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Inequality on treatment of forum members.

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stimpy
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Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by stimpy »

It's bullshit that if I post in the Juneteenth thread again I'll get banned and if anyone else posts again their post just gets deleted.
Every post I made was a reply to what others posted first. Ban them for baiting me. That is clearly against forum policy.
Why do I have to be the bigger man and not respond to their posts? I have a right to express, defend and clarify my position.

This is an ongoing theme with certain members, including mods.
Every post I make in R&P gets jumped on.
Certain members just cant help but spout their thoughts on what my intentions were.
And I cant counter?
Fuck that.

No forum member should be held to a different standard than another.

If you guys feel I dont contribute anything productive to this forum, dont threaten me with bullshit punishments.
Just fucking ban me and live with your unchallenged, Stepford wife mentalities.

I'm going to post how and when I want to within the forum rules.
I did nothing that other members didnt do and will not be held to a different set of rules.

And my comment about making the holiday all about me was a fucking joke.
But you guys sure do love to make any thread I post in in R&P all about me, so why not?
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by hitbyambulance »

fwiw i do think hepcat seemed to completely misunderstand your comment. i think i got your meaning, even if i personally thought the wording seemed 'off'. (going into the weeds here: it came off as too 'BUT ALLL LIVES MATTER!' to me, which is, i think, a separate thread of discussion. anyways, i could see how someone could jump on the tone, but not the actual content of what you said.)
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by stimpy »

hitbyambulance wrote: Fri Jun 18, 2021 3:01 pm fwiw i do think hepcat seemed to completely misunderstand your comment. i think i got your meaning, even if i personally thought the wording seemed 'off'. (going into the weeds here: it came off as too 'BUT ALLL LIVES MATTER!' to me, which is, i think, a separate thread of discussion. anyways, i could see how someone could jump on the tone, but not the actual content of what you said.)
I in no way meant to infer the "All Lives Matter" mantra here.
I guess I can see how it may be construed as such, but I would have been glad to clarify had the question been posed as it was here.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by LordMortis »

It's not my place to cast stones... So I'ma cast stones... :oops: I do think ILB stepping in was appropriate but I think singling you out did feel unequal. If I had the conch, I'da threatened all of us with the vacation, not just you. But ILB is both ILB and human, so I don't hold it against him. He's been mostly hands off and mostly level headed in his hands off approach, especially when not being hands off, and I've always valued that.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by ImLawBoy »

That was the way I could get it to stop. You knew what was going on in that thread, so a threat of a forum vacation seemed reasonable. Others may have been responding before they got to the warning, so I was just going to delete their posts so that it wasn't open season on you with people being able to post their thoughts without you getting a chance to respond. Seemed like a reasonable approach to me at the time, and I don't regret it. You had the opportunity to respond to every post about you prior to the final warning, and no one would be able to continue posting about you after it.

You posit that everyone should be treated equally, but that's neither realistic nor the best policy. We all come into each of our posts on the forum with the baggage of what we've posted previously. You've carefully cultivated your R&P persona, and people (including mods) are going to react accordingly. As you noted (correctly, I think), if you had posted what dbt posted, you would have been jumped on for it while dbt was largely given a pass, even if people disagreed with him. That's not a bug in the forum, though. You, through how you have chosen to post, have earned the reputation as a bit of a rabble rouser - you want to get a rise out of those who you feel are too "woke" or where you see left-leaning hypocrisy. It's almost a crusade with you. When you poke people in this manner, you end up with the responses you typically get. When that causes too much trouble on the forum (could be a number of things, but to name a couple of examples: personal attacks (not in this case, but just an example) or detracting from a legitimate conversation that others want to have (this case)), we need to take some kind of action to stop it. Typically asking people to stop works pretty well. In this case it did not.

