
T: Yes. They all looking where to go and they got on fire.
Me: Why are they on fire?
T: Because the firemen put them on fire. Daddy, I'm scared of the firemen, I don't want to be put on fire!
Me: That's not actually what firemen do...

(No, I haven't been reading her Ray Bradbury at bedtime)

A nonny mouse · Post by **A nonny mouse** » Mon Oct 07, 2013 9:09 am

I have tons of cute phrases that come out of nowhere, but this one is very of-the-moment:

Stinkerpants 2.5 (or is it 2.6 because he is 2 1/2?) was watching cnn with the wife this morning and they had a video of the wildcat robot:

Wife: eww, I don't like that robot
stinker: I don't like that
stinker: Have to stop robot before he bite Santa
wife and me:

. . . .

The funny thing is, he was only about 1 1/2 last Christmas, and we have never talked about santa except last December.

Crabbs · Post by **Crabbs** » Mon Oct 07, 2013 10:05 am

We're working on potty training Amelia (about to turn 3). Overall she's doing very well. Hasn't pooped in her diaper in probably 2 months, but peeing is still very hit or miss. We started a potty chart with stickers as a reward for going pee in the toilet. She gets 1 for going if we put her on the potty and 2 for going w/o prompting. Shortly after we started the chart, I was in the bathroom before work and she started banging on the door.

Amelia: "Daddy are you going poopy?"
Me: "Yes."
Amelia: "Can I buy your poop? I need stickers for my chart."
Me:

coopasonic · Post by **coopasonic** » Mon Oct 07, 2013 10:09 am

I hope you gave her 3 stickers for initiative.

Unagi · Post by **Unagi** » Mon Oct 07, 2013 10:59 am

This weekend my bored 6 year old walked into the kitchen and remarked, "I should curse something....."

(he's big into Harry Potter these days)

This morning my 3 year old woke up and said "Daddy, can we catch a bunny this morning?"

RMC · Post by **RMC** » Mon Oct 07, 2013 11:06 am

So this past Friday, my gaming group was over, and I was watching the kids as well until my wife got home.

My youngest(4 year old) came to me after she got her PJ's on, and told everyone in the room, "My Butt hurts, you need to clean it." as she is grabbing my hand.

I ask her to go and get my mother to help her, as she is better at it.

Then my daughter announces to everyone in the room,"Don't worry Daddy, I'll show you how to clean my butt. You just need to clean it, then put cream on it. It hurts, and you need to help me." Looking at me with the biggest eyes in the world. <sigh>

And proceeds to pull on my hand until I follow her and get instructions on how to perform this operation.

My friends are all rolling on the floor laughing and now I have to deal with them asking me if I understand how to clean the different orifices. Sometimes I hate my childless friends.

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Mon Oct 07, 2013 11:12 am

YP: "Daddy, I need a Foo Fighter."
Me: "Ummm what? A Foo Fighter?"
YP: "Yeah, I need a Foo Fighter."
Me: "Like the band?"
YP: "What?"
Me: "You want to listen to Foo Fighters?"
YP: "No I don't want to listen I want one."
Me: "Umm...I don't really understand."
YP: "You know when you have a Foo you can't get out and you use that thing to un-Foo it."
Me: "OHHHHHH A SCREWDRIVER!"

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Thu Nov 07, 2013 12:53 pm

We were at the dentist this morning because my 7 year old needed her molars sealed. After the work was done, the dentist told her to avoid eating sticky foods as they might pull the sealant off the tooth. Everything was fine until we left the office at which point she completely lost her grip on reality, seemingly unable to come to terms with the idea that sticky foods were off the menu...forever.

I explained she could still eat sticky foods, but instead of chewing them she could just suck on them until they melted. At which point, she screams while sobbing, "Sucking on things is not my hobby!"

Me: "......."

