My 95 year old mother fell [Final Update]

Jeff V · Post by **Jeff V** » Fri Apr 29, 2022 4:27 pm

Best wishes Grif, I hope she pulls through. She sounds amazing.

Zaxxon · Post by **Zaxxon** » Fri Apr 29, 2022 5:08 pm

Best wishes.

Grifman · Post by **Grifman** » Tue May 03, 2022 6:48 pm

This stuff is hard. My mom has almost totally regained all of her functions. She can use her arm and hand, and her speech is no longer slurred. But she is tired, worn out, miserable and wants to go be with her husband. We finally realized in the last 24 hours that we need to stop trying to “fix” her, and that we needed to listen to her. I don’t know if it is a guy thing (she has 3 sons), but every problem we saw as a challenge to be overcome. Get pneumonia, treat her with anti-biotics, have a stroke and recover, let’s do PT to move past that. But that is not what she wants, she is ready to go. We heard what she was saying but we weren’t listening. The light finally came on yesterday, and we accepted what she was saying. Today we found a skilled nursing care facility, brand new, only 3 minutes from my house - you can almost see my house from the top of the facility (it’s a high rise) - so I can easily drop in and check up on her. And we called in hospice. They will be transferring her Thursday and the hospice can come in and start alleviating some of the issues she is having, and help her feel relaxed and comfortable. Her journey is almost over.

Anonymous Bosch · Post by **Anonymous Bosch** » Tue May 03, 2022 7:28 pm

Grifman wrote: ↑Tue May 03, 2022 6:48 pm This stuff is hard. My mom has almost totally regained all of her functions. She can use her arm and hand, and her speech is no longer slurred. But she is tired, worn out, miserable and wants to go be with her husband. We finally realized in the last 24 hours that we need to stop trying to “fix” her, and that we needed to listen to her. I don’t know if it is a guy thing (she has 3 sons), but every problem we saw as a challenge to be overcome. Get pneumonia, treat her with anti-biotics, have a stroke and recover, let’s do PT to move past that. But that is not what she wants, she is ready to go. We heard what she was saying but we weren’t listening. The light finally came on yesterday, and we accepted what she was saying. Today we found a skilled nursing care facility, brand new, only 3 minutes from my house - you can almost see my house from the top of the facility (it’s a high rise) - so I can easily drop in and check up on her. And we called in hospice. They will be transferring her Thursday and the hospice can come in and start alleviating some of the issues she is having, and help her feel relaxed and comfortable. Her journey is almost over.

My sincere condolences to you and your family.

Zaxxon · Post by **Zaxxon** » Tue May 03, 2022 7:55 pm

Condolences here, as well.

Zenn7 · Post by **Zenn7** » Tue May 03, 2022 8:08 pm

My condolences as well.

This is a very tough road.

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Tue May 03, 2022 8:44 pm

dfs · Post by **dfs** » Tue May 03, 2022 9:16 pm

Grifman wrote: ↑Tue May 03, 2022 6:48 pm ....But she is tired, worn out, miserable and wants to go be with her husband. We finally realized in the last 24 hours that we need to stop trying to “fix” her, and that we needed to listen to her. I don’t know if it is a guy thing (she has 3 sons), but every problem we saw as a challenge to be overcome. Get pneumonia, treat her with anti-biotics, have a stroke and recover, let’s do PT to move past that. But that is not what she wants, she is ready to go. We heard what she was saying but we weren’t listening. The light finally came on yesterday, and we accepted what she was saying. ....

Well done. Enjoy her final days confident that you did the best you could.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Tue May 03, 2022 9:57 pm

She's going on her own terms, feeling loved, and hopefully comfortable and at peace. May we all be so lucky. I'm glad you came to that realization, hard as it is to accept.

Blackhawk · Post by **Blackhawk** » Tue May 03, 2022 10:43 pm

Kraken wrote: ↑Tue May 03, 2022 9:57 pm She's going on her own terms, feeling loved, and hopefully comfortable and at peace. May we all be so lucky. I'm glad you came to that realization, hard as it is to accept.