To contrast how you get treated vs. others, let's look at dbt. I think it's safe to say that dbt does not have the same reputation as you do. He tends to engage in good faith and not with the intention of getting a rise out of those who disagree with him. He may not agree with everyone else when the discussion is done, but I don't think anyone comes away with the impression that dbt was intentionally antagonizing them. That's why you don't get the same type of response as dbt. Is that fair? I think so. Again, we have responsibility for our prior posting habits and patterns.

Now, you and hepcat were going at it pretty good there for a while - it usually takes more than one person to disrupt a thread/discussion. Why didn't I call him separately in the warning, then, like I did with you? It's simply because he listened the first time I asked you guys to stop. Had he continued the posting even after both Zaxxon and I had asked people to stop, he likely would have received a similar warning.

Finally, an apology. I shouldn't have used the "it's all about me" line. I was in a mood and I was rushing to post so I could take the kids to the dentist, but it was ultimately out of line and I shouldn't have posted it there. That was splashing more gas on the fire and was unnecessary.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by stimpy »

For members that seems to pride themselves on always talking about learning and growing whenever it fits the narrative, the constant inability to not be able to let go of whatever the issues are with my previous posts and treat each new post on it's own merit, as it should be, reeks of hypocrisy.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by stimpy »

And the fact that I've basically been left to fend for myself, despite the obvious and ongoing pattern of certain members, including mods, to follow me around and interject their unsolicited thoughts on my posts over and over again, leads to ME getting threatened for defending myself, is laughable.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Zarathud »

You fend for yourself because you take angry, unreasonable positions. No one owes defending you. You are constantly angry with every post, blaming Biden and the Democrats with poor logic and little fact. You self-immolate and go ballistic when challenged or called out for bad argument/behavior. In the original thread, and here.

Hepcat can be an asshole from time to time (as can I), but he's got enough personality to be funny, defuse his shit and calm down. Star Trek is his obsession, to the point I tease him about being biased against Star Wars. He can get over himself, and back off disagreement on his core beliefs. You can't, stimpy.

Actions have consequences. That's not "woke" or "unfair.'" ImLawBoy is right in calling it reputation.

That's not hypocrisy or me picking on you. I argue hard against you in R&P because I've consistently and seriously disagreed with what you've been saying for over decades now. To the point that LordMortis joked about being me a reliably liberal Democrat when we last met -- although I started out a college Republican but saw the cancer inside early.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by LordMortis »

a reliably liberal Democrat
Somehow I don't think I was that polite.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Zarathud »

Heh. I think you probably used a cariacature for effect. But I could take it. And, dammit, we were having fun playing games at an Octocon.

I used to argue against Mr. Fed's libertarian dogma, having lived through enough discussions with local University of Chicago philosophy students to have become a communitarian before a Democrat.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by stimpy »

The funny thing is is that I am NEVER initially responding to anything hepcat, or IMLB or Zarathud posts.
There is a reason for that.

Yet they always feel the need to jump into my responses to other people.

In this case, I was responding to Blackhawk and Madmarcus.
Why hepcat felt the need to inject his attempt at a dig or insult or whatever is on him.
The fact that I then respond to his responses somehow makes me the asshole just goes to show the tunnel vision some of you have.
You think that hepcats posts and others like it are witty and warranted because.......who knows.
And I dont agree at all that any of you know when to back down. You all keep coming at me, yet somehow I'm not supposed to respond.
Not. Gonna. Happen.

When you guys decide to either stop following me around like little lap dogs and insert your worldy wisdom on what you think you read into my posts, or start letting my posts stand on their own for what they are at the time I write them without dragging your butthurt feelings from something I may have previously posted that offended your delicate sensibilities, that's when this bullshit will end.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by stimpy »

ImLawBoy wrote: Fri Jun 18, 2021 5:15 pm
Had he continued the posting even after both Zaxxon and I had asked people to stop, he likely would have received a similar warning.
If this is the case, why didnt Alefroth and Unagi get threatened when they posted after you and Zaxxon asked people to stop?
It wasnt like I continued to post anything about hepcat or his previous posts.
I was responding to the people who disregarded your call to stop.
Why would I not be allowed to do that?
Last edited by stimpy on Fri Jun 18, 2021 8:26 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Zaxxon »

Those are two of the potential outcomes, yes.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Blackhawk »

I'm going to try and be neutral here and just comment on what I've seen.

