Jaymon Writing

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Jaymon
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Jaymon Writing

Post by Jaymon »

Hey everybody,

I went to open mic night, and did stand up.


Directly before me was a guy running for governor, (he was not doing standup) which is why I talked about running for Governor)


yeah, its not bad audio quality, I just didn't talk into the mic


Last edited by Jaymon on Mon Jan 09, 2023 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Jaymann »

You definitely have stones (and a great name)!
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by LawBeefaroni »

:clap:
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by LordMortis »

:horse:
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Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Zarathud »

Very hard work, good for you!

How are kids and cats not the same? When your kid starts licking themselves in public, somehow you’re seen as a bad parent. Definitely getting in trouble putting that on the YouTube. Don’t ask me how I know, just…trust me.

:). J/k
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by McNutt »

Nicely done. I admire the guts it takes to get up there and do that.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Rumpy »

I was about to make a joke about you being a standup guy, but I'm all out of jokes. :D
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Archinerd »

Are you able to imagine me naked if I watch this on youtube, or did I have to be there?
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by EvilHomer3k »

That was pretty funny. I really liked the delivery of the number of cast you have. Well done!
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Jaymon »

I enjoyed it, and got pretty good response, so I am going to have another go. Write some new jokes, ja.
Me and Mrs Jaymon are part of an improv group homed out of this cafe, so its not like I just wandered in one night.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Jeff V »

Jaymon wrote: Wed May 18, 2022 4:24 pm I enjoyed it, and got pretty good response, so I am going to have another go. Write some new jokes, ja.
Me and Mrs Jaymon are part of an improv group homed out of this cafe, so its not like I just wandered in one night.
I liked it, certainly good if that's your first time!

I recommend against imagining Archinerd naked, though. That'll lead you to dark humor that probably isn't your style. :twisted:
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Skinypupy »

Nice work man. I’d never have the guts to do that.

Plus, I’m incredibly unfunny…which tends to be a problem for stand-up comics.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Madmarcus »

Good job although I guess if you already do improv you've already gotten over the biggest hurdle of simply getting on stage in front of people. Glad to hear that you are going to do it again!
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by stimpy »

I'm going to post this joke I think I actually created in a dream last night, but if you end up getting rich off of using it, I want $10.

I got busted yesterday for indecent exposure.
Now I have to go to small claims court.

You're welcome.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Jaymann »

An evangelist, a Muslim and a parplegiac walk into a bar.
The evangelist says, "It's a miracle, praise Jesus!"
The Muslim says, It's a miracle, praise Allah!"
The paraplegiac collapses to the floor. "Fuck you guys, I'm an alcoholic, praise brain damage."
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by dbt1949 »

Please leave the jokes to the professionals.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Unagi »

Jaymann wrote: Tue Sep 27, 2022 4:33 pm An evangelist, a Muslim and a parplegiac walk into a bar.
The evangelist says, "It's a miracle, praise Jesus!"
The Muslim says, It's a miracle, praise Allah!"
The paraplegiac collapses to the floor. "Fuck you guys, I'm an alcoholic, praise brain damage."
? I have no idea what's funny here.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Blackhawk »

The alcohol reference I had to think about, which made me miss the pointer back at the funny part. I think it works better by changing the punchline:
Jaymann wrote: Tue Sep 27, 2022 4:33 pm An evangelist and a parplegiac walk into a bar.
The evangelist says, "It's a miracle, praise Jesus!"
It's like this one: "Two men walk into a bar. The third guy ducks."

It takes your assumption based on the traditional format of the joke, and throws it in your face.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Unagi »

I was fully prepared to apply the " The third guy ducks" logic to the joke at any time (given the paraplegic)- but I still didn't really see how that fit into the 'praise brain damage' line.
I still don't actually get it.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Jaymann »

Blackhawk wrote: Tue Sep 27, 2022 9:22 pm The alcohol reference I had to think about, which made me miss the pointer back at the funny part. I think it works better by changing the punchline:
Jaymann wrote: Tue Sep 27, 2022 4:33 pm An evangelist and a parplegiac walk into a bar.
The evangelist says, "It's a miracle, praise Jesus!"
It's like this one: "Two men walk into a bar. The third guy ducks."

It takes your assumption based on the traditional format of the joke, and throws it in your face.
Nice. I like my setup but I was groping for a better punchline.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Brian »

stimpy wrote: Tue Sep 27, 2022 3:25 pm I'm going to post this joke I think I actually created in a dream last night, but if you end up getting rich off of using it, I want $10.

I got busted yesterday for indecent exposure.
Now I have to go to small claims court.

You're welcome.
Similar to the joke:

I exposed myself at a gardening show and won 2nd place for dried arrangements.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by hepcat »

Jaymann wrote: Tue Sep 27, 2022 10:14 pm
Blackhawk wrote: Tue Sep 27, 2022 9:22 pm The alcohol reference I had to think about, which made me miss the pointer back at the funny part. I think it works better by changing the punchline:
Jaymann wrote: Tue Sep 27, 2022 4:33 pm An evangelist and a parplegiac walk into a bar.
The evangelist says, "It's a miracle, praise Jesus!"
It's like this one: "Two men walk into a bar. The third guy ducks."

It takes your assumption based on the traditional format of the joke, and throws it in your face.
Nice. I like my setup but I was groping for a better punchline.
I'm going to create an alt called Jaymonn just to make things even more confusing.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Unagi »

Brian wrote: Wed Sep 28, 2022 9:41 am
stimpy wrote: Tue Sep 27, 2022 3:25 pm I'm going to post this joke I think I actually created in a dream last night, but if you end up getting rich off of using it, I want $10.