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Thu Nov 07, 2013 3:13 pm

Last night the kiddo was playing memory card match on the table with moms. She was also playing for 3 characters from the Magic School Bus (represented by a stuffed animal (Carlos), a fork (Wanda), and a pen (Ralphie)). Every time Carlos took a turn and missed a match, the kiddo, pretending to be Carlos, would say, "Dannit, dannit, dannit!"

Eventually, since mom seemed to be cool with this, I piped up and asked, "What is Carlos saying?"
"He says 'dannit, dannit, dannit.' "
"Is that nice to say? Do you say that in school?"
"Yes. I love 'dannit', it's my favorite word."
"Well, can you say "dangit" maybe?"
"No."
"Honey, some people might...not like dannit."
"No, I love 'dannit', it's my fucking word!"
"......ok...dannit...is fine."

I give up, but I blame Chicago driving.

On the bright side, she recited the first 6 or so pages of The Zax verbatim from memory in the car this morning. We've only been reading it to her a week or so.

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Tue Nov 12, 2013 2:43 pm

So apparently my daughter's a racist. We had to call a plumber this morning because my son (1 year) flushed a pen down the toilet causing it to clog. The plumber was African-American. The kids were watching the plumber work for a bit and my daughter (4 years old) was talking to my son and said, "You could be a plumber when you're older! And you would be better at it because you have a light face!"

We said that's not a nice thing to say and then talked to her a bit more after the plumber left - people have all types of faces, it's not the case that one's better than the others, etc. etc. I mean, I guess she's just learning about faces and ethnicities and all that so it's not like I expect some nuance, but hopefully she'll get up to speed on this stuff sooner rather than later.

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Tue Nov 12, 2013 3:46 pm

El Guapo wrote:The kids were watching the plumber work for a bit and my daughter (4 years old) was talking to my son and said, "You could be a plumber when you're older! And you would be better at it because you have a light face!"

Ghostface Plumbah.

El Guapo wrote: We said that's not a nice thing to say and then talked to her a bit more after the plumber left - people have all types of faces, it's not the case that one's better than the others, etc. etc. I mean, I guess she's just learning about faces and ethnicities and all that so it's not like I expect some nuance, but hopefully she'll get up to speed on this stuff sooner rather than later.

As long as she didn't say, "Come on, Dad, some of my best friends are dark faced...", she's fine. Less-than-perfect for a career in politics, but fine.

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Tue Nov 12, 2013 4:01 pm

Yeah I'm not really worried exactly, just a bit taken aback. I have also been wondering something related - she tends to talk in terms of "people with light faces", "people with dark faces", etc. My first reaction was to correct her and say "we usually say African-American people", etc. But then I thought that in some ways people with light/dark faces seems better, since it's less a definitive category and sounds more like "people who share a given attribute."

Besides, she's a total sweetheart - she has absolutely zero malice in her heart.

Anyway, figuring out how to talk to my daughter about race. Should be fun!

naednek · Post by **naednek** » Tue Nov 12, 2013 4:36 pm

El Guapo wrote:So apparently my daughter's a racist. We had to call a plumber this morning because my son (1 year) flushed a pen down the toilet causing it to clog. The plumber was African-American. The kids were watching the plumber work for a bit and my daughter (4 years old) was talking to my son and said, "You could be a plumber when you're older! And you would be better at it because you have a light face!"

We said that's not a nice thing to say and then talked to her a bit more after the plumber left - people have all types of faces, it's not the case that one's better than the others, etc. etc. I mean, I guess she's just learning about faces and ethnicities and all that so it's not like I expect some nuance, but hopefully she'll get up to speed on this stuff sooner rather than later.

What was the plumber's reaction? Did he/she take it in stride knowing they were just toddlers? That's gotta be awkward.

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Tue Nov 12, 2013 4:42 pm

naednek wrote:
El Guapo wrote:So apparently my daughter's a racist. We had to call a plumber this morning because my son (1 year) flushed a pen down the toilet causing it to clog. The plumber was African-American. The kids were watching the plumber work for a bit and my daughter (4 years old) was talking to my son and said, "You could be a plumber when you're older! And you would be better at it because you have a light face!"