I'd love to hear some contrary viewpoints, but that isn't all you do. When you question other peoples' positions or state your own, you do so in way that comes across as confrontational and hostile. You may or may not be making valid points, but we never know because your message gets lost in your tone. If you come in with a chip on your shoulder, you're always going to find at least one person that will be willing to try and knock it off, and once voices are raised, that's it. The conversation is done, and the arguing ensues.

FWIW, I do think that some arguments that get used against you are inaccurate. But again, your tone makes you easy to misunderstand, and makes it harder to give you the benefit of the doubt.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by stimpy »

Blackhawk wrote: Fri Jun 18, 2021 8:26 pm But again, your tone makes you easy to misunderstand, and makes it harder to give you the benefit of the doubt.
This is something that has been pointed out by multiple people and believe it or not it's something I am trying to be conscious of when I post.
Always successfully? Obviously not. But it makes it that much harder when even my sincere attempts are ignored based on previous perceptions.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Blackhawk »

stimpy wrote: Fri Jun 18, 2021 8:38 pm
Blackhawk wrote: Fri Jun 18, 2021 8:26 pm But again, your tone makes you easy to misunderstand, and makes it harder to give you the benefit of the doubt.
This is something that has been pointed out by multiple people and believe it or not it's something I am trying to be conscious of when I post.
Always successfully? Obviously not. But it makes it that much harder when even my sincere attempts are ignored based on previous perceptions.
I can understand why that's frustrating. But opinions of people don't change based on a few conversations. You've built up a reputation over a period of years that your posts are going to be hostile. It will take a long string of sincere attempts for people to accept that it's a new normal.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Zarathud »

stimpy wrote:The funny thing is is that I am NEVER initially responding to anything hepcat, or IMLB or Zarathud posts.
There is a reason for that.

Yet they always feel the need to jump into my responses to other people.
That’s the difference between a PM and a public post.
stimpy wrote:And I dont agree at all that any of you know when to back down. You all keep coming at me, yet somehow I'm not supposed to respond.
I generally want someone to respond to me. Respond better. The Socratic method of testing ideas involves arguments and taking positions, then rationally arguing the points.
stimpy wrote:either stop following me around like little lap dogs and insert your worldy wisdom on what you think you read into my posts, or start letting my posts stand on their own for what they are at the time I write them without dragging your butthurt feelings from something I may have previously posted that offended your delicate sensibilities, that's when this bullshit will end.
This would be a two-way street.

But it’s not about you generally. If you post bullshit on the internet, someone will call you out on it. Or beat the dead horse.

:)
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Alefroth »

stimpy wrote: Fri Jun 18, 2021 8:23 pm If this is the case, why didnt Alefroth and Unagi get threatened when they posted after you and Zaxxon asked people to stop?
I stopped responding once I saw the first warning.

You always claim persecution, but you nearly always instigate it with thinly-veiled aspersions that you think have enough plausible deniability to let you play the victim.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by stimpy »

Alefroth wrote: Sat Jun 19, 2021 3:19 am
stimpy wrote: Fri Jun 18, 2021 8:23 pm If this is the case, why didnt Alefroth and Unagi get threatened when they posted after you and Zaxxon asked people to stop?
I stopped responding once I saw the first warning.
Which, of course you saw AFTER you posted, even though it was only a few posts old. Just what I figured.
None of you guys probably even bother to read previous posts to get a handle on what is being discussed before feeling compelled to add your worthless 2 cents because you're in such a rush to add your witty contribution.

Maybe try looking at what was previously posted before chiming in.

