Octopus Overlords

MindToyGames wrote:How old is your daughter? When I was like 9 or 10, I was just like HER! My poor father was ready to strangle me at least a dozen times, i'm sure. I questioned everything, every show I watched, every time he told me something that didn't make sense. He got smart later and just ignored me, or made up some goofy story to shut me up.

Just like Calvin's dad.

YellowKing wrote:I think my daughter is going to be a lawyer.

Me: "Let's be quiet and go to bed, all the other kids in the world are sleeping."
Daughter: "How do you know that? You can't see into their house."
Me: "Uhhhh....."

(While watching Frozen - there's a scene of some people in a church balcony singing)
Daughter: "Daddy, how did they get up there? There are no doors or stairs to that balcony."
Me: "Uhhhh....."

Me: "We need to go to bed tonight because the elf on the shelf is watching you."
Daughter: "How can he see me when he's downstairs?"
Me: "Well he has really good hearing."
Daughter: "Then he's not watching me, he's listening to me."
Me: "Uhh yeah well if you're talking then he knows you're not going to bed."
Daughter: "Can he see me at school?"
Me: "Yep! He can see you at school."
Daughter: "If he can see me at school why can't he see me from downstairs?"
Me: "Goddammit you're too smart for your own good. Just go to bed!" (Ok, not really, but I was thinking it.)

You have to bring your A game with your daughter, YK. I mean, talking about his hearing right after saying that he's watching her is just sloppy. You can't bring your weak ass shit up into your daughter's house. I mean, into her bedroom.

telcta: Hello (working from home today)
KKBlue: Hi (has a free day today, so is home too)
...
K: How are you doing?
t: Fine.
K: ? What are you doing?
t: I'm being a robot.
K: How's that working for you?
t: Not well, I still have feelings.
K: I'm posting on OO under cute kid stories

KKBlue wrote:

stessier wrote: ... Now she is terrified of baths.

Know this was a few months back. Go ahead and look up Shampoo Visors on the Amazon OO link*. Might be helpful if there still is an issue.

*Would have linked but can't figure out how to without linking to my personal account.

you log out

Of course it's that easy!
You, sir, get the hero award for the day!

It is amazing to me what young kids actually understand and comprehend, as opposed to just mimicking. Although sometimes the mimicking is great.

The kid (stinkerpants) is about 2.5 and has a pretty good vocabulary already.

I was talking to my sister on the phone (in speaker mode)and we were discussing some issues with my brother, she mentioned something and I replied:

Me: "tough F**king S**t
Kid: as loud as me "tough F**king S**t!"
Up to that point he had not said a word to my sister.

I thought my sister was going to die from laughing. He never repeated it again after that.

What is funny is he doesn't always repeat what we say, and he never (yet, fortunately) says the bad words in public or at inopportune times.

Normally he is all smiles and laughs all the time. Yesterday he did his fake crying because we wouldn't give in and give him a cookie or something.
Wife: "oh stinkerpants, you are such a bulls**tter. (which, I agree, is the wrong thing to say to a kid)
He starts stomping around the house in a circle (from living room through family room) with a serious look on his face. My wife and I are sitting next to each other on the couch.
Me: "What's the matter?"
Kid: "I mad"
Me: "what are you mad about?"
kid: "I mad at you, mommy"
Me: "why are you mad at mommy?"
kid: "I mad at your bulls**t, mommy"
Wife and I:


I can just imagine the entertainment value is going to keep going up. Well, until the teen years.

A nonny mouse wrote: Me: "tough F**king S**t
Kid: as loud as me "tough F**king S**t!"

Yeah, that's going come bite you in the ass at the most inopportune time. My daughter overheard me swear at one of our cats ("MotherF***king Cats) when she was about 2.5. She never repeated it until shortly after her third birthday. One of the cats knocked one of her toys on the floor and out pops " Motehrf***king cat!" ... nice

We've managed to avoid curse words around our kids so far (I think). But the other day our son (1 YO) was messing around with my daughter's (4 YO) toys, and eventually she just yelled, "JESUS!"

I was like, ehhh we could do worse.

A nonny mouse wrote: kid: "I mad at your bulls**t, mommy"

The only two people that tell you the truth -- drunks and kids.

My curses run along the lines of darn and drat. My wife is a little more hard core. It has made telling which parent has been more influence quite easy.

I get corrected when I...um...raise my voice while driving.
"Daddy, no yelling. It's not nice. You have to say, "I don't like that, get out of my way!" "

At least she has the primary theme down.

