Depression

hitbyambulance · Post by **hitbyambulance** » Fri Jul 29, 2022 2:20 pm

been on desvenlafaxine (Pristiq) for about two months now - started out at 50mg, dropped to 25mg since it was making me incredibly sedated. sedation is still an issue on the lower dose, but i can say i'm having _extremely reduced_ instances of side effects compared to the previous SSRI/SNRI medications i've tried. ...it's also barely covered by insurance, so i have to use GoodRx coupons to bring the cost down to a reasonable price.

Sudy · Post by **Sudy** » Fri Jul 29, 2022 4:18 pm

I hope it helps. Great that it has limited side effects. I don't think I ever took an SNRI or SSRI that wasn't frustrating in that regard.

I've been tapering off of lithium and starting lamotrigine. Really hopeful/relieved I won't have to get up to take a leak so often in the middle of the night off the lithium, but I'm a bit frustrated the shrink is having me come off it so slowly. I don't feel like I'm experiencing any major side effects from the lamotrigine, I dunno. I don't know if it's helping either.

I'm less than invigorated by the shrink's timetable. He gives me a lot of attention which is nice. But he doesn't seem to connect with what my major issues really are, and spouts a fair number of platitudes. He also has makes a lot of grammar/typing errors which annoys the hell out of me. He's going on paternal leave come September for the rest of the year, and I'm concerned I'll stagnate during that time. During that period my care will revert back to the family doc who's caring, but he's pretty much exhausted his treatment options with me.

The virtual CBT group I guess has been a positive thing, but I frequently find it frustrating because so much of it is obvious. Yet guidance as to how to actually accomplish anything meaningful is rare. There's a lot of planning and chart-filling-out that may benefit some folks, but it doesn't do a lot for me. It's kind of motivated me to perform minor positive tasks like taking walks, reducing sugar intake, etc. But I feel like I'm generally able to self-motivate if I'm in at all of a decent mental place. So far, the therapy seems to be taking the "treat the symptoms to cure the disease" approach, but my underlying issues are far from addressed. Though I realize improving thought and behaviour patterns can snowball into positive changes. But it's kind of like, "How will logging my activity and moods every hour that I'm awake help me stop obsessing over my parents' eventual deaths?"

hitbyambulance · Post by **hitbyambulance** » Fri Jul 29, 2022 7:03 pm

Sudy wrote: ↑Fri Jul 29, 2022 4:18 pm help me stop obsessing over my parents' eventual deaths?

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/533 ... insecurity

hitbyambulance · Post by **hitbyambulance** » Mon Aug 01, 2022 1:53 pm

been experiencing racing heartbeat and some wooziness when bending over or laying down. psych says to stop taking Pristiq for the rest of the week to see if that helps.

rittchard · Post by **rittchard** » Mon Aug 01, 2022 2:20 pm

hitbyambulance wrote: ↑Mon Aug 01, 2022 1:53 pm been experiencing racing heartbeat and some wooziness when bending over or laying down. psych says to stop taking Pristiq for the rest of the week to see if that helps.

Sorry to just jump in here, but how is your heart health in general? Just coincidentally a number of people I know have had atrial fibrillation issues. Depending on the severity either medication or a medical procedure was needed to get it back to normal.

hitbyambulance · Post by **hitbyambulance** » Mon Aug 01, 2022 2:24 pm

rittchard wrote: ↑Mon Aug 01, 2022 2:20 pm
hitbyambulance wrote: ↑Mon Aug 01, 2022 1:53 pm been experiencing racing heartbeat and some wooziness when bending over or laying down. psych says to stop taking Pristiq for the rest of the week to see if that helps.
Sorry to just jump in here, but how is your heart health in general? Just coincidentally a number of people I know have had atrial fibrillation issues. Depending on the severity either medication or a medical procedure was needed to get it back to normal.

seems to be normal, and the doctor has not noted anything wrong with it during annual exams (my problem area is the liver). this is an issue that appeared maybe two weeks ago, and i've been on Pristiq for just two months. BUT if weaning off the Pristiq _doesn't_ change these sensations back to normal, i will have to go in.