I mean, wtf does posting "You aren't as opaque as you think you are." add to the thread other than to try and taunt me?
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by hitbyambulance »

stimpy wrote: Sat Jun 19, 2021 2:03 pm
Maybe try looking at what was previously posted before chiming in.
always something i wish people would keep in mind. so often (and not just here) someone posts a question, and someone else, in their rush to post their brilliant solution (or Witty Reply), will just click on the thread and reply immediately with it, nvm that someone yet else posted the exact same solution (or Witty Reply) a few posts up. it's like they don't comprehend - or don't care - that someone else could have thought of the same thing.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Z-Corn »

hitbyambulance wrote: Sat Jun 19, 2021 2:38 pm
stimpy wrote: Sat Jun 19, 2021 2:03 pm
Maybe try looking at what was previously posted before chiming in.
always something i wish people would keep in mind. so often (and not just here) someone posts a question, and someone else, in their rush to post their brilliant solution (or Witty Reply), will just click on the thread and reply immediately with it, nvm that someone yet else posted the exact same solution (or Witty Reply) a few posts up. it's like they don't comprehend - or don't care - that someone else could have thought of the same thing.
This bugs the shit outta me. There are several people who frequently do this, sometimes chiming in on a subject that is days old and well resolved.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Smoove_B »

Z-Corn wrote: Sat Jun 19, 2021 2:53 pm This bugs the shit outta me. There are several people who frequently do this, sometimes chiming in on a subject that is days old and well resolved.
Since it applies to this comment and the topic in this thread overall, here's what I call the Dalton Principle:

Initially assume best intentions. Escalate when necessary. Always bring receipts.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Blackhawk »

hitbyambulance wrote: Sat Jun 19, 2021 2:38 pm
stimpy wrote: Sat Jun 19, 2021 2:03 pm
Maybe try looking at what was previously posted before chiming in.
always something i wish people would keep in mind. so often (and not just here) someone posts a question, and someone else, in their rush to post their brilliant solution (or Witty Reply), will just click on the thread and reply immediately with it, nvm that someone yet else posted the exact same solution (or Witty Reply) a few posts up. it's like they don't comprehend - or don't care - that someone else could have thought of the same thing.
More often they skim the first half of the question, get so excited that they know the answer that they skip the rest, then spout an answer that doesn't fit the question at all, or was addressed by the author in the second part of the question.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by hepcat »

Zarathud wrote: Fri Jun 18, 2021 7:13 pm Star Trek is his obsession, to the point I tease him about being biased against Star Wars.
Star Wars is the Mark Wahlberg of Science Fiction. Star Trek is the Sir Lawrence Olivier.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by TheMix »

Moving response from other thread:
stimpy wrote: Mon Jun 21, 2021 6:29 pm
TheMix wrote: Mon Jun 21, 2021 6:24 pm Of course, you don't have to change. You can continue to be the victim. When you are "misunderstood", it will be our fault. I had just thought that the point of your comments recently were that you wanted things to change.
See this is the rub.
When I do post something that is intended to just add a contribution to the discussion here, inevitably it's met with jabs or angst or unwarranted commentary.

Change can only happen if it's allowed to happen.
I really dont think that is the case here.
I have a reputation, whether I feel it's right or not, and certain members hang onto it and wont let it go.
Thus......the circle continues.
Is it the content of your posts that is being attacked? Or is it the way that it's presented? I tend to mostly skim threads. So I don't pick up on a lot of things.

.... and I can't figure out what I'm trying to say. Which is probably why I don't post a lot. :?

If you are posting content that people don't agree with, then I would expect the content to be "attacked". See the recent discussion around the possible origin of COVID-19. But that shouldn't be personal (even if it may feel that way at times). However, if that's been happening to you, then I think it's gotten quickly lost in the rest of the noise. I can tell you that I generally try to avoid your posts because it's the way they are presented that is off-putting. Like I mentioned previously, for a long time I assumed you were trying to be funny and falling flat. Eventually, however, I had to accept that you knew you weren't funny (since no one was receiving your posts as humor); and that you were intentionally trying to get the reactions you were getting (i.e. you were trolling).