I got busted yesterday for indecent exposure.
Now I have to go to small claims court.

You're welcome.
Similar to the joke:

I exposed myself at a gardening show and won 2nd place for dried arrangements.
I think it's time for Jaymon to decide if he wants to be the small penis comedian we need.

And as far as more small penis jokes - It will take very little effort to keep em' coming.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Brian »

I once had my penis in the Guinness Book of World Records...

Then they threw me out of the library.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by dbt1949 »

:lol:
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Jaymon »

I got some information about a local station that needs content for their late night comedy program, so I am workong on new material to submit.

here for your consideration:

----

I’m a big fan of football, I really am. But the game has not kept up with modern times and is losing viewers. But I have some solutions

Here are the Top ten changes to make football more relatable


10. Opening Kickoff is determined by a danceoff instead of a coin flip
9. Coaches must point and shout “objection” when issuing a challenge.
8. Season ticket holders can vote on which play to call next.
7. Fans of the losing team get their ticket price refunded.
6. Cheerleaders enforce the out of bounds rules using tazers
5. After 3 first downs in a row, you unlock multiball
4. Home team can choose between using pigskin and the new better tasting pigskin light
3. The nickelback position is played by actual members of nickelback
2. After each game, fans can vote one player off the team.
1. Replace the player numbers with emojis
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Archinerd »

The multi-ball one might actually work on me. :)
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Jaymann »

Every time there is a quarterback sack the defense is awarded a safety.

No penalty for taunting. Player giving the best taunt receives MVT award.

The team making a successful play challenge is awarded 1 point. An unsuccessful challenge results in a 2 point forfeiture.

There are no illegal formations.

Defensive players may launch teammates to block kicks.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by EvilHomer3k »

8. Season ticket holders can vote on which play to call next.
You could attach a monetary cost to this. Say for 99 cents.

For just 99 cents, season ticket holders can vote on which play to call next using our new NFL Monetize Everything Mobile app.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Jaymon »

I published a short story online.

You can't buy it or vote for it or anything, but you can read it, and you might find it amusing.


https://vocal.media/fiction/on-the-kings-road
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Jeff V »

According to my wife, if you can't buy a vote, what's the point in voting? Apparently in the Philippines, some compensation for the effort of voting is expected.

Sadly, she did not feel motivated enough to actually go vote today. And our wonderful congresswoman (Lauren Underwood) narrowly won her last re-election by a handful of votes.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Isgrimnur »

Image
It's almost as if people are the problem.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Jeff V »

As I said, her vote could have mattered. In her case, I think there may have been a disconnect with a direct mailing regarding protection of abortion rights. That is not something my wife finds appealing, being the insanely Catholic brain-washed minion she is.

I actually voted for one Republican though -- he lives 2 doors away from me and has a good track record getting things done as an alderman (he's now running for county office). The rest of the elephants on the ballot are all Trump's dingleberries though.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Kraken »

Jeff V wrote: Wed Nov 09, 2022 12:02 am I actually voted for one Republican though -- he lives 2 doors away from me and has a good track record getting things done as an alderman (he's now running for county office). The rest of the elephants on the ballot are all Trump's dingleberries though.
I, too, voted for one R. He's losing by nearly 20 points. Oh well. He would've been better than the D, but she's fine too.

I hope Jaymon is getting a lot of material from this derail.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Jeff V »

Kraken wrote: Wed Nov 09, 2022 12:18 am
Jeff V wrote: Wed Nov 09, 2022 12:02 am I actually voted for one Republican though -- he lives 2 doors away from me and has a good track record getting things done as an alderman (he's now running for county office). The rest of the elephants on the ballot are all Trump's dingleberries though.
I, too, voted for one R. He's losing by nearly 20 points. Oh well. He would've been better than the D, but she's fine too.

I hope Jaymon is getting a lot of material from this derail.
I won't know until tomorrow, but if my votes reflect the majority, that neighbor R will have to be on a board of donkeys.
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Re: Jaymon Standing Up

Post by Hipolito »

Jaymon wrote: Tue Nov 08, 2022 1:40 pm I published a short story online.

You can't buy it or vote for it or anything, but you can read it, and you might find it amusing.


https://vocal.media/fiction/on-the-kings-road
I liked this! Hope to see more.
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Re: Jaymon Writing

Post by Jaymon »

Hi everybody.

I changed the thread title, and will use this for self promotion. It is truly my desire to leave the corporate world and work as an author full time, but until then, I just need to keep writing.



Here is a Christmas story I wrote about witches.


https://vocal.media/fiction/the-recipe


have a read if you like, its fairly amusing.
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Re: Jaymon Writing

Post by AWS260 »

Given the new thread title, I assume that I can use this thread to post fanfiction about you writing things.
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Re: Jaymon Writing

Post by Jaymon »

AWS260 wrote: Mon Jan 09, 2023 10:38 pm Given the new thread title, I assume that I can use this thread to post fanfiction about you writing things.
If thats what flips your boat or whatever, just be warned, my spouse is the jealous type.
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Re: Jaymon Writing

Post by Jaymon »

My newest work is up,

the cover art was created by my daughter specifically for this story, so I am quite excited about it.


this one is about dwarves

https://vocal.media/fiction/northern-passage
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