Xmann · Post by **Xmann** » Sun Aug 07, 2022 2:31 pm

Just saw this topic, so sorry if this has already been mentioned.

I've been on a few different meds through the years and nothing has done a really good job of controlling my depression and anxiety.

I developed PTSD related to my Covid battle and ongoing long covid, so my doctor sent me to a new psychiatrist. He increased my Wellbutrin XL to 450mg and added Trintellix. I can't even begin to tell you the difference Trintellix has made for me. My anxiety and depression are pretty much under control for the first time in many many years.

I also have been taking full spectrum CBD tincture and that is helping. I'm honestly a new person, just ask my wife

Sent from my SM-S906U1 using Tapatalk

hitbyambulance · Post by **hitbyambulance** » Sun Aug 07, 2022 5:01 pm

Trintellix or Viibryn is the next stop for me, i think

Xmann · Post by **Xmann** » Sun Aug 07, 2022 6:12 pm

It's changed my life

Sent from my SM-S906U1 using Tapatalk

Blackhawk · Post by **Blackhawk** » Sun Aug 07, 2022 6:58 pm

Depression has reared it's ugly head again in my life for the last few months for the first time in years.

hitbyambulance · Post by **hitbyambulance** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 4:08 am

mentioned in another thread, but i started learning Russian last month - i have two different tutors for a one hour lesson each week (due to time zone differences, i meet with them at 9 and 10pm) and i spend anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour each day on DuoLingo practice and homework.i just connected the dots the other day - getting on Ritalin has been a revelation. i can actually focus now; there's no way i would have been able to do this before getting treated for ADD. how much time in my life up to now have i wasted just fluttering around??

(and yeah, games have kinda fallen to the wayside. i now want to accomplish and achieve more.)

hepcat · Post by **hepcat** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 7:44 am

Thanks for the Duolingo recommendation. I've been using it for Spanish. I live near a large Hispanic community in Chicago and I've always wanted to immerse myself more in their language when I eat or shop there.

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 9:36 am

hepcat wrote: ↑Sat Aug 27, 2022 7:44 am Thanks for the Duolingo recommendation. I've been using it for Spanish. I live near a large Hispanic community in Chicago and I've always wanted to immerse myself more in their language when I eat or shop there.

How do you feel it's working? I took German in college but in starting to plan for retirement (11 years at a minimum, but can never start dreaming too early!), I think Spanish would be far more useful and have been trying to find a inexpensive way to learn it.

hepcat · Post by **hepcat** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 10:00 am

I’m only about an hour into it over the last couple of days, but it’s pretty good so far. It approaches learning in a conversational style.

Orgull · Post by **Orgull** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 10:04 am

I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder (Those OO members who played WoW with me back in the day will remember my mood swings, for which I sincerely apologize) but going to therapy and getting on the right meds for me have made all the difference. Having only friendships with people who are healthy for me has also helped, as has getting a house full of doggoes.

Carpet_pissr · Post by **Carpet_pissr** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 11:19 am

hitbyambulance wrote: ↑Mon Aug 01, 2022 1:53 pm been experiencing racing heartbeat and some wooziness when bending over or laying down. psych says to stop taking Pristiq for the rest of the week to see if that helps.

I had to stop Welbutrin due to heart issues. I wasn’t sure it was the cause until I did quite a few tests. Was definitely the Welbutrin.

Also caused pretty serious jaw clenching for me as well.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 12:58 pm

Lately I've been getting depressed over my wife's death.
I used to complain to myself mainly about having to take care of her all the time. I now realize it wasn't that bad and it wasn't me who was taking care of her but her taking care of me. She gave me purpose in life and now that's gone. I dream about her all the time.
<sigh>

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 1:17 pm

Grief and Loss – Counseling Providers in Arkansas

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 1:44 pm

There's also the VA. I don't see this as something to fix just endure until it goes away.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 1:57 pm

Talking about it can help. Don't suffer because you think you have to.

Default · Post by **Default** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 3:02 pm

hitbyambulance wrote: ↑Sat Aug 27, 2022 4:08 am i just connected the dots the other day - getting on Ritalin has been a revelation. i can actually focus now; there's no way i would have been able to do this before getting treated for ADD. how much time in my life up to now have i wasted just fluttering around??