There are a lot of people here that seem willing to discuss literally any topic for pages... and pages... and pages... :D

But I don't think that they are willing to be trolled.

So... Honestly, I don't know how to change things. If, indeed, you are trying for humor much of the time, and you really aren't trying to cause offense, then I think that there is a disconnect that is going to be hard to get past. Clearly when you re-read what you've written before hitting the post button, you don't see an issue. But when people respond, I assume, it feels like they responding to a completely different post? Some of that, as noted elsewhere, is a posting-history that you'll have to overcome. But some may simply be in the way that you "speak". In person there would be body language to help. But here there are just the words.

It may seem stupid and/or silly, but I think the best thing you could do is start adding a "disclaimer" at the end. Something like "hey, this is just a joke; I am in no way suggesting that hepcat wears clown shoes to bed". Will some people still bridle a bit? Probably. But eventually they might start actually accepting things you write without including extra baggage. They may also start pointing out the things in your text that don't jib with your disclaimer. But it will be a discussion (hopefully) instead of the current situation.

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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by stimpy »

So I was asked today by TheMIx if I thought I was funny.

I do. But I do accept that my sense of humor is often misinterpreted, not just here but also IRL.
My wife fucking hates me at times because she doesnt get some of the jokes and comments I make. I have to remind her constantly that one of the first things I said to her on our very first date was "I'm gonna say stupid shit. It's what I do. But it will never be with bad intent".
My friends know I can push things right up to the edge before I pull back. My lifelong friend is the constant butt of my jokes and it pisses him off to the point of almost coming to blows.

But the thing is....they know me. They know my heart. They know my intentions are always, always good no matter what I might say.
They know I would be there for them thru thick and thin. Which is why they've been there for me in the same way.
Does my self described wit always serve me well? No way. Do all my "jokes" land. No way. But when they do, that's what makes my friends and family know why I am pretty much always trying to be "humorous". I think I have a sharp mind and a quick wit and it makes it hard to know where the line is, so I try to self censor as much as possible, but sometimes ya just gotta let the thoughts fly.

One of my daughters is the splitting image of me. She has my looks (poor kid) and my personality.
She says things sometimes that make me cringe. I think...."where did she learn that?"........oops....
But she is a great human and has the biggest heart of anyone I know.

I know that I'm despised in R&P.
I kinda think not so much for what I post but how I post it, if that makes sense.

I read something, something pops in my head that I think is on hepcat levels of hilarity and I post it only to find out that it is perceived as so much tripe. I guess I get defensive after that.

Anyway....... I dont expect anyone here to get me and accept the way those in my life do.
I'm okay with that. I'll continue to try and be better and if I fail sometimes I'll try and not take it personally.

Love,
stimpy
Last edited by stimpy on Mon Jun 21, 2021 7:10 pm, edited 6 times in total.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by hepcat »

Just to be clear

1. I do not wear clown shoes...either as a bed time garment or otherwise.

2. Star Trek is demonstrably better than Star Wars.

3. I'm neither witty or funny. I'm occasionally accidentally entertaining in the same way a Dachsund stuck under a couch can be.

4. Mark Wahlberg really is just a shitty, shitty actor.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by TheMix »

hepcat wrote: Mon Jun 21, 2021 7:00 pm Just to be clear

1. I do not wear clown shoes...either as a bed time garment or otherwise.

2. Star Trek is demonstrably better than Star Wars.

3. I'm neither witty or funny. I'm occasionally accidentally entertaining in the same way a Dachsund stuck under a couch can be.

4. Mark Wahlberg really is just a shitty, shitty actor.
1. We'll take your word on that.
2. Well... duh. :D
3. Disagree. I often find you both witty and funny. Though I also agree that a Dachshund stuck under a couch would be funny. Though I'd probably feel bad for laughing.
4. Agreed.