This weekend my family was together and my 4 YO daughter was ordering my family around, basically instructing them on how to act out plays that she was making up. She started 'directing' a play based around the Little Mermaid, and asked if anyone wanted to be King Triton. My brother (who is 37) volunteered to be King Triton. My daughter looked at him and said, "No, I don't want anyone with wrinkles on their face."

Everyone was shocked and then burst out laughing. My daughter was surprised by the reaction and started saying, "Just joking! I was just joking!" I'm not sure if I'd be more surprised if she were joking than if she weren't.

Tonight my wife mentioned that she always ended up holding a bunch of stuffed animals when we went out shopping. I was holding my son, and I said, "I've got the best stuffed animal right here, my little baby bear!"

My daughter looks at me and says, "Daddy, you're funny. He's not stuffed with fur. He's stuffed with BONES!"

LawBeefaroni wrote:I get corrected when I...um...raise my voice while driving.
"Daddy, no yelling. It's not nice. You have to say, "I don't like that, get out of my way!" "

At least she has the primary theme down.

My daughter when she was like 4. "Mommy, daddy runs yellow lights!" Tattletale...

Octavious wrote:Tattletale...

LOL, my 6 year old daughter Fish runs up the stairs from the basement computer room yelling: "Dad is playing a game that's INAPPROPRIATE!"

Most of the time, it's something like Minecraft. Except for yesterday, she was watching me play Super Meat Boy and drawing pictures of Bandage Girl -- until we got to a chapter change and the picture showed that the little blips running across the screen were actually squirrels.

It all comes from the time I tried to show her Spore and forgot to turn off the setting "import creatures from friends." While there were no walking penis people, we all of a sudden ran across the warmongering hungry min/mix critters of doom. My little Yo Gabba Gabba people had their asses handed to them. My wife pointed out that having her cartoon friends fight back was disturbing. Foufa and Muno weren't supposed to fight back.

Octavious wrote:

LawBeefaroni wrote:I get corrected when I...um...raise my voice while driving.
"Daddy, no yelling. It's not nice. You have to say, "I don't like that, get out of my way!" "

At least she has the primary theme down.

My daughter when she was like 4. "Mommy, daddy runs yellow lights!" Tattletale...

I cruised through a yellow light the other day. From the back of the minivan, I hear Little B 4.9 say "Dad, the yellow light means you're supposed to slow down."

Our car is in the shop so we took public transit yesterday to work/preschool. Going home I hate getting crammed in the cattlecar at rush hour so we stopped off for dinner and took our time heading back. Had an awesome time at dinner, ran into some co-workers and she slayed them with teh cute.

2 quotes come to mind from dinner:
1. That Alanis Morrissette song came on, Irony or Ironic or whatever. As she was bobbing her head to the music (the horror!), I asked Tiks who the voice sounded like, thinking she'd say one of her favorite cartoon characters. Instead, she said, "I think...it's like mommy's voice!" Had to text that to the wife right away. She was pissed.

2. Grabbing a stray mac-and-cheese noodle off her plate and popping it into her mouth, she said, "I need this to cheer up my body!"


Waiting for the train, she enjoyed the busker, bopping along as he played. People were eating it up, I'm pretty sure she made him $10 or so in the 5 minutes we were there. I gave her a dollar to give him and as she dropped it in his case he said, "Thank you, little lady!" The whole way home she told anyone who would listen that "the man with the guitar called me a little lady!"



The car repair bill doesn't sting as much anymore.

Skinypupy wrote:

Octavious wrote:

LawBeefaroni wrote:I get corrected when I...um...raise my voice while driving.
"Daddy, no yelling. It's not nice. You have to say, "I don't like that, get out of my way!" "

At least she has the primary theme down.

My daughter when she was like 4. "Mommy, daddy runs yellow lights!" Tattletale...

I cruised through a yellow light the other day. From the back of the minivan, I hear Little B 4.9 say "Dad, the yellow light means you're supposed to slow down."

Had to!

My 7.6 year old got to choose the restaurant we went to over the weekend and said she really wanted to go to Olive Garden. So we got there, she ordered the spaghetti and one big meatball. While we were waiting, she unwrapped her silverware and said "Hey, this isn't a fork, it's a trident!" Thanks mini-Sheldon.

When the meal finally came, she took one bite and said "Oh yeah, I don't like this."

The same kid brought home all of last week's assignments yesterday as per usual. One of them was a booklet where she had to read a story, answer questions about it including some that relate the story back to her life. Below is the result:

Q - Have you ever played a trick on someone? What happened? Did it work?

A - Yes, I played a trick on my mom. She didn't find it funny and sent me to my room. No, it didn't work.

I was reading a book about mummies to my daughter (Magic Treehouse) and that brought up death. Not the kind of deep philosophical topic you really want to be discussing with your four year old before bed.