Enough that you can go into a substantial period of mourning for the life you *could* have had. Try not to dwell on it too much, and be kind to the younger you who didn't know he had ADHD.

hepcat · Post by **hepcat** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 4:03 pm

dbt1949 wrote: ↑Sat Aug 27, 2022 1:44 pm There's also the VA. I don't see this as something to fix just endure until it goes away.

Please talk to someone. I saw a therapist for a while and it helped immensely. Just being able to talk with someone who can help you understand why you feel the way/help you deal with the way you feel is no small matter.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 4:36 pm

I'm not suicidal but I do think I'm close to dieing. Not today or tomorrow but a couple of years from now. And you know it doesn't even bother me. It's just my time.

hitbyambulance · Post by **hitbyambulance** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 5:05 pm

Default wrote: ↑Sat Aug 27, 2022 3:02 pm
hitbyambulance wrote: ↑Sat Aug 27, 2022 4:08 am i just connected the dots the other day - getting on Ritalin has been a revelation. i can actually focus now; there's no way i would have been able to do this before getting treated for ADD. how much time in my life up to now have i wasted just fluttering around??
Enough that you can go into a substantial period of mourning for the life you *could* have had. Try not to dwell on it too much, and be kind to the younger you who didn't know he had ADHD.

and now i have to go off the Ritalin for a week to make sure it's not the culprit for the heart palpitations i'm having. :/

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Sat Aug 27, 2022 5:13 pm

dbt1949 wrote: ↑Sat Aug 27, 2022 4:36 pm I'm not suicidal but I do think I'm close to dieing. Not today or tomorrow but a couple of years from now. And you know it doesn't even bother me. It's just my time.

I've been obsessed with death ever since my little sister died in April. Not just my own, but my wife's and my friends' as well. Although we're all more-or-less healthy, I'm acutely aware of approaching the exit ramp with my blinker on.

em2nought · Post by **em2nought** » Sun Aug 28, 2022 9:56 pm

Kraken wrote: ↑Sat Aug 27, 2022 5:13 pm
dbt1949 wrote: ↑Sat Aug 27, 2022 4:36 pm I'm not suicidal but I do think I'm close to dieing. Not today or tomorrow but a couple of years from now. And you know it doesn't even bother me. It's just my time.
I've been obsessed with death ever since my little sister died in April. Not just my own, but my wife's and my friends' as well. Although we're all more-or-less healthy, I'm acutely aware of approaching the exit ramp with my blinker on.

I'm just hoping to be able to spend five years in relative happiness before I go.

I hear the train a comin'.

Default · Post by **Default** » Mon Aug 29, 2022 2:17 pm

Kraken wrote: ↑Sat Aug 27, 2022 5:13 pm
dbt1949 wrote: ↑Sat Aug 27, 2022 4:36 pm I'm not suicidal but I do think I'm close to dieing. Not today or tomorrow but a couple of years from now. And you know it doesn't even bother me. It's just my time.
I've been obsessed with death ever since my little sister died in April. Not just my own, but my wife's and my friends' as well. Although we're all more-or-less healthy, I'm acutely aware of approaching the exit ramp with my blinker on.

As long as it's the left blinker and you are wearing a Fedora.

Blackhawk · Post by **Blackhawk** » Mon Feb 20, 2023 6:44 pm

This has become a thing for me again more than a decade under control. In the past three or four years, I've had one friend turn on me (and take my main social group with him), two friends move out of state, and one 'friend' has become so unreliable that I can't trust him for much of anything. And that's pretty much my entire friend collection. Then, in the past year, I've had to end my relationship due to Serious Misdeeds on her part, and now my kids have now both graduated from school and are, essentially, adults with their own lives. All of that together has removed pretty much all of the non-cashier human interaction from my life. It's all been weighing pretty heavily on me over the past few months.

And it doesn't help that I just had to have one of my teeth removed, meaning that I have no functional molars left on the bottom right of my mouth, and only two that meet on the left side - in other words, I have less than a quarter inch square of chewing surface, which makes solid foods a significant challenge - and I'm not even 50 yet.