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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Smoove_B »

stimpy wrote: Mon Jun 21, 2021 6:52 pm I kinda think not so much for what I post but how I post it, if that makes sense.
The hardest thing I learned when becoming active in online (internet) communities back in (checks calendar) 1999 was that my in-person sense of humor and tone doesn't always translate to the written format. Granted, I'm not the same person I was 22+ years ago either, but I am hyper-aware of what I'm writing elsewhere and making sure it's tone neutral and pretty much milquetoast in application - because I know people can read something and fly off the handle in random online (particular social media) communities.

I do feel comfortable joking around a bit here, but that's after decades of being a "known" character. Even then, there are times when I've written and rewritten or just deleted a post or an element because I'm thinking it's possible it might be inflammatory or caustic. Hell, even in my work/professional written messages I need to read, re-read and read again to try and make sure I'm not baking passive-aggressive phrases into what I've written.

Regardless, I maintain that Anonymous Bosch secretly lives in NJ and loves every goddamn minute of it.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by TheMix »

I kinda think not so much for what I post but how I post it, if that makes sense.
It does. And is absolutely what I was trying to say. At least, I think that for me it's more the way than the what. Or, rather, that while I may disagree with the what, it's the way that sets me off.
My friends know I can push things right up to the edge before I pull back. My lifelong friend is the constant butt of my jokes and it pisses him off to the point of almost coming to blows.
This is one of the things that I've run into in the past that I simply don't get. You are definitely not alone. I've known other people that do the same thing. And, as you noted, while you can (usually) get away with it with people you know well, it's rarely going to go over well with people that don't know you well. And maybe that's part of the issue with OO. We've all been members here for so long that we forget that we really don't know each other all that well.

Here's my advice... since you know where the edge is (from your own admission), the next time you find yourself pushing the edge, stop. And I don't mean just stop at the edge. I mean stop and pull all the way back. You need to think, if I was at a party in a big room of 30 people that I didn't know, would I say this? Obviously there are still times that you can be funny, even if we don't get it. But I'd suggest keeping those times to less "charged" threads, like the Randomness ones.

But if you've got something "really funny" for R&P that you still want to roll with, you might think about adding that disclaimer to let us know that it would have kept you up at night if you didn't try the humor out on us, but that we should take it as the humor it is intended to be.

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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Isgrimnur »

Also, you tend not to respond well to criticism. Any criticism, constructive or not.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Unagi »

stimpy wrote: Mon Jun 21, 2021 6:13 pm A light hearted jab at my fellow forumers.
I'll try to be more cognizant that skins are becoming thinner and thinner round here......
Not at all.

Just don’t wonder while mostly equivalent statement made by you and dbt should be compared equivalently.

Also, to your comment. Honestly I think you should give this echo chamber a little credit for being (as far as their liberal leaning ness) pretty self aware of the democratic party’s clown shoes, and he seems your point is baseless.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Exodor »

We seem to have this pattern happen every few years. Someone appears on the forum, says obnoxious things then acts the victim when called out on it. Usually they either wander away or get banned when their histrionics go too far.

It's tiresome and I've mostly stopped posting in R&P because every thread eventually devolves in The Stimpy Show.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Sudy »

TheMix wrote: Mon Jun 21, 2021 6:49 pm It may seem stupid and/or silly, but I think the best thing you could do is start adding a "disclaimer" at the end.
I think this is really key. Even if you think people know you and your intentions, tone will forever be misread in text. And as established as this community is, not all members necessarily remember your behaviour. I employ emoticons for this purpose, as trite as they may be. It may feel insincere, but it can be an important clue.