+1. Of all of the ways it could happen, this is one of the better options, and as Kraken said - may we all be so lucky. May we all be so lucky as to have family that cares for us the way you obviously do her, gathered around us and supporting us, while still respecting our wishes.

It doesn't make it easier, though, and my thoughts are with you as you all cope with it.

Kurth · Post by **Kurth** » Tue May 03, 2022 11:08 pm

Condolences, Grifman.

Suitably Ironic Moniker · Tue May 03, 2022 11:09 pm

I hope that you’ll find strength for the days ahead, and I am so sorry for your impending loss.

Kasey Chang · Post by **Kasey Chang** » Tue May 03, 2022 11:09 pm

Make some extra memories while you're at it. If she has messages for all the children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, record them now, even if she's saying them in person.

Lassr · Post by **Lassr** » Tue May 03, 2022 11:52 pm

Kraken wrote:She's going on her own terms, feeling loved, and hopefully comfortable and at peace. May we all be so lucky. I'm glad you came to that realization, hard as it is to accept.

My thoughts exactly. I'd feel lucky to be able to go out that way, after a long good life. My condolences though, because it is always tough on family.

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk

Unagi · Post by **Unagi** » Wed May 04, 2022 7:17 pm

As others have said and you clearly understand... it's one of the horrible times where even the best outcome still feels empty and sad. Yet, truly this is the best any of us can hope for - and your and your sibling's love are all part of that picture for her. Take some comfort in that, that you all seem to be a great reflection of her love of you all, and that's really all any parent is after.

peace.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Wed May 04, 2022 7:20 pm

Very sorry, Grifman.

My wife’s Irish grandfather had the same realization. He said his goodbyes and that “If I was a horse, you’d have put me down years ago.”

Grifman · Post by **Grifman** » Wed May 04, 2022 9:48 pm

Old habits are hard to break. We had a big thunderstorm at my house today, with marble sized and larger hail, the largest I'd ever seen in my life. My mom and I always called each other whenever weather stuff like this happened, tradings stories of what was going on at the time, with me oftentimes checking weather radar on my phone to warn her of incoming storms. So the first thing I thought when this all happened was, "I'll call her", then I realized I really couldn't do that, other than call my brother and tell him to tell her. I'm guessing there are going to be many such bittersweet moments over the following months.

Fardaza · Post by **Fardaza** » Thu May 05, 2022 9:51 am

Everything about this situation is bittersweet. As others have said, take advantage of these times to love her up.

Grifman · Post by **Grifman** » Thu May 12, 2022 6:23 pm

My mom went to be with my father and the Lord last night. She had stopped eating and mostly stopped drinking 2 days ago. She slept most of the time but sort of woke up a couple of times. We spoke to her, caressing her, she nodded her head when we spoke to her, and she mouthed, “I love you”. I kissed her on the lips and she kissed me back. Then she faded back out. My brother and I were with her at the end. We noticed her breathing changing, it got slower and slower. We sat by her side, holding her hand, comforting her, telling her it was ok, that her work was done. And then she was gone.

Unagi · Post by **Unagi** » Thu May 12, 2022 6:29 pm

Well, I've shed a tear here myself for her. It's a lovely end-of-life story, though. You all seemed to handle it with great grace and were perfectly supportive.

Grifman · Post by **Grifman** » Thu May 12, 2022 6:29 pm

This is what my mother wants read at her memorial service:

A Little Parable for Mothers
By Temple Bailey

The young mother set her foot on the path of life. “Is this the long way?” she asked.

And the guide said: “Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning.”

But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So, she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, “Nothing will ever be lovelier than this.”

Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, “Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come.”

And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children,” A little patience and we will be there.”

So, the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, “Mother, we would not have done it without you.”

And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, “This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I have given them strength.”

And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: “Look up. Lift your eyes to the light.” And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said, “This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God.”

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said, “I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them.”

And the children said, “You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates.” And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: “We cannot see her but she is with us still. A mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence.”