We said that's not a nice thing to say and then talked to her a bit more after the plumber left - people have all types of faces, it's not the case that one's better than the others, etc. etc. I mean, I guess she's just learning about faces and ethnicities and all that so it's not like I expect some nuance, but hopefully she'll get up to speed on this stuff sooner rather than later.

What was the plumber's reaction? Did he/she take it in stride knowing they were just toddlers? That's gotta be awkward.

No reaction. It's entirely possible that he didn't hear her - I wasn't that far away and I didn't hear what my daughter said (I just heard my wife's response that that's not a nice thing to say), and the plumber was working at the time. Earlier the plumber mentioned that he had three kids, so he must have some perspective on the whole thing. And the plumber mentioned on the way out that my daughter was delightful, and it didn't sound sarcastic.

So I think things turned out fine.

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Wed Nov 13, 2013 12:50 am

My dad loves to tell two "toddler racist" stories from when I was younger.

The first was accidental. I apparently liked to say "new car!" every time I saw a shiny car. However it came out sounding more like the "N word." My dad pulled up behind a family of African Americans at the ATM and I shout "NEW CAR! NEW CAR!" One little boy leans out the window and says, "Dad, that little kid just called me a n---a!" My dad just drove the hell out of there.

The second was more blatant. Apparently I was with my dad at the grocery store and the cashier was African American. I exclaim loudly. "EWWWWWW! THAT LADY HAS A UGLY BLACK FACE. I LIKE PEACH FACES!!!" My dad was absolutely mortified.

Luckily my kids have never shown any white supremacist tendencies.

They both go to daycare and their classes have a good mix of races so they've never even brought up the subject.

AWS260 · Post by **AWS260** » Wed Nov 13, 2013 10:03 pm

Sometimes we listen to The Cure in my house.

Thomas: "Dada, what days do you go to work?"
Me: "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday."
Thomas: "Friday I'm in love."

naednek · Post by **naednek** » Thu Nov 14, 2013 11:00 pm

Me: <change the channel to Spike TV to record the PS4 launch special. On tv is wrestlemania with some girl in skimpy clothing appears on screen (to my defense, I don't watch wrestling and didn't know that would have happened>
Erin: What are you watching?
Ethan: Porn.
Me: What?

At least that's what it sounded like.

PLW · Post by **PLW** » Sat Nov 16, 2013 10:34 am

5yo at the Emergency Room last night (she's fine... but didn't enjoy the 13 stitches), "I like going to the hospital, because I get to stay up late."

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Sun Dec 08, 2013 11:22 am

Little B 4.9 was eating her Jello cup this morning and she told me "Dad, did you know there are two types of Jello? The kind you eat and the instrument kind."

Took me a couple minutes before I could piece that one together.

KKBlue · Post by **KKBlue** » Sun Dec 08, 2013 4:55 pm

stessier wrote: ... Now she is terrified of baths.

Know this was a few months back. Go ahead and look up Shampoo Visors on the Amazon OO link*. Might be helpful if there still is an issue.

*Would have linked but can't figure out how to without linking to my personal account.

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Sun Dec 08, 2013 6:27 pm

KKBlue wrote:
stessier wrote: ... Now she is terrified of baths.
Know this was a few months back. Go ahead and look up Shampoo Visors on the Amazon OO link*. Might be helpful if there still is an issue.

*Would have linked but can't figure out how to without linking to my personal account.

Thanks. Good to know even if I'm not sure it would have worked - she didn't like water anywhere near her head at that particular time. She's over it now though. I still have to keep it off her face if possible, but now she just laughs and mock scolds me if I mess up and let a drip go down her face.

Now, if you can find a product that will teach a 7 year old how to wash her hair, I'm all ears.

KKBlue · Post by **KKBlue** » Sun Dec 08, 2013 9:32 pm

stessier wrote: Now, if you can find a product that will teach a 7 year old how to wash her hair, I'm all ears.