I think I usually have good intentions (and typically steer clear of R&P because I find heated debate too stressful), but I definitely have some semi-trollish tendencies. E.g. posting pictures of buff dudes in reply to babe posts. Sometimes I assume my sarcasm and hyperbole will be understood even if it's not appreciated, but whenever I neglect to make it clear I very quickly realize that's not the case at all. :P

(That's not to say that throwing an emoticon at the end of a post excuses bad or genuinely disruptive behaviour.)
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by TheMix »

Sudy wrote: Mon Jun 21, 2021 11:21 pm (That's not to say that throwing an emoticon at the end of a post excuses bad or genuinely disruptive behaviour.)
I debated about adding something like this. The key, I believe, is sincerity. It has to be sincere. Of course, there is still the possibility that people won't believe that the disclaimer is sincere. But it's still better than doing nothing. IMHO.

For example, there was a poster that, I felt, over-used MrGreen. To the point where I didn't feel it was sincere. But that may have been on me. Kind of like people who say "just kidding" all the time, but clearly aren't. I guess that's the "cry wolf" moral. Emoticons and disclaimers are good and will likely help some. But even better is learning when not to "toe the line". Sometimes an insult is an insult, whether it's accompanied by a :wink: or not.

Communication is tough. :(

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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Blackhawk »

I will repeat this:
Blackhawk wrote: Fri Jun 18, 2021 8:44 pm I can understand why that's frustrating. But opinions of people don't change based on a few conversations. You've built up a reputation over a period of years that your posts are going to be hostile. It will take a long string of sincere attempts for people to accept that it's a new normal.
Whether it is your tone, misunderstood humor, lack of knowing the real you, or a combination, people have come to expect a certain degree of hostile negativity from you. And when you post, a bit of confirmation bias kicks in. People expect negativity, so they see negativity. Jokes that they would recognize as a joke from another poster they see as an attack from you. Questions that they'd treat seriously from another poster get scorned coming from you. It isn't because of your positions, it's because of your reputation. It isn't because 'skins are getting thinner', it's because we've come to expect hostility for so long that we see hostility more quickly.

It's kind of like when politicians (of any party) talk and we assume we're being lied to and misled, while we don't do the same when our friends talk. Reputation.

And a reputation takes a lot of time and sincere effort to change. That means that you're going to make posts that will get a hostile response when another poster would not. You can't expect to post one nice thing and have everyone forget what's happened in the past. But keep posting, keep back from the edge (as TheMix advised), respond to misunderstandings with clarification or stepping back rather than hostility, and keep doing that for long enough that you gain a new reputation to replace the old one and you'll find that people are less hostile toward you. But until then, you'll have to ignore the occasional snip.

It's up to you. If you think it's worth the effort to reset, make the attempt, and expect it to take a while. If you don't think it's worth the effort, expect it to continue as it is.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Carpet_pissr »

stimpy wrote: Mon Jun 21, 2021 6:52 pm So I was asked today by TheMIx if I thought I was funny.

I do. But I do accept that my sense of humor is often misinterpreted, not just here but also IRL.
My wife fucking hates me at times because she doesnt get some of the jokes and comments I make. I have to remind her constantly that one of the first things I said to her on our very first date was "I'm gonna say stupid shit. It's what I do. But it will never be with bad intent".
My friends know I can push things right up to the edge before I pull back. My lifelong friend is the constant butt of my jokes and it pisses him off to the point of almost coming to blows.

But the thing is....they know me. They know my heart. They know my intentions are always, always good no matter what I might say.
They know I would be there for them thru thick and thin. Which is why they've been there for me in the same way.
Does my self described wit always serve me well? No way. Do all my "jokes" land. No way. But when they do, that's what makes my friends and family know why I am pretty much always trying to be "humorous". I think I have a sharp mind and a quick wit and it makes it hard to know where the line is, so I try to self censor as much as possible, but sometimes ya just gotta let the thoughts fly.

I read something, something pops in my head that I think is on hepcat levels of hilarity and I post it only to find out that it is perceived as so much tripe. I guess I get defensive after that.