It is the most beautiful thing I have ever read.

telcta · Post by **telcta** » Thu May 12, 2022 6:31 pm

I’m sitting here having dinner by myself and crying knowing how difficult that must have been for you. Also knowing that my future may have a similar path. Getting old is very tough… but I don’t think I know actually how tough it’s going to be.

I’m so sorry Grifman.

Anonymous Bosch · Post by **Anonymous Bosch** » Thu May 12, 2022 6:35 pm

Grifman wrote: ↑Thu May 12, 2022 6:23 pm My mom went to be with my father and the Lord last night. She had stopped eating and mostly stopped drinking 2 days ago. She slept most of the time but sort of woke up a couple of times. We spoke to her, caressing her, she nodded her head when we spoke to her, and she mouthed, “I love you”. I kissed her on the lips and she kissed me back. Then she faded back out. My brother and I were with her at the end. We noticed her breathing changing, it got slower and slower. We sat by her side, holding her hand, comforting her, telling her it was ok, that her work was done. And then she was gone.

Sorry for your loss, Grifman. Kudos to you and your brother for providing such a graceful and loving egress. I sincerely cannot imagine a more dignified departure than what you describe here.

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Thu May 12, 2022 6:41 pm

No ending is easy and none are happy times no matter how much the one passing wishes them to be for those left. But this seems the best that one could get at this time in life and the end. Bless you and yours and your sweet mother.

Alefroth · Post by **Alefroth** » Thu May 12, 2022 6:49 pm

So sorry for your loss, Grif. It's hard to think of a better way to go.

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Thu May 12, 2022 6:52 pm

Zaxxon · Post by **Zaxxon** » Thu May 12, 2022 6:58 pm

Alefroth wrote: ↑Thu May 12, 2022 6:49 pm So sorry for your loss, Grif. It's hard to think of a better way to go.

This.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Thu May 12, 2022 7:05 pm

My thoughts go out to you and your family. 95 years is more than most of us will see, and it sounds like she spent them better than most of us would.

McNutt · Post by **McNutt** » Thu May 12, 2022 7:12 pm

I'm very sorry. God speed.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Thu May 12, 2022 8:45 pm

I am so sad for you.

disarm · Post by **disarm** » Thu May 12, 2022 9:26 pm

My condolences Grifman, but it sounds like she led an amazing life, was ready to pass on, and did so comfortably and surrounded by the love of her family. If only we could all be so lucky...

Hrothgar · Post by **Hrothgar** » Thu May 12, 2022 9:33 pm

Please add our condolences as well. I remember my Father in Law's funeral. The priest said, "Don't mourn for him for he is with the Lord. Mourn for us who still have to wait."

Good luck moving forward. Treasure the memories.

Blackhawk · Post by **Blackhawk** » Thu May 12, 2022 10:25 pm

I know it probably doesn't lessen the pain, but she's a lucky woman to have a family that supported her so well and helped to ensure that she got the best ending any of us could hope for.

Hipolito · Post by **Hipolito** » Thu May 12, 2022 10:40 pm

My condolences, Grifman.

Lassr · Post by **Lassr** » Thu May 12, 2022 11:24 pm

Madmarcus · Post by **Madmarcus** » Fri May 13, 2022 12:56 am

My thoughts are with you. It sounds like she went in peace and knowing she was loved which seems to be the best anyone could hope for.

Zenn7 · Post by **Zenn7** » Fri May 13, 2022 1:05 am

Madmarcus wrote: ↑Fri May 13, 2022 12:56 am My thoughts are with you. It sounds like she went in peace and knowing she was loved which seems to be the best anyone could hope for.

Agreed.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Fri May 13, 2022 2:29 am

Unagi wrote: ↑Thu May 12, 2022 6:29 pm Well, I've shed a tear here myself for her. It's a lovely end-of-life story, though. You all seemed to handle it with great grace and were perfectly supportive.

This says it all. It was a good death insofar as death is ever good. I'm sorry for your loss.

Baroquen · Post by **Baroquen** » Fri May 13, 2022 5:56 am

I'm sorry for your loss.

Jaymann · Post by **Jaymann** » Fri May 13, 2022 2:21 pm

Sorry, man. Glad you were together at the end.