I've been putting off getting back in to see a therapist, as there is only one option locally, and it's been a terrible place every time I've gone there. For one thing, the area is so bad that nobody there actually wants to be there, so they have a six-month turnover rate, plus they don't really have options for who you can see as a medicare patient. You're assigned the 'medicare' therapist, and if they aren't a good fit, tough luck. And if they are a good fit for you? They'll be gone by the time you start to make any progress and you get to spin the wheel again.

Still, I need to so something, and that's my option. I just need to make the damned phone call. And I hate phone calls. If my anxiety hits 7 dealing with someone face-to-face, it spikes to 10 if it's by phone.

MHS · Post by **MHS** » Mon Feb 20, 2023 6:58 pm

Blackhawk wrote: ↑Mon Feb 20, 2023 6:44 pm This has become a thing for me again more than a decade under control. In the past three or four years, I've had one friend turn on me (and take my main social group with him), two friends move out of state, and one 'friend' has become so unreliable that I can't trust him for much of anything. And that's pretty much my entire friend collection. Then, in the past year, I've had to end my relationship due to Serious Misdeeds on her part, and now my kids have now both graduated from school and are, essentially, adults with their own lives. All of that together has removed pretty much all of the non-cashier human interaction from my life. It's all been weighing pretty heavily on me over the past few months.

And it doesn't help that I just had to have one of my teeth removed, meaning that I have no functional molars left on the bottom right of my mouth, and only two that meet on the left side - in other words, I have less than a quarter inch square of chewing surface, which makes solid foods a significant challenge - and I'm not even 50 yet.

I've been putting off getting back in to see a therapist, as there is only one option locally, and it's been a terrible place every time I've gone there. For one thing, the area is so bad that nobody there actually wants to be there, so they have a six-month turnover rate, plus they don't really have options for who you can see as a medicare patient. You're assigned the 'medicare' therapist, and if they aren't a good fit, tough luck. And if they are a good fit for you? They'll be gone by the time you start to make any progress and you get to spin the wheel again.

Still, I need to so something, and that's my option. I just need to make the damned phone call. And I hate phone calls. If my anxiety hits 7 dealing with someone face-to-face, it spikes to 10 if it's by phone.

Does Medicare offer any options for online therapy? I know you just said you hate phone calls, but what about therapy via online F2F options? You may experience less turnover and it may present fewer challenges with the distance from where you live and lack of options. I've heard good things about https://www.betterhelp.com/ but unfortunately, they don't take any insurance. Perhaps Medicare can point you towards therapist who do, though.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. I hope it gets better.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Mon Feb 20, 2023 7:02 pm

I have no face to face friends. I have a couple of former relatives that I don't know how much I can trust. The closest things I have for friends are here.I have the same teeth problems as you except that some of them are loose for no good reason.I'll be seeing my VA doctor in about a month but I don't know what he can do about depression.
Oh, and I'm agoraphobic too.

hitbyambulance · Post by **hitbyambulance** » Mon Feb 20, 2023 9:33 pm

my counselor is currently accepting new clients (sessions are over Zoom) - message me for referral. i like her a lot and have been seeing her for almost ten years (!!) now

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Mon Feb 20, 2023 10:33 pm

Blackhawk wrote: ↑Mon Feb 20, 2023 6:44 pm And I hate phone calls. If my anxiety hits 7 dealing with someone face-to-face, it spikes to 10 if it's by phone.

I'm with you on that. I'm not good at conversation in the best circumstances. On the phone, I never know when it's my turn to talk, so I blurt. And then after the call I can't remember half of what was said. Taking notes helps a little but further distracts me from the convo in real time. Zoom sessions are a little better because the visual cues help. But I vastly prefer written communication and try to steer people to email or texts whenever I can.

Do they still make dentures/partial plates? Or is dentistry beyond the financial pale? I imagine dentures are still expensive, but not as prohibitive as implants.

I hope you can find your way out of the gloom. You're a good man and deserve peace of mind.