YP: "Daddy, when you die and you're with God, does he make you go to bed at night?"

Me: "Ummm. I don't think you ever have to go to bed because there is no night."

YP: "Then I don't want to go to Heaven because then I'll be tired all the time from staying up."

Me: "Yeah you really don't need to worry about this stuff at your age."

YP: "And Daddy, how do you get to Heaven?"

Me: "I don't know, I don't think anybody really knows the answer to that."

YP: "Because God lives inside your tummy and how do you get inside your own tummy?"

Me: "I don't think- what- God lives in your tummy? Who told you that?"

YP: "Mommy said God lives inside all of us."

Me: "I think she just meant that metaphorica- you know what, let's see who can go to sleep the fastest!!!"

Yeah, my 4.5 YO daughter has been asking about death periodically, which is always a fun topic. For about the first week that she was asking she was completely freaked out about it, now it's just periodic doozy questions. A few months ago we were driving home from a playdate when suddenly she asked, "Does God die?"

Well, good evening to you too. "Well, honey, that's a pretty big questions, and it's one of life's mysteries, but most people who believe in God don't think that he dies."

Nailed it.

We just started getting a bunch of death stuff too. The other day she said, "Daddy, I wish you were alive." For a moment I thought I was in The Sixth Sense or Love Vigilantes. It was scary.

Occasional death references from my almost-4-year-old too. He's no longer asking about death, he's just referencing it in casual conversation. Frequently.

[Playing with a toy rocket] "And then the rocket exploded! And the astronaut died."

[Talking about an imaginary family] "But they're not here anymore. They died."

Yeah, "I'm glad grandma got me a front yard for my dollhouse. I need a yard. That's where they put the dead ones, under the yard."

The kids came over and all our butter last night.
Isn't that cute?

That's gonna be some weird tasting butter

dbt1949 wrote:The kids came over and all our butter last night.
Isn't that cute?

Just hoping you forgot to type 'ate' or 'used', and it's not that you accidentally typed 'and'.

Unagi wrote:

dbt1949 wrote:The kids came over and all our butter last night.
Isn't that cute?

Just hoping you forgot to type 'ate' or 'used', and it's not that you accidentally typed 'and'.

Minds out of the gutter, please.

"And" looks right, I just think he forgot to type "f*cked" after it.

LawBeefaroni wrote:

Unagi wrote:

dbt1949 wrote:The kids came over and all our butter last night.
Isn't that cute?

Just hoping you forgot to type 'ate' or 'used', and it's not that you accidentally typed 'and'.

Minds out of the gutter, please.

"And" looks right, I just think he forgot to type "f*cked" after it.

When you're out of lube butter is the next best thing

Vorret wrote:

LawBeefaroni wrote:

Unagi wrote:

dbt1949 wrote:The kids came over and all our butter last night.
Isn't that cute?

Just hoping you forgot to type 'ate' or 'used', and it's not that you accidentally typed 'and'.

Minds out of the gutter, please.

"And" looks right, I just think he forgot to type "f*cked" after it.

When you're out of lube butter is the next best thing

or shampoo

My six year old just started playing "Godus" (a god-game) on the PC...

He was playing and started to say something and cut himself off and chuckled and then said to me: "You know, I can't say 'Oh my god!' in this game because, that's ME!'

You know, she did comment about they're having sex that day.

This thread has taken an awful turn. Please take all further related comments to the "man masturbating with cheese" thread.

So I run into this video randomly this morning:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hb9PbtfRC_Q" target="_blank

My middle son, age 7, was messing around with something at the other end of the room. He asks me what kind of music it is. I tell him, "it;s called Ragtime. It was popular about a hundred years ago." He says, "is there anything we can do to make it popular again?"

An assignment my 7.7 year old daughter brought home - recreated here for your pleasure:

1. Think of a story idea. Write the name of one of the characters. Draw a picture of him or her.

Character: My Mom

2. Write words that show how the character looks.

She looks like she has brown hair but it's red. She also had blue eyes. (Ed. My wife is a redhead whose hair is slowly blonding over time.)

3. Write words that show how the character acts.

Sometimes she is mean but mostly very very nice.

4. Write sentences that show what the character is like.

She is like me but different because of her red hair, her side with the boobs, and her favorite color.

Since I'm stuck here at work for the storm I tried Facetiming my family for the first time. My 2 year old was utterly puzzled by being able to see me in the phone. So just playing around I said, "Help! I'm trapped in the phone!"

He gets this look of terror on his face and starts shouting, "DADDY, OUT! DADDY, OUT!" It took my wife several minutes to get him calmed down.

I'm sure you'll pay for that one later.