Anyway....... I dont expect anyone here to get me and accept the way those in my life do.
I'm okay with that. I'll continue to try and be better and if I fail sometimes I'll try and not take it personally.
I write this with the assumption that you are being completely sincere in wanting to engage, so read it with that spirit in mind, please:

You might want to consider the possibility that your definition of "funny", "humor" and "joking" are, in the eyes of most of the rest of the world, and apparently your wife, completely out of whack - and I'm not suggesting a "quirky" or "offbeat" sense of humor, that's a different thing. You might be using those words (to yourself, internally) to describe your actions, but that might just be your subconcscious trying to justify what you really know to be inappropriate behavior.

Get quiet somewhere, and THINK: 'was that joke that seemed to REALLY upset my wife, really a joke? Or was it a criticism or even insult?' Your "problem" may be just that simple. You're telling yourself that what you are doing is joking, humor, "just your style" and NO ONE else sees it that way. And most people (except complete strangers, usually) can smell passive-aggressive "joking" a mile away.

Possibly/hopefully exaggerated and simplified example:
Stimpy to wife, with a straight face: "Wow, you should TOTALLY not wear that outfit outside the house!"
Wife: WTF?! You're an asshole!
Stimpy to himself: WTF?! I was just joking, OBVIOUSLY I was joking! Why would she get so upset at my joke?

In the above example, Stimpy thinks he made a funny. In the same example, his wife thinks he just blasted her in the face with a degrading insult. Joke? Or insult? If you answered "insult", you are correct. If you answered "joke, DUH!", you might be Stimpy. :P

I'm suggesting you don't REALLY think that's funny. I think you know, maybe deep down, that you just insulted your wife, and call it a joke as cover, because the truth is uglier, harder to deal with, and requires effort and pain to repair.

OTOH I could be full of shit, but it's at least worth the smallish effort to give 10 seconds to that line of thought, just in case.
Last edited by Carpet_pissr on Tue Jun 22, 2021 2:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by Blackhawk »

Carpet_pissr wrote: Tue Jun 22, 2021 11:30 am Get quiet somewhere, and THINK: 'was that joke that seemed to REALLY upset my wife, really a joke? Or was it a criticism or even insult?' Your "problem" may be just that simple. You're telling yourself that what you are doing is joking, humor, "just your style" and NO ONE else sees it that way. And most people (except complete strangers, usually) can small passive-aggressive "joking" a mile away.
FWIW, this is 100% me. I get frustrated and I criticize via attempts at humor (or I get excited about something nobody else cares about and try to show it via attempts at humor), and it really does make me come across as an asshole. So I try to avoid the joke and just be honest. And then I tend to be too honest (I am not a good liar.) I always have to be on my guard, and I slip way, way too often, and leave a wake of people muttering, "asshole..." under their breath.

So, Stimpson - if this is you, you're not alone.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by wonderpug »

stimpy, if you don't like the way you are treated here, and nobody enjoys the content you post, you should just leave the forum. There are other forums out there that cover both gaming and politics. Go try one of those.
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Re: Inequality on treatment of forum members.

Post by stimpy »

wonderpug wrote: Tue Jun 22, 2021 1:15 pm stimpy, if you don't like the way you are treated here, and nobody enjoys the content you post, you should just leave the forum. There are other forums out there that cover both gaming and politics. Go try one of those.
Because Momma didnt raise no quitter.......

This question is sincere.......
would somebody care to take the time to find an offensive post of mine that WAS NOT in response to a negative comment directed towards me first?
I'm having hard time thinking what I post that is so offensive to some, other than tit for tat exchanges.

I'm not playing victim. I'm trying to determine whether it's my initial posts that offend some or my responses and interaction after a comment is made about me or my initial post.

This was the initial post that set everyone off in the Juneteenth thread..... "It's hip and trendy to be a woke white person these days, so there's that......"

Is that really offensive? To me it's just my observation of the times we live in. I certainly didnt single anyone out or disparage the holiday itself.
So did it really warrant the comments that came after?
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