Eel Snave · Post by **Eel Snave** » Mon Feb 20, 2023 10:41 pm

dbt1949 wrote: ↑Mon Feb 20, 2023 7:02 pm I have no face to face friends. I have a couple of former relatives that I don't know how much I can trust. The closest things I have for friends are here.I have the same teeth problems as you except that some of them are loose for no good reason.I'll be seeing my VA doctor in about a month but I don't know what he can do about depression.
Oh, and I'm agoraphobic too.

We don't know each other very well, but I've always been really pleased to see you around here. You're a good guy and I like you. I know it doesn't amount to much, but there you go.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Mon Feb 20, 2023 11:42 pm

Likewise, ditto.

Sudy · Post by **Sudy** » Tue Feb 21, 2023 5:59 am

I feel for you guys so much. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. My problems seem like peanuts compared to yours. But I fear I'm going to be facing similar realities as I continue to get older. I know that internet friends & family can't take the place of flesh and blood contact, but you guys mean a lot to me and I think about you often. If anything, the experience of growing up with you has let me know that while the different stages of life have their own challenges and some of us are in very different circumstances, we're all people struggling with very similar things and the huge divisions that seem to be there in the physical world are a stubborn yet brittle façade.

Hang in there guys.

* * * *

I don't even want to get into my own situation despite writing a huge vent that I thought better of posting. The great news is that my workplace insurance long term disability claim was approved. The bad news is that my wife's provincial disability program is clawing all of the money back. I just don't know where to turn anymore. There's so much family stress on the horizon and I feel so incredibly lonely. I'm seeing a shrink and a therapist, but it's only temporary. (The psychiatrist will give me ongoing care through my family doctor's office, but in the future it's going to be limited to medication maintenance.) We keep trying new drugs. They do little, or the side effects just make me feel worse. That they seem to do so little makes me wonder if I even have severe mental illness at all. But at my worst times I know that what I'm going through isn't normal and I can't go on in this state. I wouldn't have been able to take time off if it weren't for my dad's generous support. But he's not going to be around forever, and I'm not progressing nearly as quickly as I hoped to.

Madmarcus · Post by **Madmarcus** » Tue Feb 21, 2023 10:18 am

dbt1949 wrote: ↑Sat Aug 27, 2022 12:58 pm Lately I've been getting depressed over my wife's death.
I used to complain to myself mainly about having to take care of her all the time. I now realize it wasn't that bad and it wasn't me who was taking care of her but her taking care of me. She gave me purpose in life and now that's gone. I dream about her all the time.
<sigh>

I'm sending you good thoughts. My mom (already in hospice for cancer) had a stroke a week and a half ago. She is now unable to communicate and mostly unresponsive. It's clear that my dad is feeling a similar loss of purpose and connection. He also has a similar attitude of endurance.

I know it isn't something that can directly apply to others but my brother and I are consciously getting closer now in an attempt to make sure we have social connections outside of our marriages.. We've always been close (we are twins even) but we've also been at least 1,000 miles apart our entire adult lives so it has been short visits. Now we are less than 100 miles apart, both retired, and actively trying to make plans.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Tue Feb 21, 2023 4:00 pm

Madmarcus wrote: ↑Tue Feb 21, 2023 10:18 am My mom (already in hospice for cancer) had a stroke a week and a half ago. She is now unable to communicate and mostly unresponsive.

I'm so sorry Madmarcus.

Losing mom back in October has hit me far harder than I expected. I simply was not prepared to be an adult orphan well before 50. I feel like I need to pick up the phone to call mom or dad every day, and I can't. There's just a giant hole there.

I have been really struggling with trying to manage all of the estate stuff as well, which is entirely fucking overwhelming. It's not even really like I can get any help with it, as I'm the executor of the estate and am the only one here locally to take care of things. My brother does everything he can from afar (I'm in Utah, he's in Tennessee) there's really just not that much he can do. I'm the one who has to close out all the bank accounts. I'm the one who has to clear out mom's house. I'm the one who has to submit the life insurance paperwork. I'm the one who has to cancel the utilities. I can't pawn it off, and the list feels like neverending and growing. Met with a realtor yesterday and she "strongly recommended" that we get mom's house all cleaned out, professionally cleaned, and ready to show by mid-March. I about lost my shit. Like...how? How the hell do I find the hours in the day and the energy (both physically and mentally) to do that? The whole estate process has left me feeling completely buried and hopeless and that feeling has started eating into my work life as well.