I can give a suggestion. How about a suction-cup mirror? I've seen ones to attach to tile as well as the shower stalls mainly for shaving. My thoughts are if she can see herself, perhaps it will be incentive (can picture a 7yr old being all silly) to style the shampoo-ed hair which in turn is a way to wash it.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Sun Dec 08, 2013 9:35 pm

Daughter is currently hysterical - like bananas - because her "boyfriend" is moving away. Who's her boyfriend? Some wolf guy named Lobo in Animal Crossing on her Nintendo DS. For the first time in a long time, I'm at a total loss here.

Octavious · Post by **Octavious** » Sun Dec 08, 2013 9:38 pm

I deleted my daughters city by accident after she had the game for two weeks. It wasn't pretty. I still feel bad about that.

Daveman · Post by **Daveman** » Sun Dec 08, 2013 11:11 pm

Our 11 y/o son has participated in art classes offered by a local university (taught by students working on their teaching degrees) and this Saturday was this sessions art show/display. In-laws came down, we went over as a family to see, etc. At one point, our 3 y/o daughter got bored so I took her for a little walk. There were some students in other classrooms working on various projects and one of them (working in the ceramic/pottery room) invited us in to look around. She was making a bowl and my daughter was thought it was really cool.

Afterward we all went out to lunch and her grandmother (I'm not sure how the conversation came up) asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. "I want to be a bowler!" she said. I understood what she meant right away, but when asked to clarify what she meant she said "You know, those people who make bowls!"

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Mon Dec 09, 2013 12:01 pm

I think my daughter is going to be a lawyer.

Me: "Let's be quiet and go to bed, all the other kids in the world are sleeping."
Daughter: "How do you know that? You can't see into their house."
Me: "Uhhhh....."

(While watching Frozen - there's a scene of some people in a church balcony singing)
Daughter: "Daddy, how did they get up there? There are no doors or stairs to that balcony."
Me: "Uhhhh....."

Me: "We need to go to bed tonight because the elf on the shelf is watching you."
Daughter: "How can he see me when he's downstairs?"
Me: "Well he has really good hearing."
Daughter: "Then he's not watching me, he's listening to me."
Me: "Uhh yeah well if you're talking then he knows you're not going to bed."
Daughter: "Can he see me at school?"
Me: "Yep! He can see you at school."
Daughter: "If he can see me at school why can't he see me from downstairs?"
Me: "Goddammit you're too smart for your own good. Just go to bed!" (Ok, not really, but I was thinking it.)

MindToyGames · Post by **MindToyGames** » Mon Dec 09, 2013 1:26 pm

How old is your daughter? When I was like 9 or 10, I was just like HER! My poor father was ready to strangle me at least a dozen times, i'm sure. I questioned everything, every show I watched, every time he told me something that didn't make sense. He got smart later and just ignored me, or made up some goofy story to shut me up.

YellowKing wrote:I think my daughter is going to be a lawyer.

Me: "Let's be quiet and go to bed, all the other kids in the world are sleeping."
Daughter: "How do you know that? You can't see into their house."
Me: "Uhhhh....."

(While watching Frozen - there's a scene of some people in a church balcony singing)
Daughter: "Daddy, how did they get up there? There are no doors or stairs to that balcony."
Me: "Uhhhh....."

Me: "We need to go to bed tonight because the elf on the shelf is watching you."
Daughter: "How can he see me when he's downstairs?"
Me: "Well he has really good hearing."
Daughter: "Then he's not watching me, he's listening to me."
Me: "Uhh yeah well if you're talking then he knows you're not going to bed."
Daughter: "Can he see me at school?"
Me: "Yep! He can see you at school."
Daughter: "If he can see me at school why can't he see me from downstairs?"
Me: "Goddammit you're too smart for your own good. Just go to bed!" (Ok, not really, but I was thinking it.)