Doesn't help that this has been the busiest 18-month span of my entire professional career. Any time I sit down to stop or even pause for just a second, I just feel the weight of all of it at once and it's crushing.

gbasden · Post by **gbasden** » Tue Feb 21, 2023 4:20 pm

Skinypupy wrote: ↑Tue Feb 21, 2023 4:00 pm
Losing mom back in October has hit me far harder than I expected. I simply was not prepared to be an adult orphan well before 50. I feel like I need to pick up the phone to call mom or dad every day, and I can't. There's just a giant hole there.

I have been really struggling with trying to manage all of the estate stuff as well, which is entirely fucking overwhelming. It's not even really like I can get any help with it, as I'm the executor of the estate and am the only one here locally to take care of things. My brother does everything he can from afar (I'm in Utah, he's in Tennessee) there's really just not that much he can do. I'm the one who has to close out all the bank accounts. I'm the one who has to clear out mom's house. I'm the one who has to submit the life insurance paperwork. I'm the one who has to cancel the utilities. I can't pawn it off, and the list feels like neverending and growing. Met with a realtor yesterday and she "strongly recommended" that we get mom's house all cleaned out, professionally cleaned, and ready to show by mid-March. I about lost my shit. Like...how? How the hell do I find the hours in the day and the energy (both physically and mentally) to do that? The whole estate process has left me feeling completely buried and hopeless and that feeling has started eating into my work life as well.

Doesn't help that this has been the busiest 18-month span of my entire professional career. Any time I sit down to stop or even pause for just a second, I just feel the weight of all of it at once and it's crushing.

I totally know exactly how stressful the estate stuff can be. My sister lives in Dubai so everything after my parents passed was on me and it was just exhausting. It's like having a second job, or worse. I'm so sorry this all fell on your shoulders! I just finished with the estate stuff last November and my mom passed in 2019. :/

I'm also feeling overwhelmed with life right now. Work is incredibly stressful, and I'm responsible for supporting my wife and college aged son as well as my cousin that is living in my guest room unemployed. It's hard to even enjoy what little free time I have since all I do is worry about things. I have a psych appointment tomorrow, so I guess I'll see how that goes.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Tue Feb 21, 2023 4:50 pm

Skinypupy wrote: ↑Tue Feb 21, 2023 4:00 pm Met with a realtor yesterday and she "strongly recommended" that we get mom's house all cleaned out, professionally cleaned, and ready to show by mid-March. I about lost my shit. Like...how? How the hell do I find the hours in the day and the energy (both physically and mentally) to do that? The whole estate process has left me feeling completely buried and hopeless and that feeling has started eating into my work life as well.

Sorry you're going through that. Wife had to dispose of her brother's house (her childhood home) from 1,000 miles away during the height of the pandemic. He was a hoarder. She managed to hire someone to go through the house and show her video of the contents while she made decisions about what to keep and what to jettison. Ultimately they held an estate sale that brought in a little money, but there was really nothing of value; they recycled what they could and trashed the rest. Then she had to manage enough renovations to make the house habitable. This all took over two years, during which we spent many thousands on property taxes and utilities and dealt with repeated squirrel infestations. Our CPA is preparing the estate tax return now so that we can pay capital gains on the sale. Once that's done we can finally pay the lawyer to close the estate. More than three years will have elapsed since my BIL died.

Wife's surviving brother was useless through the whole process, which is on-brand for him. We did squeeze him for property taxes a couple of times when we were cash-short.

If there's a moral in that story, it's "don't let anyone rush you." If you can afford the bills on the empty house, do it on your own timetable. You obviously don't want to draw it out for years...but you could.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Tue Feb 21, 2023 4:57 pm

Oh, btw: Track your expenses and time with a spreadsheet, and pay yourself an Admin fee for your time. The estate will repay expenses before we split the "profit." The admin fee is part of our expenses. We were paying ourselves $50 an hour and were going to split the profit 55/45 since he put in zero effort. He blew a gasket and insisted on 50/50, so y'know what? The admin fee just went up to $75.